by Megg Jensen
A smile unfurled on her lips. It was sweet, unlike anything I’d ever seen from her. “Maybe there’s a way we can reconnect the two of you.”
I released a breath. For a moment, I thought she was suggesting we dig up his body and reanimate him. A shudder tore through my body. No matter how much I loved him, I’d never consider that. But if she was right, if there was a way I could talk to him again, I’d try almost anything. It might be the closure I needed to finally allow myself to open up to others.
“I wouldn’t have any idea how to give your magic back to you.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Even though I was sure she’d changed, reversing the severing would go against everything Reychel had done to secure the safety of her people.
“Of course you wouldn’t. It was just a silly notion. I only want to help you, Lianne. I want to make things better.” She was watching me like a hawk. I thought I saw a flash of anger in her eye, but she blinked and it was gone. I’d imagined it, still nervous about who she used to be. It wasn’t fair of me to continue to judge her when that person was long gone.
She reached out, brushing a curl of hair behind my ear. “My sweet daughter. I’d do anything to make you happy. I hope you know that. I only thought that if I had found a way to take yours, maybe you could reverse it and give mine back. I could use it for good. Make up for the harm I caused you.”
I nodded, tears burning behind my eyelids. “I’ll find a way to get you out of here, Mother.”
“We can be a little family. You and me.”
“And Sebrina,” I said quickly. We couldn’t be complete without my twin sister.
“Of course, that’s what I meant.”
Had she forgotten Sebrina? Perhaps. None of this was clear and I’d told her so much of her history. I just wasn’t sure how she could so easily forget another daughter. Neither of us was more important than the other, though Sebrina had grown up with her while we’d only recently met again.
“I thought maybe when you came back it meant you had already come up with a plan.”
Guilt gnawed at me. I had told her I’d be back with a way out. I hadn’t pursued it yet, though. I was too busy trying to figure out if I should try to contact Bryden again. I’d let my own selfish wants get in the way of helping them.
“I’m sorry. Last night was distracting. I’ll go back now. I promise I’ll figure something out.”
She nodded. A small tear formed in the corner of her eye. Discreetly, she bowed her head, wiping it away with her thumb. Then I really felt awful. I shut my eyes, but it was impossible to push away the guilt gnawing at my stomach. Here she was, trapped in a village, her memories ripped away from her. I had to find her a way out of here.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I sat down on my bed, my head in my hands. Too much was happening too fast. After months of ignoring the world around me, it was all crashing in on me like an errant wave. I struggled to breathe, to make sense of everything I had to do. Finally, some of the pieces were coming together. Sebrina’s idea of severing everyone, no matter how offhand, was the perfect solution.
I didn’t know how to find the council without help. I only knew about them because Johna told me they made the decision to sever my mother. I straightened out my clothes, ran my fingers through my hair, and left my chambers.
I strode through the stone hallways, determined to find Johna and demand she take me to this mysterious council. I needed their approval and help, and I hoped I would get it. According to Elessia, the Malborn were coming soon. We needed to be prepared. I couldn’t fight them alone and no one here seemed intent on readying for war. If I couldn’t fight back, then I’d take away their only weapon.
No one needed magic to survive. All it did was tear us apart, dividing us into various shades of evil. So few used it for good. It wasn’t worth preserving.
My blood boiled in my stomach. I picked up the pace, stomping my heavy boots on the tile floor while I pushed past people in the hallway. Whispers travelled faster than me, and soon enough everyone stood to the side of the hall, letting me pass without intervention.
I could imagine what they thought as my black cape fluttered in the wind behind my black dress, my silver hair billowing over my shoulders. If I weren’t so focused on reaching Johna, I might have chuckled to myself. I didn’t have time for laughter now. I had to focus on my goal. Now that I had a chance to make a difference, to end the war, I was going to grab it with both hands until I choked the answers out of the council.
I stopped at Johna’s door, but the crowd didn’t dissipate. Instead, many had followed me, hanging back a few paces, but still obviously curious what had gotten me so riled up.
“Did any of you hear what I did to the Malborn army in Fithia?” Only a brave couple nodded their heads. The rest tried to hide the fear in their eyes. “Then, you know what happens when I lose control. Don’t force me to release my anger here.”
The crowd dispersed quickly, leaving nothing in the hallway but fading whispers. I raised my hand to knock on the door, but before my fist could connect with the dark wood, the door creaked open.
“I didn’t think you’d actually come to my door when I told you to stop opening portals directly into my room.” Johna grabbed my hand, pulling me into her room.
“How did you know I was out there?”
“Your little entourage made a racket. Usually people are very quiet and respectful outside my little herbal room. I knew something was up when traffic slowed and whispers grew louder. I may have also listened at the door.” Johna winked at me. “A little knowledge always comes in handy.”
“So you could have come out and made them all go away before I had to threaten them?” I planted my fists on my hips, cocking my head as I eyed Johna.
She shrugged. “Never hurts to let people take care of themselves.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for nothing.”
