“Of course,” said Piper with a grin. “I love tits.”
“Shh,” said Maggie, putting her finger to her lips in Piper’s direction.
“But just… I don’t know,” I continued. “I felt physically drawn to her. Like I wanted to be close to her. I would go up to her after class and ask questions. I went to her office hours a couple of times…”
“I think we’ve all been there,” said Maggie.
“Totally,” affirmed Piper.
“I don’t think she knew that I was just engaging her because I was attracted to her,” I assayed. “Or, you know, maybe she did know and it made her feel uncomfortable that I was coming to see her all the time. I don’t know.” I smiled to myself and shook my head.
“Or maybe she was into it too and you totally missed your shot with her!” said Piper. “Maybe she was feeling it too.”
“Ha, right,” I said. “Maybe.”
“Did you ever say anything to her?” asked Maggie. “Like, did you ever try to get together with her?”
“No,” I mourned. “I mean, I was just so embarrassed for feeling like I did. I was secretive about it all. Like, c’mon, you and I were friends,” I said, pointing to Maggie. “I totally could have talked to you. But I just felt… that wasn’t me. I wasn’t attracted to girls. You know? It was really confusing.”
“I know,” said Maggie, consoling me by running her palm over the back of my hand.
“God, I wish you would have said something to that chick,” said Piper. “I love a story that ends with two women jumping into bed.” I couldn’t help but laugh at her. She was such a bright and lively woman.
“Well,” I went on. “I guess it’s fine for me to tell you that I masturbated over Lorna a bunch of times.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” said Piper. The three of us laughed together.
“I always felt a little bit of shame about it after the fact,” I said. “But that certainly didn’t stop me from continuing to do it.”
“Dana,” said Piper matter-of-factly. “I am so glad we could have this conversation. I want you to forget all that past shame or feelings of regret or whatever amalgamation of weirdness you’ve got brewing inside. Just move forward and be you. Cool?”
“Cool,” I said with a smile, feeling so much better about myself. I’d never admitted my feelings for Lorna to anyone before. It was like I was ten times lighter. It was as though I no longer felt as stifled.
“I think you’re going to be so much happier,” said Maggie, her eyes meeting with mine. Something was going on between her and I and it was really doing a number on my heart. My brain suddenly jolted back to our bedroom fun that morning and I felt a little tingle in the pit of my stomach.
“I think so, too,” I cooed.
“This has been highly productive,” said Piper, now standing up from the table. “But I have some microclimate simulation models to run and interpret. The weather waits for no woman.”
“Thank you, Piper,” I said in earnest, looking up to her.
“You got it, girl,” she said. “You two have fun at Rocky Mountain today. I’m totally jealous. Check out Bear Lake and take Trail Ridge Road up as far as you can stand. At least to Forest Canyon. There’s probably still a lot of snow up there right now.”
“Even at this time of year?” asked Maggie suspiciously. “Are you kidding?”
“Nope,” said Piper. “We had a really late snow near the end of winter this year. And up in the mountains it’ll really stick around.”
“Wow,” I mused.
“All right,” said Piper. “Do your thing. Text me if you have any questions. And Dana,” she said, looking over to me. “Just enjoy, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, smiling.
“Off to work!” said Piper, sticking her finger up into the air.
“Oh!” called out Maggie, her hands gripping tightly to the wheel of her SUV. “My eyes are watering so bad.”
“Really?” I asked, looking over to her with concern. “Are you gonna make it? Should we stop?”
“I can keep going,” she said. “The pressure up here is crazy.”
We had been ascending Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, walls of snow packed high on either side of us, sometimes coming upon a ledge that offered us a steep drop off. Neither of us had ever been this high up in altitude before, apart from an airplane obviously, and it was just a wild experience. I could feel a subtle anxiety within me every time we drove by a ledge and Maggie was feeling the pressure in her eyes. But we were both determined to make it up as high as we could go.
Reaching over, I gently placed my hand on Maggie’s thigh and offered her support.
