by Megg Jensen
“That’s not quite the truth.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Really? Then what’s the truth?” My heart pounded as I contemplated it. Had she escaped? Hurt someone else?
“We severed her too. The council decided it was the best thing to do.”
“Council?”
“It’s the ruling body of gifted people in Serenia. We work independently of the monarchy. Well, sort of. We respect each other’s decisions,” she scratched her head, “more often than not. Anyway, due to the threat your mother posed, and her blatant lack of interest in reformation, we felt we had no other choice.”
I took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “So then she doesn’t remember what she did to me and to Bryden?”
Johna shook her head. “Do you want to know where she is?”
I put my hand on the doorknob. “No, I don’t.” I walked out into the hallway, gently closing the door behind me. I didn’t turn back to see Johna’s expression. Leaning up against the cool stone wall, I gave myself a moment to just breathe. So she was out there somewhere. In a way I wished Johna hadn’t told me. I didn’t want the responsibility of knowing I could find her, and maybe even have a relationship with her.
Visions of Bryden, dying on the floor of the cave where she tried to steal my magic, flowed through my mind. My heart ached for him every day. Time would never change that.
Placing one foot in front of the other, I traversed the castle slowly. If she didn’t remember, would I want her in my life? Or would it be just another well-intentioned mistake?
I opened the door to my chambers, expecting to be alone. Instead I saw Chase with a woman in his arms.
Chapter Nine
“Get in here and shut the door, now!” Chase dragged the woman’s limp body to our bed, laying her down carefully.
I slammed the door and rushed to his side. Elessia, his only friend from his time in captivity in the Malborn Empire, lay limp on our bed, her head lolled to the side, blood crusting through her blond hair.
“What happened?” I stroked her hair off of her still face, fearing the worst. “Is she dead?”
Chase held her arm in his hands, his fingertips on the underside of her wrist. “She’s alive, but her heartbeat is so erratic. She was out cold when I opened a portal into her room. I just grabbed her and brought her back here. I couldn’t trust anyone there to help her.”
“But they’re her people.” I ran to the table next to the window, snatched a cup, and filled it with water from the basin next to it. “Why wouldn’t they help her?”
Chase’s face screwed up tight, his eyelids squeezed shut. His lashes brushed against the top of his cheekbones. “She’s been helping me more than you know. We’ve been meeting in secret for months now. She passed me information on the Malborn’s plans. You’d be surprised how much the kitchen girls gossip. It helps that they have access to nearly every part of the castle.”
“You think she was hurt because of it?” I laid a tentative hand on Chase’s shoulder. It heaved under my touch. He was crying, his tears fell on Elessia’s chest.
“I know it.” His strained voice escaped through tight lips.
“How? If she was passed out when you found her, then how could you possibly know?”
Chase reared back, knocking my hand off of his shoulder. “Because there was a message waiting for me, written in her blood on her white bed sheets.” He backed away from Elessia. I grabbed her hand, taking Chase’s place at her side. “It said: She died for you, Chase.”
I gasped. “What?” I squeezed Elessia’s hand tighter. She had to survive this or Chase might lose it. His greatest strength was his love for his friends. It was also his biggest weakness.
Elessia’s lips parted. “Chase.” It came out no louder than a whisper.
Chase ran to her side again. His face hovered only inches from hers. “You’re going to be okay, Elessia. I promise you.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” A small smile sprouted at the corners of her lips, even though her breathing was labored. Then her eyes flitted to mine. “I loved him. Right or wrong, I did. Not when we were children, but in the last year. I would have done anything to have him for my own. Don’t let him slip through your fingers.”
I refused to look at Chase. “Elessia, shhhh. You need to rest and regain your strength. We’ll get Johna to heal you. You’ll be just fine.”
Her eyes rolled back to Chase. “They found me spying. I heard things, Chase. I know what they’re planning. But they found me and did this to me.”
