by Ann Aguirre
I inclined my head.
“What your source did not reveal, I suspect, is how they imbued the first Binder with that power.”
“My patience wears thin.”
“Long ago, there was a true queen of Sheol, named Ninlil. She ruled over the castes and all owed her fealty. Then the greatest of the archangels called her forth. On the steps of the temple, after a great battle, he slew the demon queen and bound her power to the Old King’s soul. The angels gave Solomon other gifts, such as the ring of Aandaleeb, known to most as the Seal of Solomon. He used it to summon and bind Asmodeus, who had been Ninlil’s consort, at which time we bestowed upon him the title Binder. Your line has carried it ever since.”
“So…the more she uses demon magick, drinks potions fueled by it, the more she’ll change. Become less herself and more the demon queen.”
Since it was more or less what I’d have asked, I didn’t reprimand the male. Yet. But he had to learn subservience if he was to remain with me. And under me.
“Rise,” I said. “And bring me the bag. We need to find the girl. She’s one of mine, and those who stole from me will suffer.”
Greydusk obeyed with alacrity, as it should be. Once I had the pack in my hands, a wave of…something swept over me. It was soft and warm, aching, and I had no name for this feeling. The scene replayed in my head; it was a young girl—the one we were searching for—and me in a store, shopping, laughing over nothing in particular. She nudged me gently, grinning, and a lock of dyed-black hair flopped into her eyes. We’d picked out this bag together. All at once, I wanted to weep, but demon queens did not. Obviously the girl was mine, and that was why I wanted her back.
I ignored their stares as I unzipped the backpack. It had her things in it: a change of clothes, a toothbrush, some books, her netbook, and iPod. Oddly, they both still had power. I clicked through her playlist, wondering if she’d cowered in the dark listening to the music that drowned out her terror: “Fear of the Dark” by Iron Maiden, “Trains” by Porcupine Tree, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult, “Drumming Song” by Florence and the Machine, “The Weeping Song” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, “Wretches & Kings” by Linkin Park, “On My Own” by Three Days Grace, “I’m Not Okay” by My Chemical Romance, “Cryin’ Like a Bitch” by Godsmack, and “Last Man Standing” by Pop Evil.
At that point I stopped scrolling. Her music told me so much about her—or rather, it reminded me. A lot of it was old, a hallmark of her stunted childhood in Kilmer. Other bands were those she’d discovered since I freed her, and they reflected more of her personality.
Steeling myself, I curled my palms around the iPod, which I knew she loved. There would be a charge. If her time in this room had been as traumatic as I expected, I’d learn something. Sufficiently braced, I let my concentration drop and the pictures screamed into my head, and I became Shannon Cheney.
I’m bound, hand and foot. Someone shoves me roughly from behind. My iPod clutched in one hand, I tighten my fist so I don’t drop it. This is my one link to safety. What the hell am I doing here? What do they want? These things don’t talk to me. They don’t tell me anything. Oh, God, I’m so scared.
Jesse.
I want him so much I ache with it. He’s my first love, and he doesn’t know where I am. And maybe to him, I’m just another weird, gifted girl who wigged out because I have a less-than-stable background. He thinks maybe I’m too young for him, like he’s a dirty old man for being with me, but I’m not a kid. I’m not.
I wanted him from the first moment I saw him. But now I’m here in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Where is here?
Monsters skitter at my feet. Hideous things that are like spiders, only they’re not; it’s like they ate a baby’s head or something, and they’re so hungry. I wish I had my radio. Surely there are dead things even here. I’d wreck them all.
The bastard behind me whispers low in a language I don’t understand, calming the spider things. They back off, permitting my faceless captors to shove me toward the closet. They’ve kept me blindfolded until now, and I still haven’t seen anything. Stop talking about me.
A hard push launches me inside, and then the door shuts behind me. I land hard, slamming into the far wall. My face is bruised. Blood drips down my chin. Chains rattle as they fasten me in here. My hands are bound, but not my arms. With some careful maneuvering, I get my earbuds in so I don’t have to listen to the monsters scrabbling at the door. I won’t let them break me. I won’t.
