by Gwyneth Rees
So Mia was forced to return home with her mother, and Tani took Hagnus and Matty home too. India said she was going to have a rest on Goody and Gabriel’s bed, and Mephisto went with her.
That left Meowface and Cosmo alone together, and as the two of them set off down the road towards Scarlett’s school, Cosmo started to ask Meowface lots of questions about the legendary Cleo Cattrap.
‘Is it true that he once had tea with the queen?’ Cosmo wanted to know.
‘He did visit Buckingham Palace once,’ Meowface agreed. ‘But the queen’s corgis were so rude to him that he refused to stay for tea. I expect the queen was most disappointed not to meet him.’
‘I can’t wait to meet him,’ Cosmo mewed in awe. ‘Will you introduce me to him as soon as he gets here, Meowface?’
‘Of course I will. And I shall tell him that it was you who found the venue for our catwalk. I’m sure he’ll be most impressed.’
‘Do you really think so?’ Cosmo asked. And he was so excited that he started to race in circles around Meowface with his tail all bushed up.
4
The following day at the local Witch Prison, Sybil was waiting for her friend Selina Slaughter to arrive. As she sat in the prison visiting room, Sybil felt very cross as she thought about her old house – which had now been taken over by the Two-Shoes family – and her old witch-cat, Mephisto, who had served her faithfully until he had discovered that she was making bad spells instead of good ones. She longed to have both a house and a witch-cat of her own again, but most of all she longed to get her hands on that infuriating witch-kitten, Cosmo, who had totally wrecked her plans to use a brilliantly evil spell to become the richest witch in the world.
She was delighted when Selina arrived and informed her that, not only had the toenail robbery been a great success, but one of the sets of toenails that Selina herself had stolen had belonged to Goody Two-Shoes’s new baby son.
‘The toenail robbery was perfectly coordinated using your excellent plan, Sybil,’ Selina whispered to her now. ‘Your mother would have been proud of you!’ Sybil’s mother had been the most evil of all the local witches before she had accidently ended up as a puff of green smoke after one of her evil spells had gone wrong.
‘Once we have collected the other ingredient, we will be ready,’ Sybil said. ‘Then we will go down in history!’ She cackled, but as she wasn’t very good at cackling it came out as a rather loud croak.
The croaking noise reminded Selina of the downside of their plan. ‘Of course if it were to go wrong for any reason . . .’
‘. . . there will be a lot of very angry frogs hopping about,’ Sybil finished for her. ‘But it won’t go wrong, Selina. My plan is perfect.’
‘How does Murdina feel about you borrowing her spell recipe?’ Selina asked.
‘She’s very excited. She says her sister, Belinda, would be excited too if she hadn’t got turned into a frog last year while she was trying to escape. Stupid woman! She should have waited!’
‘So now that we’ve got the toenails, tell me how you want me to get the other ingredient,’ Selina said, just as the bell went to signal the end of visiting time.
‘You must find a place where lots of cats congregate together,’ Sybil told her. ‘And don’t take too long about it. The magic in those toenails will only stay active for a very short time. We must have everything ready by next week at the latest.’
At the same time that Selina was visiting Sybil in prison, Cosmo and Mia were racing around Cosmo’s front garden feeling very excited. Any minute now they were going to meet the legendary Cleo Cattrap! Meowface had just gone to collect him from the train station, where he had arrived that morning after spending a comfortable night in a spare bunk in a first-class carriage of the overnight sleeper train from Scotland. (Meowface himself had travelled south on the same train two days previously, on a slightly more humble seat on top of a suitcase on a luggage rack.)
Since Meowface had heard that Cosmo’s house was due to be free of its two-legged occupants for at least another few days, he had suggested that Cleo Cattrap might wish to stay with them during his visit.
‘He often prefers the comfort of a family home – however humble – to the richer trappings of fine hotels,’ Meowface had told Mephisto.
‘Does he really?’ Mephisto had replied, with just a hint of a growl in his throat. But India had said that of course he could stay and Mephisto had agreed, although he hadn’t seemed nearly as pleased about it as Cosmo and India were. Cosmo couldn’t understand his father sometimes – after all, it wasn’t every day that one of the most famous cats in the country came to stay with you, was it?
