by Megg Jensen
“We can’t get up now. If we do, it’ll draw too much attention to us. Someone might recognize one of us.”
I glanced at his face, hidden inside a cowled robe. Of course, he was right. He’d only agreed to join me if we kept ourselves hidden. If either of us were discovered, who knew what chaos would break out? I tried to steady my legs and stop the shaking. While I could avert my eyes from the bonfire in front of me, I couldn’t put my hands over my ears.
Their screams were considered the greatest plea to the gods. According to my parents, it was important for each believer to hear the shrieks, to remind us why we sacrificed. Their wails ripped through my soul and tore at my heart. I looked down at my shaking hands, memorizing each curve, each indentation. If that old woman spoke true, and I was the Chosen One, I’d be sure to give those gods a piece of my mind when I joined them. Had they been human? Hadn’t they known pain and suffering? Why would they allow this if they loved us so much?
One by one, the voices of the initiates blended together, creating a discordant melody born of pain and death. The last voice did not join the chorus. Becca’s mouth remained closed, a smile gracing her face. The flames caressed her feet.
I steeled myself and stared at the fire. I would bear witness to Becca’s sacrifice. Her love and faith would not be ignored. The flames licked further up her body, obscuring the visual path to Becca’s sweet face. The peacock feathers stood high above the flames, reminding me of everything I’d learned and seen over the last hour. Lives had been sacrificed and futures changed. Nothing was as it was supposed to be but if the gods were believed, this was how it should be.
I held back the vomit that danced in the back of my throat.
My vision wavered. The flames turned to mist and the ten burn victims were replaced with ten glowing images. The ghost girls laughed and twirled, hugged each other, and smiled upward. I followed their gazes. Above them, a vision in blue floated in the air. It was the same goddess I’d seen after the old woman’s transformation.
The peacock feathers waved in the air with Becca’s face still displaying her steadfast smile. I reached out my hand toward her and she reached back. Her fingers brushed mine, sending a chill down my spine.
“I told you everything would be fine, Eloh. I didn’t feel any pain.”
“But the other girls...their screams...” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“Their belief wasn’t as strong as mine, but as you can see now they’re fine.”
I glanced back at the undulating forms, looking less and less human as the moments slipped away. Their bodies pulsated blue and gold. Their arms lifted in the air, swirling and entwining in a dance that lifted them higher and into the arms of the goddess.
A smile inched across my face. The tears I had cried still tasted salty on my lips. They were okay now. Their sacrifice led them to a greater place.
“I have to tell you something before I go, Eloh.” Becca floated closer to me. The rest of the people around me faded away. We stood alone, facing each other with our hands entwined. “You were chosen because of your love for people, not because of your faith. For this, you will be punished.”
I stepped away from her, pulling my hands from her grasp. “What do you mean?”
“You will marry Ben and bear two sons. One will stay with you and one will leave. Both will marry and bear children of their own. Magic will spread through them. You are the seed.”
I didn’t understand how any of this was a punishment. In my eyes, I was being given everything.
“You will die in childbirth, Eloh. The gods will take you, but you will not be allowed to join them until your descendents learn to harness their magic for good. At key points you will be allowed to speak with your descendents, but only those particularly blessed with magic, the gift the gods are entrusting you to spread.”
I nodded. Too much had been set in motion to make it stop now.
“Until you can teach them to live in peace and harmony, you will be stuck between worlds. No longer a part of this one, and someday maybe you will be a part of my world.”
Becca’s form dissipated. Particles spun through the air and rushed towards the waiting goddess. All the other girls were gone.
I blinked.
Opened my eyes.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked.
“I don’t know.”
I looked into his eyes, wondering if our sons would resemble him with his red hair or me, with mine dark. Did it matter? The wheel had been set in motion. All I could do was take my gift, and my punishment.
Equal parts pain.
Equal parts joy.
-end-
Anathema
Megg Jensen
To Tessa, thank you for planting the seed!
Chapter One
My fifteenth birthday. My greatest fear. Funny how my life as a slave made the two synonymous. Even though I wished I could sleep through the day, hoping such an act would make the inevitable impossible, I woke up just like I did every morning. But today was different.
It wasn’t the icy draft tickling my toes under the mouse-nibbled blanket that roused me from sleep. Nor was it the chatter of the thirty or so other female slaves, who shared the sleeping chamber with me, prepping for their morning chores. No, I woke up knowing something was quite wrong because I didn’t hear my best friend’s snores. Like the other slaves, I shared a bed and today Ivy was curiously silent.
Without lifting my cheek from the pillow, I threw my left arm backward, reaching out for Ivy. Instead of thumping her on the head, the pillow caught my hand. I rolled over, expecting to see the sheets already tucked in, but instead I was surprised by a rumpled mess.
Ivy wasn’t usually up first, but she always made sure her side of the bed was neat if she was. Our overseer, Ranee could punish us from across the room with just a flick her wrist, leaving small welts on our backs if we didn’t keep our bunks clean. One of the magically gifted, she kept us in line when our masters weren’t around. Ranee loved thinking she was better than the rest of us because she was gifted and we weren’t.
