by Kelex
“Sure,” he followed Mac through the ellipticals and stair steppers to the weights. “I didn’t know you’d planned to get a part-time job. You didn’t say anything the other day.” Teachers didn’t make much money, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary to get part-time jobs. Benji was lucky, in some sense. He had a small trust his grandparents had set up for him years before. It wasn’t a lot—and a good chunk of it had gone to his education—but what was left was enough to keep him from financial ruin as long as he was careful.
“Julio works here, and they needed help. He’d left me a message Friday afternoon, so I came by Saturday to talk to the owner. I said I’d pitch in until school starts in a couple of weeks so he could find some help. I might work a weekend here and there on occasion, too, if I have the time.”
“Won’t hurt to have someplace to work for next summer, too,” Benji added. “If you wanted one.”
“Exactly,” Mac said, stopping in front of the machine that tested for body fat. “Before we get started, let’s check you over.”
Benji nodded. “Okay.”
Mac did his measurements and typed a few things on the screen. “Hop up on the scale.”
Benji kicked off his trainers and jumped on. Mac typed a few more things.
“Four percent? Jesus, Benji,” Mac said. “That’s less than a typical athlete.”
“I eat and I eat… I can’t gain weight. I can’t add bulk. I can’t get muscles.”
“I saw how much you put down at dinner,” Mac said. “Have you talked to a doctor about your metabolic rate?”
“I have. He just tells me to eat plenty. I’ve always been like this.”
“Well, I can work on getting you a diet plan to help you eat the right calories. You need plenty of carbs and protein, but you need to be careful and do it right.” He turned to face Benji. “But you also need to understand that some people are just slim and accept yourself for who you are.”
Benji sighed.
“Maybe your metabolic rate will slow down a little in the coming years. You’re what… twenty-two, twenty-three?”
“Twenty-six.”
Mac’s eyes widened. “You look younger.”
“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Benji murmured.
“Your rate should’ve already started to slow a little. Has it?”
Benji shook his head.
“Come on,” Mac said, pointing to the weights. “Let’s get you working.”
He let Mac lead the way. Who was he to argue, with Mac that close. Touching him. Guiding him.
So close, yet so far away.
Benji tried not to react as Mac guided his arm into the right motion. He did as instructed, going through one set. After, they paused a moment.
“Good. Take a breather for two minutes and we’ll do another set.” Mac said. “You need to allow your body to rest.”
“There’s not much weight on there. Shouldn’t I be pushing for more?”
“You’re going to push your muscles too much and end up tearing something.”
“Small weights aren’t going to build big muscles.”
Mac shook his head. “You’re healthy, strong, and active. Keep at that and you don’t need to bulk up. Your body wasn’t meant for that.”
Benji was about to argue when Jesse appeared.
“Hey, guys.”
Benji turned his head. “Hey.”
“Hello,” Mac murmured.
Jesse looked between them, an odd look on his face. “I think I’m going for a run today.”
“Oh… okay,” Benji said, frowning. “Have fun.”
Jesse gave them a wave and headed for the treadmills.
Benji waited until Jesse had walked away before he turned to Mac. “I’ve spent my life being the runt. Ignored. The fifth wheel. For once, I don’t want to fade into the background.”
Mac frowned and smiled at the same time. “You don’t fade into anything. All that is in your mind… trust me.”
“Look… I’ve been out with my friends. Just like the other night with you… women threw themselves at you and ignored me. That’s my life.”
“They didn’t ignore you. I saw you out on the dance floor a few times. A few different women.”
Benji sighed. “They didn’t want me.” Nobody wants me.
Mac was silent a moment. “Is that what you really want? Women throwing themselves at you?”
No. I want you to throw yourself at me. “Isn’t that what all guys want?”
“Some guys,” Mac answered, lifting one brow slightly.
“I just want to be the kind of guy who women want,” Benji answered. “Is that so wrong?”
