He shrugged and offered an explanation. “It’s just that you guys are going to have to drive up there and if . . . if something were to . . . happen . . . while you’re there, I think you should have someone to drive you back home.”
Alaina couldn’t help but ask. “Okay, Cam, seriously, what gives? A year ago you were making fun of me and giving me a hard time about the fact that I was working sixty hours a week, thirty of which were totally illegal by the way, just so that I could support my brother. And now you want to help out and accompany me to the hospital? It just doesn’t add up.”
Cam let out a frustrated sigh but his voice was as gentle as she’d heard it the first night they’d ever hung out together all those years ago. “I told you, Alaina, I acted like a jerk before and I’m trying to do better. There is no catch. No ulterior motive. I should have been there to help you the first time and I wasn’t, so I’m here now.”
Alaina paused and found her gaze shifting to Ben. Cam had a point. Ben looked as bad as she’d ever seen him. What if something happened? It would be nice to have someone around to help with things. In fact, it’d just be nice to have someone around that was close to her own age. Someone that could provide a means of company in the daily hospital waiting grind.
She looked back up to Cam, considering a silent ultimatum in her mind. Finally, she voiced it aloud. “So you really want to help?”
“I really want to help.”
“And you promise you’re not going to get up there and flake out and leave us stranded?”
He gave her an are you serious? look. “No, Alaina, I’m not going to leave you and your elderly grandmother stranded in Birmingham.”
“And you’re not going to be bringing any kind of mind altering substances with you on our trip?”
Cam scoffed. “Really?” She shrugged. “No, I will not be bringing alcohol or anything else to the hospital with me.” He let a light grin slip. “Are there any more questions?”
She considered and couldn’t believe she was about to say what she was thinking.
“Uh, yeah, just one. If things really do get bad . . . and I start to kind of . . . lose it . . . can you maybe not say anything and just hug me like you did earlier?”
Cam’s brow rose a bit and he reached out an open hand. “So are you saying we’re friends again?”
Alaina spoke softly. “Yeah, we’re friends.” She reached out her hand in return and gave his a slight shake. “And I think I might like it if you come with us to Birmingham.”
It took less than an hour for the chopper to land on the rooftop pad at the Thomas Hospital. An air evacuation team transported Ben from the ER to the chopper within only a matter of minutes. Alaina and Granny Mae caught a ride home with Cam who dropped them off in the drive. Their stay in Birmingham was expected to be a couple of days, but somehow Alaina knew it was going to turn into more. She could feel it. It was different this time. Ben was different. She and Granny Mae were going to pack their bags and wait for Cam to return with his belongings. He would be driving them in Granny Mae’s car so that they could get a little sleep before the long, constantly interrupted hospital nights.
The act of abandoning Ben to that chopper was almost more than Alaina could bear, but his medical team insisted it was for the best. They warned that she would need her things and some rest. The drive up to Birmingham would give the staff at the treatment center enough time to get Ben stabilized and tucked comfortably into a room. It had taken quite a bit of convincing on their part, but eventually Alaina had agreed to stay behind, admitting that what they were saying did make sense.
And as for her parents broken down car, well, turns out Cam was going to get the opportunity to help out with more than just the tire that day. Since graduation, he’d been working at old Mr. Martin’s mechanic shop. All it took was one phone call and the car was towed to the garage and put on the list to be repaired.
Now all that was left to do was drive and wait, and drive and wait some more. And as Alaina sat in the backseat, staring listlessly out the rain-soaked glass, she tried to will her mind to slow down and pass into sleep mode. But she simply wasn’t tired. She tried reading her Bible with the aid of a clip-on book light. She tried listening to the radio. Nothing worked, and she was still awake when Cam finally found a parking spot on the fifth floor of the treatment center parking garage around three o’clock that morning.
