by Leona Fox
They quickly briefed him on what they had learned from Susan and gave their thoughts. Both of them now were convinced Susan's husband was responsible for Gary’s murder.
“You don't think Diana could have done it? He was just about to embark on another life with someone else,” he said.
“I think Diana felt sad more than anything. I don't think she had the strength to be angry with Gary,” Ellen replied, and that perhaps made her feel more pity for the jilted woman than she would have liked to feel.
“But Eric...he had more than enough reason to feel angry and betrayed. Given his track record with violence I can't see that it could be anyone else. Right now we just need to find him.”
“I can call the West Callow police and have them detain him for us,” Andy said. “I'll also get them to send over his files so we have a clearer idea of who we're dealing with.”
Kelly and Ellen got some coffee while Andy went through to his office and called his counterpart in West Callow. It was a short conversation, very businesslike, and when Andy returned he said the West Callow officers were en route to Eric’s last known address. Apparently he'd been renting a motel room on the edge of town after he and Susan had separated, and all they had to do was wait. But about half an hour later Andy received another call from the West Callow police chief, who spoke with a very apologetic tone. Andy had a grave look on his face as he put the receiver down.
“What's wrong?” Ellen asked.
“Eric wasn't there. His room was completely cleared out and they had some other bad news for us. Something Susan neglected to tell us. Her ex-husband used to be in the army, specializing in ground combat. There's no sign of him in West Callow but they're putting a protection detail on Susan just in case.”
“But if he's not in West Callow then...he's still here?” Kelly said, looking between Andy and Ellen with wide eyes.
“They think he's probably reverted to his training. He knows he's being hunted now so he's going to take measures to protect himself.”
“He'll be out in the forest. What better way to hide himself? And if we don't catch him soon it'll be the perfect alibi. He can't be convicted of the crime if there was no trace he was ever here,” Ellen said, and the enormity of their task slowly became apparent to the three of them.
It had been only a few days since Gary had been murdered and Eric could be anywhere in the forest. It was a wide-ranging forest that stretched in a ring around the town, acting as a natural barrier to the outside world. Now it, too, had become the enemy, hiding Eric, who was lurking in its green shadows. If the man was not apprehended soon, then who knows where he would strike next? If he snapped then, given his training, anyone else could be in danger, and if he did make it out to West Callow, so was Susan. If he got away, then a murderer would have escaped without punishment and Ellen wasn't about to let that happen.
“We have to find him,” she said.
Andy quickly summoned his men and divided them into teams. A huge map of the forest was spread out on a table. Kelly drove Ellen back to where Matthew was looking after Scampy so she could pick up her dog. Ellen and Matthew shared an awkward glance but Ellen quickly gathered up Scampy.
“We're going to need your help, boy. Are you ready?” she said. Scampy barked in response and wagged his tail energetically.
“What's going on?” Matthew asked.
“We think we know who the killer is but there's a problem. He used to be in the army and we think he's in the forest, trying to hide from us. He thinks he's being hunted..,” Kelly replied.
“He is,” Ellen said grimly.
“Are we ready to go?” Kelly said.
Ellen looked at her and then at Matthew, who had a pained look on his face. A look she knew well. There was so much worry etched on his face, and yet she knew he wouldn't voice his concerns for fear of being seen as too over-protective. Instead, Ellen pulled Kelly aside and spoke in a low voice.
“I think maybe you should stay here with Matthew,” she said.
“What? Why? I'm a part of this as much as you and you can't cut me out now, not when it's about to end.”
“I'm not trying to cut you out; I just think the two of you should talk about your feelings. Look, this is dangerous and we don't know what Eric is really capable of. There could be traps in the forest or...or anything! And we've already seen what happened to Susan when the man she loved was taken from her. Can you imagine what it would be like if something happened and you weren't able to be open with Matthew before it was too late?
You asked me how you knew if you were ready to marry someone and I think a lot of people over-complicate it. It's about trusting each other with your fears, being vulnerable with them. You've got something good here, it's time to trust him. Please, just take this moment to talk with him. We have enough people searching, one body isn't going to make the difference there, but it could make the difference to you.”
Kelly was about to argue back but upon seeing the plaintive look in Ellen's eyes her anger was quelled. In that moment she realized Ellen only wanted the best for her, and that it must have been important if she was willing to tell Kelly not to join in on the search. After she looked at Ellen she glanced over at Matthew and saw the worry in his face. She knew it wasn't fair of her to keep running around into danger, especially not when she had been keeping her distance from him. For all of Kelly's worries she did care deeply for Matthew, and appreciated Ellen's insistence that she confront her feelings. She walked over to Matthew and told him she was going to stay with him.
Ellen inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as she wanted the two of them to talk and this seemed to be the opportune moment. She hoped that after seeing the devastating effects secrets had had on Gary's relationships, Kelly would open with Matthew and, in turn, he would feel comfortable talking about his feelings as well. Then the two of them could come to a better understanding about where they stood in their relationship. Ordinarily, Ellen wouldn't like interfering like this but Kelly needed a prod, and had influenced Ellen's relationship with Andy. So Ellen decided turnabout was fair play.