Maybe the music can take away this awful, endless pain—because I remember now. Passing through that water gate burned all the cobwebs out of my mind. Something was done to me—it made me forget. I don’t understand it, but somehow, I lost all my memories of my best friend. And then I stole her boyfriend. So I probably deserve to be here. Whatever happens next, I’ve got it coming.
I fell out of her thoughts then. Maybe the music calmed her so that her mood leveled out, stopping the imprint. Whatever the reason, I lost connection. Tears caught me by surprise, burst out in a noisy rush. Oh, God, Shan, it’s not your fault. It’s my fault. Everything is. I couldn’t shut off my grief. The sobs felt endless, and I couldn’t resist when Chance pulled me to him. He rubbed my back, whispering in low, worried tones to Greydusk, but with so much of Shannon’s terror and anguish in my head, it was impossible to do anything but weep.
It took long moments for me to cry it out. Chance pressed little kisses against my hair, holding me close. Eventually I mustered the self-control to explain what I’d seen. I didn’t share Shannon’s private thoughts, her guilt. That was my burden to bear alone, until I could find her and explain. She had to know I didn’t blame her for anything that had happened with Jesse. In fact, I was happy for them. My own relationship with him hadn’t progressed far enough for me to want anything but his happiness—and if he could find it with Shannon, then they had my blessing. But it tore me up to hear her beating herself up for the spell I cast on them, against their will. I accepted full responsibility for the fallout.
“Unfortunate,” Greydusk said when I finished.
“What is?” Chance was still holding me, but he had a look like he was handling a crate of C-4 instead of the woman he professed to love.
Then I remember how I’d acted before I handled the iPod. Cringed. “God, I’m sorry. The potion—”
“Then you didn’t see anything that could aid us in tracking Shannon?” the demon interrupted.
The remnants of Ninlil’s power, passed down through the ages, flared at his presumption, but I stamped her down. I didn’t intend to let her take over my head again. Now that I was forewarned, I’d be stronger. I wouldn’t ascend and rule over Sheol. I would not. I’m Corine Solomon. I run a pawnshop. And I’m going home.
At least I knew the identity of the whisperer in my skull. I wasn’t losing it.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to Chance again.
“It’s all right. That wasn’t you.” But he still seemed…unsettled, as if I’d become way more than he bargained for.
I swallowed hard. “That was who I could become.”
“That was…scary as hell. You didn’t even see me. And the fact that I couldn’t bring you out of it…”
Yeah, I got where he was going with that. It had taken Shannon’s fear, Shannon’s pain, to shock me back to myself. Yet I had been immersed in it. That was more powerful than someone talking to you, no matter how much you cared about that person. But I understood why he felt worried.
“You’re faster than me,” I said then. “And you’ve got the gloves. If you see me going darkside, knock my ass out.”
He laughed then. “You say that like I could hit you.”
“And there’s no guarantee it would fix the problem,” Greydusk put in. “You might only wake up in demon queen mode, three times as enraged.”
“Okay, so maybe that’s not the solution. Let’s head downstairs so I can sort through the rest of her stuff.”
“As you wish
, Binder.”
After having Ninlil in my head, the Imaron’s instant obedience didn’t feel wrong anymore. And that bothered me. Chance still wore a troubled expression, and when he let go of me, I got the feeling he’d love to put some space between us so he could do some thinking. I didn’t blame him.
God knew I’d like some distance from myself. Only it wasn’t possible. I had to live with everything I’d done and everything I was. Until the end.
Rock Steady
I trudged downstairs in silence, clutching Shan’s backpack. There were other items, the laptop, books, and articles of clothing. I’d handle everything, just in case, but it didn’t make sense to sit in bed while I did it; I had to recover quickly. With any luck, I’d find a clue that would tell us what our next move should be.
Less than five days before I had to return to Sybella.