Granny Mae called on the way down and reserved them a room in the Annex portion of the hospital—a hotel type area attached to the South wing. Alaina didn’t even bother stopping by the room to drop off luggage. Instead, she and Cam went straight for Ben’s room and let Granny Mae take the comfortable bed for the night. Alaina checked in at the nurses’ station on Ben’s floor just long enough to get the details of his status. His vitals were improving gradually but he was still in need of IV fluids for hydration. It was definitely going to be a while before he would be discharged.
When Alaina finished with the nurses, she and Cam made the trek down the cold, white-walled hallway to Ben’s room. Beside his bed was a hard leather chair that appeared to have the capacity to recline. Against the opposite wall was a cot with a single pillow resting on top of a couple of meticulously folded blankets. Ben lay peacefully tucked underneath three layers of starched white sheets. His IV tubing was still in place and the oxygen tube remained firmly attached to his nostrils. His eyes fluttered slightly as he dreamt. Alaina imagined that, between the morphine for pain and the sheer exhaustion his disease caused his body, Ben hadn’t stirred since he’d been admitted earlier that evening.
Sometimes, Alaina couldn’t help but look at Ben and the scene around her and wonder how it had all come to this.
“You want the bed or the chair?” Cam asked, breaking through Alaina’s thoughts.
She took another look at Ben. “I’ll take the chair.” She sat down, but not before grabbing one of the blankets off of the cot. Cam tried to hand her the pillow, but she refused it. Instead, she pushed the recliner as close to Ben’s bed as it would possibly go, curled up in a little ball under her blanket, and laid her head on the mattress next to Ben’s shoulder.
His breathing was so faint. Steady enough, but Alaina knew her brother well enough to recognize the struggle in it. He was getting worse, enough to observe noticeable differences by the day. Alaina wrapped her fingers around her brother’s tiny hand and gave it a light squeeze. What she wouldn’t do to take the sickness away from him. Ben was nothing less than extraordinary. He was smart and talented and had the type of personality that couldn’t help but grow on even the coldest of hearts.
Alaina loved him more than she loved herself, but she also knew that Ben didn’t belong to her. Ben was God’s child and if it was time for him to go home, then she would have to accept that. God loved children. Jesus spoke of that love with his disciples on several occasions. Those passages were some of Alaina’s favorites because they provided comfort. She knew that she didn’t have to worry about Ben after he was gone. God loved him and would take care of him until they could be together again.
There were a lot of things in the world that provided distractions and temptations. Alaina wasn’t above all of that. She felt those urges just like everyone else around her. And there were times when she wanted to ponder every misfortune of her past and get angry. It would be so easy to scream and curse and blame God for all of her struggles. For the unfairness of being forced to grow up long before she was supposed to. For the agony of losing her parents without a moment’s notice, and then briefly after watching her little brother die before her very eyes. But Ben wouldn’t want that. Ben was an iridescent light in a world that shown black as coal. His faith in God’s power and love far surpassed anyone’s that Alaina had ever met. Ben was ready to go home to his Father—ready to no longer feel the pain and just be in a place where he could run, cancer free, in heaven’s garden. That thought, if nothing else in her entire life, would be enough to keep Alaina in God’s will. She knew Ben’s destin
y and there was no way she was going to mess up getting the chance to see him again after his life was over. She knew God had big plans for them, even if those plans were not to unfold during their short time on Earth.
Alaina understood that sometimes life threw curveballs. Well, she’d been thrown a bowling ball. But she would be okay because every step of the way, no matter what types of unexpecteds she encountered, Alaina felt God’s hand on her life—guiding her path and providing her with everything she needed at just the right times.
With that thought, her gaze involuntarily shifted to Cam. He lay on the cot, curled up underneath the thin knit blanket with his blonde hair spiking out around the pillow, his back turned toward her as he faced the wall. He remained fully dressed, sneakers and all. It was strange to see him in that setting—in the hospital with her when they hadn’t spent time together in almost two years. But oddly, it didn’t feel wrong. Alaina didn’t feel uncomfortable allowing Cam to see her vulnerability in the hospital setting because he’d seen it all before. They’d been dating only a few short months when Ben was diagnosed. A couple of doctors visits in and Cam hit the door running. After that Alaina had tried so hard to hate Cam, to remain angry and keep her heart closed to him as punishment for his rejection, but it didn’t work. No one can love God, deliberately try to follow his will, and still despise another person. The two emotions won’t fit within a person at the same time . . . or at least not without a battle, which was exactly what Alaina had felt ever since Cam left. A battle in her mind over her dislike for Cam vs. her obligation to forgive him.
