‘Of course not!’ She gave a throaty laugh, hearing the thread of excitement it held. She quickly got out of the car and hurried up the steps to the door.
Adam was just coming in for coffee, she told herself sternly. It was the least she could do after he’d invited her to the party. However, she couldn’t deny that her heart was hammering when she heard him following her up the steps.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ she said, going straight to plug it in.
‘Where do you keep the cups?
‘In the cupboard over the hob,’ she replied, turning round to fetch the milk from the fridge just as he started towards the cupboard. They collided with a thud and Adam’s hands shot out to steady her when she rebounded off him.
‘Oops, sorry! I didn’t mean to trample you into the ground in the rush!’
‘That’s OK,’ she said shakily, feeling the tremor that snaked through her when she felt the warmth of his hands on her bare skin. The contrast between the coolness of her flesh and the warmth of his was sending ripples of awareness spiralling through her whole body.
‘Are you cold?’ he asked, his voice sounding very deep all of a sudden in the silence. There was only the hum of the refrigerator in the background and that was too quiet to intrude. In a funny sort of way, it felt as though they were the only two people in the whole wide world, yet it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling by any means.
‘Not really. It’s just that your hands are so warm…’
‘And your skin is so cool,’ he finished for her, bending so that the last words were spoken against her lips.
His mouth was equally warm when it covered hers. Beth shivered again and felt him smile as he drew her closer. His arms wound around her body and it was like it had felt on the dance floor, only better because this time they were alone. There was no one to see and wonder when he deepened the kiss, no one to comment when she kissed him back. This was their time and nobody else’s. It made it even more special.
His lips brushed hers in one last achingly tender kiss before he sighed. ‘I would love to let this continue but I think it would be a mistake, don’t you, Beth?’
‘Would it?’ she whispered, then felt her face heat as she realised how that must have sounded.
‘Yes.’ He set her gently away from him and his eyes were so dark a blue that they seemed almost black at that moment. ‘We don’t want to do anything that we might regret. It’s all too easy to do things for the wrong reasons.’
She wasn’t sure what he meant by that yet couldn’t bring herself to ask. Maybe Adam could rationalise away his feelings but she couldn’t.
She stepped out of his arms, praying that he couldn’t tell how hurt she felt. ‘I expect you’re right. I’ll make that coffee.’
‘I think I’ll give it a miss after all. It’s very late and I’ll only end up not being able to sleep if I drink coffee at this time of the night.’
He smiled at her but his expression was guarded. ‘Thanks for the offer, though, Beth.’
‘You’re welcome,’ she replied flatly, knowing in her heart that it had been an excuse. Adam was anxious to leave because he didn’t want to run the risk of there being a repeat of that kiss. But he had been the instigator of it so why had he changed his mind so abruptly?
She saw him to the door, wondering why he’d had such a rapid change of heart, but it wasn’t until she was switching off the lights that an explanation occurred to her.
Had Adam kissed her in the first place because she’d reminded him of Claire, then had he had second thoughts about what he was doing? He’d said something about doing things for the wrong reasons so it seemed to fit.
Her heart was heavy as she went to her bedroom and undressed. The thought that Adam might have used her as a substitute for her sister was too painful. She didn’t want to be second best!
She got into bed then lay tossing and turning as the thought played tag through her dreams. It was almost a relief when the sound of the telephone ringing roused her an hour later. However, her relief was short-lived when she discovered that it was the hospital calling to tell her that Hannah was ill.
She dragged on some clothes then hesitated, undecided whether she should ring Adam and tell him what had happened. The last thing she wanted was to have to speak to him when her thoughts were in such turmoil, but he had a right to know. She had to discount everything else and just remember that he was Hannah’s father.
She picked up the phone and her heart felt like lead when it struck her that that was all he might ever be.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘HOW IS SHE? What have the doctors said?’
Beth was in the waiting room when Adam arrived at the hospital some ten minutes after she had got there. She put down the cup of rather gritty coffee that she had bought from the machine in the corner and turned to him.