As Cosmo and Mia waited in the front garden, India and Mephisto were attending a lecture at Felina’s house, where the professor-cat was offering advice to a group of cats whose humans (or witches) had just had new babies. Mia’s mother had a personal interest in this topic. As a very young kitten she had arrived in her first human household at the same time as a new baby – and as a consequence had received very little fuss from her humans, who were far too distracted by their baby. She had decided to leave and had presented herself at the doors of the local cat-rescue centre, where she had spent a period of two weeks carefully vetting every human who came in to look for a pet. Finally she had picked Amy – and had easily secured her chosen placement by rushing up to her and giving her so much affection that Amy’s heart was immediately won over. Felina did understand, however, that most cats didn’t actually want to leave their homes when a new baby arrived, and she had therefore worked out a special training programme that cats could apply to their humans instead.
‘Look, Cosmo, they’re coming!’ Mia mewed excitedly, standing up on her hind legs in order to look over the wall and out on to the street where Meowface and a long-haired grey Persian cat could be seen sauntering up the road together.
‘I’ll go and fetch Mother and Father,’ Cosmo replied, racing across into Mia’s front garden and hurtling round to access the cat flap at the back of the house.
Inside the kitchen, Professor Felina was perched on the table, surrounded by twenty or so other cats who were all sitting on the floor, listening to her. ‘Even humans or witches who have already been trained to put their cat’s needs before their own,’ she was declaring solemnly, ‘may change their behaviour when a baby enters the household.’
‘My witch makes me sleep downstairs now, instead of on her bed at night!’ an indignant black witch-cat shouted out.
‘My human screamed at me when I jumped into the baby’s pram to have a nap,’ a fat tabby cat added.
Cosmo completely forgot about Cleo Cattrap for a moment and raised his paw to ask a question. ‘What about witch-children?’ he asked. ‘Do they forget all about us when they get a new baby brother or sister?’
‘Children are very wise, thank goodness,’ Felina told him. ‘It doesn’t take them long to see that cats – especially kittens – still make much better playmates than new babies.’
Cosmo felt his mother’s warm tongue lick him on the top of his head as she came to stand behind him. ‘Scarlett will always love you and want to play with you, Cosmo. Don’t worry about that. And I expect when baby Spike gets older, he will love you too.’
Cosmo gave a relieved little purr, then he mewed quickly, ‘Mother, I’ve come to let you know that Cleo Cattrap is here.’
Mephisto gave a soft growl when he heard this news. He had persisted in being relatively unenthusiastic about having the great Cleo Cattrap as their guest, and he had already made it clear that Meowface must sleep at Tani’s house. (‘One other male cat sharing my territory is the absolute limit,’ he had told India firmly.)
India looked a little worried as she followed Mephisto out of the cat flap, with Cosmo close on her tail.
Mephisto halted abruptly as they rounded the corner of the house and saw Cleo standing there with Meowface and an awestruck Mia.
‘He’s not nearly as handsome as everyone makes out,’ Mep
histo commented to India, stopping to lick his front paw nonchalantly before strolling forward at a very leisurely pace to greet their guest.
Cosmo, however, was totally thrilled by the large, long-haired, hazel-eyed grey and white Persian cat he saw in front of him. India seemed quite excited too and she whispered to Cosmo, ‘Persian cats usually have short noses, but Cleo has quite a long one – I think that makes him even more good-looking, don’t you?’
Before Cosmo had time to reply, India had set off across the lawn after Mephisto, and Cosmo noticed that Cleo Cattrap immediately stopped looking at Mephisto to give his full attention to India. Mia, who was overcome with shyness, had moved away to sit behind a nearby bush.
Cosmo half ran, half tumbled over the grass in order to get closer to Cleo himself, but he knew better than to overtake his father. Instead, he lay down on his belly beside his mother, who had also wisely halted, and the two of them watched from a safe distance away as the two male cats formally greeted each other. The two stood face to face for a few moments, with their whiskers in the forward position, before Mephisto began to walk around Cleo in a circle, growling and keeping his ears flattened the whole time.
