by Nicole Dykes
“You were going to on this trip though.”
She lifts her body off mine and turns back around to lay back against my chest.
“Maybe.” I kiss her bare shoulder. “Maybe not.”
And it’s the truth.
I don’t know what would have happened.
“Will it ever go away?” We trudge through the snow toward the barn. And yeah, I’m whining because I’m so tired of the white, thick snow that blankets the earth.
I’m tired of walking through it and getting my pants and shoes wet. It’s been just over a week, and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
It doesn’t help that it snowed again last night and it’s freezing cold.
We reach the barn, and I shove the heavy door open, so Cooper doesn’t have to even if his shoulder is doing a little better.
He gives me a grin as he walks inside, and I walk in after him. “You bitch too much.”
“Fuck you. I’m a ray of sunshine.”
He laughs as I close the door, but the sunshine comment hits us both right in the chest. Because that was Aria.
The rule of not mentioning them has gone completely away. We talk about them often now. Making sure it hurts. Making sure it feels like they’re right here, watching our betrayal. It somehow easier that way.
We walk over to the pile of wood that, thankfully, is still plentiful, but I don’t grab any in my arms just yet. Instead, I take a seat on one of the bales of hay. “If it doesn’t go away, no one is going to find the wreckage. No one will come looking for us.”
“We’ll be okay here.”
He sits down, and I wrap my arms around his neck, turning my body to him. It’s an action that should be foreign but is as easy as breathing now. Familiar. “You just like fucking me.”
He grins, but it’s a sad smile, and I don’t like it. “I do.”
I kiss his lips softly, letting the sunshine comment sit in the back of my mind, thinking about what my sister would be thinking right now if she saw us. How much she would hate me. How she would scream at me. “I like it too.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Aria.” I’m honest. For whatever reason, I don’t hold anything back from him. He knows I need it to be painful and seems to need the same thing. It’s the only way we can survive this. “You?”
“Liam.” I nod, already knowing as I kiss his lips and let my fingers slide through his hair. “He was always the good one.”
I pull back, letting my hands rest on his shoulders. “You guys knew each other your whole lives.”
“Yeah, our parents were pretty close. Our moms were friends growing up. They spent a lot of time together, so it was natural for Liam and me to bond, I guess.”
They may as well have been brothers. I know they lived on the same street and saw each other every single day. Liam told me that a long time ago. When I’d complain about Cooper annoying me, he’d tell me to be nice to his brother. “Did your dad like him? I mean . . .”
He smiles, knowing where I’m going with this because he’s told me how much of a bastard his father is. “He loved him.” He laughs, but it’s in irony. “My whole life my dad wanted me to be Liam.”
I hate how little he thinks of himself. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
He stands up, clearly needing distance. “It is. He’d flat-out tell me, ‘Be more like Liam.’” His hand moves through his hair, already tousled from my fingers. “I was always in trouble. Dumb shit. I stirred up trouble for no reason, and my dad hated it. He was humiliated every time he had to go to the school because I did something stupid. And he’d ask me why I couldn’t be more like Liam.”
I swallow the sickening feeling in my gut because that’s damaging. He was more than likely acting out for attention his father never granted. “That’s not okay.”
He drops his hand and shrugs. “It is what it is. He wasn’t wrong. Liam was so goddamn good. He got good grades. He was the teacher’s pet. He volunteered. He was good.”
“That doesn’t mean you aren’t.”
He smiles at that, but he doesn’t believe me. “He wanted to save everyone. You remember how he wanted to adopt every animal?”
I smile at that because yeah, I do. “Yes, even though your lease didn’t allow it.”
“Yeah. We’re never getting that deposit back.”
Liam had recently adopted two dogs that are staying with his parents until after the vacation. They were so attached to him.
My stomach clenches, thinking about two more souls that will be crushed when they find out Liam isn’t coming back. “Probably not.”