“I’m so sorry for putting you in that position.” Chase’s voiced cracked. He stroked her hair, running his fingers through the fine strands coated with blood. “I never should have.”
“I thought what they were doing was righteous. I spied on them to prove you wrong. To show you that we weren’t all bad and maybe you’d come to love me the way I loved you.”
“Elessia.” Chase’s tears flowed freely now.
I stepped back, feeling they needed privacy. Chase reached out with his free hand, threading his fingers with mine. I didn’t pull away.
“You must stop them. What they’re planning is beyond reproach. The two of you must come together and bring those bastards down.”
Her voice wavered. A small breath of air expelled from her stilled lips. Chase rested his palm over her eyes, swiping down and closing her lids. Our hands, still intertwined, hung limply to the side.
Another friend gone. Another casualty of a war no one wanted.
“I’m sorry, Chase. I am so, so sorry.” I let go of his hand. He fell into my outstretched arms, resting his head on my chest as he heaved. Tears fell down his face.
I stroked his hair, not caring that his blood-covered hand rested on my back. His muscular arms encircled me. He was no longer the strong man who’d fought against everyone to protect me. No, he was the child held captive, mourning for the loss of the only person who cared for him during those years.
Elessia’s silent body lay on the bed. We sank down to the floor, our bodies wrapped around each other. The weight of Bryden’s death hit me, allowing the grief I’d so briefly managed to banish from my heart to flood my soul again. A gush of tears burst forth and a small groan slipped from my throat.
Not another one. Not another innocent person, fighting to protect freedom, dying at the hands of those so cruel I couldn’t even begin to understand their motivations.
Chase and I grasped each other tightly, I couldn’t remember where one began and the other ended. Our sorrow enveloped us in a blanket, weighing us down like stones thrown in an ocean. Together we sank into despair.
His fingers climbed up my back. Chase pulled away from me, a steely look in his eyes. “I have to get Xaxier.”
I shuddered. Even though I knew now he was Chase’s friend and that he hadn’t been assisting my mother in trying to kill me, I still couldn’t shake the image of him holding me captive in the cave. “Why?”
“He takes care of the dead. He’ll care for Elessia’s body and prepare her for burial.”
“Makes sense,” I said, my tears drying tracks on my face. “He was creepy.”
“He’s a good man, Lianne. Don’t judge him by what happened in the cave. He was only playing a part to trap your mother.”
I placed my palm on Chase’s cheek, wiping away the remains of his tears with my thumb. “Then get him. I’ll say with Elessia until you get back.”
Chase nodded and stood up. He bent over Elessia, kissing her on the forehead. My heart lurched, remembering how it tore me apart inside when Bryden died for me. I ran my hand up and down Chase’s arm. “If you need to talk…”
“I know, thank you.”
After the door closed behind him, I turned back to Elessia.
“I’m so sorry you had to suffer for this. If I could stop things, I would.”
An image fuzzed in the room, fading in and out. I took a step back, unsure what was happening. It didn’t look quite like a portal and it was
unlike anything I’d ever seen.
“Lianne.” A voice echoed out of the rip in the air. A woman shimmered to life, wearing peacock feathers in her hair. “There is a way to end it.”
“Who are you?” I cocked my head to one side, sure I’d seen her somewhere before. If she would come into focus only a little more.
“You know who I am. I spoke to you until you cut me out of your dreams. The time is here. The end is upon us. You are the only one who can bring it about.”
“Eloh,” I muttered under my breath. I didn’t want to believe in her. I wouldn’t. Obviously it was some kind of trick, but I couldn’t imagine who would do this to me. “What’s coming? Tell me more about this destruction.”
“Only you know, Lianne. You must do it soon or everyone you love will die. There are only two outcomes. It is your choice.”
I stomped my foot on the floor. “If it’s so important, then why not tell me exactly what I need to do? If you’re a goddess, then exercise some power and spill!”
“Seek out the one whose mind is clear. Find her and you will find the way.”