‘Welcome, Cleo Cattrap,’ Mephisto finally said gruffly. ‘I must say it’s been a while since I’ve met a grey Persian. And I see you’ve got a stripy head as well!’
For the first time Cleo spoke. His voice was throaty and rather posh as he replied, ‘I am a long-haired silver-tabby Persian. Silver, not grey.’
‘How interesting,’ Mephisto replied crisply. ‘So you’ve got a bit of tabby-cat in you as well, have you?’
‘Tabby Persian,’ Cleo corrected him, narrowing his eyes.
‘Of course . . . well . . . you are welcome to sleep on the pile of washing in our utility room tonight. I’m sure you will find it comfortable enough.’
‘I’m afraid I shall have to sleep on a proper mattress,’ Cleo declared immediately. ‘Otherwise I won’t get a wink. We pedigree cats are more delicate creatures than you moggies, I’m afraid.’
Mephisto seemed about to hiss back in response, when India quickly intervened. ‘That won’t be a problem, will it, Mephisto? After all there are plenty of spare beds now that we have the house to ourselves.’
‘How kind!’ Cleo exclaimed, turning towards her and purring very loudly. ‘Perhaps you’d care to show me, my dear.’
But before Cleo could move any closer to India, Mephisto had stepped in between them. ‘I’ll show you,’ he said firmly. ‘India needs to rest. She is carrying nine of my kittens, you know. Cosmo – please show Meowface the way to Tani’s house.’
‘Oh, don’t worry about that,’ said Meowface, who had been standing well back as Cleo and Mephisto were formally introduced. ‘I already know where my cousin lives. Right now I need to find a suitable restaurant for us to have our lunch.’
‘A restaurant?’ India looked amazed.
‘Cleo and I always eat out whenever we can,’ Meowface explained. ‘We especially like fish restaurants. Would you care to join us?’
India stared at him. ‘But only humans and witches eat in restaurants,’ she said. ‘Not cats.’
But Meowface just laughed. ‘I’ll be back here to fetch you all in half an hour.’ And he licked his lips in anticipation before hurrying off.
5
Cosmo said goodbye to Mia and followed his parents and Cleo Cattrap into the house, where his father took Cleo upstairs to show him the beds. It didn’t take Cleo long to find the room with the newest bed, which was smaller than the others and had strange wooden sides to it. A pile of soft blankets and a snugly quilt were neatly folded on top of the mattress and Cleo instantly selected it as the perfect bed for himself.
‘It seems almost as if it was designed especially for me,’ Cleo said, as he leaped up on to a chair, ready to jump over the wooden slatted side.
But Mephisto soon objected. ‘India might need this bed when she has my kittens,’ he said gruffly. ‘It looks like a very good nesting place.’
‘Except that it won’t be very easy for me to get in and out of it,’ India pointed out. ‘Let Cleo sleep there if he wants to, Mephisto. I’ve already selected the place where I want to give birth. Come and see.’
So, as Cleo made himself comfortable on his new bed, India led Mephisto into the room where Scarlett’s parents usually slept, to show him a large oval-shaped basket with a handle on each side. It had a padded bottom with a clean white sheet covering it, and a soft white blanket spread out on top of that.
What is it?’ Cosmo asked curiously.
‘The other day I heard Goody call it a Moses basket,’ India said.
‘It’s clearly an especially large and comfortable type of cat basket,’ Mephisto replied. ‘How thoughtful.’ He climbed inside to test it out, and he was still there half an hour later when they heard a loud miaow coming from outside.
Meowface had returned.
Curious to know if he had managed to find a restaurant that served lunch to cats, Cosmo and his parents headed downstairs to find that Cleo had already joined Meowface in the garden.
‘There’s a sushi restaurant just a ten-minute walk away from here,’ Meowface told them.
‘Sushi is my favourite,’ Cleo told them, purring loudly.
‘What is sushi?’ Cosmo asked.
‘It’s a special kind of Japanese food that has lots of fish in it,’ Meowface explained. ‘The fish is served in tiny cat-sized pieces, on little mounds of rice. It’s quite delicious.’
‘But how are we going to get them to serve us?’ India asked. ‘And how will we pay for it?’
‘We’ll serve ourselves,’ Meowface said, ‘and we’ll lick the dishes clean for them afterwards – that will be payment enough. Now, follow me.’
