His gaze met hers and Natalie felt a shiver race over her.
And they meant the world to her, too. But her world had collapsed when they’d been stolen from her.
She studied Jared, noting the sincerity in his features, the love glinting in his eyes, and she had no doubt, absolutely none, that Jared Ryan loved the boys. She could see it in his face and hear it in his voice.
But they were her boys.
Hers.
Banking the twinge of maternal jealousy that had flared up, she glanced at Jared, and the jealousy was quickly swept away by guilt. She was going to hurt him and she knew it. But there was nothing she could do to prevent it. What was sad was that he was apparently an innocent bystander in the boys’ kidnapping.
He appeared totally innocent.
And she was going to devastate him.
Deliberately and intentionally.
Just as she had been deliberately and intentionally devastated. The difference was the act against her had been relished, savored, done deliberately for that purpose.
She, on the other hand, had no choice in the matter.
Cruelty wasn’t in her nature. She’d never deliberately hurt anyone in her life, but she was going to have to do so now, for the boys’ sake and safety.
She wanted to weep. Weep because Jared Ryan appeared to be a very nice man who was totally devoted to her boys. He’d given them a home, love, a family, and he didn’t deserve to have his heart ripped out any more than she had deserved it.
But she didn’t have a choice in the matter. The boys were hers, legally, morally and in every other way. The fact that Jared Ryan had unwittingly and innocently been included in Raymond’s madness made her unbearably sad, but didn’t alter the fact that she wanted her children back.
She’d searched so long and so hard to find her children, had missed so much of their lives, that now that she’d found them, she wanted nothing more than to claim them and spirit them away.
But she knew no matter how strong the urge to do just that, she couldn’t. She had to be careful and very, very patient. For now, she had to keep up this charade.
She had to deliberately deceive Jared Ryan into believing she was just a nanny, because she couldn’t and wouldn’t take a chance—not even the slightest chance—that Raymond might find out she’d finally found the boys.
She had no idea where her ex-husband was, nor did the authorities, who’d been looking for him since he’d snatched the boys. There was a long list of charges against him stemming from his embezzlement. Since he’d snatched the boys and disappeared while out on bond on the embezzlement charge, additional charges had been filed against him, including kidnapping and flight to avoid prosecution.
But Raymond was far too smart and cunning to allow himself to be caught. Along with that cunning went a brutal cruelty that terrified her.
He’d warned her that he would be keeping an eye on her, warned her that if she tried to find him or the boys, he’d make the boys pay dearly for it. She had no doubt he meant it.
She would never put her boys at risk again—never.
Natalie glanced at Jared, felt the bitter taste of guilt on her tongue, then quickly swallowed it. If keeping her boys safe meant she had to deceive Jared Ryan, so be it.
Her thoughts were interrupted when Jared asked, “So, Natalie, tell me, if I haven’t scared you away, do you still want to apply for the position of nanny for my boys?”
“Absolutely.” She gave her head a confident toss. “It will take more than a few gruff words to scare me away,” she said with a determined lift of her chin.
“Good. Good.” Jared leaned back in his chair again, then smiled that slow smile that caused her pulse to thud nervously. “So tell me, why on earth do you want to be a nanny to two very active, rambunctious little boys?”
“I love children,” she admitted with a self-conscious smile, not wanting to tell him that she’d always wanted a houseful.
“I know the feeling,” Jared said with a nod. “I love children as well.” His face grew somber for a moment and he glanced away. “Unfortunately, my wife was unable to have any.”
“I’m so sorry.” It was hard not to feel sympathy for him, considering the circumstances.
“No, don’t be,” he said, good humor restored. “I firmly believe in fate, and adopting the twins turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. And them, too, I hope.”
“The twins are adopted?” she asked, feigning ignorance. This was dangerous ground. It was important to know if Jared Ryan had any connection to Raymond, or any clue about the true background or identity of the boys. Yet she couldn’t appear too anxious or too inquisitive about his life.