‘It appears that she’s got some kind of infection. They’re doing tests at the moment to find out what it is, but that’s all I know, apart from the fact that they’ve moved her to a side room.’
‘She was fine when I left her.’ Adam sank onto a hard plastic chair and ran his hands over his face. Beth could see the fear that had clouded his eyes when he looked at her beseechingly.
‘You saw her yourself, Beth. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with her, did there?’
‘No, but the doctor I spoke to told me that these things can happen right out of the blue. Hannah is just so susceptible at the moment because of her treatment.’ She summoned a smile, hating to see him suffering like that. ‘You must know that already, but I don’t want you blaming yourself because you didn’t suspect that she might be ill.’
‘I did but thanks anyway for reminding me.’
He gave her a smile then stood up and began pacing the floor. Beth picked up her coffee then put it down again after only a few sips, unable to stomach the lukewarm liquid when her insides were churning. She glanced at her watch then looked up to find that Adam was checking his and sighed.
‘It’s different when you’re personally involved, isn’t it? I must have dealt with thousands of similar situations over the years, but you never fully appreciate what the relatives are going through until you experience it yourself.’
‘I know what you mean. Part of me is trying to be strictly professional by focusing on the thought that Hannah is receiving the best care possible, but the other part…Well!’ He held his hands wide open in a gesture that hinted at how helpless he felt.
‘You’re probably sorry that I phoned you,’ she suggested softly.
He shook his head. ‘I would have been upset if you hadn’t called me. I meant what I said about wanting to be here for Hannah. Her welfare is my number-one priority.’
Had that been a warning? Beth wondered, watching as he strode to the window. But a warning about what exactly? That she shouldn’t try to exclude him from any decisions that concerned Hannah?
It seemed the most logical explanation yet she sensed that there had been something more to that statement. She sighed as she realised that once again she was falling into the trap of trying to work out what Adam was thinking. What chance did she have of succeeding when she found it impossible to sort out the muddle inside her own head?
It was almost an hour before Neil Bartlett, the specialist registrar, appeared to update them on Hannah’s condition. Beth shot to her feet as soon as she saw him coming along the corridor.
‘How is she?’ she demanded, hurrying to the door.
‘Not too bad,’ he said reassuringly as he came into the room. ‘We’ve managed to track down the source of the infection to her catheter.’
‘Really?’ she exclaimed. At the start of Hannah’s treatment a catheter had been inserted into a large vein near her heart. All the drugs and transfusions of blood and platelets she needed were administered via this tube. Children especially found it far less stressful to have a permanent line in place.
‘At least we now know what has caused the problem, which is a step in
the right direction,’ Neil continued. ‘It’s unfortunate, but it does sometimes happen despite the most stringent nursing care. I’ve removed the old catheter and inserted a fresh one so, hopefully, things should start to improve from now on.’
‘I take it that Hannah is being given intravenous antibiotics,’ Adam put in.
‘That’s right. She’s been having them all along as part of her treatment but I’ve upped the dosage. They should start to take effect within a few hours,’ Neil agreed pleasantly. Beth could tell that he was curious about who Adam was so she quickly made the introductions.
‘This is Hannah’s father, Dr Adam Knight.’
‘Nice to meet you. My boss said that you’d been to see him. He was delighted that you’ve agreed to be tested as a possible donor for Hannah,’ Neil said enthusiastically, shaking hands. ‘Anyway, I expect you want to see Hannah now so I’ll take you through. She’s still very feverish but she’s been asking for you and for someone called Nursie as well. None of us knew who she meant, to be honest.’
Neil looked enquiringly at them as Beth laughed. ‘Would you believe that Nursie is a hand puppet? Adam invented her the other night and Hannah was rather taken with her.’
‘Oh, I see. That explains it, then.’ Neil laughed as he led the way along the corridor. ‘Now, don’t worry if Hannah seems a bit spaced out. It’s just because she’s still very feverish.’ He grimaced. ‘Sorry. A bit like teaching your grandmother to suck eggs, telling you two that! Put it down to it having been a long night.’