“You’re welcome, child.” She headed back to her table, which was covered in lavender clippings. Her knobby fingers deftly swept them into piles. She tied ribbon on the end of each bunch, and then attached it to a drying rack on the wall. “I know you well enough to realize you’re not here for a casual chat.”
My heart sank for a moment. I wished I had shown up just to spend time with her for no other reason than enjoying her company. I couldn’t rest. Not yet. “I need to meet with the council.”
Johna dropped the lavender she’d been grasping between her forefinger and thumb. It landed on the table, releasing a relaxing scent into the air. I took a deep breath. Lavender was new to me, and I found it intoxicating. It reminded me of Trevin after a bath. Clean. Fresh. Sweet.
“For what purpose?” She didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, she continued to fumble with the herbs. Although she was old, Johna’s fingers were still comfortable with the tiniest of tasks.
“I think I know what Wren’s warning was about.”
A sigh escaped her lips, her eyes still downcast. “And that is?”
I clenched my hands together, sweat making them slippery. “I want to sever everyone, like you did to my mother.”
Johna froze.
“I need to know if it can be done.”
Her chin lifted, slowly, her eyes narrowing. “You will meet opposition to this idea.”
I forced my body to relax. The lavender still wafted in the air, whispering its relaxing reminder in my brain. Despite everything, my shoulder muscles tensed.
“A magical council of rulers won’t consent to me hatching a plan to rid them of their magic?”
Johna smiled at the irony in my voice. She nodded her head. “They will not give you clearance for this.”
“I have to try. I can’t do it without help. I don’t know enough.”
“I know.”
“So tell me how to find them. Please.” If I thought dropping to my knees would help, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I knew Johna, though. She didn’t like weakness, even if it was only for show. She’d respect me more if I stood my grou
nd.
“We are meeting tonight. Meet me back here not long before the sun sets. I’ll bring you with me.”
I skirted around the table, taking Johna in my arms. Squeezing her gently, I pressed my cheek against hers. “Thank you.”
She pushed me away, but kept her hands on my shoulders. “You are special, Lianne. I support you, no matter what those old fools say. Just remember that.”
I nodded. “I want the fighting to end. Getting rid of the magic and their memories will do that.”
“Until they find something new to fight about. It’s in our nature to fight.” Johna raised an eyebrow. “And love.”
A sigh escaped my lips, but it wasn’t out of frustration. I needed to talk to Chase too. I couldn’t solve everything at once. It was possible everyone was depending on me. I had the power, the plan, to change our entire reality. Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about Chase. Was my heart more important than saving everyone?
“Get something to eat, Lianne. There’s plenty of time before the council meets tonight. Time to think. Time to rest. Time to perhaps sort out some other things you’ve been meaning to do.”
“Are you reading my mind?”
“No, child. Anyone could read it on your face. I know where Chase is. Do you want me to send him to see you?”
I hesitated. I couldn’t just blurt out my feelings to him. Everything needed to be just right. I glanced out the window at the people milling around. It was so like life back in Fithia, until the Dalagan army came and decimated their way of life. Was my heart really more important than the lives of thousands?
“No. I can talk to him later.”
“If you succeed in convincing the council of your plan, there won’t be a later. You won’t remember whatever it is you need to tell him.”
A dagger slit my heart in two, spilling out everything I’d tried so hard to contain. I’d lost one love. If I went through with this, I would lose another before he ever knew I returned his feelings. I didn’t know which was worse. Blood pounded through my veins, begging for release. I couldn’t tell if it wanted war, or love. My breath quickened.
“You know where Chase is?”
Johna nodded.
“Then, please, send him to my chambers.”
A smile twitched at the corner of Johna’s mouth, but I ignored it. I knew she found the whole thing funny. I also knew she’d been a girl once, one who must have experienced love.
“Thank you. For everything. Not just for the help meeting with the council, but for making me realize what I might lose.”
“Of course, child. Now off with you. Get some food. You don’t want to face any of this on an empty stomach. I’ll make sure Chase is at your door soon. But, remember, you need to be here before I leave for the council meeting. I will leave without you if you’re not here.”
“I understand. I’ll be here. I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I smoothed my dress for the millionth time. It had taken some doing, but I’d managed to make myself look a little less scary than normal. Even though the dress was one of the black ones I’d worn for months, I tucked the sides up a bit with pins, giving it a flounce. I pulled my hair back, pinning strands together. I didn’t want to look like I’d tried too hard. I also didn’t want to look like the terrifying woman who’d scared everyone in the hallway. Chase had always seen past that. Still, I wanted him to know that I tried for him.
A knock at the door interrupted the longest time I’d ever stared at myself in a mirror. I stuck my tongue out, and then ran for the door. I stopped in front of it, my hand on the knob. I took in metered breaths, forcing my heart to pump normally.
I opened the door and found Chase standing patiently outside of it. He wasn’t wearing his normal smile. I reminded myself I’d done nothing but irritate him. Of course he wouldn’t be raring to sweep me into his arms. He didn’t even know why I wanted to see him.
“Come on in.” I held my arm out, stepping aside to give him room to enter.
Chase strode in and stood stiffly on the other side of the room from me. “Johna said you wanted to see me?”
