There was so much going on and everything was becoming almost too much for her to bear.
‘Goddamn it Nick, where are you?’
While she had her phone in her hand, she tried his number again. An echoing ring sounded in her ear and somewhere else in the apartment. She followed the sound until she was in the living room again. She hung up when she saw Nick standing in the shadows, the clinking of ice in a glass helping her to home in on where he was standing. With his dark suit on, he’d blended into the shadows, hiding from all who came looking for him. Pam knew it wasn’t accidental. It was a precise move.
Nick didn’t want to be found.
She walked slowly over to where he stood. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be.’ He moved out of the shadows and Pam bit her lip. The face she saw was the face she’d seen on the plane. She hadn’t expected to see that man again. She wanted the man who, only a few hours ago, had taken her to heaven and back. She wanted to see the smiling man she’d joked with in the car on the way to work. The man standing in front of her could’ve been made out of stone. His features so cold and remote, giving off the air of come closer at your own peril.
‘You got a pretty big shock today, it’s understandable if you feel a bit lost.’
‘Is that so?’
Pam knew the conversation would be difficult. Of course it would be. Nick had just met the woman who had slept with his father. For years she’d been this background person. He’d probably never given any thought about what she looked like, or wanted to. Or the fact she was actually a living, breathing person.
‘Nick, please let me help you get through this.’ She walked up to him and put her hand on his face. ‘Let me care for you.’
He laughed harshly and shook his head, dislodging her hand. ‘Your caring is wasted on me. You’re as bad as every other woman I’ve gotten involved with. You’re only after one thing and that’s money.’ He leaned closer to her, until they were almost nose-to-nose. ‘Well guess what, sweetheart, you’re not getting a cent from me.’
She gasped in shock. Why would he think she was after his money? ‘I don’t want any money from you. Why would you think that?’
‘Don’t lie to me, sweetheart. I heard you on the phone. I heard you tell your bookie or your dealer or your loan shark or whoever it was you were talking to, that you were going to get the money to him within a week. You’d found a sure thing and all your financial worries were gone. Listen up: I’m not your sure thing.’
Nick had heard her talking to the debt collector? She wondered when he walked into the office if he’d heard some of her conversation. She’d wanted to get the guy off her back and so she told a little lie. It wasn’t exactly a lie; she did want to talk to Nick to get his advice. Now she wasn’t sure he would believe her if she told him.
Contempt on his face, aimed squarely at her. She knew she had nothing to lose by telling him exactly what was going on.
‘I wanted to talk to you about my financial status, Nick. Get your advice.’
‘You mean get to my chequebook.’
The urge to stamp her foot and shake the man threatened to overwhelm her. It was imperative she keep a cool head in this situation. Getting angry wouldn’t help in getting Nick to believe what she was saying.
‘No, I don’t want access to your chequebook. That’s the furthest thing from my mind.’ His snort at her comment didn’t help in keeping her temper at bay. ‘You want the truth, is that it?’
‘Of course I want the truth. Question is, what truth will you be giving me? The real truth, or the truth you want me to believe?’
Pam took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. ‘Yes, I admit I told the debt collector on the phone that I was going to be able to get everything sorted in a week. Yes, I lied, but it was the only way I could get a little breathing space. I’m drowning here, Nick, and I don’t know what to do.’
She looked up in the vain hope his attitude towards her was softening. If anything, he looked harder than he had when she’d come across him in the room. When it became clear he had no desire to say anything to her, she knew the time had come to lay everything out on the table. To bare her soul and ask for someone’s help. She’d never asked for anyone’s help, not even when she couldn’t cope with her mother and juggle her work commitments. Somehow she’d managed, and she thought she’d be able to manage the debt she found herself in. But the interest on the outstanding amount was crippling her. Bankruptcy seemed the only option, but it was an embarrassing option and she didn’t want to go there.
She turned her back and walked over to the windows, hoping by looking at the view her words would come easily.
