Who had helped Natalie? a small voice inside his head whispered. Who had helped her when she was left alone, her children kidnapped, her money gone, with nowhere to turn?
He knew the answer, and he didn’t much like it.
No one.
She’d had no family, no one to look out for her or the boys, no one to protect her. The thought caused a hard ball of pain to settle low in his gut.
She’d been alone, victimized and frightened, at the mercy of a madman who couldn’t have cared less about her or the boys. Jared’s fists clenched impotently and he vowed that no matter what, this night would not end until he was certain, absolutely certain, that neither Natalie nor the boys would ever be victims again.
He shook his brother’s hand. “Jake, I know you’ve got an early morning flight—”
“It’s canceled,” Jake said firmly. “Family comes first. Rebecca and I aren’t going anywhere until this matter is settled.”
“Ditto for me, bro,” Josh said, picking up his mug and draining it. “I’ve put the night manager at the hotel on notice that I’m going to be out for the rest of the night, possibly longer.” He shrugged, then flashed a wicked, charming grin. “That’s why I pay him. To handle things when I’m not there.” He clamped a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Go do what you need to do. Jake and I will hold down the fort here.” Josh gave his brother’s shoulder a squeeze. “No one will get past us, bro. Natalie and the boys will be safe.”
Jared managed a smile, knowing his brothers would die before letting any harm come to his family.
His family.
He blinked, wondering when he’d started thinking of Natalie as his family.
Right about the time he’d fallen in love with her.
He loved her.
The knowledge that he’d fallen in love with Natalie staggered him and he wondered how he could have been so blind. From the moment he’d laid eyes on her, from the moment she’d stepped into his life—his boys’ lives, every moment had been leading to this. He knew it in his heart, but his mind had simply refused to accept or acknowledge it.
But now, with his family’s welfare at stake, he knew that he couldn’t deny his own feelings any longer.
Not for Natalie.
He loved her.
And at the moment, he had no idea what to do about it. But he didn’t have to worry about it at the moment. At the moment, all he had to think about was that his brothers would protect his family and keep them safe.
He smiled at his brothers. “Thanks, guys.”
Tommy nudged him along. “Come, lad, I’ve got a few tips to pass along, as I mentioned.” Whistling softly to disguise his worry, the old man ambled down the long marble foyer toward the front door, pausing just as he reached it. “Lad.” He turned to Jared, the worry clear in his crystal blue eyes. “I understand your need to do this, but you need to be careful as well.”
Jared smiled, his heart filled with overwhelming love for his grandfather. “I already promised I’d be careful.”
Tommy leveled him with a gaze. “Sometimes it’s difficult to be careful when emotions are in turmoil.”
“I’m fine.” He hated how cold and clipped his voice sounded, but he didn’t think he could talk about Natalie and what had happened yet. He needed to take care of this business, to make sure she and the boys were safe, before he could analyze his own feelings about what had happened, or even attempt to make sense of it.
“You know, Son,” Tommy began slowly. “It comes to mind what I would have done had we found Jesse.”
Jared frowned, not understanding. “What does finding Jesse have to do with the Natalie?”
“Everything, Son.” Tommy grinned. “Simply everything.” Cocking his head, the old man held his grandson’s gaze. “If we’d have found Jesse, would you have had it that we not claim him, not let him know he was a Ryan? But simply leave him be?”
“Of course not,” Jared snapped, not seeing the correlation. “Jesse was—is a Ryan. Always was, always will be. We’d do everything we could to claim him, to let him know who he was.” The thought of doing anything else appalled him.
“Aye, of course,” Tommy said with a nod. “And so Natalie’s boys were always hers. Her family. All she had in the world. As we would have claimed Jesse from wherever or whoever had him, Natalie came to claim her family, as well.” Tommy shrugged, knowing the lad would need time to digest this. “You can’t fault her for that, Son. Not at all.”
The thought simmered in Jared’s mind, and he realized Tommy had a point. They would no more have walked away from Jesse had they found him then Natalie could have walked away from the boys, pretending she’d never found them.
