“I don’t care what it is, you’re not paying. That’s weird.”
“Everything about this weekend is weird,” she mumbled as she put her card away and said, “Thank you.”
They walked along the street and listened for music.
Sure enough, there was a jamboree in the back of a little country store and they slipped in to watch.
Before the second song was over, Ian asked her to dance.
He was a good dancer, having spent his summers there.
They waltzed, and he moved her around the floor like a professional. She just loved being in his strong arms. Too soon, the song was over, and she had to let him go.
When an older gentleman came over and nodded toward the floor with his hand extended, she took it. It was impolite to turn down dances at these things unless you were such a bad dancer you could hurt someone. And even then, they sometimes still made you.
Counting to two for the two-step was within her comfort level. The occasional spin was a little daunting, but she managed.
She moved around the floor with the friendly stranger until the final strum of the guitar, and then she looked around for Ian. He wasn’t by the wall where she’d left him. She scanned the crowded room and spotted him on the other side of the room, looking for her. When their gazes met, they smiled at each other. Everything seemed so utterly simple at that moment.
She loved him, and she thought he was looking at her with affection in his eyes. Why weren’t they able to make it work? So they couldn’t have children. They had so many other things to be happy about.
They danced with each other, and some other people. Ian was trying to keep up with an older lady, and when the song was over, he came close and kissed her on the neck. It was hot and they were both glistening with sweat.
“You want to get some air?” he asked as he fanned his shirt out from his chest. She nodded and took his hand as he maneuvered them through the crowd out onto the sidewalk. When the cool night air touched her clammy skin, she shivered. Ian put his arm around her, rubbing her arm.
She had always loved the simple ways he showed he cared. Why hadn’t it been enough?
There were some smaller bands playing out on the sidewalk, and Ian pulled her into his arms. He began to sway to the slow beat of a trio. It didn’t matter that no one else was dancing or they were on the sidewalk.
When Ian kissed her, she felt like she’d gone back in time. Back to when they were in love and happy.
He rested his forehead against hers.
“Let’s go,” he said, his voice rough.
While she wanted to stay forever, she put her hand in his and let him lead her away from another perfect moment.
Chapter 7
Instead of going back to the cabin, Ian drove up the mountain to a place that looked out over the valley. The moon was bright, and he didn’t want to cut their night short. As much as he loved dancing with her, he wanted her to himself again.
He glanced over as she rested her head against the seat and looked out the side window.
“Are you tired?” he asked.
“Not really. Where are we going?”
She was never one for surprises. He smiled at the memory of the lengths she went to in order to sneak a peek at Christmas gifts.
The memory caught in his throat and he swallowed.
“I don’t think we ever went parking before. I know a place.”
She smiled indulgently.
“Aren’t we a little old to go parking?” she asked.
“Well, maybe you are, cougar.” He winked at her. He still couldn’t believe the nerve of that kid. Though he had to admit he was glad the guy had botched it before she gave him a chance. How long would it be before some asshole smooth-talked her into their bed?
He was happy when she confessed to not having slept with anyone but him. The guilt of not being able to say the same thing tugged at him for a moment, before the guilt of being happy she was alone came on. He had so many layers of guilt, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to find his way out.
The view was as amazing as he had expected. What he hadn’t been expecting was for Lexi to get out of the car and climb up on the hood.
Maybe she knew more about parking than she let on.
He followed her up, hoping he wasn’t putting a dent in his car. She was leaning back against the windshield, looking up at the moon. He did the same thing and took her hand.
“This is so beautiful,” she said as she scooted closer to him. He let go of her hand so he could wrap his arm around her and pull her against him. “Thank you for tonight. I haven’t had this much fun—” She stopped in midsentence, but he didn’t press for the ending. He was sure she was remembering some time when they had been happy together.
Before the divorce.
There were so many times like this, before they lost focus on them. Before he ran away like a coward.
Alexis leaned back so she could look up at him, and he bent down to kiss her. After all, they were parking. He at least knew there should be plenty of kissing. They made out for a little while, though they didn’t get too carried away because it was chilly. After the engine cooled, Lexi started to shiver.
“Come on,” he said as he slid off the side of the car and reached for her. She hopped down into his arms and he bent to kiss her, soft and slow. He wanted to put all the feelings he couldn’t discuss into that kiss.
When she looked up at him, a little dazed, he thought maybe she had felt it.
They sang along with the radio on the way back to the cabin, making up new versions of old songs like they used to. He loved hearing her laugh.
“I’m going to take a shower. Do you want to open a bottle of wine when I get out?” he asked. “Red?” He wanted her again tonight. He knew he wouldn’t need to get her drunk, but it might take the edge off worrying about what came next.
“Sure. That sounds great.” She smiled at him in that way he loved. The way that meant she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He began to stir.