My one consolation was that Shannon had been alive in my vision, listening to her iPod, and the music player still had power. So it couldn’t have been too long since they took her to the new location. There had to be something that could lead us to her. I’d find it.
Chance took off. Not into the city, but he stayed upstairs, making clear through his body language that I should give him some space. Though I regretted hurting him, there was nothing I could do. I wished his concern had been enough to drive the demon queen out of my head, but he could either accept me or he couldn’t. I had no energy to spare for reassuring him.
Clearly I had been here for a while, but I didn’t remember, so I took stock of my surroundings, inside and out. In Mexico City, I’d call this a town house, as it didn’t touch the other homes nearby and there was a small courtyard out back. It was similar in design, in fact, to Tia’s home. Otherwise, in furnishings, design, and building materials, they were nothing alike. Not surprisingly. The Imaron favored neutral colors, tan and brown, and odd sculptures. I couldn’t really be hanging out in a demon’s house. Soooo surreal. But after everything that had happened to me, my brain didn’t balk as much as one might expect.
Greydusk had a padded bench in the central sitting room, so I dropped down on it, opening Shannon’s backpack. I pulled out each item and laid it beside me.
Toothbrush. She would’ve carried this with her for overnight stays at Jesse’s, which meant they were sleeping together. The thought didn’t even give me a pang; that door was closed in my head for good. Unlikely it would tell me anything useful, but I’d leave no stone unturned.
“Do you require anything, Binder?” The demon stood at the edge of the room, watching me.
From behind him, Butch padded into view. He tended not to want me out of his sight during adventures like this one. I picked him up for a cuddle and he rested in the crook of my arm, licking my cheek.
“Were you worried about me?” I addressed the dog first, not the demon.
Affirmative yap.
“Things are pretty fucked up, huh. Any advice?”
Another yes yap.
“Want me to get the Scrabble tiles?” Those should be in Chance’s bag.
The dog wagged so hard he almost fell over. Another single bark. Yes.
“I guess I do need something,” I answered the Imaron. “Do you know where Chance’s bag ended up?”
While I had a better athame, it would break my heart to lose my mother’s spellbooks. Until now, those grimoires hadn’t been out of my sight since they survived the explosion at the store. They were, literally, all I had left of her. That old T-shirt of hers, along with everything else I owned, went in the firebomb.
“I’ll fetch it for you.” On returning, Greydusk handed me Chance’s pack, and went on, “With your permission, I’ll pursue some leads on my own. There are sources I dare not trust in your actual presence but who might be moved to part with information.”
“Are we safe here?”
The Imaron considered. “The protections should be sufficient against most would-be intruders. Don’t answer the door. Don’t invite anyone in.”
“That matters? I thought it was only for vampires.”
Greydusk flashed a mouthful of sharp teeth. “Ah, but the legends take their lore from us. It does, indeed, matter to the Dohan, the Drinkers.”
Drinkers. There was no question it meant what I thought. But apparently I had to be dumb enough to say, C’mon in and crack open some A-positive. Of course, the way I’d been going, I understood why the demon would warn me against the obvious.
“Go on. I’ll be careful,” I promised.
Once he left, I felt relieved. I didn’t want a witness to my bizarre conversation with my genius dog. Some things were too weird even for demons. I set Butch down, alongside the scrambled tiles. He pawed at them with adorable concentration, fumbling the letters with his tiny paws. When he finished, I read:
Theres a bad spirit in you
Hmm. “Do you mean the demon queen?” He had been in the room when Greydusk had explained how the Old King gained his gifts, but who knew if Butch had been paying attention?
Positive yap.
“Could you see her in me before?” God, I felt dumb, though you’d imagine I would be used to this by now.
Two barks equaled no.
“So coming to Sheol changed everything. Awesome.”
He went to work on the tiles again. New message. Its growing
My blood chilled. “When? If I use demon magick?”