“Hooking up with women in a club isn’t where you find most lasting relationships. Trust me. One day, the right person will come along and they’ll see you for who you really are.”
“No. They won’t.”
“You’re smart. Funny. Gorgeous,” Mac said, his voice low. “You can’t see all that?”
Gorgeous? Benji met Mac’s stare, not sure what to say. His mouth opened to speak, but no words would come out. His mind was locked, stupefied. Finally, his tongue came out and wet his dry lips. “What?”
“Do you have a problem with me calling you that? Gorgeous?” Mac murmured quietly. He lifted his stare, pinning Benji with his fierce, golden gaze. “I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure you out, and I’m at a loss.”
“Trying to figure out what?”
“One minute I sense you might be interested… but then the next, I’m not so sure. You pull away when I lean in.” Mac leaned back a little, staring at him. “So, I figured I’d just put everything out there and see how you responded.”
“Interested… in you?” Ben asked, probably a little too loudly. A few heads around them turned in his direction, and he felt his face darken.
“Yeah. I suppose I was wrong,” Mac said before grabbing his towel and walking away.
“Wait,” Ben said, reaching out to grab Mac’s arm.
Mac turned, eyeing him.
The heat in Mac’s stare should’ve ignited him. He couldn’t breathe for a moment… and it grew even harder when Mac’s hand wrapped around his wrist. It looked as if Mac wanted to kiss him then and there.
Oh god… please…
The clanking of weights around him had his head turning. Mac looked about the gym before looking back to Ben and releasing his arm.
“What is it?”
Benji tried to say something, but his mouth wouldn’t work.
Before he could scream that Mac wasn’t wrong, a guy wearing a gym logo’d shirt approached. He nodded at Benji before clasping a hand on Mac’s shoulder.
“You about done with this client, Mac? I’ve got someone looking for a new trainer. I think you’d be a good one for him.”
Mac was silent a moment, staring at Benji—as if he waited for something—before turning to the guy. “Yeah… we’re done here.”
Mac turned and headed in the opposite direction with his co-worker as Benji inwardly screamed, you’re not wrong!
He headed back to the equipment, biding his time. He continued his workout, watching as Mac worked with the client. He felt Mac’s stare on him from time to time.
Benji met it a few times, wanting to say all he could with his eyes.
You’re not wrong!
He moved on to another machine and somehow lost track of where Mac was. He waited a while longer… but it was like the guy disappeared.
Benji waited a little longer…
But when it seemed apparent Mac had ditched him, he left. Wondering how things got so twisted. After he got back home, he knocked on Mac’s door. No one answered.
He headed back to his apartment, feeling like he’d ruined everything.
If he wants me—truly wants me—he’ll come find me.
I just gotta wait.
* * * *
The following Friday…
It had been nearly a week since Benji had heard from Mac. He’d been trying to play it cool
, but after a few days of nothing, he was starting to think the guy had been toying with him.
How does one drop a bombshell like that and then disappear? Of course, he could’ve gone and knocked on Mac’s door and demanded answers, but he feared the rejection that could come from that.
Apparently, Mac wasn’t as interested as he’d thought.
And he had no one to talk to about it.
No one knew.
No one.
He couldn’t keep living like that.
He simply couldn’t.
Even if Mac wasn’t going to happen, he was tired of living like half of himself didn’t exist. It was time to come out…
He stared at his phone, trying to decide if he gathered all his friends together and just got it over with or if he told them one on one, privately.
The latter won out. Jesse was his usual workout partner, but he’d barely heard from the guy all week. Maybe everyone was ignoring him.
He pulled up Jesse’s contact info and sent a text. Drinks after work? Boynton’s?
A respond bubble formed within seconds… Sure. How early can you get there? I’m off at four.
Benji chuckled and thought to himself, I’m off for the summer, idiot. He typed up his response. I can be there early, if you want. Might be best because I need to talk. Grab a booth in back if you get there first.