Such a thing was simply not an option.
“But she deliberately lied to me, deceived me—all of us.” Jared shook his head, his emotions torn, his thoughts confused. Had he been too harsh? Had he been too judgmental? He honestly didn’t know anymore, not when he put himself in Natalie’s place, not even when he realized what he’d do had he found his brother.
“Aye, trust is a fragile thing, Son, as is love. Now family, that’s where strength lies.” Tommy patted Jared’s shoulder. “She was protecting her children, her family, from a madman, in the only way she knew how. I can’t fault her for it, for I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing had we found Jesse.” Tommy waited a beat. “Can you, Son? Can you say you’d do differently, knowing what was at stake?” He held his grandson’s gaze for a long, silent moment. “And I’d make no apologies for it, either,” Tommy added firmly.
Jared merely stared at his grandfather.
“Okay, Son, off with you now,” Tommy said, before Jared could sort through his thoughts enough to offer a response. “Do what you must, knowing your family is here, behind you, always. Remember, it’s always wise to use your head instead of your fists.” Tommy grinned suddenly. “But know your fists are an option.”
Tommy pulled open the front door, pleased to see the two men standing in the shadows. “And mind your step, Son.” He clamped a hand on Jared’s arm, heavy enough to remind the lad of what he expected. “Mind your step as you go.”
With a sigh, Jared rubbed his weary eyes, then glanced in his rearview mirror. It had taken him almost three hours round-trip to drive to Las Vegas and track Kathryn down. It had been a very costly visit, but well worth the ten thousand dollar check he’d left in her hands, he thought grimly, slowly pulling into the long, winding drive that led to the main ranch house.
Stifling a yawn, he parked the car, then stepped out with a frown, wondering why the kitchen light was on. It was almost dawn. His brothers and Tommy should have been asleep long ago, right after he’d called and told them what had happened.
Nerves still thrumming, Jared quietly let himself into the kitchen, grateful that Ditka and Ruth were sleeping outside in their doghouse, or their barking would wake up the whole house.
Weary, he stopped short when he spotted Natalie sitting at the kitchen table, her hands hugging a mug of coffee.
“Nat, what are you doing up?” He shut the door quietly behind him, then took a deep breath before turning to face her. He’d spent most of the three-hour drive thinking about what she’d told him, and what Tommy had said, and now he had a few things to say himself.
But he’d been hoping to have some time to sort through things, to say them in the proper order. He’d never expected her to still be up and awake.
“Waiting for you,” she said quietly, letting her gaze feast on him.
“It’s late,” he said unnecessarily, slipping off his leather jacket and hanging it on a peg by the back door. “You didn’t have to wait up.”
“Yes,” she corrected firmly. “I did.” She glanced down at her coffee, then drew the front of her robe tighter. “Your brothers told me where you went.” Her worried gaze searched his. Other than looking drawn and tired, he didn’t seem any the worse for wear, she thought in relief. She’d feared that if he actually found Raymond, they mi
ght come to blows. Not that she didn’t think Jared would come out on top, but she wasn’t certain of Raymond’s mental state, and fighting was always a dicey proposition.
“Got any more of that coffee?” He headed toward the cabinet to get a cup.
“I just made a fresh pot.” She waited while he poured himself a cup before speaking again. “Are we going to make small talk or are you going to tell me what happened?” Fear had shortened her patience to the breaking point. Her heart ached from just looking at him, knowing what they could have had, knowing what they’d lost.
Saying nothing, Jared took a sip of his coffee, watching her over the rim of his cup, before pulling out a chair opposite her.
“It’s over, Nat,” he said softly, laying his hand over hers. Her eyes slid shut for a moment as she savored his touch. It seemed like it had been an eternity since he’d touched her.
Then her eyes open and she blinked to clear her mind. “W-what do you mean?” she asked, afraid to hope, afraid to dream that this nightmare could really be over.