All the time
Every moment I spent in the demon realm, the more power the queen gained over me. Soon it might be her in charge all the time and me screaming helplessly in my own head. Likely the demons had known—or at least suspected—it would come to this. So the ones who wanted me to do something to wreck the natural order? They only had to get me here. It was an insidious scheme, worthy of a cunning mind. If they could delay me long enough, they won.
There was nothing I could do about it now, though.
“Thanks for the warning, bud.” My expression must have been hopeless because Butch nuzzled my leg until I picked him up.
Then he licked my cheek. He only did that when things got impressively awful. I stroked his spine in deliberate, dragging motions, and then scratched behind his ears, which he loved. He forgot he was supposed to be consoling me and rolled over to demand a belly rub. I obliged for long moments, trying not to look too far down the dark path ahead of me. When I stopped, Butch stepped off my lap to curl up next to me. Being such a smart dog, he knew I had work to do.
I put away the letter tiles and then applied myself to the next order of business. I hoped Chance would brood for a while. Once I started handling Shannon’s things, well, any wild emotional reactions I preferred to keep to myself. Maybe I could salvage whatever dignity I had left. I didn’t brace hard; I just wrapped my fingers around her blue toothbrush and let the images come. This time the charge wasn’t strong enough to pull me in.
Instead, it showed a fleeting moment, sparkling bright, like a sunny day at the beach. Shannon leaned over the sink in Jesse’s bathroom in one of his shirts. As she brushed her teeth, he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Nuzzled her neck, and she turned, smiling. The toothbrush clattered to the sink and I lost the thread.
Nothing that can help me. But it was good seeing them both happy. It offset some of the pain still swirling from earlier.
Next, I tried the clothing, but there was nothing. Likewise with Shan’s laptop. It wasn’t the sort of personal possession that lent itself to emotional resonance. Nudging faint guilt aside, I skimmed her e-mails and browser history, hoping to feel closer to her. I wanted to know what I’d missed about her life these past months. Pretty quickly, I formed a picture.
Chuch and Eva had helped her find a place while they rebuilt. One of his many cousins needed a roommate, and Shan fit the bill. She’d gotten a job selling clothes at the mall, which she didn’t love, but it paid the rent. At night, she studied for her GED, and two weeks ago, she’d passed the test. She had an e-mail from Eva, congratulating her. In her DO
WNLOADS folder I found a couple of PDFs from Laredo Community College. One contained fee info and the other was an admissions application.
Wow. I was so fucking proud of her.
And there were random notes from Jesse, too, showing the evolution of their relationship. At first just short and quick, uncertain almost, as if he didn’t understand why she was on his mind. They got gradually longer, and then I read, Dinner was amazing. And breakfast was even better. That had to be their first night together. I felt like a spy then, and I closed the computer.
Where are you, Shan?
I wished I had the ability to connect with her, mind to mind, but I knew no spells that permitted it, only natural gifts. Some people were born telepaths, but I wasn’t. Which meant I had to do this the hard way. Fine. With a faint sigh, I packed up her things and zipped the backpack we’d bought together. Afterward, I sat with my eyes closed, thinking, hoping Greydusk returned with a vital lead, as I had nothing, a galling admission.
Later, Chance came down to join me. I heard his steps but I didn’t open my eyes. What he had to say wouldn’t be fun to hear, but there was no point in putting it off. I steeled myself for a twist on the breakup speech. This time, accurately, it would be It’s not me, it’s you.
“Corine.” His tone throbbed a demand: Look at me.
So I did. I owed him that much, even if he broke my heart again. This time, I didn’t blame him.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t care about the demon stuff.”
I froze. Ran my fingers through my hair in stunned reaction.
He went on. “I don’t even know who my father is. And it’s clear something’s happening to me here too. I love you. And I’ll stand by you, even in this.” His charming, disarming smile flashed. “If the worst comes to pass, if you ascend as the demon queen, I’ll figure out some way to keep you happy, because there’s no way in hell I’m letting anybody else take my place as your consort.”
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “You’d do that? Why?”