I glanced around the room, but didn’t see Ivy. The other female slaves were getting dressed and shaving each other’s heads, just like they did every morning, but still there was no sign of her. Maybe she was up early getting a surprise ready for my fifteenth birthday today, anything to mask the agony our master had planned for me.
Eyeing the sheets, I sighed and reached down to tuck them in. Making the bed was a task I hated and wasn’t very good at. I grumbled under my breath as I yanked the sheets tight. A small object flew through the air, landed on the floor with a metallic ping and rolled under the bed.
I paused, my hands still grasping the edge of the sheet. What was that? My heart pounded. The mysterious object combined with Ivy’s absence caught me off guard. I had heard the rumors. What slave hadn’t? It was the moment we longed for and the moment we feared. My hands shook as I wondered if her early exit this morning hadn’t been her idea.
“Reychel,” Ranee yelled from across the room, “get that bed made quickly. They’re expecting you in the kitchen. Take an example from Ivy and try getting up early for once.”
I nodded, dropping to the floor. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be, I repeated to myself. I reached under the bed, where my fingers bumped the rough edge of the object. It was too thick to be currency, but too small to be a button.
“It couldn’t be,” I whispered.
My fingertips tickled the edge of it and I reached a little further until my fingernails scraped the top.
I dragged the metallic thing along the floor, barely grasping it with my fingertips. I prayed to Eloh that it wasn’t what I feared it was.
“What’s going on?” Ella, who slept in the bed next to us, popped her head up off the pillow. I had thought she was still asleep. “You drop something under the bed? Need help? I’m a little smaller than you and can slide underneath.”
Normally Ella’s company would be a go
od distraction in the morning, but the new girl was too eager to make friends and today I didn’t want to deal with her. I shook my head, hoping she would go away. Right now I needed to be alone. I slipped the object closer until I could see my hand on the floor, peeking out from under the bed. I palmed it before anyone, myself included, could see what it was. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ella inching closer.
“Ivy must have gotten up really early this morning. I didn’t see her leave. Did you?” Ella glanced at Ivy’s empty side of the bed.
I shook my head again, hoping Ella would get the hint. Unfortunately nothing short of a rude comment would turn the new slave girl away. Hoping there was nothing to hide, that the metallic item I felt under my palm wasn’t anything more than a piece of trash, I pulled my fist tight and stood up.
“What is it?” Ella asked, peering at my hand. She reached out, but I jerked my hand away, hiding it behind my back.
“Nothing.” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to avoid looking concerned.
“Ivy’s up earlier than normal. You’re being secretive.” Ella paused, her strawberry eyebrows arching. “It’s not a token, or is it?”
“Shh.” I grabbed her by the arm with my free hand. I glanced around the room, hoping no one heard her. Luci yanked her dress over her head, wiggling to pull it over her ever-widening hips. Geannie fought with Terah over an apron. Everyone seemed enveloped in their own dramas, at least enough to ignore mine.
I pulled Ella down on my bed next to me. We sat quietly, both of us staring at my fist. My palm hurt as my fingernails dug into my skin. I was afraid to open my hand. Maybe if I squeezed hard enough it would disappear, just like the coins Ian, my master’s servant and fool, would lose and magically find behind someone’s ear.
“You need to look,” Ella said. She patted the back of my hand. It didn’t reassure me.
But I knew she was right. If I sat here much longer, Ranee would punish me. It wasn’t going to disappear, no matter how much I willed it gone. I took a deep breath.
I opened my fist and looked at it. The token. I held my breath and closed my eyes, not willing to believe what lay in my hand, the emblem left behind every time a slave was kidnapped. We didn’t know who or why but for years, intermittent reports had popped up all over the kingdom of slaves disappearing at all hours with only the token left behind.
There were rumors, of course. Some people thought the Sons of Silence, a band of outlaws, kidnapped slaves simply to anger the local authority. Others believed in the old tales and prophesy of a savior freeing slaves until an army large enough to overthrow the Malborn was built. While there were more theories than kidnapped slaves, it hadn’t affected me. Until this morning.
I glanced back at my palm. Even though I’d only heard whispers about these coins, it couldn’t be more obvious that this was exactly what everyone had been whispering about. Round, rough, and metallic with an unmistakable word engraved on one side: anathema. Flipping the coin, Ella and I examined the engraving of a man and a woman holding a baby framed by the outline of the island we lived on.
I traced my fingernail along the outline of the infant’s face, wondering if my parents had ever held me in such a loving embrace when I was a baby. Its head snuggled into its mother’s shoulder and playfully rested one chubby foot on its father’s arm. I smiled at the happy baby.
It winked at me.
I dropped the coin and watched it roll across the wooden floor. I rubbed my eyes. Since when did inanimate objects wink? Something had to be wrong with me.
“It must have been on the bed.” Ella snatched the coin from the floor before it could roll away and held it in her hand. “You know they always leave this token in place of the slave they take.”
I stared at Ella. “Did you see that?”
“See what? What happened?” She cocked her head to the side and examined the coin. “It’s just like everyone says, isn’t it?”
“The baby,” I stammered, pointing at the coin.
Ella squinted at the family.