“He just wanted to make the world better. I mean, he had awards for helping out in the community. Naturally, my father wanted me to be like him.”
I stand up, walking to him and placing my hand on his solid chest. “You’re good too, Cooper. Everyone has their faults.”
“I’m not like him. My dad pretty much hates me.”
I hate that for him. I get it though. I was always disappointing my parents. Never quite good enough. Maybe that’s why I feel a kinship with Cooper.
“Aria was good too.” I drop my head, thinking about my sister and how she loved to volunteer too as well as babysit kids on the weekends. She was always involved in fundraisers. “Does that make me bad, Coop?”
I lift my eyes and see his have darkened with lust because we’re twisted. “You’re definitely bad when you need to be.”
I grin and pull him into a kiss, ready to get lost in him again.
We may be bad, but we’re damn good at this.
I don’t know what’s happening anymore. I can’t keep the days straight, and I definitely can’t keep my feelings straight with Everly. Her head rests on my bare chest, and her hand slides over the faint chest hair between my pecs.
I don’t have the sling on right now or any clothes. Neither does she. We’re blissed-out, post-orgasm, lying in candle and firelight in total silence, and everything feels good.
Better than good.
Better than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
While my best friend is dead. While her little sister is dead.
“I’m sorry, Coop.” I look down at her, but her eyes won’t meet mine.
“For what?”
Her small shoulder shrugs. “Everything. I was so cruel to you.”
I scoff at that, wishing I had better control of my other arm to force her to look at me, but I don’t want to fuck up her work. “Ev, look at me.” She doesn’t. Just traces over my nipple with her finger. “Ev,” I plead.
She lifts her head to look up at me. Those shiny storms looking directly at me nearly takes my breath away. “You weren’t mean to me.”
“Bullshit.” She shakes her head and wipes a tear that falls from her eye. “I was terrible to you. Always being rude, making snide comments. Calling you a whore.”
That did sting. “We had our own little thing.” I reach under her chin now that she’s looking at me and grip it firmly but not enough to hurt her. “I liked it.”
“I liked you.” Her voice is hoarse, and I know it’s hard for her to admit. “I knew it was wrong. I had Liam, and I was happy, but—”
“I know,” I cut her off, not wanting to talk about this anymore.
“I was angry. So angry and confused. I was a total bitch to you because of it. When you would come home after a one-night stand, stinking like sex, it pissed me off.”
“That didn’t happen that often.”
She tilts her head to the side, her pretty eyes rolling. I smile as I slide my hand down her neck and then to her back over the smooth skin. “Right. It happened enough.”
“That was before I was in a relationship. I was single . . .” I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat but keep my eyes open and locked on her. “And watching you and him was torture. Pure torture, Ev.”
Her eyes close momentarily as she nods her head slowly and then reopens them. “It was so wrong. I should have told you then.
”
“I knew.” Her eyes widen. “I mean . . . I knew you were attracted to me too. But what would we have done? Truly?”
Her head moves slowly from side to side. “I don’t know.”
“You weren’t going to leave him. And even if you would have . . . Ev, it would have killed him. It’s not like we could have been together.”
“I know.” She wipes another tear, her chest pressed against mine. “We wouldn’t have worked as a couple anyway. It would have just been sex. I know you’re right.” That’s not what I said, but I know she believes this attraction is only physical. “But I was so jealous I couldn’t stand it. And I was a bitch. So, just let me apologize.”
“No.” Her mouth parts, and I know she’s getting pissy, but I just lean forward and plant a kiss on her lips and smile. “I liked it. I still like it. You challenge me. In every single way. You make me want to do better, and I wouldn’t change a thing about how we interact.”
“You like me being a bitch to you?” Her right eyebrow quirks up as I lean back down, resting my head on the couch.
“Yup. I like the challenge. I swear, you’re the reason I have a 4.0.”
“You have a 4.0?”
I laugh. “That’s what you got from that?”
