“Where did the others go?” She yawned.
“Your girl, Catalina, took Midian and Major home with her and I think Dominique snuck out with Vin.”
“Sneaky bitches didn’t even say goodnight.” Sam leaned back against the couch and took a sip.
“Why don’t you go get ready for bed? I’ll tuck you in like I used to.” Jimmy began cleaning up the mess scattered around them.
After stumbling her way to her bedroom, she brushed her teeth in her personal bathroom and then found her favorite band T-shirt in her closet. Jimmy stood in the doorway as she undressed and slipped the shirt over her body.
“I’m going to use your bathroom. You need anything?”
Just you. She wanted to say but didn’t. Instead, she shook her head, fervently praying all her feminine products, bras and birth control were put away.
While he was occupied, she took a moment to open up her nightstand and look for Miles’ letter. Every night since she’d received the letters for her and Jimmy, she’d read hers. The smooth aged paper felt good in her hands. Her last lifeline to a man who meant the world to her. She rubbed her fingers over his words and let her eyes devour the text.
My dearest Sam,
You have lived through too much grief. I never thought this would happen. Me contributing to your loss. I remember the first time I saw you scramble up the trellis into Jimmy’s room. Thick as thieves you two became, with you barely speaking English at first. Jimmy and I earned our first detention from punching that fuckhole Thomas Kincaide for picking on you because you had to take English as a second language. Early on it appeared we’d be your muscle until years later when your insane talent took you away from us. Who needs to speak when music says it all, right? Beautiful, you are an amazing beautiful woman and I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished and saddened that I won’t get to continue to watch you grow.
I need you to do something for me. Something big that you may not know how to do, or where to start. What I need is for you to find yourself. Not who your parents wanted you to be, or your music coaches and the fans pushing you, expected you to be. You never took a break once you were thrust into the symphony, not as a kid or a young adult. I looked into you and found a lost girl, I needed to shield. My error was overprotecting you and allowing you to run to me for everything, instead of pushing you to find your own answers because there has to be a balance. You’re a smart girl. In time, I know you’ll find where you fit in outside of music and all the stressors that come with life. Find happiness wherever and with whoever brings you the greatest joy. Wake up each morning and live to the fullest.
I have two regrets in my life. Leaving you and stealing you from my brother.
Please forgive me for being selfish when you have always been so selfless. I always knew he was the one, but couldn’t stand by and watch your heart break as he globe trotted and didn’t realize he had everything he needed and wanted waiting for him to get a clue. In my brother’s shadow, I filled that void in your life and eased the pain of your loneliness. Honor my memory by continuing to play your sweet music. Honor my love for you by not hiding behind your smile when you’re in a world of hurt. Honor my faith by believing, and honor my brother by being his rock, let him in to be yours. My final request. Give him his letter from me when the time is right. You know him better than anyone. I can see you biting your lip and rolling your eyes. You’re right. He is going to be highly pissed off that he’s being handled. Trust that his anger won’t last forever and in time he will understand why I entrusted you with this. Trust yourself and know Ma’s home is always yours, with or without Jimmy and myself. Sameera, I’m watching over you always and loving you.
Yours,
Miles
The bathroom door creaked open. Sam folded the letter and slipped it inside a book for safe keeping. She yawned and thought about when she’d give Jimmy his letter. The sealed envelope remained in her drawer alongside hers. On the bus. He wouldn’t have a chance to run, and his anger would hopefully abate since they’d be in close quarters. Many times she’d wanted to give it to him, but never felt the time was right. Secrets had a way of ruining shit. Jimmy rounded the bed. “Ready?” He drew the sheets over her and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips. “Goodnight, meerkat. See you on tour.” He let himself out of her room and she guessed out of her house. Drunk and full, she hoped sleep would come. After two hours of restlessness, she figured she wouldn’t be so lucky.
Rising, she headed to the living room and grabbed the bottle of wine and her guitar. She might as well work since she couldn’t pass out. All things led back to Jimmy. After landing on her bed with a grunt, she slipped her strap over her shoulder and began to hum while playing chords. A verse and chorus swam across her eyes. She grabbed her pen and pencil and began to get the words onto paper.
(Verse 1)
You wreck me
You wreck me
In more ways than one
Like a natural disaster
The damage is already done
Your twisted words, my broken soul
The devastation has taken its toll
(Chorus)
Like a fool I trusted you
Like a fool I fell for you
Like a fool I loved you
Until you stripped it all away
Yeah, you stripped it all away
This perfect storm still raging on
You can swallow your pride and I can say goodbye
To this perfect storm
To this perfect storm that consumes us all
(Verse 2)
Where have you been
Where is my only friend
Who used to listen who used to care
Thought I was different than the rest
Now you don’t know me
Now you don’t see me
Been missing you, been missing you
Silence in this eye of the storm
(Chorus)
Like a fool I trusted you
Like a fool I fell for you
Like a fool I loved you
Until you stripped it all away
Yeah, you stripped it all away
This perfect storm still raging on
You can swallow your pride and I can say goodbye
To this perfect storm
To this perfect storm that consumes us all
(Verse 3)
Your touch lit me on fire
Memories cascading down
Lost in the votex of pleasure
Loosing myself in you
Our betrayal stings like a blow
Destroying the life we knew
Can’t weather this pain
Can’t weather this pain
Can’t weather this pain
Of being safe in you
Chorus (repeat 1)
Like a fool I trusted you
Like a fool I fell for you
Like a fool I loved you
Until you stripped it all away
Yeah, you stripped it all away
This perfect storm still raging on
You can swallow your pride and I can say goodbye
To this perfect storm
Sameera put the pencil down. She cracked her knuckles and strummed her guitar. The clock on the stand read five in the morning. With a yawn, she laid down. The lyrics sat on sheets of loose paper next to her, her acoustic guitar on the other as she nodded off.