‘My mother died four months ago. She suffered from motor neurone disease. We had basic health care coverage but what we had didn’t even make a dent in the cost of her treatments and medicines. We already had a mortgage on the house; it was only small so I increased it, hoping that would be all I’d need to do. Only the medical bills grew larger, I started living off my credit cards, paying as much down as I could, but I was basically robbing Peter to pay Paul.’ She turned around and implored him to understand. ‘Once you get in that vicious circle nothing stops it.’
‘Why didn’t you sell your house? Wouldn’t that have paid off the debt?’
With his questions hope rose up in Pam that Nick was starting to believe what she was telling him.
‘I didn’t want to at first. I didn’t want to say goodbye to my home and the memories I had of my mum. She wasn’t a stellar mum and was bitter and twisted but I loved her and I didn’t want to let her go.’ Pam smoothed down her skirt, willing away the tears that had sprung up talking about her mother. ‘I was getting hounded every second day by debt collectors, and then you presented an opportunity to get away from it all. The lure of the prospect of getting rent for my house and living overseas, away from the badgering calls, was too strong to resist. When I got to New York, away from my home and memories, I realised I wanted to start afresh. I didn’t want to go back to all the debt and stress. So I rang the real estate agent and told him to sell my place instead of renting it out.’
‘There you go, problem solved.’ He clipped out.
No, she’d been wrong. His attitude towards her hadn’t softened at all.
‘I wish. Unfortunately, one of the medical companies placed a caveat on the house due to my non-payment of their account. Until I pay their account and get the caveat lifted, my house will never sell.’
‘Ahh, I see, so this is where I come in. I bet you had plans to seduce me and then, when I was all relaxed from your lovemaking, you would ask for me to pay the debt so you could get the caveat lifted.’
‘No,’ she burst out. The thought of seducing Nick to help pay for her debt was abhorrent to her. ‘I wanted your advice. I was going to ask you if you thought bankruptcy was the way to go or if there was another alternative you could suggest. I would never seduce you for money.’
‘So you say now.’
He could’ve slapped her and she wouldn’t have been more shocked than she was right that minute. Who was this man standing in front of her? It certainly wasn’t the man she’d known the last few weeks. That man had been reasonable and open. This man had closed himself off tighter than a safe in a bank. Reaching out to him seemed impossible.
‘I don’t think you’re going to believe what I’m going to say, are you?’
As Nick walked over to the bar and poured himself another drink, she had her answer. Not giving him a chance to cut her down any further, she left the room.
Fighting back the tears, she turned back and gave him one last blast. ‘What I told you is the truth, Nick. I never wanted to hold things back from you, it just happened. Now I can see my mistake in doing that. I should’ve been upfront with you from the beginning.’
‘It wouldn’t have made any difference.’ He returned. ‘I’m no one’s ticket to easy street.’
‘I never thought you were. To me you w
ere the man who gave me New York and I’ll never forget that. There’s one thing I did give you which I now wish I held back.’
‘Really, and what was that?’ Nick swirled his glass before tossing the contents back. Was he hurting as much as she was?
She closed her eyes, wishing they could start the day over and she’d told him everything this morning. Before he’d overheard her conversation. Before he’d met the woman who’d changed his life. Now it was too late.
‘My heart, Nick. I gave you my whole heart and now I wish I hadn’t.’
‘I warned you I didn’t do love. You should’ve listened.’
Chapter 18
How Nick made it through the last couple of days he didn’t know. He got up and went to work. Did what he had to do and went home. He knew he was a bear at work and he didn’t care. He had no idea where Pam was. Her empty desk mocked him each time he walked past it. He hadn’t bothered to arrange for a new assistant. He couldn’t picture anyone sitting there but Pam. Where had she gone? He kept telling himself he didn’t care and was glad she was out of his life. He was lying to himself.
Now he sat at the bar of the Palazzo Regent, nursing a scotch, wishing the amber liquid would take away the pain that had sunk its claws into him the moment Pam had walked out of the apartment.