Even though Harry Powers, the investigator, had assured her he hadn’t, she needed to verify it for her own peace of mind, although she doubted that anyone of Jared’s caliber would have anything to do with someone like Raymond.
Jared Ryan didn’t look like the kind of man to be hoodwinked by a smooth talking charmer.
As she had been.
It would do well for her to remember that, she thought.
“Yes, we adopted the twins when they were about two, through a private attorney, but I couldn’t love those boys more if they’d been born to me.”
But they weren’t.
“Do you have any children, Natalie?” He didn’t want to pry, but he needed to know everything about a woman who might be taking care of the most precious beings in his life, especially since she would have such a profound impact on the boys on a day to day basis. “A family of your own?”
“Children?” she repeated weakly, feeling as if the floor had dropped out from beneath her. For a moment, everything inside her stilled. Avoiding Jared’s penetrating gaze, Natalie glanced down, lacing and unlacing her fingers. “I had two children,” she said quietly, unable to look at him. “I…I lost them.” The tone of her voice was heartbreakingly sad and clearly did not invite any further question or discussion.
Her words hung in the air for a moment, as if reverberating around and around the room, gathering power. Jared merely stared at her, stunned and at a loss as to what to say.
He knew from experience how empty, how futile words of sorrow and sympathy were when you’d suffered a tremendous personal loss.
“I’m so sorry, Natalie,” he said quietly, glancing away, thinking about his own sorrow, his own loss—his brother Jesse.
Even after all these years it was hard to believe the pain was still so raw, so deep.
Yes, he knew full well the unending sorrow she felt, and he wouldn’t pry. Not about this.
“But I do have a lot of experience with children,” Natalie added, hoping her voice wasn’t shaking. She wanted to change the subject. Taking a deep breath, she was grateful it slid out easily and effortlessly. Only then did she dare to glance at Jared, to see that his features had softened, his eyes had filled with compassion.
She refused to acknowledge it, even privately. She couldn’t; she had to remain detached and totally unemotional around Jared Ryan. She couldn’t afford to care about him or his feelings—no matter how difficult it was. Detached and totally unemotional was the name of the game. If she didn’t remain so, it could jeopardize everything she’d worked toward the past three years.
“Mr. Ryan—”
“Jared,” he corrected.
“Jared,” she repeated quietly. “In addition to my own children, it seems as if I’ve taken care of someone else’s children for as long as I can remember. I was a nanny all through college.” Reaching down, she pulled her folded up résumé out of her purse and slid it across the desk to him. “Obviously it’s been a few years since college, but there’s a list of my employers, and you’ll see I worked for one family for just over four years during school.”
“I’ve no doubt you have experience,” he said gently, realizing she was every bit as anxious and nervous as he. Somehow he found it charming. “That was clear from the way you handled the boys today.�
� He smiled. “They don’t usually talk to strangers, especially female strangers. Since their mother left…” His voice trailed off and he glanced over her head out the windows, as if seeing something visible only to him. “The boys have had a difficult time getting close to females, not that we have an abundance of females in the Ryan family,” he added with a grin. “It’s just men except for my brother Jake’s wife, Rebecca. But clearly the boys liked you.” He couldn’t help but be pleased at the thought. Having the boys like and accept her would go a long way toward ensuring their happiness.
Her heart warmed and she couldn’t help the smile of pleasure that curved her lips. “And I liked them.” Eyes dancing, she leaned forward. “They’re wonderful boys. Truly. Bright, adventuresome, intelligent.”
Paternal pride lit Jared’s face. “I like to think so, but I have to warn you, Natalie, you left out something.”
“What?”
“They’re also a handful,” he added firmly, laying her résumé down on the desk, then folding his hands over it, a concerned look on his face. “Are you sure you can handle them, Natalie?” He sat forward abruptly, letting his suddenly dubious gaze go over her slender features. “I have to be honest with you. I’ve gone through ten nannies in the last ten months. The last one didn’t even last a day.”