Chapter Four
“Rise and shine sleeping beauty.”
Sameera willed the uber cheery voice away, to no avail. She forced her sleep deprived eyes to open to see Catalina digging through her drawers.
“Go home. I need sleep.” No way would her best friend manage to get her up and moving. “You’re way too fucking chipper this morning.” She pulled her pillow over her head to block out the sheer happiness emanating from her.
“Yeah, call it getting laid, something you desperately need.”
“Rule number one. I don’t want to hear about your sexcapades with my band mem
bers.” Could there be anything worse than actually finding out how good the men who surrounded her really were? No, that was a boundary she didn’t need crossed. The last thing she wanted to know about was the size of their dicks, what position they fucked like beasts in and if they were good at eating pussy.
“Get up. Major sent me. You have to record your vocals for the single you’re going to record. Those brothers are intense.” Catalina sat down and paper crunched.
“Get off my new song.” Sameera swatted at her to save her newest baby.
“Ohhhh. New song? You haven’t written a song in a few months.” Catalina rose up and grabbed the sheet of paper. “This is really good. God, you should write more lyrics about Jimmy. You might have a fucking bestselling album. Call it Angst and Sex Deprived.”
“Hardy har har. How would you even know it’s about J.J.?”
“Uh…we’re besties. You haven’t let a man close to you since those brothers. It’s not about Miles. You kept him on an infallible pedestal of perfection. He couldn’t wring this much emotion from you on a good day. His death doesn’t count. That of course was hella emotional.”
Sam sighed. “I have a headache and I want another two hours to sleep.”
“You know I’m right, Sammie girl. This song is about damage running deep. It’s about choices made in the heat of the moment and destruction. You two are a perfect storm together because you keep fighting what’s meant to be. Some current keeps pulling you toward each other and slamming into you. I mean what were the odds that you’d be singing karaoke in a club and Jackson would see you? I know you, Sammie girl. You say you’re doing this for the guys. But are you really? I guess the question of the decade is will you both learn to give in and survive or keep drowning in your own stubbornness apart.”
“Yoda, go the fuck away and let me sleep. It’s too early for your psychologist mumbo jumbo.”
“No can do. I’m here to get you ready for the day and get you packed. Plus, I brought coffee. Plus you never dished on the goods. I have been dying for ages to know the difference between the brothers, now that I’ve fucked my own set.”
“Coffee?” The word perked her up, even as she rolled her eyes at the brothers comment. “Don’t be a bitch, where is my cup?”
“Tsk.Tsk.Tsk. Name calling isn’t necessary.”
“You’re withholding.” Sameera crawled out from under the covers, rolled off the bed and wrestled the godsend in a cup from Cat’s fingers. “Thank you,” she mumbled under her breath and took a sip of divine sin named mocha, caramel with a smidge of nutmeg and topped off with whipped cream.
“When I was with Miles, I got lost in his pretty brown eyes and tender touch. He never once lost control, but was deeply intense when he wanted to be. He was patient with my inexperience. His touch was like a gentle breeze and a misting rain and his kisses drugged me. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. I felt cherished and treasured when I was in his arms. I felt loved.” She took a sip of her coffee and spun the cup in her hand. “Jimmy is a different story. He is a cataclysmic event housed in one fine specimen of troubled male. When he kissed me it was like the Fourth of July in my mouth. The chemistry is ridiculous and a bit scary. He is almost the polar opposite of his brother. Jimmy’s intensity is out of this world. Like music, he fucks or makes love to a woman based on whatever emotion is driving him. The night of the funeral I embraced both sides, his sensitive and caring side when he took care of me, and later on his feral one where he lost all control. Both brothers packed a powerful punch in different ways that matched their personalities perfectly.”
“Fourth of July in your mouth? That was hot. Now, we need to get organized. You need about a month’s worth of clothes to take with you. Just in case you don’t come back to New York right away.”
“I don’t think that much is going to fit on the tour bus plus it’s only a two week short tour. Follow me to the kitchen. I need something to eat after sharing.”
“Like bagels drenched in cream cheese?”
Sam moaned in pleasure when she saw the table laden with bagels already smeared with the gooey goodness. “You are my bestie for a reason.”
“Except, I didn’t get the bagels. Carrie did. And she said pack a month’s worth of clothes since you get the master room on the bus and the guys get the bunks.”