Ellen left the couple to talk and she went away with Scampy to rendezvous with Andy at the police station. When she got there she saw a number of people getting ready with all manner of gear for searching. Andy was coordinating everything but he spared a moment to welcome Ellen with a kiss. She smiled. There had been a time when they would have been too embarrassed to display their affections publicly but now it seemed natural, and nobody else batted an eyelid.
“We sent word around town just in case anyone had seen any sign of him but nobody has. It's going to be potluck. We're looking for a needle in a haystack,” he said.
“We'll find him. With everyone here working together, we'll get him,” Ellen said, and Scampy barked as if to agree.
It didn't take long before everyone was ready. They all moved out to a starting point, the most likely place the experts had decided Eric would have escaped from the town. Dusk was approaching and long shadows stretched across the ground. Ellen glanced at the dipping sun and chewed her lip worriedly. If another night passed, who knew where Eric would end up? The green forest stood before them, its lush green foliage Eric's armor, covering his movement. The bushes and leaves melted together to form a web that was treacherous to cut through. He had killed already, both in combat and in cold blood, and his state of mind was such that being here was dangerous. Yet there was nowhere else Ellen would rather be. This is what she lived for now, to bring criminals to justice.
Even so, it was difficult not to have sympathy for Eric. He evidently had been through a difficult time in life. He had served in the army, given his time to defend the country against its enemies, been encouraged to fight and use his instincts to kill and destroy in the name of protecting his country. Now he was doing the same thing and yet it was illegal, wrong, and it must have been confusing for him. Right and wrong were blurred in his mind. He had gone to Gary to try getting better, to heal his psyche and repair hi
s failing marriage but the two people he had trusted the most had betrayed him. His wife and his therapist had embarked on an affair. Ellen felt great pity for the man, for she couldn't imagine the disappointment and sense of sheer despair that followed from knowing that all he had worked for, all he had striven for, was worthless.
Yet it was not her place to make moral judgments on these matters. Gary and Susan may have made mistakes and they may have done wrong by Eric but that was no excuse for murder. There was no excuse for murder. In her youth she thought the world was cast in black and white and everything had a right and a wrong answer, that there were two clear, distinct paths leading away from each other. But as she had grown older she realized there were shades of gray in between. Moral questions and issues got muddled, but there were some things she knew to be inherently wrong, some things that were etched into her soul just as The Ten Commandments were etched into stone tablets, and one of those was that murder is wrong. To take someone's life, to take away everything they had and everything they were going to be, was a crime against nature itself.
As much as Ellen felt pity for the circumstances surrounding Eric Martin's life, she could not excuse his actions in killing Gary. No man deserved that fate, and as she looked around at the men and women around her, ready to embark on a search into the heart of the forest, she only hoped Eric would see reason and give himself up before there were any other deaths.
“Come on boy, let's go,” she said, wondering if Scampy knew the dangers that lay ahead.
He was a brave dog, and she was glad to have him by her side. The hunting party swept through the forest in a line, and Ellen's heart was in her mouth. It was quite possible they would find Eric at any moment, and it was equally possible they could comb the forest for days without finding any sign of him. Ellen was determined to keep going. Even as the dead of night closed in, she fought to continue even though the others were telling her it was hopeless. Eric Martin remained free another night, much to Ellen's frustration.
Chapter 9
After Ellen had left, Kelly and Matthew stood awkwardly with each other. Despite their affection for one another there was a tension between them that was difficult to acknowledge but impossible to ignore. It stemmed from the fact they had not been open with their feelings. Often in relationships there comes a point where it is too late to say the things that need to be said. Sadly, for Kelly and Matthew they were fast approaching that point of no return.
“I have to say, I'm glad you're not going with them,” Matthew began.
Then he moved to the sofa where he took a seat, although his body was rigid with tension. From the way he spoke it seemed as though there was always something else he wanted to say, but the words he ended up speaking were mere replacements.
“I suppose I am, too, but sometimes I feel like I never do enough. I want to be involved more. I like helping Ellen and Andy, but sometimes I feel like I'm just...like I'm a sidekick,” Kelly said.
She remained standing and turned away from Matthew. Ellen had wanted her to stay so they could talk about the things that really mattered but now that she was alone with him she didn't know if she could. It had been so long since she had been with anyone that to cross that bridge was a daunting prospect. Kelly was unsure if she had the fortitude to take those first steps.
“I think we both know Ellen couldn't do it without you. I'm just glad that in this instance you're kept safe. I'll never understand it myself, putting yourself in danger like that. It's bad enough to know there's a killer on the loose and he's so close by, let alone going out there to look for him,” Matthew said.
“Ellen will find him. She always does,” Kelly said, and silence descended upon them.
The air was heavy with the sounds of their breathing and the longer the silence lasted the more crushing it became.
“Come and sit down,” Matthew said.
Kelly turned slowly, and tentatively made her way to sit beside him. He reached over and clasped her hand in his. It was warm and her skin was surprisingly soft. She looked at his kind eyes and his lips, those lips that sparked an inferno in her heart and yet she felt an intense sorrow inside her.