She wanted to hate him for leaving her—for not sticking around and providing her with the strength and support and comfort that she’d needed—but he’d only been sixteen at the time. What had she really expected him to do? It only made sense for him to run, and now that she looked back on things, she was kind of glad he did. Cam deserved to have a childhood and following Alaina around and playing grown up with her wasn’t in his job description. Through much prayer since their split, God had revealed to Alaina that Cam made the right decision in leaving and she’d finally accepted that.
It was that realization that made her understand why it was impossible for Ethan to stay. Alaina had replayed that night over and over again in her mind. Walking in to find Ethan’s lips pressed against another girl’s. The truth of his past being thrown at her through sardonic annotations. The desperate look on his face as he’d begged her to let him stay. She’d wanted to let him stay. Oh, how she’d wanted to let him stay. But it was Cam that taught her it was best for Ethan to go. Ethan deserved a childhood, too. He deserved to go out and live his dreams without Alaina’s situation holding him back. And it was that thought alone that ran through her mind repeatedly that night at the pier as she’d insisted on his leaving. Without that realization, she would’ve had no choice but to tell Ethan that very second that he was forgiven and beg him to leave everything for her and stay. Just stay and be with her and help see her through this storm.
But, like he needed to, Ethan had left. And it was for the best.
But Alaina couldn’t shake him. Even now, sitting in the dark, chilled hospital room with the smell of antibacterial foaming soap in the air, Ethan was in her thoughts. He stayed in her thoughts and every little thing reminded her of him. She remembered every detail of his face. Every expression and every type of smile. She could still smell his cologne as if he were standing right next to her. The memories were nothing but gut wrenching depictions of what she could never have. And her prayer lately was more of a desperate plea. She needed relief. As much as her heart hurt for her brother, it hurt almost as much for the loss of her first love. He’d been the one thing that brightened her dark nights. The umbrella in her thunderstorm. And now he was gone.
"Please God," she’d pray. "I can’t do this alone. I don’t want to burden anyone, but I need somebody. When Ben’s gone, I’ll be alone. I don’t have anybody left."
And then there was Cam. Of all people. God had an interesting sense of humor. Alaina wasn’t sure what had changed Cam’s mind, and she still hadn’t forgotten his drunken tirade at the beach, but things were different this time.
Cam had come to her. He’d asked to help. His involvement was his own idea and Alaina didn’t feel like she’d forced anything on him or asked him of something he wasn’t ready for. Cam was there of his own accord and his company alone was all Alaina needed to have the strength to make it through whatever would happen in the days to come.
Sometimes God answered her prayers in unexpected ways and Alaina understood when God was speaking to her. Her prayer wasn’t for a romance or a replacement to fill the hole in her heart with Ethan’s name on it. Her prayer was for a friend.
Her answer was Cam.
Chapter 28
Ethan
Ethan felt as if his life was soaring by in a nauseating blur. Ted wasn’t lying when he said he had connections. Within a week of leaving Bruce McCloud hanging out to dry, Ethan was hooked up with Ted’s brother, Percy, at GIG Music Group, which was also located in New York City.
Once there, Ethan worked with a few musicians, put some notes to his lyrics, and clocked some hours in the recording studio. During his stay in Fairhope, he’d written his first Christian song based on the display of strength and faith he’d witnessed through little Ben and his sister. He’d shelled out several more songs while finishing up his tour, each a story depicting the walk of a new believer. Some were about the joys of surrender. Some were about the struggles of surrender. Some were just about how exceedingly lucky Ethan felt to have been plucked from the pit he’d been dipping into in his previous life. But, despite the context, each song was a raw depiction of Ethan’s heart and soul, and each was one-hundred percent the work of his own hands.