“I did. I mean, I do.” I stuttered, cursing my self-consciousness. It was the same Chase who’d kidnapped me in the forest for my own safety. The same Chase who’d told me he loved me. The same Chase who I’d fallen irrevocably in love with.
I just didn’t know how to tell him without blurting it out. I wasn’t one of those girls who knew how to flutter her eyelashes at a guy. My only come hither looks were intense glares I shot at my sparring opponents. The last thing I needed was to fight with Chase again.
Chase shifted from one foot to the other. “I don’t have all day, Lianne. If there’s something you need from me, let me know now.”
I twisted my hands behind my back. I couldn’t understand why it had to be so hard. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and profess my love, but I couldn’t even take the first step forward. My boots were frozen to the ground.
“What do you need?” he repeated. He glared me. Tentatively, I placed my hand on his arm. He stiffened, still keeping himself on his guard. I’d turned him away too many times.
“We have until sunset,” I whispered, tracing his arm with my finger.
His muscles stiffened even more. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I love you, Chase.”
Chase’s arms fell to his side. “Did you just say what I think you said?”
I stepped away from him and spun around. “Don’t you see what I did to my dress? To my hair? It was for you.”
He squinted his eyes, and then crossed the space between us with one large step. His fingers swept my hair, untangling the strands from the pins. He pulled them out and tossed them on the floor. “I like you just the way you were. You don’t need to do that for me.”
His hands traveled through my hair, stopping at the back of my neck. He grabbed my hair gently, pulling it down, forcing my face up to his. “Tell me what you want.”
“Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss m-” Chase’s lips fell on mine. I gasped as his lips moved over my neck. His hands pulled my top away from my neck, exposing the skin on my shoulder as he burrowed his head in the hollow of my throat, sending shivers running down my spine.
“You are so beautiful,” he said, coming up for air.
I ran my hands over his chest. With my help, his shirt went up and over his shoulders. I tossed it on the floor next to my discarded hairpins. Chase bent over, sweeping me up in his arms. My boots dangled in the air until he gently lowered me on the bed.
My hands snaked along his flat stomach. My mouth played with his neck. His body responded, pushing up against me until I felt like my chest was going to burst.
“It’s okay to touch me,” I whispered into his lips. Chase’s hands weren’t exploring my body like I wanted them to.
He pulled back, scooting a few inches away from me on the bed. “Not yet.”
“Not yet?” I was incredulous. All of this buildup for nothing? I wrapped my legs around his waist and reached out for his shoulders. “Are you sure?”
Chase’s smile blossomed. My heart fluttered. I’d finally opened up to him, asked him to kiss me, and all he wanted to do was grin. I couldn’t believe it. I glanced down, noticing my silver hair resting on my shoulders. Maybe it was too late. I’d waited too long and he’d realized I wasn’t the same girl he’d fallen for.
“Is it me?” I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see his smile fade and his eyes drop when he admitted he no longer found me attractive. Or maybe my kisses weren’t what he’d thought they would be.
His palm rested on my cheek, but he didn’t urge my face upward. “It’s you. Yes. It’s everything about you.”
My stomach dropped to my feet. I should have known I wasn’t loveable anymore. I’d changed too much. I was a darker, harder version of the girl he’d had visions about. I wasn’t someone he wanted anymore.
“Oh, Lianne.”
Hi
s thumb caressed my cheek. I wanted to hold back the tears, but they dropped, one by one, on his hand. It was too much. Everything had crashed on me. I couldn’t handle all of the responsibility on my own. Chase was my rock. The only one I could truly trust. And now I might have lost him. It would have been better if I hadn’t asked him to kiss me, if I’d kept our relationship platonic.
“I want you more than words can say.” He sighed. “If I thought it was right, I would make you mine right here and now. But that’s not what I want for us.”
I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest. “Can you feel how hard my heart is beating?”
He nodded. His hand was so close to my breast. The tension in his arm was palpable.
“I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. I want this. It’s okay.”
Chase pulled his hand back and shook his head. “Not like this. I want to court you, Lianne. I want to ask you to be my wife. I want a proper wedding.” His voice dropped. “I want to have a proper wedding night.”
I grabbed his face between my hands, making sure he was focused on me. “There may not be time.”
His eyes searched mine. He couldn’t know my urgency wasn’t just because I could no longer resist him. If we didn’t take advantage of these few hours together, we might lose each other forever.
“What are you going to do?”
“Wren’s warnings. Eloh’s visions,” I whispered, my eyes downcast. “It’s coming sooner than you think and I don’t know if anyone of us will come out the same.”
“Is there something you know that I don’t? Have you figured out what you need to do?” He took my hands in his. I shook, even more afraid of what I was about to propose to the council. I’d lose Chase’s love. I would be nothing more than a stranger to him. After everything that had happened, I was no longer sure I could go through with it.
“I have.” Yet no matter my feelings, I knew I’d do what needed to be done. Everything I’d done in the last year had been for everyone else. I looked him solidly in the eyes. “This may be the only chance we ever have to be together.”