“I think we should talk,” he said. Kelly nodded, but remained silent.
“I...guess I'll go first. I've felt things have been tense between us and I'm not entirely sure why. I really enjoy spending time with you and I think we complement each other well. Being with you has made me feel happier than I've ever been. I never thought I could feel these things again and yet...something seems off. I don't know if it's something I have or have not done, but I know that there's something going on with you. I wish you'd tell me, because right now I feel like you're closing yourself off from me.”
He squeezed Kelly's hand and a wave of affection swept through her, but it quickly was replaced with a rapidly spreading anxiety. Kelly's mind screamed out and her entire body trembled with fear as the future seemed like an insurmountable wall and everything in her head was floating above her. She was trying to snatch at her feelings yet they always remained just out of her reach, as though a gust of wind was keeping them buoyant on the air.
Kelly pulled her hand away.
“What's wrong, Kelly?” Matthew asked, “I know it's been a long time since you've been in a relationship like this but there comes a point when that becomes an excuse, not a reason. I want to be with you and I want to be close with you but at the moment you're making it difficult. And I feel powerless because there's nothing I can do if you won't open up to me. There are so many things I want to say to you. I want to tell you I love you and I want to ask you to marry me but I can't. Can you please just tell me what you're feeling?”
His words seemed to echo in the distance and there was a ringing in Kelly's ears. She thought back to all her past relationships, all her past failures, and how she wished she was not still haunted by them. Sweat began prickling on her temples and her breathing became more difficult as her throat tightened. She rose, and stepped away from Matthew with her back to him. Her body shuddered with soft sobs.
“No,” she said.
Again, the deafening silence. Kelly felt so alone, and there was a chasm between her and Matthew. All her life she had struggled with giving that last, most precious part of herself to another person, even though sometimes she wanted to do so more than anything in the world. So she always had been alone. Even when she had been with somebody else, she had been alone.
“What do you mean no? You can't tell me how you feel? You can't even have the decency to do that?” Matthew's voice began rising as his emotions rushed to the surface.
“This is how it always goes,” Kelly said with a tone of resignation.
“What do you mean?”
“Love, relationships, they always end up like this.”
“Not if you trust me,” Matthew replied.
He moved from the couch and stood beside Kelly, tentatively reaching out for her arm to comfort her.
“Please, I just want to be with you. I just want to love you. We could be happy, you and me. Married and living together, it would be a dream come true.”
“I'm not ready for that,” she said, looking at him with liquid eyes, the raw, red rivers running around her colorful irises.
“I'm sorry, there are just...there are some things that hold me back. I want to love you, I do, and I enjoy being with you, but I'm not ready for all this. I know you must think I'm stupid and this probably doesn't make sense to you but I've never been able to give myself to another person, no matter how hard I try. And talk of marriage and the future...it makes me feel this pressure and my first instinct is to run.”
“Then fight the instinct. Stay with me, trust me, and we can get through it together. You know we make sense. Being together feels right. Are you really saying you want to turn your back on us?”
“I don't know...I don't know what I'm saying I just...I find it easier to be alone.”
“Is there anything I could say that would make you feel dif
ferently? Because right now I feel like I'm the only one here who actually is trying to make this work. Are you really that jaded that you'd just let this fall apart?”
Kelly couldn't bring herself to answer and Matthew threw up his hands in frustration. He paced around the room and leaned against the wall.
“I don't understand you at all. Things were going fine between us then we got to a certain point and you just shut down. I can't wrap my head around it. What changed? Are you just that afraid of love? Is that what it boils down to?”
But Kelly was unable to answer him for she did not know herself. All she knew was she felt terrible and wished things could be different, but there was something clawing at her inside, something preventing her from being close with him. She knew if she didn't say anything he would walk out the door and she would be left alone and desolate, and that it would be all her own doing. All she needed to do was say something, and yet she only could look at him with sad eyes. With a despondent shake of his head Matthew hung his head and walked out of the room. Kelly heard his footsteps thud on the stairs. There was still time. If she only could break free of her inner demons and go to him, she could make it right, but she was frozen on the spot.
She wrapped her arms around herself and cried. The tears splashed around her on the floor as she held onto herself and the secret that she held next to her heart so dearly, the secret she had not been able to tell anyone. It was the reason she was so alone, for if she ever revealed it she would be seen as a fraud and she could not bear the thought of people knowing the truth. It was painful, but it was the way it had to be. In the dark of the night she left Matthew's house and walked through the deliciously cool night air, trying to remember a time when she wasn't brought to her knees by her own inner demons.
While her best friend was in the throes of such distress, Ellen was awake in the darkness, gazing out at the forest, trying to guess Eric's next move. Would he simply hide there until people gave up or would he try making a run for it and leave town? The hunting party mostly had gone home. There were only a few people left, keeping watch through the night. Ellen was determined to stay with them for as long as her body allowed. She overheard many people saying it was hopeless, but this only spurred Ellen on.
