It really wasn't my fault. Her skin looked so silky smooth, and her lips were ripe and luscious. She smelled fucking fantastic and for the first time in a long time I had someone to talk to. Someone who genuinely wanted to listen. She wanted to know about my life and was truly interested in Brody. Even with her perfect skin, luscious lips, and mouth-watering scent, her interest in my life and Brody is what makes her so fucking sexy I can't handle it.
I broke. In a split second I caved and I kissed the woman I've wanted to kiss since the moment I met her. What's worse is I enjoyed it. It was the best fucking kiss of my life. It's possible I feel this way because it's been so long since I kissed a woman, but deep down inside I know that's not the reason. It was the best kiss because it was Kendall. Even in her kiss she knew exactly what I needed and gave it to me.
She's fucking perfect.
And I'm a fucking idiot because I'm going to hurt her.
We can't do this.
I can't do this. It wouldn't be easy with me.
Most relationships go like this: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy and girl date. Relationship eventually ends and boy and girl go their separate ways.
It's simple.
Easy.
Basic.
Relationships have worked this way for hundreds of years.
A relationship with me would be much more complicated. I don't have free time to date, which means our dates would mostly have to be at my place, or on the way to baseball practice, or on our thirty-minute dinner breaks at work. It wouldn't really be dating and any date at my place would mean Brody is around. If I start including her in Brody's life and it doesn't work out, it's not fair to him. He'll get attached, and he won't understand why Kendall's not around anymore if we break up.
I'd also be asking a lot of Kendall. She'd be an instant mother figure in Brody's eyes, even though we'll only be dating. Brody would want her to learn sign language, and come to his baseball games, and hang out with him. That's a lot to ask of a woman I just started dating.
This is why it's easier to just not date at all. I can't ask her to make these drastic changes in her life for a relationship that might not work out. I'm attracted to her. After the kiss last night, it's clear we have sexual chemistry, but it's not enough for me to change my rules and start dating someone after five years of holding strong to my beliefs.
I'll have to let her down easy. She'll understand, and will probably take it a lot better than I will. Just thinking about telling her that nothing can happen between us now that we've kissed, makes me a little sick to my stomach. I don't know why she has this control over me. We're just getting to know each other and I think not getting to know everything about her is what's going to hurt the most.
There is so much to learn about her and one day some guy will get to know those stories and intimate details that I won't, and I'll want to kill him. I guess that's what's going to hurt the most. Knowing some other guys will get to know the Kendall I want to know.
Chapter Fourteen
Kendall
After talking with Skye this morning we both decided that texting Levi was the smartest thing to do. If I didn't contact him at all that would give him too much time to second-guess the kiss. If I called him I would look too needy. A text was the perfect compromise between the two.
Me: I've been thinking about your lips all day. Do you think you can find time to stop by the office tonight before my shift ends?
After sending him the text I get some stuff done around my apartment. I have three days’ worth of dishes in my sink so I clean them, then I go down to the basement and do two loads of laundry before bringing my clean clothes up and fold them on my bed. During all of this I've checked my phone several times and Levi hasn't replied. Against my better judgment I send him another text.
Me: How's Brody's head? Any signs of eggs hatching or do you think you got them all?
I stare at my phone for several minutes, hoping he'll respond right away but I get nothing. Why is this bothering me? I don't want to be this girl waiting by the phone. It's unhealthy.
Turning my phone on silent I continue to do what I had planned for the day. I put my clothes away, make my bed, and then throw on shorts, a bra, a tank, and my running shoes. I lock up and leave my apartment with my cellphone still in my bedroom. It may not be smart to run without my phone, but I'm leaving the distraction behind me.
I do my normal run, which is three loops circling the same blocks. Running is not my workout of choice but I hate going to classes without Skye, so on days like today I suck it up and run. The first loop is easy, the second loop I want to quit, and on the final loop I feel like I can defeat anything–including Levi.
When I get back inside my apartment I grab water and eat one of my prepared meals from the fresh and healthy delivery service I order from. Then after dinner I take a quick shower and get ready for work. I dress in a simple fitted black dress with black peep toe heels. I keep my long hair down and apply simple make-up. I put on bronze eye shadow, black eyeliner, black mascara, and plum lipstick. It's enough to entice but not too much where I look like I'm trying too hard.
Once I'm ready to go I finally cave and check my phone, only to be disappointed. He hasn't texted me back. How hard is it to send a quick text? I just want a few simple words.
Before I lose the nerve, I type away at another message. I can't believe I'm defying everything I've ever learned and text him again. He hasn't texted me. I should have been patient and waited, but I couldn't. I'm impulsive and can't stand feeling ignored.
Me: You must be busy. I'll see you at work. Try to sneak over if you can ;)
Who is this woman I've become? I even ended the text with a damn winky face emoji.
***
Skye: Meet me for a drink after you lock up. I got the last of my grades and I made the Dean's list. Time to celebrate AGAIN!
Look at her. My best friend is a smarty-pants. I always knew it. I text back a quick reply.