“I’m sorry, Nat,” he said softly, lifting her hand to cradle it in his. “Raymond’s…dead.”
She gasped, her free hand going to her mouth as tears filled her eyes. “Jared, you didn’t?” The thought that he could have done something that would put him in jail, or go against his own moral fiber, terrified her.
“No, Nat. I didn’t kill him. The police killed him. I went to Kathryn’s, and she told me everything. She’s stayed in contact with Raymond over the years—well, at least since she left me. Apparently Raymond knew her father, and consequently, knew her. He was paying her to call once a year to check things out, to make sure that you hadn’t found the boys. Up until now, she’s had nothing to report. This time, well, it was my fault Raymond discovered you’d found the boys. Do you remember the night we went out to dinner and I told you she’d called?”
Natalie nodded.
“Well, I guess I was so pleased that the boys and I had found someone who made us happy that I couldn’t help but brag a bit. I told her about you.” He shrugged, sipped his coffee, aware that he was so tired every muscle ached. “I told her your name. She reported it to Raymond, apparently unaware of the truth of the situation—that you were the boys’ mother and that Raymond had stolen them.” Jared shook his head. “Raymond used her just like he used everyone else. She took Raymond’s money, and told him everything I’d said. That’s how he knew you’d found the boys.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, Nat, for putting you and the boys in this position.”
“No, don’t be sorry, Jared. You had no way of knowing. So tell me, what happened after you left Kathryn’s?”
“She gave me Raymond’s address, or at least the last place she knew he was living. I was sorely tempted to go there myself, to teach the man a lesson about terrorizing women and children, but I knew if I did I might not be able to control myself and I’d do something I’d regret.” He dragged a hand through his hair. He was so tired even his scalp hurt. “So I called an old friend of Tommy’s from the FBI, told him the whole story. He ran Raymond’s name through the computer, found the outstanding warrant for kidnapping the boys, along with all the other charges. When they went to arrest Raymond, he resisted. Raymond pulled a gun and…” Jared shrugged. “He left them no choice. He was confirmed dead on the scene.”
Jared reached for her hand again, noticing it was icy and trembling. “I’m sorry, Nat. Truly I am.” His voice was so full of sympathy that she shook her head fiercely.
“No, don’t, please don’t be sorry, Jared.” Tears filled her eyes, then spilled over. “I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry that his death brings not sadness, but relief, relief from the fear and terror he’s inflicted on me for so many years.” Wiping her damp face with her free hand, Natalie shook her head. “I know I should have some sympathy for him, feel something, maybe even guilt. He was the boys’ father, after all. But I can’t. I simply can’t.” She closed her eyes again and pressed her hand to her frantically beating heart, trying to let the reality of the situation sink in. She and the boys were finally safe and blissfully free from any more of Raymond’s threats. So how could she feel guilty? “The boys will finally, truly be safe now.” Her watery gaze shifted to his. “Thank you, Jared.” She squeezed his hand. “Thank you for giving me something I never thought I’d have.” She managed a smile, lifting his hand and pressing it to her lips, wanting to feel contact with him just one last time. “You’ve given me a sense of peace and freedom from fear, and I didn’t think I’d ever have that.” She shook her head. “I’ve lived with this fear for so long…” Her voice clogged with tears and she stopped, glancing down at their entwined hands, her heart still aching because she knew she’d lost this wonderful man. She and the boys might be safe, but she’d lost Jared. And she had no idea how she’d go on without him. “I…don’t know how to thank you.”
“Well,” he began carefully, “if you really want to thank me, you can start by saying you’ll stay at least until we can get all this straightened out.” His gaze searched hers and he held his breath, afraid to hope. They had to come to a decision about the boys, and that would take time.
“You want me to stay?” she repeated, her heart leaping with joy. “Here?”