Talk? Sure.
The day was long, waiting for four o’clock. He focused on laundry, trying not to listen for any sound out in the hallway. When he did hear something, he went running, only to see it was the landlord working on the light outside Mac’s apartment. He stood at the peephole, hoping Mac would pop his head out and say something to Mr. Ludwicki, but it didn’t happen.
After a few minutes, feeling like a stalker didn’t settle well and he backed away from the door.
He puttered around the house, waiting for the afternoon to come. He read, but kept re-reading the same few lines so long, he gave that up. He tried his hand at some game Clay always beat him at, but he wasn’t all that interested and gave up. Finally, he found something to occupy his mind. He got so interested in a foreign language program online that he made himself late for drinks. Benji raced down the stairs and into his truck before tearing across town. He showed up fifteen minutes late, and considering he was currently not working, that was pretty stupid on his part.
Benji waved to Jesse, ordered a beer from the bar, and then walked over to sit with it once he’d been served.
“You’ve been quiet this week,” Benji said. “You okay?”
Jesse nodded, looking like he’d lost his best friend. Had he?
“That wasn’t much of an answer,” Benji said.
“You ever had someone show you a side of themselves you’d never known existed… and been terrified and excited all at the same time?”
Benji frowned. “I don’t know what you mean, exactly.”
“A friend of mine… a guy I thought was straight… well, I found out that might not be the case… and I don’t know how to react…”
Panic took hold of Benji. “How the hell did you find out?”
“Huh?” Jesse looked confused. “You knew?”
Benji frowned. “Knew? Well, yeah.”
Jesse leaned back against the booth’s back. “Hay told you?”
Benji’s eyes grew wider. “Wait… what? Hay? Hayden’s gay?”
Jesse’s eyes widened. “Nooo… Hay’s also… a friend of this person, so… I assumed he… might’ve told you.”
Benji grew quiet, staring at Jesse. He took a drink from his beer. Jesse wasn’t great at lying. Never had been. Did they all know about him? “Are you talking about me?”
Jesse’s confusion was evident. “You? No… I’m not talking about you. I swear.”
Benji tilted his head to the right, gathering his courage. “That’s why I asked you to come have a drink tonight. I had something to tell you.” He paused, going over all the times he’d said those words in his head, trying to decide which ones were the right ones. His stomach clenched… fear chilled him to the bone. Benji wanted to puke. “I’ve tried to deny something for a long time. Too long. And I can’t keep it up.”
Jesse sat there, silent a moment. “Okay.”
“The fact that you’re freaking out about this friend who might be gay… I’m not sure how you’re going to take this news.”
“Just spit it out.”
“I’m bi,” Benji said in a rush. He drew in breath after breath, trying not to vomit. He stared at his hand clasping the beer.
Jesse didn’t respond for a moment. The seconds ticked by, and Benji waited for Jesse to jump from the booth and walk out.
“How long have you known?” Jesse finally asked.
Benji shrugged, trying to gauge Jesse’s tone. “I’ve always felt an attraction to other guys… for as long as I can remember. Just as I’ve always been attracted to women. I hid that part of me for a long time…”
“So you were born this way.”
“I believe so,” Benji said, lifting his stare. Jesse didn’t look angry. Disgusted. He just looked a little stunned.
Stunned, he could deal with.
“So, you didn’t just wake up one morning and think, I just might be into dudes today,” Jesse said.
Benji frowned, thrown by the question. “No. That’s not exactly how this works.” He sighed. “Look, maybe you need some time to deal with what I’ve just told you. Out of all the guys, I’d hoped you would be the one who was okay with this.”
“I am okay,” Jesse said, leaning in and placing his elbows on the table. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I wasn’t. I’ll be there for you no matter who you love. I was just curious how you… knew.”
Benji nodded slightly. “I just knew.”
Jesse was silent a moment. “I’ve never quite understood how someone could like men and women.”