“Why?” Natalie asked in genuine surprise.
A grin slid slowly over his face, softening his features. For a moment he contemplated how much to tell her. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, he thought. If he wanted her to take care of the boys it was only fair to let her know exactly what she as getting herself into.
“Well, the last nanny went racing out of the house after the boys decided to give Ruth a bath.”
Natalie shrugged, confused. “What’s wrong with that? Children enjoy giving their pets a bath. Seems like a perfectly fine idea to me.”
His grin widened, brightening his eyes and revealing a small, adorable dimple in his chin. “Uh…yeah. Generally I’d agree with you, Natalie. But you see, the boys had the bright idea to give Ruth a bath in the toilet.” Jared dragged his hands through his dark hair, hoping she still felt the same way about the job once he finished this explanation. “They knew Ruth wasn’t allowed in the bathtub—we’d already had that conversation with another nanny a few months before—so the boys came up with the brilliant idea of dumping half a bottle of liquid dish detergent down the toilet. By flushing repeatedly, they thought for sure they’d get enough bubbles to bathe Ruth properly without disturbing the sanctity of the family bathtub, thus upsetting Mrs. Taylor, our cook and housekeeper, to say nothing of their new nanny, who quit that same day, telling me the boys were incorrigible,” he admitted with a wince.
“Incorrigible?” Annoyed at the mere thought of someone labeling her children with such a derogatory term, Natalie all but bristled. “That’s utterly ridiculous,” she said, with such indignation Jared couldn’t help but duck his head to hide a smile. He had a feeling he and Natalie McMahon were going to get along just fine. “They’re simply curious little boys. How else are they going to learn about the world if they don’t experiment? Incorrigible, indeed!” she finished in a huff.
“Experiment?” he repeated, shaking his head, thoroughly impressed. He laughed in relief. “The boys ended up with enough water and bubbles to float their way to New York, to say nothing of the plumber’s bill I had to pay. Not to mention the fact that we lost another nanny.” He shrugged, leaning back in his chair again and stretching his cramped, tired legs. “Well, needless to say, that was the tenth nanny in as many months. And so the search has begun anew.”
Natalie pushed her hair off her face. “The other nannies simply weren’t used to handling young children, especially little boys.” Her back was up now at the mere thought that someone had been critical of her children. “I think it’s important to let children explore their world—obviously within limits, so that they don’t hurt themselves or others. But to label them because they have a naturally curious bent is just as unfair as trying to stifle their natural exuberance.”
Jared’s grin was huge, and he felt something heavy lift off his shoulders. “Well, Natalie, I have to say your attitude is refreshing, and pretty much in line with mine as far as the boys go.” He glanced down at her résumé. “I’m going to have to check your references, of course—”
“Of course.” Her heart began to thud in excitement.
“The job comes with room and board, obviously,” he added. “This is very much a working ranch, and the ranch is my responsibility and takes up a great deal of my time. We have almost five thousand acres of prime Nevada land. A couple hundred ranch hands live around the property, but you probably won’t have much to do with them, or the actual ranching duties. We raise cattle and horses primarily, but we’ve also got a fairly decent size chicken coop, and a rather large vegetable garden not too far from the house here. We’ve also got a few other miscellaneous barn animals, Ruth notwithstanding, but your responsibilities will be the boys, and that includes getting them up and dressed for school, packing lunches, chaperoning school field trips, helping with homework and then caring for them after school until dinner. Including some weekends. Most nights we eat about six, unless I’ve got a big project going on or its birthing season. But otherwise, I’m usually in the house and ready to quit for the day around then. At which point, your time is your own and I’ll take over the care of the boys. How does that sound?”
“Can I keep my dog Ditka with me?” she asked hesitantly.
He nodded. “Of course. One more four-legged furry creature won’t be a problem.”