With a burst of light, the image disappeared. Before I could process what I’d just seen, the door burst open. Xaxier and another man came in with a stretcher. They carefully laid Elessia’s body on it.
“I’m sorry, Lianne.” Xaxier looked me in the eyes. He seemed kinder than when I’d first met him. Soft, even. But I wasn’t ready yet. Seeing him brought back too many frightful memories. All I could do was nod in his direction.
Chase stepped into the room. I noticed the blood had crusted on his hand.
“You two should get cleaned up.” Xaxier looked us both over. “We’ll be ready for burial in a couple of days. I’ll be sure to let you know when.”
The other man with Xaxier grabbed the two handles on the front of the stretcher. Xaxier held on to the other end. I set a hand on his shoulder. “Can she be buried next to Bryden?”
I looked at Chase, unsure if it was okay with him. He nodded.
“Of course, Lianne,” Xaxier said. “That will be just fine.”
Relief coursed through my veins. Bryden wouldn’t be alone now. Chase’s eyes caught mine after the two men left.
“I’ll let you get cleaned up first. Let me know when I can come back in.”
I nodded, my eyes downcast, but the door didn’t close. Chase’s boots hesitated next to the door.
“I don’t blame you, Lianne. Elessia knew what she was doing was dangerous. She really was trying to prove me wrong. She never believed her people could be as evil as I told her. I made the risks very clear, but I don’t think she took them seriously.” He paused and ran his clean hand through his hair. “Her death is marked on my soul like Bryden’s is marked on yours.”
I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t the same. Bryden and I had loved each other. He and Elessia had been only friends, even though she loved him. But his eyes told me a different story. He had loved her. Only one thing had kept them apart.
He loved me more.
Chapter Ten
In the dark, I heard him weep into the sheets. My hands sought him out before I even thought better of what I was doing. At the lightest touch, he rolled over into my arms. I held him against my chest, allowing him to drain himself of every last bit of heart-wrenching emotion. His tears soaked my shirt as his body quaked against mine.
My chin perched atop his head. My body enveloped his from his head to his feet. Chase towered over me, but here in our makeshift bed on the floor, he folded himself into a fetal position. I knew his grief well. It was the same way I felt after Bryden’s death. Yet I couldn’t reach out for help. I wallowed in my own despair for months, surfacing only when I thought I was about to drown.
The darkness had become my closest friend. Silence my companion. The night Bryden died, Chase had attempted to comfort me like this. In the past any time he tried to do something I didn’t want, I fought back with words and fists. But that night, I reacted differently.
He had taken me in his arms. I stood there, unmoving, unwilling to relax into his embrace. Instead, I turned into an unfeeling block of stone, refusing to take any of the comfort he offered. He stroked my hair. He whispered in my ear that it was okay to cry. I couldn’t hear him. I was too lost in the deep well of grief.
At some point, I don’t remember how long it was, Chase’s arms fell from me. He walked away. I assumed he got ready for bed and retired. I stood in the same place the whole night, as dead to the world as Bryden. When sunlight took tentative steps through the window the next morning, I curled up in the bed and fell fast asleep.
This night, the night he lost someone, couldn’t have been more different. Instead of seeking solace inside himself, Chase welcomed my comfort. Embraced it. I knew his reaction was normal. Mine was the path of solitude. He’d never hesitated to reach out to me when I was in need and I’d rejected him at every turn. I couldn’t help but be there for him, though.
I could give much and take nothing. It was easier for me to reach out than to allow anyone past the walls I’d erected.
Until now.
The tears formed in my eyes before I could even take the next breath. The grief I’d harbored since Bryden’s death turned into a waterfall. Soon, Chase’s hair was as wet as my shirt. He stirred and pulled back from my embrace.
He reached up, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. His eyes gazed into mine. The moonlight illuminated our chamber, washing us in an unearthly glow. I could see his face as clearly as I could during the day, except moonlit highlights glinted off of the tips of his hair. One of his hands found its way into my silver hair, his fingers tangling themselves between the curly twists.