“We’re going to stop at Forest Canyon Overlook,” said Maggie, pointing toward a sign by the side the road. As she said this, I noticed a steam of water in the gutter near the wall of snow on Maggie’s side of the road. The snow, while at least five or six feet high, was beginning to melt. The road had thankfully been plowed but I had a sudden worry that the snow could possibly fall to the road and obstruct our passage.
“Okay,” I affirmed, nodding. “I’m fine with stopping soon. I’m feeling this weird nervousness anyway being up so high.”
After a few more minutes of driving, we came upon a small parking lot off to the side with about a dozen cars parked in it. People were ambling around the area, walking up a pathway that seemed to reach out into oblivion. Maggie swiftly pulled the car into a parking spot and shut off the engine.
“My God,” she said, removing her sunglasses and wiping at her eyes with the bottom of her t-shirt. As she did this, Maggie exposed her slender belly, showing me her cute little navel. I couldn’t stop myself from looking at her stomach as she blotted the tears from her eyes. Dropping her shirt, Maggie blinked a few times dramatically, widened her eyes, and then replaced her sunglasses.
“You okay?” I said.
“I’m better now that we’re parked,” she said.
Stepping out of the car, I was blown away by how cold it was. In our ascension up the mountain, we must have dropped 30 degrees Fahrenheit from where we had started at the base. Our drive to the Park had been warm, definitely in the 80s. But up here in the mountains, the thermometer in the car’s console told us we were now in the low 50s.
“I guess we shouldn’t have worn shorts up here!” remarked Maggie with a laugh.
“I don’t think anybody was really ready,” I replied, motioning out to the other people around us, pretty much every one of them dressed in their summer clothing. A girl in her 20s ran by us wearing a short skirt on bottom and a thick hoodie up top.
“Do you see that?” said Maggie, looking across the road into a craggy mount. She pointed and I tried to follow her finger. “What is that?”
Off in the distance we saw a little creature. I wasn’t sure what it was. There were actually a handful of these animals. I tried to figure out what they were when suddenly Maggie spoke up.
“Marmots,” she said. “I think that’s what they are.”
“They look like gophers or something.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Something.”
“Do you notice that there are, like, no trees up here?” I said. “On the drive up, there were trees along the road. But look,” I said, motioning out to the landscape with both hands. “Nothing.”
“Yeah,” said Maggie, walking up to a sign. I followed behind her but she started reading before I got there. “Oh!” she called out. “This is the tundra. We’re so high up, trees can’t even grow up here.”
“Maybe this is too far up for people to be,” I said jokingly. Maggie looked up at me and smiled. “We’re kind of giving the middle finger to nature by coming up this far.”
“Right!” she said, laughing. “Let’s stick the finger up higher!” Maggie reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling me along with her as she broke for the cordoned off pathway toward the cliff’s edge.
We were surrounded by just massive snowcapped mounta
ins. It was like a postcard or something, not a place you’re used to seeing in reality. Mountains towered over us, even though we were already up over 11000 feet in elevation as one of the nearby signs read. It was hard to believe. But as I held Maggie’s hand and we sauntered around together, I felt excited for all the new adventures coming my way.
“Wow,” mused Maggie as we looked over the edge of the overlook. The drop down was impossible to comprehend. What would happen if you fell? Would you ever stop falling? It made me feel a tinge of anxiety and I squeezed harder onto Maggie’s hand.
“That’s crazy,” I said, looking down. “Is my palm sweating?” I offered another squeeze to Maggie’s hand and pulled our hands up together.
“No,” she said curtly with a grin.
The area was bustling with other tourists, moseying up next to us, snapping photos, peering over the mountain cliff usually just for a quick moment before stepping away. It was difficult to breathe that far up or maybe it was just the view that was breathtaking. Either way, the excitement of it all made me feel even closer to my friend. It made me feel enthusiastically happy.