Natalie wanted to give a huge sigh of relief, but contained herself. “It sounds to me like you work some very long days,” she said with a smile.
He shrugged. “It’s a rancher’s life and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Well, it sounds wonderful.”
Cocking his head, he watched her eyes light up. When she smiled, the sadness left her face and it became almost serene, he realized. Serene and beautiful.
Quickly, he banished the idea, knowing he couldn’t allow his thoughts to go anywhere in that direction.
“Now, provided your references check out, how soon can you start?” he asked, not certain he could believe his good fortune.
She frowned a bit. “I’ve been staying at the Saddle Falls Hotel in town, so as soon as you check my references, I can pack up my things and start right away.”
“Well, the Saddle Falls Hotel belongs to the Ryans, so I can arrange to have someone bring your things out,” he said. At her look of surprise, he grinned. “Our family owns a great many businesses, including this ranch.” He glanced around at the home he loved, knowing he could never live anywhere else. “I handle the ranch. Jake, the oldest of my brothers, handles all the real estate acquisitions, and Josh my other brother, who is a lawyer, manages all the Ryan family businesses.”
“Do they all live here?” she asked, feeling daunted all of a sudden. It had never occurred to her that she might have to deal with Jared Ryan’s whole family as well as him.
Jared shook his head. “No, Jake just got married, and he lives in a smaller house at the back of the ranch with his wife, Rebecca. But they’re in Texas right now. My brother Josh mostly stays at his place in town—it’s actually a small apartment on the top floor of the hotel. And I, of course, live here on the ranch with the boys. Then there’s my grandfather, Tommy Ryan.” Jared’s lips curved. “Tommy’s the patriarch of the family. He’s retired now, but still keeps his hand in things so he doesn’t get too bored. And, of course, the twins keep him active and busy. He lives here—actually, this is his house. And then there’s Mrs. Taylor.”
“Your rather absentminded cook?”
Jared laughed. “Yes. She has her own suite of rooms at the back of the house, as will you, although yours will be on the other side.” He frowned suddenly.
“What’s wrong?” Natalie asked with a frown of her own, a frission of alarm
racing over her.
“You don’t by any chance cook, do you?” he asked, with such hope she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Actually, I love to cook.” Tilting her head, she studied him with a look akin to suspicion. “Why?”
His mouth quirked at the corners and he tried to contain a smile. “Because Mrs. Taylor is semi-retired and now she only works three days a week, and then only if she feels like it.” He shrugged. “She’s been with the family since Tommy brought her over from Ireland about nineteen years ago, and is more a part of the family than an employee. But lately she’s been a bit absentminded, and I’m a little worried about her growing confusion, working around the stove and all. Until I find a new full-time cook, Mrs. Taylor is it, unless you can help out.”
Natalie nodded in understanding. “Well, I can understand your concern, but if she won’t mind sharing her kitchen with a stranger, I’d love to take over some of the cooking duties.” With a shrug, she smiled. “It’s been a long time since I had anyone to cook for, and I think I’d enjoy it.”
“Well, we’ve got plenty of people for you to cook for, and if you can boil hot dogs or make macaroni and cheese, the boys will be in heaven.”
“Well, those just happen to be two of my specialties,” she said with a laugh, realizing that during the time Jared had been interviewing her, some of the tension had left her, and she’d begun to relax.
“Great.” Jared rolled his tired shoulders, wishing for a long, hot shower. But the day wasn’t done yet. “I’ll tell you what—dinner is just about ready—”
“You hope.”
Nodding, he laughed, realizing he was going to enjoy having her around to banter with. “Yes, I hope. Why don’t you stay for dinner? I’ll grab a quick shower, and you can get better acquainted with the boys. I’d like to tell them you’re going to be staying to take care of them, after I check you references, of course. If everything pans out, you can start in the morning.”
Anything for Her Family Page 4