She laughs too and lays a kiss on my chest and then another. “Sorry. I just didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, I got an A on a test one of the first weeks you were dating him. I was bragging, and you called it a fluke.”
She cringes. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I made it my mission to always get an A after that to prove you wrong.”
She shakes her head, but she’s smiling. “We’re totally fucked up. You know that, right?”
I shrug. “Maybe.”
She looks saddened now, glancing at the fire blazing across the room from us. “Tomorrow is Christmas.”
I stroke her back. “Sorry I didn’t get you anything.”
“Same.” She kisses my neck, scooting up a little higher. “I’m sure we can figure out something.”
“I think so.” I stare at the fire too, watching the flames flicker and letting my mind wonder. Thinking about what we’d be doing if we wouldn’t have wrecked. Thinking about our friends back on campus. Our families.
And how I’m lying here with the girl of my dreams. All alone out in the middle of nowhere. Where reality can’t touch us.
It’s scary how little I miss things outside of this house at the moment.
I pick at a piece of beef jerky and look out the window, happy to see it still hasn’t become a white Christmas. It hasn’t snowed in days and thankfully it didn’t today. I remember wishing for snow every single Christmas, but that’s not the case today.
“Some Christmas dinner, huh?” Coop is smiling as he sits next to me, drinking from his whiskey bottle that’s nearly empty.
“It’s not so bad.” I look at the jar of pickles and beef jerky between us. He doesn’t eat the pickles, but he seems to like the jerky.
“Yeah. It’s really not.”
“Is it too late for a bath?” I ask as I pop another pickle into my mouth. These are cut into chips and are the sweet bread and butter kind. I really love this kind.
He watches my mouth as I chew, and I have to admit it makes me hungry for him. But what doesn’t? I can’t seem to get enough.
I try not to focus on how wrong it is. And after two weeks here alone with him, I don’t necessarily need it to hurt anymore. I’ve become numb to the guilt, I think.
“Nah, we can do that.” I smile, and we dump the buckets of cold water we’d already filled into the tub. We hurriedly put on all our cold weather gear and go outside to the well, refilling the buckets and put the next two on the fire to heat up.
He wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him, exactly where I want to be. He’s not wearing a coat because he hates putting it on over his sling, but he does have a stocking cap on that I reach up and toss away, liking how his hair is tousled.
His lips press against mine, and I kiss him back with no hesitation or guilt. I love his lips and his mouth. I love how his tongue plays with mine. I love sucking on his tongue and making him groan.
He unzips my coat and pushes it off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor as we kiss with the fire in the background. I’m lost in the moment.
I help him out of the sling. He’s smart enough to keep his arm bent as I unbutton his shirt, helping him out of that too. My hands slide over his taut chest and over every line of sinewy muscle he’s kept, despite the lack of food and his injury.
I love his tattoos, tracing over the ink I’ve become very familiar with over the last two weeks. I drag my finger of the script down his side that says “Do no harm.” He’s definitely all about the doctor thing. I bend, dragging my lips over the words. “Dr. Kingston.”
“Not yet.” I smile, dropping to my knees as he grins wryly down at me.
“Not long.”
“If we get out of here.”
I unbutton his jeans, tsking at him. “None of that talk here, Doctor.”
“Ah. You have a doctor fetish, huh?” I definitely don’t. I’ve always hated them, but I don’t tell him that.
“Right now . . . I’m very into doctors.” He quirks an eyebrow, and I huff, “Doctor.”
He nods in approval, and I unzip his jeans and push them down but leave his boxer briefs on. He steps out of them, and I admire the tent in his briefs. He’s hard for me. We can’t seem to get enough of each other.
I kiss his cock through the material, and he grunts, his hips thrusting forward and looking for relief. “Fuck, Ev.”