Me: You're such a nerd. I'm so happy for you. I need to talk with Levi tonight but I'll swing by after.
Skye: Bring Levi with. If the two of you are going to be something he'll need to get along with me. I am your other half.
Me: Great idea! Plus, you saved me from coming up with my own conversation starter. See you shortly.
I set my phone down just in time to pick up the ringing phone for Forbidden Desires. It's been extremely busy with last-minute requests, two bachelor parties, and a high-profile politician wanting to come in discreetly and avoid any paparazzi. I was able to handle everything smoothly and now most of the calls I get are quick because there are no ladies left for the evening.
You'd think turning people away would be a bad thing but it's actually great for business. If we run out of women it shows our customers how in demand we are and Forbidden Desires looks even more desirable. It still amazes me how many men call here expecting a quick fuck from one of our escorts. Forbidden Desires is as high-class as they come. Our escorts cost thousands a night and the men and women who hire them are only paying for their company. Anything else is not our business and we only get involved if there is a problem, which thankfully rarely happens.
When Levi knocks on the door my stomach fills with butterflies and my heart is beating so hard it could leap out of my chest. I'm excited to see him. I can't remember the last time I felt this excited about a guy. It was probably Tommy Guitz in the third grade, but my heart beat fast because I just raced him in gym class and my stomach felt funny because I ate all of my Halloween candy for breakfast.
Walking out the office door, I quickly lock up before setting my sights on Levi. He looks better than I remember, which could be because of the lust-filled haze I'm in, but I doubt it. I rest my palm on his bicep and lean in, brushing my lips across his cheek in a chaste kiss. "Hey, handsome. So, I was thinking you should be my sidekick, not the other way around. Women have taken a backseat to men for far too long and my feminist side says I should be th
e one kicking ass and yelling orders. You can be there if I'm outnumbered or need a coffee."
With a stern face he ignores what I've said and responds, "Last night shouldn't have happened."
My eyebrows rise in confusion. What just happened? "Okay, I didn't know by declaring to be the hero in our relationship you'd regret our kiss last night."
"It's not that." His eyes wander over my head, down to the street–anywhere but on me. "I can't do this. I can't date you."
"I'm not one of these women who think just because we kissed it means we're dating. I'm having fun with you, Levi. Why can't it just be a little fun and we'll see where that leads?"
He's frustrated and takes a step back. It allows me to glance at his body, but only for a moment. "Because I don't have the luxury of just having fun. If I only had to think about myself this wouldn't be so hard. I like you and I'm attracted to you. That part is simple, but I can't let my attraction to you change the way I parent Brody. He can't get attached to you."
"Wow. That fucking hurts to hear that you think so poorly about me that you don't even want your fucking kid around me."
"That's not what I mean. You're misunderstanding."
"Explain it to me then, since I clearly don't understand the English language."
Our voices rise as we both try to talk over the other. We step closer to each other, the anger seeping out of my pores as he delivers each word with a harsh bite.
"You're not a parent. You don't know how much of a responsibility it is."
"So it's my fault I didn't pop out a kid the minute I became an adult?"
We're six inches apart and I watch his chest move up and down as his breathing staggers.
"You're acting like a child."
"You should know! You're raising one!"
We're chest to chest and I don't know if I want to smack him or kiss him. He leans in closer–then I lean in. His breath is hot against my lips and he smells of fresh mint. My eyes close as I inhale. His mouth moves in closer, teasing me as his lips barely brush against mine. Then his hands grip my upper arms and he takes a step away from me.
I try to slow my breathing as I digest what he's said to me. His reasons for regretting our kiss don't matter. It doesn't matter how he's tried to justify rejecting me. He's a pussy. A coward. I may not have kids so I don't know the responsibility or the sacrifice. The few things I know about parenting are what not to do. I had an absent mom and watched seven seasons of Frank Gallagher. I've been the child of a single parent. I watched my mom be single and lonely and I would have given anything for her to be happy.
Maybe if she had been happy she would have been a better parent to me. I'm not trying to compare her parenting to Levi's. Levi is a great parent and my mother was horrible. I just know kids are much smarter than we think. They pick up on social cues that adults don't. Kids love their parents with pure and innocent hearts, and adults envy this. Just like a parent wants their child to be happy, a child wants their parents to be happy.
He reaches for me and I step out of his reach. "I'm not denying I like you, Kendall. I wish we met later in life–"
"Fuck off."
I can't hear another word of this. He can stay abstinent for all I care. I hope him and his hand have a great relationship. I'm not going to stay around like an abandoned dog looking for handouts. I love myself too much for that, and I can get anyone I want. I don't need this anymore.
I walk through the outdoor hallway and race down the flight of stairs. When I hit the sidewalk, Levi is right behind me, but I ignore him and cross the street, heading over to Bar Forbidden. Levi continues to trail a step or two behind me in silence but I refuse to let this upset me. He's just doing his job and he needs to get back to work.