“It’s supposed to be a girl,” she said. “That’s what the old stories say, at least.”
I glanced back at the coin. The baby didn’t wink. Its metallic eyes stared at its mother. Relieved that I was just seeing things, probably just light glinting off of it, I took the coin from Ella.
“Old stories,” I scoffed, “more like children’s tales. It wasn’t long ago you were sitting at your mother’s knee as she stuffed your head full of them. They are just stories. There are no prophets, no secret groups, and no war to come. Look around, Ella. This is our reality. Slavery to the Malborn.”
Ella stiffened as she rose from my bed and I felt my stomach sink to my knees. Why did I do that? I knew her mother was dead, her father missing. It’s the reason she ended up a slave. Like many other slaves, Ella had no one to speak for her, no one to care for her. My parents died when I was a baby. I’d never known a different life than the one I’d always led. Ella did. She knew what it was like to be free.
“Either way, Ivy’s a lucky girl.” Ella turned around to make her bed. “Wish I would have been kidnapped instead of being sent here.”
“Don’t say that.” I stood up and put my hand on her shoulder. “No one knows why slaves are being kidnapped. For all you know, they could be selling Ivy to the tunnel diggers in the south.”
“Ivy? With her body?” Ella laughed. “You think someone kidnapped her to sell her to the mountaineers? Doubt it. I suppose they’d be more likely to take you.” Ella glanced over her shoulder, looking at me from head to toes. Her rude comment was payback for mine.
I glanced down at my body. Maybe I wasn’t curved like Ivy, but there wasn’t anything about me that suggested I’d do well at hard labor either. My hands were calloused from washing dishes, not smooth like Ivy’s. Buying food at the open-air market outside the castle laid a nice tan on Ivy while my confinement only accentuated my already pale skin. But kidnapped for hard labor? I don’t think so.
I sighed, glad the awkward moment was over. We were even. Maybe Ella had more fire inside her than I thought. She was also forgiving. “The tunnel is being built by Emperor Palen’s men. They wouldn’t kidnap slaves that already belong to the empire.”
Ella tucked in the last corner of her sheet, and then turned back to me, a smile on her face. She looked down at my hand again.
I fingered the token, rolling it around in my palm. I didn’t know what to make of Ivy’s disappearance. Did she struggle? Wouldn’t I have felt it? If she left willingly, why did she leave me behind? And who kidnapped her?
Another worry pushed through my already crowded mind. If Kandek, our master, knew Ivy had been kidnapped that famous temper of his would explode. Rulers didn’t take kindly to escaped slaves, but kidnapped slaves were downright shameful. Kidnapping signaled a collaboration, defenses being breached from both the inside and out. Would he think I had something to do with her disappearance?
Rubbing the stubble on my head with my empty hand, I worried over my decision. Should I feign ignorance and hide the token? Or tell the truth and be possibly punished for something I didn’t do?
I already had enough to worry about today, just thinking about my birthday celebration sent shudders through my body. What if he did something worse to me than what he already had planned?
Whatever was going to happen, there was little I could do to avoid it now. Ivy was gone and I was left behind. Grasping the coin between my finger and thumb, I pulled my itchy wool shift over my head, replacing it quickly with a clean one.
I knew I couldn’t sit around and stew. My chores waited for me in the dark bowels of the kitchen. Bowls to clean, plates to dry, and cups to put away. It wasn’t a stimulating job, but it kept me away from windows, just like Kandek wanted. I didn’t know why he wouldn’t allow me outside, or even to peek out a window without his permission, but rules were rules. I had to follow them or face punishment. I’d seen enough slaves punished to know I never wanted to be in their place.
No matter what I did, eventually Ivy would be missed and not found. Everyone would assume she’d already left to pick up food in the market. I, on the other hand, was on duty to wash the breakfast dishes and would be missed. If I didn’t show up, they would suspect me of having a hand in Ivy’s disappearance. If they even discovered it any time soon. Maybe no one would notice she was gone until the midday meal when their fruit from the Southern Kingdoms didn’t appear on their plates.
I slid the coin into the secret pocket I sewed under my shift. Not much of a secret since nearly every slave had sewn at least one of these pockets to the inside of her dress, but better than leaving it out for someone else to find while I was about my chores. Just one more way to delay the inevitable.
I nudged Ella’s arm with my elbow as she straightened her dress. She too had to hurry, but she was part of the cleaning crew wandering the castle all day to clean up after the nobles. I wouldn’t see her again until night and I had to be sure our stories concerning Ivy’s disappearance matched.
“Ella, did you know that Ivy already got up to do her chores?” I asked.
“What are you talking about?” Her eyes narrowed as she glanced at the few slaves left in the room and then she whispered, “She didn’t get up. She was kidnapped like the others!”
“Ella, did you see Ivy get up to do her chores?” I repeated, stressing each word, hoping the lie would sink in quickly as the other slaves began to leave to attend to their chores.
“Did you?” Ella grabbed my hand, her eyes widening, convincing me she finally understood what I was doing.
“Yes, I did.”
“Then I did too,” she whispered, squeezing my hand. I could still feel the spot on my palm where the token had been. Even though it was now well-hidden, it had left an invisible mark on me.