“I’m attracted to people. Not gender. If there’s someone who I feel a connection to, it doesn’t matter what’s between their legs. I want to know them… I want them to know me.” Benji paused. “And no, I’m not attracted to you, if that helps anything.”
“Why not?” Jesse said, smiling mischievously. “I’m a catch.”
Benji chuckled, shaking his head.
Silence fell between them. Benji sensed that Jesse was dealing… but he wasn’t sure.
“So… are we okay?” Benji asked.
“Of course we are,” Jesse said. “Seriously. Whoever you love, I’m good with it. I’ll be there to support you. Whoever.”
Benji sat silently a second or two. He relaxed a little, thankful Jesse seemed to be accepting. “Like, maybe, Mac?”
Jesse smiled. “I saw the way you were looking at him.”
“Bullshit.”
“At the gym… I saw you look up at him with this smile and I thought to myself… he digs the guy. Seems I was right.”
Benji’s lips twerked into an almost smile. “Yeah. Maybe.” But then his smile faded some… why haven’t I heard from him?
“No wonder you were up his ass the other night.” Jesse laughed. “You really wanted to be up his ass. Or, maybe you wanted him to be up yours, I don’t know which way you butter your bread.”
Benji felt heat creeping into his face. “Stop.”
Jesse smiled. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. Also, I don’t want to know how you butter your bread. Just putting that out there. It was a joke, one in poor taste.”
“Yeah.” Benji looked back down at his beer. He didn’t want to be the butt of their jokes now.
“Mac seemed like a nice enough guy. You two were thick as thieves the other night.”
Benji smiled. “Mac’s amazing.” Benji took a sip from his drink, considering all that had happened. “I get the feeling he might be interested, and then in the next second, I’m not sure.”
“If you’re interested… just give it a chance. Either he wants you or he doesn’t. No reason to drag it out and wonder.”
Be
nji chuckled. “That advice sounds familiar.”
“What do you mean?”
“I gave Hay the same advice last week.”
Jesse froze, his eyes wide. “What?”
“That girl he’s pining over.”
“Who’s that?” Jesse leaned a little closer, frowning.
Benji frowned, as well, confused by Jesse’s reaction. “You’re his best friend and you don’t know? I figured you’d be the one person who had all the details.”
Jesse shook his head, looking sick. “Who is she?”
“I’ve never been able to get him to talk about who it is… most he’s said is that he knows his interest would never, ever be shared. He’s tore up from it—and personally, I think that’s the reason he fucks around and drinks too much. He’s pining for some girl he sees as untouchable and it’s slowly killing him.” Benji paused to take a drink. “I told Hay that he just needs to man up. Put it out there that he’s interested. If she’s not… she’s not. Move on. If she is, then great. Pretty much the same advice you gave me.”
“Yeah,” Jesse murmured.
The look on Jesse’s face was confusing. Benji started to wonder if his earlier thoughts about Jesse and Hayden weren’t so far off base. “Either way, he needs to get his act together. The drinking and the women… he’s got to slow down.”
Jesse nodded. “He does. I’m worried about him.”
Benji nodded before taking the last sip from his beer. “If you don’t mind, I think I might go take your advice. Maybe I’ll see if Mac wants to go have some dinner tonight.”
Instead of sitting around, waiting for it to happen… maybe he needed to take his own advice and show Mac he was interested.
“Sounds like a plan,” Jesse said. “Text me and let me know how things go, eh?”
“You sure you really want to know?”
“I do,” Jesse said, holding Benji’s stare. “I really do.”
Benji smiled before sliding out of the booth. “Thanks, man.”
Jesse stood up and placed a few bills on the table before they both headed out. Benji slipped behind the wheel of his truck and sighed, relieved. One down. Three to go.
And one man to seduce.
Seduce? He laughed. Benji didn’t know the first thing about seduction.
This is about to get ugly.