He showed them into the room then left. Beth hurried straight to the bed, her heart turning over when she saw how ill Hannah looked. There were huge black circles under the little girl’s eyes and her skin was burning hot when Beth gently stroked her thin little cheek.
‘Hi, monster. What have you been up to, then? The doctor says that you’ve got some nasty bugs making you feel poorly.’
Hannah’s eyes were clouded with fever. ‘I was sick, Aunty Beth, and my head hurts,’ she whispered.
‘You’ll feel better soon, darling,’ she assured her. She glanced round as Adam came to join her. ‘Look who’s here. Adam wanted to come and see how you were, sweetheart.’
‘Did you bring Nursie?’ Hannah murmured through parched and cracked lips.
‘Nursie said to tell you that she’ll be here in the morning after you’ve had a sleep,’ he told the child gently. He stroked her hot little cheek and Beth could see that his hand was trembling. It was obvious to her, if not to Hannah, that Adam was struggling to keep control of his emotions, and her heart went out to him for what he must be suffering.
‘All right.’ Hannah’s eyes had started to shut but they suddenly shot open again. ‘Will you stay with me? Both of you?’
Adam took hold of the little girl’s hand then reached for Beth’s as well. ‘Yes, we’ll both stay. Now, you go to sleep and we’ll see you in the morning, sweetheart.’
Hannah’s eyes closed once more and she fell asleep almost immediately. Adam sighed as he stood by the bed and watched her. ‘It breaks your heart to see her like this, doesn’t it?’
‘She’ll be fine,’ Beth assured him, hoping that she wasn’t tempting fate by saying that. A shudder ran through her at the thought of what might happen if the antibiotics failed to work. There were no guarantees that they would and Hannah was so frail…
Adam gently let go of Hannah’s hand so that he could turn Beth towards him. He bent and looked deep into her eyes. ‘Just focus on the thought that Hannah is going to beat this. Never, ever underestimate the power of positive thought.’
She managed a wobbly smile, feeling a little better because he had sounded so confident. ‘I’ll try.’
‘Good.’ There was a moment when she thought that he was going to say something else but then he let her go. Moving to the far side of the bed, he pulled up a chair and sat down.
Beth sat down as well, focusing all her energy on willing Hannah to overcome this setback. She glanced at Adam and could tell that he was doing the same thing. In a funny kind of way it made her feel closer to him than she had felt to anyone in the whole of her life. How strange. But then her response to him had been strange from the outset, only now really wasn’t the time to start wondering why.
It was a long and tiring night. There was no chance even to doze because Hannah was charted for fifteen-minute observations. Every time Beth’s eyes started to close a nurse would appear to check how the little girl was doing. By the time dawn crept across the sky, she was exhausted and felt at least a hundred years old. However, the good news was that Hannah seemed to be responding to the antibiotics because her temperature had started to drop.
‘Thank heavens for that,’ Adam said softly as the nurse left the room after telling them the good news. He got up and stretched, groaning as he worked the kinks out of his spine. In the pale morning light his face looked grey and drawn but he still managed a smile. ‘She’s a real little fighter, isn’t she?’
‘She is.’ Beth smiled back at him, feeling the relief pouring through her in a great wave. She got up as well, wincing as her legs protested after all the hours spent sitting on a hard hospital chair. ‘Oh, I’m stiff as a board! What wouldn’t I give for a long, hot shower.’
Adam’s brows rose. ‘Go and have one, then. I’ll stay here in case Hannah wakes up.’
‘Are you sure?’ she asked hesitantly. Although she was sorely tempted to accept his generous offer, it didn’t seem fair to leave him there while she took a break.
‘Of course I’m sure. I think you can trust me not to disappear for the next half-hour.’
His tone was sharp and she sighed when she realised that he had misunderstood her hesitation. ‘I never thought that you would. It just didn’t seem fair to leave you here when you must be as exhausted as I am.’