It also made me feel intensely introspective. Being faced with the imminent pitch of that cliff, it gave me a new reverence for nature. For this nature all around us. For my own nature. The mountain just was. It didn’t have to make a fuss over anything. You had to take it or leave it. And I could see that life should be the same for me. I had been fighting my own feelings for far too long. Why would I do that? Why would I make myself unhappy, why would I deny myself? It felt so silly as I looked over the edge. It felt so pointless.
After a bit more time admiring the majesty of these wonderful mountains, Maggie and I made our way back toward the car. With the driver side door open, Maggie sat sideways in the seat, flip-flopped feet propped up on the frame, meticulously unwrapping a granola bar and taking a bite out of it. Her sunglasses were pushed up her forehead, threaded into her hair, her blue eyes wild and bright. I leaned against the door, hand up on top of it, as I watched her.
“Want some?” she asked, holding the granola bar in my direction. I smiled and shook my head. “Okay,” Maggie said with a shrug, taking another bite.
“Hey,” I said, absently dropping my hand to Maggie’s bare knee and leaving it there.
“Hi,” she said smiling.
“Our talk this morning with Piper,” I said. “About me. I’ve been thinking about it all.”
“That’s great,” said Maggie. I could see real happiness in her face.
“I’ve felt so weird for so long,” I said. “Sometimes I’d look in the mirror and say to myself, ‘Dana, what are you doing?’ You know what I mean?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t know,” I went on, inhaling a lungful of that cold mountain air. Then I exhaled in a sigh. “I don’t know why I spent so much time in hiding from myself.”
“Do you think it’s because your parents wouldn’t accept that you were different?” Maggie offered, fishing around for reasons. “Maybe religious crap?”
“Maybe,” I said, thinking about it. “But maybe… maybe it’s more about my grandmother,” I considered. After I said it, things started to open up to me. “You know, she’s the total matriarch of my family. Really opinionated lady. Well… not so much anymore.”
“Why not?” Maggie said softly.
“She’s in Hospice,” I said. “I mean, she’s out of it. She doesn’t have much longer.”
“I’m so sorry, Dana,” said Maggie, reaching out for my hand. We threaded our fingers together.
“She’s the hyper religious one,” I said. “And she had always been really controlling of the entire family. It wasn’t until she fell ill that I felt like I could divorce Paul.”
“Really?” said Maggie. “I had no idea.”
“Oh yeah,” I said. “God… she totally would have shunned me if she was aware I got a divorce. Ugh,” I groaned, shaking my head. “Such garbage.”
“What about if you were a lesbian?”
“Probably worse,” I admitted.
“And how’s your family now?” she asked.
“I think everything is a bit… lighter,” I said. “Now it’s just, ‘let’s take care of Granny’ or we go see her, talk to her for about half an hour, try to make her feel good, and then go. It’s stressful in a different way, but definitely that sort of domineering feeling we’ve had for a long time, that’s dissipated.”
“I think that happens a lot,” said Maggie. “You know, whoever you all feel is in charge of the family in some way, you don’t want to offend them or rock the boat or anything like that. But then when they’re gone — or, well, almost gone in your case — everybody else can finally relax and do the things they really want to do without fear that the family is going to turn against them.”
“Yeah,” I said, letting a smile creep onto my face. I absentmindedly played with Maggie’s fingers.
“You okay?” she asked. I lifted my head up and our eyes met. Her beauty made me feel skittish. We had so much history together, we went back so far as friends, but I felt like a new chapter was being written in our story and I just wanted to skip ahead to see how it might end. Or truly begin.
“I’m feeling so great, Maggie,” I said. “Thanks for letting me tag along on this trip. I mean, it’s definitely opening my eyes.”
“Yeah!” she laughed.
“I had a fucking threeway with two women,” I said in a frenetic hush. “That’s insane to me.”
“We have a lot more time to spend together,” said Maggie. She pulled at my hand and I collapsed into her, wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug. Maggie embraced me as well, not just with her arms, but with her legs. I could feel her flip-flops against the back of my thighs.