He relaxed his body, pulling up to his full height. Where I’d been looking down at his tear-stained face, he was now looking down at mine. His head burrowed into the pillow as he tilted his chin down.
The fire in my stomach boiled, sending shockwaves of warmth coursing through my veins. I shuddered. Goosebumps marched down my arms, leaving a cold tingle in their wake.
I shifted in bed, inching closer to Chase until our lips were only a breath apart. He’d told me once he wouldn’t kiss me unless I asked him and he held true to his promise. He didn’t move at all, other than his chest touching mine and retracting as he breathed silently.
My fingers wound their way across his chest until I touched the top of his shoulder, strong and tense. I remembered how it felt to be with Bryden. Not just the love we’d felt together but the way my body responded when he touched me. I’d floated somewhere between the dead and the living for so long, I didn’t instinctively know where I belonged for so long. Riding Aphotica told me I wasn’t dead.
Now, in Chase’s arms, I wondered if he could bring me back to life. Could his loss of Elessia and my loss of Bryden be the thread that bound us together for good?
I wanted to say the words, but I was too afraid to break the magic of the moment. Lost in grief, found in each other’s arms, Chase and I sat perched on the edge of a cliff. I didn’t know what our future held. I didn’t even want to think past the moment as I let myself bridge the space between us.
My lips rested against his bottom lip. Salt from his tears invaded the cracks on my lips, but I didn’t flinch. I couldn’t bring myself to whisper the words to him. Saying ‘kiss me’ was too much of a commitment. I wanted him to respond, to prove I was still alive.
Chase’s hands left my hair and grabbed my forearms. I took a breath, waiting for his lips to crush into mine.
Instead he pushed me away.
“Not like this.” The hurt dripped from his eyes. Shame welled up in my chest, tamping down the fire. “I want you to come to me free of ties to anyone else. I want you to want me because you can’t live without me, not because we’re both lost in grief.”
“Chase…” I whispered it, but didn’t continue. I didn’t know what else to say. He was right. I was using him again. I’d done nothing but use him since the day I met him. He wanted somet
hing so simple from me, something I couldn’t give him until I learned to break down the brick walls I’d erected to protect myself.
His eyes swept my face. “You don’t have to say anything. I saw you this morning on Aphotica. You’re back, Lianne. You don’t need me to kiss you to prove it to yourself.”
My heart still ached; it still pounded out Bryden’s name with every beat. I didn’t want Chase, not the way I had wanted Bryden. But a small part of me, a part I couldn’t put a finger on, saw Chase in a new light. It didn’t recognize him as the man who had protected me. All it saw was a man of flesh and blood. A man who wanted me, but refused to take only a piece.
“I think you’re going to be okay.” His thumb was back, stroking my cheek. Our tears had dried. “We’ll find our way to each other. But not tonight.”
His arm snaked under my neck. He pulled me into his chest. We’d shared the same bed for months, but this was the first time we’d ever been so close. I fell asleep warm and safe in his arms.
Chapter Eleven
I rolled over, wanting to place my hand on Chase’s chest, for only a moment, to reassure myself he was still alive and breathing. I’d lost too much. I couldn’t lose him too.
My hand landed on rumpled sheets. Cold.
I lifted them and stuck my toes out into the chilly morning air. A shiver passed over me. I wasn't totally sure if it was due to the damp morning air or what had happened between Chase and I in the middle of the night.
I'd come so close to kissing him for the wrong reasons. He saw through it quicker than I had, even before I realized what I was doing. He knew me too well. If I'd convinced him to kiss me, it would have been a huge mistake - one that would have altered our relationship forever.
I slipped out of bed and headed toward the table with the water basin. My throat screamed for water. There was too much crying and too little sleep last night. Next to the pitcher sat a folded note.