I push his briefs down, freeing his dick that’s hard and jutting out proudly. I grip it in my hand, closing my eyes and memorizing every solid inch as I stroke him. “The water’s ready,” he says breathlessly as I open my eyes, looking at his beautiful cock before swirling my tongue around his tip. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” he answers instantly, and I smile, opening my mouth and taking him inside, although it doesn’t all fit without me gagging. His fingers slide through my hair, and I suck, intentionally driving him crazy.
I love seeing him come undone.
“Your mouth, Ev. Fuck. That feels good.” I smile around his huge dick and then slide my mouth off, pulling a groan from him. His pupils have darkened, and as I stand, he eyes me. “I said I didn’t want you to stop.”
“Oh, you did?” I play coy, and he shakes his head at my antics, not bothered. He knows he’ll get to finish. We’re definitely going to fuck. It’s what we do now.
We fill the tub, and I bring one of the lamps into the bathroom with us. I undress, and we both climb in. I take the cloth and get it wet, pouring bodywash over it and then drag it over his shoulders. His cock is still hard, and I have no intention of ignoring it. I drag the cloth over his pecs and down over his washboard stomach, smiling when I find his dick.
He groans, “You know I was getting close.”
I sit on my knees between his spread legs and lean into him, my mouth by his ear, “As much as I love your cock in my mouth, I really, really like it between my legs.”
He kisses me, hard and punishing, just the way I like it. The way he likes it. I move the cloth from his groin and drag it over my stomach and then over my breasts, washing myself. My nipples are hard and sensitive, my own body dying for relief.
“I really, really, like that too.” He takes the cloth and takes over washing my breasts, teasing my sensitive nipples while I torment us both by rubbing my pussy over his dick but not letting him enter me. “I want to be inside you, Ev.”
I nip his earlobe. “I want that too.” He thrusts forward, but I still don’t grant him access. “But not yet.”
His forehead falls to mine. “You’re killing me.”
“Nope. Just delaying the pleasure.”
His head dips down to my breast, pulling a nipple into his mouth and sucking hard before nipping it with
his teeth, which makes me moan and grind against him. “Oh, God.”
“Why delay it?”
“Why not?” I’m breathless, his cock grazes my clit with each move of my hips, and I can feel an orgasm coming.
“Because I want to come, and so do you. You’re desperate for it.” He pinches one nipple with his fingers and sucks on the other, driving me insane, but I move away from his dick as the pleasure builds, denying myself and him.
“Not yet.”
“You’re stubborn as fuck.”
“You said you like the challenge,” I taunt and take the cloth back, cleaning my body and moving to the other side of the tub, grabbing my razor and quickly shaving as he watches.
“Never thought shaving could be sexy.”
I grin as I shave my right leg, letting my foot rest on the tub’s edge and giving him a show. We’re past modesty. “You’re just really horny.”
“I am,” he agrees, his eyes focused between my legs as I drag the razor over my pussy, carefully shaving. “Fuck, Ev. Are you done?”
There’s a desperate edge to his voice. I can’t lie, I like the control. I like that he’s desperate for me.
I nod and put the razor down, standing up, but he grabs my hips before I can get out of the tub, pulling me close to him. “You’re fucking beautiful.”
I moan when his tongue drags slowly from my clit all the way through the wetness of my pussy, soaked with desire for him. I spread my legs, granting him access even though I’m pretty sure he won’t let me come.
He’s going to tease me like I teased him. A shiver runs through my body with the anticipation of it.
My hands grip his shoulder when he moves back up to my clit, swirling his tongue over it and punishing me, bringing me close to the brink before pulling away and then nipping at my thigh, making me whimper. “Coop.”
“You want to come?”
I nod my head, knowing he won’t let me. I feel two fingers slide easily into my pussy as he finds my clit again, teasing me. My body writhes as I grip his shoulder hard, digging my nails into his skin. “Please.”
I swear I can feel him smiling against me, but he removes his fingers, and I groan. “Not yet.” His tongue dips inside me, though, as his fingers slick with my arousal move lower to my other hole, making it wet. “Have you ever been touched here?”
