by R. R. Banks
“I thought that you might like to see the lights of the city from a different vantage point,” he said.
I looked around the inside of the helicopter. It wasn’t like anything that I would have imagined. Rather than just being a cockpit, there was a small cabin separated from the pilot with a wall featuring a movable glass panel. The cabin was decorated in a way that mirrored the feeling of The Diamond Mine and I looked at him with widened eyes.
“Is this yours?” I asked.
“It is,” Damien said with a smile. “My own little mining cart.”
I laughed and settled onto one of the plush seats, fastening my seatbelt over my lap in anticipation of takeoff. Nearly the entire cabin was made up of windows that allowed me to look out over the city as the helicopter rose into the air. The view was breathtaking and I felt transfixed by it the higher we rose and the further we traveled. Soon we were so high above the city that it had been reduced to only glittering lights beneath. I glanced over my shoulder at Damien.
“Like diamonds,” I said.
He nodded, making a sound of agreement. I could feel myself getting swept away by all of this. It was like I was suddenly existing in a different world, a world where I could do and be anything. The thought was oddly sobering. Rather than giving me a sense of thrilling liberation, it firmly grounded me, reminding me sternly of the life that I did have outside of this experience. As much as I felt that I was walking around in another life right now, I had to remember that this wasn’t reality. This wasn’t going to continue even after tonight and I was still going to have to exist in my own reality when I returned from the retreat and started rebuilding my life.
I realized that the helicopter was lowering and soon it landed. I looked to Damien.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“Another little surprise,” he said.
We got out of the helicopter and entered a luxurious hotel lobby. Immediately a sharply dressed man rushed up to us.
“Good evening, sir,” he said. “We’ve been preparing for your arrival.”
“Thank you, Timothy. Is everything ready.”
“It is.”
“Good.”
Damien subtly slipped a tip into the man’s hand and we continued across the lobby and down a short hallway to an elevator. Rather than the usual up and down buttons that I would have expected to see beside the door, there was another keypad. Damien tapped a code into it and the elevator opened. We stepped inside and the elevator closed. We rose up several floors before stopping and the elevator doors opened again. We walked out into a foyer and approached a tall, arched door. Damien withdrew a black card from the pocket of his suit jacket and used it to open the door. I stepped through into a lavish hotel suite. To one side I could see a winding staircase that led up to another floor and to the other a sunken room with a sparkling pool surrounded by glass walls on three sides.
A rush of excitement coursed through me and I felt Damien step up behind me. His hands came around to rest on my stomach, subtly pulling me back against him, and I felt his face nuzzle into my hair.
“Would you like to take a swim?” he murmured.
“I didn’t bring a bathing suit with me,” I responded.
He turned me in his hands and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You don’t need one,” he whispered.
His mouth dropped to mine and he pulled me into a deep kiss. I felt myself melting into it, my mind fogging with the strength and taste of his mouth. My hands touched his arms beside me, feeling the muscles beneath the fabric of his pristinely tailored suit. I wanted him. I could feel my body responding and my mind trying to push away the thoughts that had pricked through the fantasy created for me when we were in the helicopter. As Damien’s hand came to the zipper on the back of my dress, though, those thoughts came surging back. I reluctantly pulled my mouth away from his and stepped back from him, my head shaking.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t do this. I need to go back to the retreat.”
“Is something wrong?” Damien asked. “Have I done something?”
He looked genuinely concerned and I reached up to run my hand along the side of his face. I shook my head again, this time trying to reassure him.
“No. Tonight was unbelievable. I had a wonderful time and I really would like to stay.”
“Then stay,” he said, trying to pull me back into his arms, but I pressed against his chest to step away again.
“I can’t,” I said. “I’m sorry. I wish that I could explain it to you better, but right now, I just need to go back to the cottage before I do something that I know that I will regret later.”
Damien still looked upset, but it was disappointment rather than the anger that I would have anticipated. He nodded.
“I’ll call for your driver,” he said. “If you change your mind before he gets here, you are welcome to stay.”
I knew that I couldn’t change my mind, but I still went outside to wait rather than remaining in the room with Damien. Leaving was the only decision that I could make. I told myself that it was completely professionalism. Damien didn’t know who I was and as much as I felt like I could use a fantasy to whisk me out of the thoughts that had been holding me down for the last couple of weeks, I knew that I couldn’t break my professional ethics by having sex with him. Soon I would have to return to my real life and he would eventually figure out who I was. It was potentially awkward enough for both of us when we did inevitably come face-to-face as I continued to work on his marketing campaign, and sleeping with him would only complicate it further. In my heart, though, I felt like it wasn’t the only reason I had to say goodbye.
I peeled myself out of the gown as soon as I stepped into my room. I doubted that I would ever have the opportunity to wear it again, but once I put this experience behind me, I knew that I would enjoy seeing it hanging in my closet. Bathed and changed into a pair of lounge pants and shirt, I sat down on the window seat looking out over the back lawn and held the book I had been reading in my lap. I couldn’t focus on the words, though, and my eyes wandered to the windowsill. I don’t know how long I stared at it, lost in my thoughts, before trying to pull myself back to the book.