He kissed her in the hall before going to his room. Throwing his clothes in a heap on the floor, he walked into the bathroom naked, wanting to hurry so he could get back to her all the quicker.
Halfway through the first chorus of his shower song, he heard the door open, and then cool arms wrapped around his waist while naked breasts pressed up against his back.
He turned in her slippery embrace to face her.
“Something wrong with your shower?” he asked with a grin, so she knew he was joking.
“You’re not in it,” she answered.
“Hmm. That sucks,” he teased and bent to kiss her. “I found my shower to be lacking a beautiful woman, so I was going to hurry to get out, but I like this plan better.”
He soaped up her body, cleaning all his favorite parts longer than necessary. She had him bend down so she could wash his hair. She must have remembered how much he liked that.
It felt so nice having her fingers in his hair. While he was already bent down, he took advantage of having her breasts right by his face.
When they couldn’t take any more cleaning, he picked her up and pressed her against the wall of the shower. He pushed into her, making her gasp.
The hot water continued to beat down on them until they ended in another glorious climax together. Then he let her slide down to her feet. She seemed a little unsteady, so he held her against him for a moment before he turned off the shower and grabbed them each a towel.
She pulled on one of his T-shirts and combed through her hair while he watched from his bed.
“Sorry, I didn’t think to bring anything sexy,” she said as she looked down at his shirt. Seeing her in his shirt was pretty damn sexy. “I didn’t expect to be . . . you know.” They laughed. He did know. She didn’t expect to be having sex with her ex-husband when they had come up here to make a decision on whether to sell the cabin.
Funny, neither one of them had seemed all that eager to bring up the topic since that afternoon.
He sat up quickly, as if he was going to leap after her and block her exit.
“Would it be okay if I—”
“Stay,” he begged before she could even ask. He didn’t care if it made him seem desperate. He wanted her lying next to him for as long as possible.
She bit her bottom lip, and then walked over to the other side of the bed to climb in.
After a few adjustments, her head was lying on his chest and his arm was wrapped around her, holding her just the way he’d wanted to that morning when he woke up.
They fit together perfectly. Everything about them worked well together, except that one aspect. For the hundredth time, he chastised himself for not staying and trying to work things out.
If things between them had stayed like they were now, he never would have left. Never.
He turned off the light and kissed her hair before falling asleep. Then he began to dream. Except it wasn’t really a dream so much as a detailed memory of the worst day of his life.
He had pretended to still be asleep when Alexis slid out of their bed to go to work that morning. She’d moved quietly in the bedroom as she dressed, not wanting to wake him.
When it was safe, he stole a look at her as she left the bathroom. She had red, puffy eyes, and her hair was in a clip, but not for the good reason. He closed his eyes again. She didn’t kiss him good-bye before she left. It was that tiny detail that made him feel justified.
So stupid. A single good-bye kiss. She always kissed him good-bye, and the fact that she hadn’t that morning seemed like proof she didn’t love him anymore.
When he heard her car pull out of the garage, he’d jumped up and practically run down the stairs. He only had so much time and too much to do.
He and Lexi had taken a pregnancy test the morning before and that last minus sign had been the final straw for him. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t keep trying to get her pregnant and failing. He wouldn’t.
He’d pulled out the marked-up newspaper he had hidden in his desk and ate his breakfast before leaving for his appointments. He had been thinking about getting an apartment and moving out for some time.
He’d made the appointments the day before the pregnancy test. He still didn’t think he could go through with it; he hated being alone. But he was already more alone with Lexi than he would be on his own.
She had become a shell of the woman he loved. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her smile or heard her laugh. He was already numb when he climbed in his car.
He looked at the empty rooms, wishing he could get Lexi’s input. Except they didn’t talk about things like that anymore. If it didn’t have to do with making a baby, they didn’t discuss it. He was so sick of the word baby, he didn’t even want to live in the same building with one, so he passed on the first place and drove on to the next.
It was perfect, secluded, in the back of a house. Dalton seemed like a nice guy. Plus it was furnished and available immediately. He put his money down and called the other places to cancel the appointments. He used that extra time to meet with his new attorney to have the separation agreement drawn up. He paid extra so he could wait for it and take it with him. He didn’t want to change his mind, like he had the last three times.
He was really doing this. Leaving his wife. Starting over.
It was a beautiful May day. The sky was the color of Lexi’s eyes. He felt like she was watching him as he took the first steps toward destroying the most important relationship he would ever be a part of.
He went back to their home and packed the things he couldn’t live without. He put the separation agreement on the counter in the kitchen and without a glance back, he closed the door on that life. His life.