So Cleo, Mephisto, India and Cosmo all followed Meowface down the road towards the local high street, where the sushi restaurant was situated.
‘Shouldn’t we use the customers’ entrance at the front?’ India asked, as Meowface led them into the little yard at the back of the building.
‘We’re special customers,’ Meowface said. ‘Now . . . if you’ll just wait here while I grab hold of my little helper . . .’ He leaped up and knocked the lid off a metal dustbin that was standing outside the back door. It was clearly empty – or at least not very full – because he was able to jump right inside it. A lot of miaowing and squeaking followed.
‘Has he got a mouse in there?’ Cosmo burst out in surprise. Although cats and mice spoke different languages, most cats understood enough mouse language to be able to have a basic conversation, and vice versa.
Meowface’s cross voice could be heard inside the bin. ‘I keep telling you – you’ll be quite safe! Stop making such a fuss or we’ll have you for our lunch instead!’
That seemed to end the squeaking, and Meowface called out to the other cats, ‘I always think mice are far more useful alive than dead – unless one is very hungry of course!’ Then he jumped out of the bin and they saw that he was carrying a mouse in his jaws. It was actually rather a handsome mouse, with white fur, a long tail and pink eyes, and Meowface was holding it very carefully so as not to squash it.
Cleo Cattrap, who had obviously been witness to this routine before, immediately started yowling at the top of his voice before thumping his hind legs as loudly as he could against the back door of the restaurant.
The door was soon opened by a cross-looking human in a white apron, and Meowface immediately darted inside with the mouse still between his jaws.
‘He’ll let it loose in the restaurant and all the customers will run away,’ Cleo told the other cats, confidently leading the way in through the door which the human had left open in his rush to follow Meowface. ‘Then we can jump up on to the tables and finish everything on their plates.’
‘Won’t the waiters stop us?’ India asked.
‘The mouse will run into the kitchen after it’s scared everyone out of the restaurant,’ Cleo said. ‘All the staff wi
ll be too busy trying to catch it to notice us.’
Screams could now be heard coming from the restaurant and it was clear that Meowface had let go of the mouse. There was complete chaos as everybody vacated the restaurant area, and the staff rushed around trying to calm down their customers and catch the mouse at the same time.
‘Mice always cause much more of a stir in restaurants than cats do,’ Meowface said as they joined him under one of the tables. ‘I don’t know why that is, but it’s very useful. We’ll have to eat fast though. I have a feeling that mouse will head straight for the back door instead of running twice round the kitchen like I told him to.’
As soon as all the customers had gone and the waiters had disappeared into the kitchen after the mouse, the cats jumped up on to the tables and began to eat. Meowface had been right about there being lots of little mounds of rice, most of which had pieces of fish on top. And the pieces of fish were just the right size for a cat to eat in one mouthful.
They had scarcely finished eating when a waiter came back into the dining area, took one look at the cats feasting on the remains of his customers’ lunches and started to yell.
‘This way!’ Meowface shouted, leaping across three tables to reach one by an open window, which he had already identified as their escape route.
‘Shouldn’t we make sure the mouse got away safely?’ India said in a worried voice, as they hurried towards home. (Cosmo’s mother was known for her kindness to smaller creatures, with the possible exception of goldfish, which she just couldn’t resist snacking on.)
‘Oh, I wouldn’t worry about him,’ Meowface said dismissively. ‘He’ll be halfway home by now.’
But that was where he was wrong. The mouse in question had escaped from the restaurant, but instead of making for home he was now following at a safe distance behind them. He was actually one of several white mice who worked as spies for Selina Slaughter, and it was no coincidence that he had been in the backyard of the restaurant at the same time as Meowface. He had gone there deliberately, because he had heard a rumour that Cleo Cattrap was in town – and Cleo Cattrap was known to favour restaurants that served fish. If Cleo was there it must mean that he was planning to hold one of his famous Catwalk Extravaganzas, and that was the reason the mouse wanted to find him. Selina Slaughter had sent out all her spies with instructions that a large piece of cheese was going to be awarded to the one who found the place where the largest number of cats was due to congregate together within the next few days.