‘Mind if I join you?’
Nick looked up, surprised to see his friend Jeffrey Courteux standing beside him. He’d had no idea he was still in town. Nick had thought he’d disappeared back to his secluded house in the north of Western Australia after the marketing meeting that had sent his life spiralling out of control.
‘Sure, I’m not waiting for anyone.’
‘Not even your hot assistant.’
Jealousy hotter than the burn of any scotch down his throat ignited through Nick, and in a flash of red haze he had his hands on Jeff’s jacket, pulling the other man towards him. ‘What did you say?’ he ground out.
Jeff laughed, and with a deft martial arts movement had Nick’s arms off his jacket. ‘Now I know the reason you’re sitting here nursing a scotch at three in the afternoon. You’ve got it bad, man.’
As the red haze seeped out of him, sensible thought returned. Nick had never gone after any of his friends before, especially not after one of them made a comment about how hot a woman looked. He usually agreed with them.
‘Sorry, Jeff.’ He looked at his friend. A friend he hadn’t really spoken to at length in years. A friend he’d almost knocked out in a fit of jealousy. ‘I’m not sure what came over me.’
‘No worries, mate. Do you want to go all girlie and talk about it?’
Nick laughed like he was supposed to. Jeff was the last person who liked to discuss heavy topics. ‘I didn’t know you were into deep and meaningful conversations.’
Jeff shrugged and picked up the bottle of beer the barman had placed in front of him. ‘Not usually, but you look like you need a friend.’
‘Do you believe in love?’ The question burst out of Nick before he had time to control it, embarrassment at sounding so sappy washing over him. ‘Don’t answer that, it was a stupid question.’
‘I believe in love. Thought I found it once, but it didn’t work out.’
‘Would you travel that road again?’ Nick asked, surprised his friend was being open with him.
‘Yes,’ he responded quietly. ‘Yes I would, for the right woman, I would definitely give love another shot.’
Something about the way he was talking piqued Nick’s interest. Had he found someone he could love again? Was that why there seemed to be an air of openness around him when he’d been closed off previously?
‘Is there something you want to tell me?’ Nick asked.
Jeff laughed. ‘No, just if you’ve find the right woman, then do everything in your power to keep her. Look at Luc, look at the extremes he went through to get Jasmine back.’
‘His initials motives weren’t to win her back,’ Nick replied dryly. ‘Luc was hell bent on bringing Jasmine and her father down.’
‘Was he? If Luc wanted to make them pay he’d have done it impersonally and without facing them. He wanted Jasmine back. He was just lucky Regents wanted to sell and presented him with the perfect opportunity to get back in her orbit. He just wasn’t aware of it at the time. It wasn’t until he saw her again that it hit him he still loved her.’ Jeff took another sip of his beer and Nick waited to see if he would say more. ‘Luc would never have intentionally hurt Jasmine.’
‘He did a pretty good job of almost wrecking things.’
‘Love makes you mess up.’ Jeff looked pointedly at him. ‘It makes you say and do things you wouldn’t normally do if you were thinking unemotionally. Love also makes you able to acknowledge the fuck ups and fix them.’
Nick let Jeff’s words wash over him. Tried to make some sort of sense of them. ‘I’m not even sure I know what real love is.’ He muttered. ‘The only love I’ve ever known has been destructive. I think its safer not to fall in love.’
‘I think it’s too late for you. I think love has already found you, Nick.’
Nick didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to acknowledge there could be truth in anything Jeffrey was saying to him. They sat in silence, two guys lost in their own thoughts.
Finally Jeffrey broke the silence. ‘Do you want some advice?’
Nick looked over at his friend. If he thought anyone would be giving him advice on love it would be Luc, considering he was the one that was happily married out of the three of them. ‘Sure, I’ll take anything at this moment.’
‘You’ll know if you’re in love with Pam if you can’t get through a day without thinking of her. When even the most pressing negotiations don’t hold your attention, you’re in love. If you feel any of this, then go after her and sort it out. If she’s not constantly on your mind, then stop wallowing and get on with your life.’