He was finally singing his own music.
One of the downfalls to Ethan’s recent toggle of genres was the media attention he’d drawn to himself. Skeptical reporters sat around like vultures, mocking his decision for spirituality, and seeming to simply wait for him to mess up one time so that they could snap that one incriminating picture that would ruin his entire testimony of change. In fact, Ethan had taken to hulling up in a small writer’s room at his record label’s establishment just to find some peace. He spent most of his days there finishing up what little homeschooling work he had left to do to graduate, reading his grandfather’s old tattered Bible for inspiration, and scheming up lyrics to a song that he only hoped would reach out to kids struggling with the same temptations he’d once succumbed to.
Percy had voiced to Ethan, upon signing him, that he thought that since Ethan was coming off of this big headline tour, it would be a good idea to get him out performing his new music as soon as possible as to spread the word of his new sound. The only problem was that Ethan only had a handful of songs in which to perform thus far, so the solution was to book him as an opener in Toby Mac’s Winterslam Tour. If the fans were accepting of him, and his new music went over as well as everyone hoped, then he would be looking into possibly releasing a full album at the end of the tour and traveling solo for a while with those songs.
Percy had high hopes for Ethan. The news of Ethan’s revolt against his bad influencing agent had spread like wildfire, and to Ethan’s relief, his fans seemed to be siding with him. His social networking sites were blowing up with supportive comments. The song he wrote in Fairhope had been released on iTunes only a couple of weeks prior and was already in the top ten of the Billboard Charts for Christian music. Percy had even voiced recently that he hoped to begin plans on Ethan’s own headline tour a few months after his album release.
All in all, life couldn’t be going any better for Ethan.
Well, except for one thing. Ethan had been having a nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach lately, and it was around midnight when he finally discovered the cause. He knew something had been tugging at his subconscious, making it impossible for his mind to slow enough to sleep, but couldn’t figure out what it
was. It was in the midst of a restless prayer when the thought simply popped into his mind. And he knew he was right. As much as it pained him, he knew he was right.
At least once every day, Ethan checked his Facebook page. And not because he was addicted to social networking or because his new agent expected him to maintain a certain online status. He checked it because ever since he’d left Fairhope, Ben had written him messages almost every night. At first, they’d started out as angry little rants about Ethan just taking off and leaving him for no reason. Then they’d turned to pleas for him to come back. Then they’d morphed into letters of the type of forgiveness that only a child could muster. And finally, they were just updates on life. Ben told him about Granny Mae and church and how things were going around the house. He’d talk about Alaina and how she was still working all the time. He updated Ethan on how he was feeling. Some days Ben’s messages had a happy undertone, and others they were more of a quest for answers. And throughout it all, the days upon months of continuous messaging from his little friend, Ethan had never replied to even one of them.
Ethan had come a long way in his walk with God. He’d let go of many of the ghosts of his past. Found ways to forgive others and found ways to forgive himself. But the thing he’d never been able to get past was Ben. Ethan loved Alaina and missed her with all his heart, but he deserved what he got with her. He’d brought it on himself when he’d chosen to not be honest with her from the beginning. He understood that. But Ben . . . Ben was so little and didn’t understand the complications a relationship could bring. Ethan had abandoned him. He’d walked in, treated the little guy like garbage, then befriended him, and then left him. Ethan understood why Ben was confused and wondered what Alaina had told him about why he’d left. He knew he owed Ben an apology and an explanation, but there was just something about the thought of that little face scrunching up in a stubborn look of disappointment that Ethan couldn’t bear to see. So instead of doing what he knew was right and facing Ben like a man and apologizing . . . Ethan kept quiet and resorted to reading Ben’s letters everyday as if they were the most important piece of literature other than his Bible.
Redemption Song Page 23