His voice instantly softened. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off. Put it down to tiredness. OK?’
She shrugged. ‘Of course. But can we get one thing straight, Adam. I don’t doubt for a minute that you’re sincere about wanting to be here for Hannah.’
‘But you still have doubts even after the discussion we had last night?’ he put in. ‘Come on, Beth, let’s not beat about the bush. Admit it.’
‘All right, then, yes.’ She faced him squarely, although her heart sank when she saw the frosty glimmer in his eyes. ‘I’m sure that you meant what you said, Adam, but I’m still not sure that you’ll settle down to the quieter pace of life in Winton after what you’ve been used to.’
‘Then all I can do is repeat what I told you. I have no intention of shirking my responsibilities and no desire to do so either.’ His tone was harsh even though they had kept their voices down so as not to disturb Hannah. ‘Don’t judge me by what Claire told you, Beth. She made a mistake about me and I hope that one day you will come to accept that.’
She wasn’t sure what to say to that. Was she allowing herself to be overly influenced by what her sister had said? She hated to think that she was being unfair to him, but she couldn’t ignore the fact that Claire must have had grave concerns about his ability to commit himself.
It was a relief when Hannah woke up at that point because it gave her an excuse not to reply. She knew that she still wasn’t convinced that Adam had thought enough about his decision to remain in England.
‘Aunty Beth?’
She hurried to the bed when Hannah called her. ‘I’m right here, poppet. How do you feel this morning?’
‘I’m thirsty,’ the little girl replied croakily.
‘Then it’s a good job that I’ve got a nice cool drink for you,’ said a familiar falsetto.
Hannah’s face lit up when Adam stepped forward, his handkerchief draped over his hand. ‘Nursie!’ she exclaimed in delight. She eagerly sipped some water from the drinking cup Adam was holding then giggled. ‘Nursie hasn’t got a mouth.’
‘That’s because she didn’t have time to put on her makeup,’ he explained with commendable aplomb
. He turned to Beth and she was relieved when he smiled at her. It struck her just how much she hated to be at odds with him. She wanted to be his friend, not his enemy.
‘Would you be so kind as to fetch my lipstick from Hannah’s locker, Aunty Beth?’ he asked in his shrill puppet voice.
‘I’d be delighted,’ she declared, then smiled at her niece. ‘I won’t be long, darling. I’ll be as quick as I can.’
‘It’s OK, Aunty Beth. Adam’s here,’ the child assured her gravely.
Beth sighed as she left the room. It was obvious that Hannah had totally accepted Adam. Whilst a part of her said that it was a good thing, another part couldn’t help worrying what might happen in the future. All she could do was try to protect her niece by not letting her get too attached to him.
She paused as a thought struck her.
Would it be possible to stop herself from making the same mistake, though?
It was almost midday by the time they left the hospital. Beth had been reluctant to leave even then but Adam had persuaded her that they should take a break while Hannah slept. Now, as they stepped out into the bright sunshine, she gave a massive yawn.
‘Oh, excuse me!’
‘Ditto!’ He covered his mouth with his hand. ‘I’m absolutely shattered. I can’t remember when I last felt this tired. I must be getting old.’
‘You and me both.’ Beth staggered to her car and rested her head wearily on the sun-warmed roof. ‘I don’t know if I’ve got the energy to drive all the way home when I’ll need to come back here in a couple of hours’ time.’
‘Me, too. Or should it be neither?’ He gave another massive yawn then shook his head. ‘Brr! What I need is a large cup of coffee and something to eat to boost my blood-sugar levels.’
She opened one eyelid a crack and peered blearily at him. ‘We could go to the hospital canteen or, if you don’t fancy that, there’s a café not far from here. I’ll come with you if my legs will walk that far.’
‘We can prop each other up.’ He grinned as he offered her his arm. ‘Four legs should be better than two, or at least that’s the theory.’
Adam's Daughter Page 11