“Makes sense.” She sat down at the breakfast counter and grabbed a bagel to calm her roaring stomach. She polished off the first in a few bites and bit into the second. “I’m going to miss you guys when I leave.” She frowned. “Too bad you can’t come with me.”
“We have to get back to the symphony to practice. You know we’re all in with you if we could be. Plus we’ll meet up and watch the show if our travel meshes. I wanna hook back up with the insatiable brothers again. God, their cocks are to literally drool for.”
“Cat, I have to live with those bozos day in and out. While I may have gotten a peek or two at all of their gorgeous year-round tanned physiques, I don’t need to know about the motion in the ocean.”
“I’m supposed to share, we’re best friends. Besides you just shared…It’s not like I’m telling you any of their trade secrets. And yep, there are trade secrets in fucking. Who knew? Definitely not me before their cocks filled me. And fuck me, if they don’t talk dirty in Greek or was it Spanish. Whatever it was, shit, was hot as hell. Now, let’s go pack. Shea and Garrick are waiting for you at a studio they rented for the day. It’s my job to get you ready to go.”
“I’m going to throw up my breakfast and coffee and damned if that bagel didn’t hit the spot.” Sameera threw the cream cheese container at Catalina.
“What, I am stupefied that I didn’t hook up with them a long time ago. Probably since I couldn’t decide which one I wanted. How was I supposed to know they enjoy sharing? What man shares nowadays?”
“Cat, you’re killing me. You had sex with brothers, do you really think that will end up in a relationship kind of thing?”
“Phenomenal sex and why not. We didn’t exactly fuck and they didn’t kick me out of their bed. We laid around and chatted about things, life. We cuddled and if we can cuddle after a threesome, then maybe being literally fucked unconscious can happen again and again.”
“My libido fucking hates you, bitch. I want to be fucked unconscious too.” Sam wrestled outfits back into her closet. “I don’t need to take that.”
“You have your orders. Use a toy, don’t give in just because I had a fabulous time. I can do one night stands or casual sex. You’ve tried casual sex, like never. The only dick that’s been in you is O’Riley dick.”
“I’ve had other lovers,” Sameera attempted to pull off the lie.
“No, you haven’t. Girl, we’d know if you had a one night stand or two. Now pack.”
“I can’t possibly need all of what you packed, Cat. Three suitcases, plus my cello, acoustic and electric guitars. I can’t believe the gross amount of underwear and bras you packed. I figured I’d take twenty pairs at most and seven bras. I swear half of one suitcase is new underwear and new bras.”
“You are about to embark on a new journey. No granny panties allowed or your cheap bras. So yes, Dom and I did an intervention and got you the best sets imaginable.”
“Who is going to see them? Remember—I’m not jumping on the Jimmy buffet.”
“Pfft. Girl, we meant right away, not ever. He just needs to see you’re not easy like those other girls who throw themselves at him. We have damage control to do with that due to Jacob. Damn, girl. Dry humping that sexy beast with your tongue down his throat was one wicked way to push Jimmy’s buttons, very brave if you ask me. You basically called an all-out war of the sexes.”
Sameera laughed. “Don’t you remember when he left with those three girls? Three, not one or two…three. I mean what does one do with three females?”
Catalina slipped her shades down to her nose and peered at her. “Really Sam? We are talking about Jimmy. I forget you don’t read the rags. I’ve h
eard his stamina for fucking is out of this world without drugs. He’s more of an alcohol kinda guy. Thank God. Drug usage is one train wreck we don’t need. I imagine he took out his rage on you with those three beauties. You were pretty bitchy that night. I bet it’s not every day someone slaps him in the face.”
“Slapping his smug face felt so damn good. I won’t apologize for enjoying knocking him down a peg after how he used me.” Sameera groaned as her friend drove them to the studio. It took a few layers of makeup to hide the puffy, sleep-deprived eyes.
“Uh, didn’t you tell me you basically begged him to fuck you and make you forget?”
Sam groaned. “Well, maybe, but then downstairs we did it again and he was such a distant ass and that is why he got slapped.”
“Whatevs. You had a choice to walk away and chose to ride his dick.”
“Whose side are you on, bestie?
“Yours of course, but I have to keep it real with you. You were wrong to slap him when you could’ve walked your near naked ass back up them steps and let him have time to cope with betraying his brother with you. Now you just have to decide when you are going to go for the gold with him.”
“Not with puffy eyes like this. Great, how am I going to compete with bitches when I look like death warmed over?”
“So you want to?”
“Cat, you tricked me.” She fussed as her friend pulled into the parking lot. “Of course, I want to, but don’t want to, too and the tour is not a good idea to mix business with pleasure. He’s just gonna have to accept no for an answer. Besides, he didn’t try to stay last night, or get into my bed. He knows we have to be professionals. I don’t want to be known for becoming famous on my back.”
“Cop out. You were famous before. Just a change of pace. Besides, what happens on the bus stays on the bus.”
“The papers are everywhere. Anyway, it’s a non-issue. He’ll be surrounded by a gaggle of groupies once he departs the stage.” She didn’t wait for her friend to answer, but got out of the car and headed into the building.
Kiss Me Deadly Page 7