Jared sighed. “At least until we get the situation about the boys settled.” He blew out a breath, glanced down at his coffee, then back up at her, the ache in his heart visible in his eyes. “Nat, I was very angry and very hurt that you lied to me and betrayed me. I think I still am—”
“Oh, Jared.” Tears spilled down her cheeks, and Nat’s heart hurt a bit more. “I never meant to lie to you or deceive you.” She squeezed his hand, let the tears fall. “I knew from the moment I met you that you were a very special man, the kind of man I’d long ago stopped believing existed. I knew that I was falling in love with you, and knew that I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help myself.”
“You were falling in love with me?” he asked in surprise, feeling his heart leap in hope.
She smiled, wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Yes, Jared, almost from the start. You were so kind, so gentle, so giving and loving, how could I not love you?” She shook her head. “But I was torn between protecting the boys and loving you.” She shrugged. “I knew I couldn’t do both. I couldn’t love you and lie to you. It’s just not me, Jared.” She lifted her gaze to his. “But I fell in love with you anyway, knowing you’d probably never be able to forgive me for deceiving you.” The truth hurt far more than she’d ever imagined. Finding this kind of man, this kind of love, and then losing it was far more painful than if she had never found it at all.
He studied her beautiful face. “Natalie, I understand why you had to lie and deceive me.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “And I’d like to think I would have done the same thing to protect the boys. But I wish you would have trusted me enough to just tell me the whole truth.” He rubbed his stubbled jaw with his free hand, unwilling to let go of hers. “I know you did what you did because you love the boys and wanted to protect them. I understand that, because I love them, too, Nat. I always have.”
“Oh, Jared.” Tears started again, but this time they were tears of hope. “I know that. I’ve always known that.” She had to swallow. “But Jared, you have to understand, I’ve never had anyone I could trust, at least not since my father died. Especially a man,” she added softly. “I was terrified. Trusting you meant placing my life and the boys’ lives in your hands.”
“I know that, Nat. But that’s what you do when you love someone. You trust them. It goes with the territory.”
“Jared?” She searched his face. “Before all this happened you asked me to think about making our relationship more personal.” She had to take a deep breath before continuing. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to trust me again? I mean, really trust me, in order to do that—to make our relationship…personal?”
His smile was slow in coming, but beautiful. “I don’t have any choice but to trust you,
Nat. You see, I love you, too.” He shrugged. “And like I said, if you love someone, you trust them. I understand that now, perhaps better than I ever have before. Trusting is an integral part of love. I know that what you did you did out of love, out of a need to protect the boys. I can’t say that I would have handled it any differently.”
“Jared?” She was afraid to hope, afraid to believe he truly meant it. “Do…do you really…love me?”
Cocking his head, he smiled that beautiful smile that always caused her thoughts to scatter like leaves in a fall wind. “Absolutely, Nat. Without a doubt. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“Oh, Jared.” She simply couldn’t speak, her heart was so full. Finally, she blew out a breath, gathered her thoughts and continued. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I do trust you, something I never thought I’d be able to do with another man. But I do.” She held on to his hand for dear life, wanting his warmth, his nearness like she’d never wanted anything else.
“I know, hon.” Jared lifted his other hand to stroke her cheek, loving her. “I trust you as well, and I never thought I’d be able to say that about a woman again, either.” He finally smiled. “Nat, I’d like you to marry me, to stay here and make a home with me and the boys.” He hesitated, not certain about this part, since they’d never talked about it. “I’d…I’d like you to have a family with me.”
“You want more children?” she asked in surprise. He was offering her every dream she’d ever had, but never expected to come true. She wasn’t certain her heart could be any fuller.
He laughed. “Dozens. And a dozen more after that.” He lifted her hand to his lips, closed his eyes, then kissed her. “Marry me, Nat. Please? Forgive me for behaving like a jackass, forgive me for not understanding, and most importantly, forgive me for not being there to protect you and the boys. You’re my life, all three of you, and I love you more than life itself. Marry me?”
She leaped from the chair and into his lap, nearly toppling them both over backward. “Yes!” She grabbed his face in her hands, planting kisses all over it. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
Anything for Her Family Page 16