Ian woke up to sunshine. Lexi was still there in his arms. She was sleeping on her side with her back against his chest. His arm was draped over her side. He was in heaven. The memories of the dream scattered away as he breathed in the smell of her hair.
He propped himself up on his elbow so he could look down at her as she slept. He moved some hair out of her face so he could see her better and she started to wake up.
Her eyes fluttered, and then she was looking up at him.
“Why are you staring at me?” she asked, her voice rough with sleep.
“Because you’re beautiful.” It was just as true then, with sleep still hovering around her, as it was when she walked down the aisle to marry him.
“You’re crazy.”
“Maybe so, but you’re still beautiful.” As she turned on her back, he let his hand rest on her stomach. “So what would you like to do today?” he asked, wanting to start their day together.
She let out a sigh and looked around the room.
“I guess we actually came here for a reason.”
He’d almost forgotten.
“Right.”
“Let’s make some breakfast and then we can look through the photo albums. I’d never take them, but I’d like to look at them again.”
“Sure. Anything you want,” he said as she got out of bed.
“I’ll see you downstairs.” She left and he was in bed alone, again.
This was how it was going to be.
He was alone.
Ian seemed upset when he finally came down for breakfast.
He had already packed his things and set his bag down by the front door.
Maybe he wanted to leave early. Maybe he was done playing house.
Lexi never wanted to leave.
She wanted to stay there pretending everything was happy and wonderful, but she knew that wouldn’t work.
Ian did the dishes while she looked through the albums, giggling at the pictures of him as a little boy and then later, as a thirteen year old, with braces and his sisters riding on his back.
Tucked in the front of one of the albums were some loose photos. Some of her and Ian when they were dating. They were kissing in one of the pictures, and she touched her lips, remembering what it felt like to kiss Ian.
“Can I have these?” she asked.
He didn’t look at her when he answered. “Do you think that’s a good idea, Lex? It’s the past.”
She nodded and tucked them back into the album before going upstairs to pack her things. Their time was over. She gave herself a moment to let a few tears fall while she packed.
She loved this place. She loved the memories she had here, even the new ones they’d made this weekend. It was hard to believe she’d never be here again.
And even more difficult to think about how Ian might someday bring his new wife here, and they would make their own memories. She couldn’t urge him to sell it out of jealousy for a life he might have in the future. This was his family’s heritage.
“We should probably head back,” Ian said around eleven.
“Sure. I’m just going to go for a little walk. Give me ten minutes, okay?”
“I’ll put our things in the car and wait for you.”
“Thanks.”
She went out the back into the clearing where the volleyball net had been during summer picnics.
She walked down the small hill and sat on a rock next to the creek while sobs racked her body. The pain was so intense. The loss as real as when she’d signed the papers ending their marriage, or standing at the cemetery after Jimmy’s funeral.
This was a part of her life she would never have again.
After breaking down one more time, she pulled herself together and wiped away the tears so she could go meet Ian by the car.
There was no sense trying to hide the fact she’d been crying. She walked right up to him and wrapped her arms around him. She laid her head on his chest, needing his comfort, but he didn’t hold her. Instead, he patted her back awkwardly.
“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you want besides that painting? Anything, Lex.
That’s why we came here,” he said, a gentle reminder.
“The thing I want the most I can’t take with me,” she whispered and went to get into the car. He didn’t hold her door.
He didn’t sing with the radio or talk much.
He didn’t even look in her direction the whole way back to Roanoke.
The closer they got to town, the colder he became. By the time he pulled into the driveway he had completely frozen over, turning back into the Ian who had come to pick her up.
“Thank you for driving,” she said as he handed over her suitcase. “I had a great time.”
“No problem. I’ll take care of the painting and let you know when they have it fixed. In the meantime, if you think of anything else you want, just let me know.”
“Ian?”
“Yeah?” He still wouldn’t look at her.
“I don’t think you should sell the place. It’s too important to your family. I’ll be more than happy to sign off on my share. I really think that’s the best way.”
“It’s going to be a pain to take care of the upkeep.” He sighed. “I’ll think it over and let you know what I decide. Take care, Lex.” And with that he hopped in the car and drove off.
She didn’t know what she’d expected. She knew things would go back to normal, but Ian’s abrupt exit still stung.
She went into their big, empty house and looked around numbly. She remembered when it had felt like a home. Now it was just a bunch of rooms.
With a sigh, she went to start her laundry.
He had to pull over on the way back to his apartment. He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know what was happening. It was as if his mind and his heart were at war and neither side was winning.
How could he walk away again?
He was sure it was better for both of them.
But they had been so happy this weekend; surely they could find a way to make it work.
And if they couldn’t, he would end up hurting her all over again. How much more could she take before she hated him?
There would never be anyone like Alexis.
She deserved to have the things she wanted in life.
When Least Expected Page 9