When I spot Skye at the bar she winks at me and lifts two shot glasses in her hands. She looks hot in a white strapless dress and a leather bomber jacket. Her short hair is wild and I know the minute Noah sees her he won't be able to take his eyes off her.
No matter what happens in my life, it's good to know I'll always have this chick by my side. She's my ride or die. My person. It's no surprise that when I grab a shot glass out of her hand she pulls me in for a consoling hug and whispers, "He's an idiot if he doesn't realize you're the full package."
We pull out of the hug, clink our shot glasses together, and I let the taste of a perfectly made Flaming Lemon Drop hit my taste buds. When I swallow, my throat feels like it's on fire and I welcome the feeling. It makes me feel alive. "I'm sure I'll think he's an idiot in the morning but right now I'm just angry."
Two more shots are set in front of us–the perks of being best friends with the owner's wife–and we down them just as fast as the first.
"Okay, we should slow down or this night will end before we head over to the club." Skye orders us two Vodka martinis to sip and then asks, "What happened? How did he fuck this up?"
I give her every detail of what happened outside the office, along with how I felt about everything he said. "How can he judge me for not having kids?"
"I don't think that's what he was doing, Kendall."
"Are you taking his side?"
"Of course not. I meant what I said. He's an idiot, but neither of us has kids so it would be impossible for us to understand how he feels about having a relationship right now. It's still no excuse for his actions. He can't keep going back and forth. You're not asking him for a relationship or for Brody to be around when you fuck his dad."
"Thanks, Skye. You always understand where I'm coming from."
"I get you, Ken. It's why we're best friends. Now let's slip into the club, watch some hot girls dance, and celebrate my awesome grades and my name making the Dean's list. We can find you a guy to help you forget about Levi, and then you can hand me off to my husband so I can fuck him in a more intimate celebration."
"You dirty girl."
"Only with my man."
"God, you’re both so perfect for each other. Why can't I find a guy like Noah?"
"You'll find your perfect guy once the timing is right. Hell, Noah was right in front of me for years and I was too stupid to realize it. It took an engagement to an asshole for me to finally realize how much I fucked up."
"So what you're saying is I need to find an asshole before I find the right guy?" I raise my glass and Skye raises hers. "Bring on the assholes! I'm sure there's a surplus of willing men in the club."
Chapter Fifteen
Kendall
Two hours later and my mind is foggy with alcohol as Skye and I dance over by the bartender to the sultry music in the club. We've had several drinks, danced with friends, strangers, and regulars at the club, and planned a few fun and crazy adventures to do this summer. It's helped distract me a little, but as much as I've tried to forget about Levi, it's impossible. He's staring over at me from his spot next to the main stage.
It's driving me mental!
"He won't stop watching me. He's made it clear we can't happen so why the fuck won't he stop watching me?"
Skye reaches out and tucks a few wild strands of my straight hair behind my head. "Because he's lying to himself. He wants you, Ken, and it's killing him that he's not letting himself have you."
"How can you be so sure?" I ask over the music.
"Because I've seen two guys get scary close to the dancers and he hasn't even noticed. He only has eyes for you, which really sucks right now because he's not doing his job."
"Hey, you're still here," London shouts, pulling us into a group hug. "You all never stay this late." London's a dancer at Club Desire and I've gotten to know her well over the years.
"We're celebrating Skye’s enormous brain. I'm surprised her head fit into the club. She made the Dean's list at school," I yell over the music, taking any moment I can to celebrate Skye's accomplishments.
"That's great. I tried college once. It wasn't for me." London adjusts the straps of her sheer black see-through dress and I have to admit she looks really good. Her black bra and thong are visib
le and more men are looking at her than the girls on the stage.
"Are you done on stage for the night?" I ask.
She leans in and grazes her lips along my earlobe. "Yes, but I'll stick around if you are. Let me go get us some drinks."
She walks off and I hear Skye giggle. Rolling my eyes I ask, "What?"
"I think London still has it bad for you."
Taking the last sip of my latest martini I brush off Skye's observation. "No, she doesn't. We hooked up one night a long time ago. It meant nothing."
She shakes her head in disbelief. "You obviously made an impression."
"I don't see how. I wouldn't even go down on her. She does have an impressive tongue, though." Just remembering how fast she got me to come has my nipples hardening.
"You never told me that." She gasps. "So you let her do that to you but you didn't do it to her?"
"Spoken like a true prude, Skye. I came on her face, she liked it, and then we fucked until we both got off multiple times. It was mutually enjoyable."
"How do two girls fuck?"
"It's called scissoring," London chimes in from behind me. "And I promise you, it's better than fucking a guy." She hands us two news drinks before continuing. "Guys are inconsistent. They can't always get you off but when you fuck another woman she knows just what you need–just what you like."
London's words force me to squeeze my thighs together. I can't help it. I'm horny. After my kiss with Levi I was expecting to finally be sexually satisfied tonight, but Levi let me down and now I'm drunk, horny, and frustrated that his eyes are still fixated on me, yet his hands are all the way on the other side of the room.
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