‘Is that what you’re going to do?’ Nick asked.
‘Who said anything about me being in love? I’m just giving you advice, man.’
Nick laughed, his mood lifting. Perhaps there was some truth in what Jeff was saying. Pam had been on his mind constantly, even when he was angry with her. He could even overlook her seeing him as a meal ticket. And that made him perhaps the stupidest schmuck on this earth.
He didn’t want to think anymore and he didn’t want to drink. He didn’t know what he wanted from his life.
‘Let’s get out of here, Jeff. I’ve had enough.’
The next day Nick walked towards Luc’s office, purpose and resolve strumming through him. He’d thought all night about his conversation with Jeff. Going over everything they’d talked about. Even after leaving the bar and going to shoot some pool, the discussion had centred on love and life and women. Not manly conversation, but neither of them seemed to mind. And neither did the girls in the bar. They both got hit on too many times for Nick to remember, but they had gently let the women down. Nick was surprised Jeff hadn’t taken one up on an offer. They’d parted after they’d had burgers. Nick for his lonely apartment and Jeff for a late flight back to Broome and his secluded home.
Nick knocked once before opening the door. ‘Luc, I need to know whe — ’
He stopped mid-sentence when he looked up and saw Luc and Jasmine’s arms wrapped around each other. He still couldn’t get used to the sight of his best friend and ruthless business partner openly showing his affection for his wife.
‘I’ll come back,’ he said, as he retraced his steps.
‘No, it’s okay, Nick, stay. I want to talk to you.’ It was Jasmine who stopped his retreat. It never boded well when a woman said they wanted to talk to you.
‘Go gentle with him, cara.’ Luc murmured the words, loud enough, though, for Nick to hear. ‘I don’t think this is as easy on him as you think.’
He took a deep breath and turned to face the happy couple. Luc had a smug look on his face, as if knowing exactly what Jasmine was about to say. Somehow Nick knew what she was about to talk
about.
‘How are you, Nick?’ It wasn’t the question he was expecting from her. He’d expected her to go straight for the jugular.
‘I’m okay.’
Jasmine moved closer to him, her hand rubbing her belly gently. Immediately he transposed Jasmine’s body with Pam’s, seeing her body swelling with the life of another human being. He ached to be the one who was the father of her child.
‘Are you really, Nick?’ Jasmine asked softly. ‘Have been you okay since your argument with Pam?’
He shouldn’t be surprised Jasmine knew about it. He had been aware that when Pam and Jasmine worked together they’d forged a close friendship. Pam had been her maid of honour, for goodness sake.
‘Is Pam okay?’ He had to know. He didn’t care about himself but he wanted to know everything was okay with Pam.
Jasmine reached out and touched his arm. ‘She’s hurting. I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of you. Pam wouldn’t say but she did suggest you thought she was a gold digger who was after only one thing.’
‘She’s not,’ he responded automatically, knowing deep inside it was true. ‘I know she’s not.’
‘Then why did you accuse her of being one?’
That was the interesting question. When he’d overheard her conversation, part of him knew there had to be a decent reason for what she was saying to the other person. If he’d thought about it rationally, kept the emotions of out of it, he probably wouldn’t have reacted the way he had when he’d been confronted with his father’s former mistress. The one woman who had wrecked his life. He took his anger out on Pam, which had been wrong. So very wrong. ‘It was easier to push her away.’
‘But lonely. I’m not going to yell at you or beat you down with words, I think you’ve probably done that to yourself enough times over the last couple of days.’
He laughed at the truth of her words. ‘You could say that.’
‘Then I think you know what you need to do now, don’t you?’
Did he? He thought about what Jeff had said to him last night. How if he couldn’t go a day without seeing Pam. A day without hearing her laugh. Without seeing her smile. Then it was love and he should grasp it with both hands.
Bound By His Desire Page 18