My face was buried into her hair and I took a long whiff of it, ending in a joyous sigh. Maggie smelled freshly botanical. And in my arms, hugging together tightly, her small frame felt like a perfect fit.
“I’m glad that experience got me out of my shell,” I murmured. “It could have been weird but it so wasn’t. It was just what I needed.”
With Maggie sitting there, me standing, the two of us locked in an embrace, things had never felt more comfortable for me. I felt like I was finally able to be myself and I was accepted for it. I wasn’t hiding anymore. I was like a debutante coming out for the very first time, showing my happy face, letting the world know who I was. The feeling of freedom was addicting.
There was something unspoken happening between Maggie and I, something putting us on the same page, and it came as no surprise to either of us when we jointly decided to cut our time staying at Piper’s a bit short. Piper was sad, yet understanding. We had told her we were eager to keep driving west to see what was out there for us and although she entreated us to stay, I knew she could see something between Maggie and I when we looked into each other’s eyes. It didn’t need to be acknowledged. We could all feel it.
“It feels like your time in Boulder was so short,” said Piper, almost pouting, as I slammed shut the rear door of Maggie’s SUV. We had packed all our things up and were just about ready to take off.
“Maybe we’ll stop back through on our way home,” said Maggie with a smile. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around Piper and the two hugged deeply.
“You’re totally welcome to,” said Piper. After Maggie released her, I stepped forward to hug Piper as well.
“Thanks for everything,” I said. “It’s really been life-changing out here.”
“I can only imagine,” said Piper with a laugh. She then kissed the side of my head with an exaggerated sound. “Mwah!”
“It really is magical,” I said, releasing Piper and standing back. “Colorado is such a beautiful place.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I could ever live anywhere else,” said Piper with a smile. “This is my home now.”
“It’s going to be real hard to go back to Chicago eventually,” said Maggie.
“You don’
t ever have to go back,” said Piper assertively. “You ladies could both move out here and we could totally take this town by storm.”
“There’s the whole job thing…” I said, rolling my eyes back and flicking my wrist.
“Oh yeah,” said Piper. “You couldn’t find jobs out here or anything.”
“Let’s get away from this Colorado evangelist,” said Maggie with a wry grin, slinking up behind me and gripping onto my shirt. She peeked her face around me and stuck her tongue out at Piper.
“Come to the Promised Land!” said Piper, waving her arm out in front of her. “All are welcome!”
“Run Dana!” said Maggie, pinching me from behind and giving me a tickle. I squirmed and laughed. “She’s going to convert us!”
“I could be convinced to stay,” I said with a smile.
“Nah,” said Piper. “Get your asses out of here. I’m done with you both.”
We all laughed together, offered up more hugs, and then Maggie and I climbed up into the car, waving at Piper as we drove off.
I guess that’s how it works when you’re on a road trip. Things just move quickly. You make a stop, hang out, have a bit of fun, and then pull up stakes to move on to your next destination. I was happy to have met Piper. She was certainly a character, a good person, and undeniably sexy. As we drove off into the new morning, I recalled back to that lusty night the three of us had. It put a smile on my face. I wouldn’t forget Piper very soon.
Sipping hot coffee out of a paper cup, I basked in the comfortable silence as Maggie drove us down I-70 across Colorado and toward our next stop. Salt Lake City, Utah. I didn’t know what to expect out in Salt Lake City. It seemed like a place people often talked about, but it felt so nebulous. Apart from the Mormon thing, I had no real knowledge of it. Maggie had told me there was some killer hiking in the surrounding area so I took her word and opened up to whatever might happen next. I didn’t really feel too attached to the past or the future. Right now was feeling pretty good as it was.
The scenery grew even more beautiful than I would have through along our drive. The highway took us through some of the ski resort mountain towns and eventually up the steep slope over the continental divide. If you’re unfamiliar with the continental divide, it’s the mountainous region in the States that separates the watersheds. West of the continental divide, where we were headed, the water drains toward the Pacific. East of the divide, water drains toward the Atlantic.
Restless On A Road Trip: A Lesbian Romance Page 8