I turned away from looking at the windowsill and found Noah standing in the center of the lawn staring up at me. In the next instant, I was running through the cottage and out of the door that led out into the yard, running toward him. Noah took several long strides toward me to close the space between us. When I got close enough, he reached forward and I felt him sweep me into his arms. We were fully visible to whoever might be watching as our bodies crashed together, but I couldn’t think about that in that moment. All that mattered was the feeling of his arms around me and his mouth coming down onto mine in a kiss that seemed to pull every emotion, every thought, every compulsion out of me.
My mind was reeling as he held me closely against him and carried me toward the cottage where we’d had our first, if brief, encounter when I was just at the beginning of my journey. Noah brought me to one of the large cushions on the floor and lowered me to it so that he sat facing me and pulled me forward, draping my legs over his thighs so that I could settle close to him. I reached up and touched his face, his hand immediately raising to mirror my movements as I gently traced the curve of his jawline.
"Noah," I whispered.
As if hearing his name on my lips broke any control that he had, Noah pushed forward to kiss me again, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me into his lap. I gasped at the swell of his erection beneath me and he held me down harder, lifting his hips slightly to rock against me as his mouth played across mine. My need for him felt intense and primal, and I reached down to gather the hem of his shirt in my hands and pull the fabric off over his head.
I leaned down and drew my tongue across his skin, gathering the taste of him. My teeth nipped at his chest and I felt his hands pulling at my shirt. Even with the questions and hesitations that we’d had still hovering in the back o
f my mind, I knew I couldn't have resisted him. I needed Noah in that moment in a way I felt like I had never needed anything, and I eagerly gave myself over to him as he reached behind me to open my bra and release my breasts into his waiting hands. His thumb rubbed across one nipple as he brought his mouth down to the other, continuing to nudge upwards with his hip as he sucked the taut peak between his teeth.
He repositioned me so that I was sitting in front of him. My body shook as he removed my remaining clothing and then brought me up to my knees before he tenderly ran his hands down me, following every curve as if trying to memorize me beneath his palms. He followed his hands with his mouth, trailing kisses along me with such control and purpose it was as though he had been imagining this very moment, planning everything that he was going to do if he got me in his hands again. By the time his mouth reached my hipbones, I was trembling nearly uncontrollably. He moved it down to draw his tongue slowly and deeply through my core. It created concentrated, intense pleasure, but it was also a message, a reminder of the first time that he had touched me that way, the impulse that had brought him to his knees in front of me to nurture me as I cautiously, nervously began to learn my own body.
He rose up onto his knees and guided my hands to the front of his pants. I released the row of buttons down his fly and peeled away his pants, revealing that he wore nothing beneath them, and eased them as far down as I could. I wrapped my hand around his surging erection as he finished taking his pants the rest of the way off, and I indulged myself in the feeling of running my fingers along its hard, beautiful length. Noah groaned at my touch and my body clenched as if already seeking him. I stroked his luscious cock for a few moments, offering him back the pleasure he had given me. When I couldn't handle the empty ache any longer, I looked into his eyes, evaluating him, wanting to see that he needed me in the same way.
Noah didn’t respond, but grabbed me by my hips and pulled me forward so that my pelvis came up on his thighs and my legs draped around his hips. The movement settled the tip of his erection at my core and he took a moment to stroke me, sending a shock through me. He suddenly paused and eased me off of his lap and stood. I was briefly worried, but then I saw that he was walking toward a cabinet hanging on the wall. He opened it and pulled out a condom, slipping it on without ceremony. He returned to the cushion with me and brought me back into his lap, catching my mouth to rebuild the heat that had been lost.
We kissed hungrily, almost frantically, then he was inside me and I gasped at the intense, full feeling of him plunging so deep I felt him hit the furthest point. He held my hips tightly as he began to thrust into me in a fast, hard rhythm that told me he didn't want to hold anything back.
I gripped his arms to give myself greater stability and planted my feet on either side of him so that I could lift my hips higher. It was an open, vulnerable position that I never would have even considered before coming here, but it felt natural and real now. Noah growled in his throat and rose up slightly more on his knees. The leverage allowed him to pick up even more speed, and within seconds I could feel myself losing control. I dug my fingernails into his arms and let my head fall back, screaming as my body contracted around him and held him tightly within me before crashing into fast, intense spasms that milked him until he let out a deep grunt and released into me. I threw myself forward so that I was wrapped around Noah and focused on the feeling of his cock pulsing against my walls. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of my body massaging him, accepting the hot steams he poured into me.
When it was over, we lay tangled on the cushion, our bodies wrapped around each other and our hands lazily stroking each other’s sweaty skin. I kissed his hair and his forehead, holding him against me as tightly as I could. Even in those first moments, clarity was coming into my mind. I knew that this couldn’t last. This shouldn’t have happened. I closed my eyes and held him closer, needing just a few more seconds before I let reality completely set in.
Noah lifted his head and kissed me, then stared down into my face. He stroked his fingertips along my cheek and jawline, and then traced my lips. I kissed them softly.
“You came back,” he whispered.
“Hmmm?”
“You came back. You didn’t sleep with him.”
I felt like a rock had fallen into my stomach.
“No, I didn’t, but Noah…”
“I knew that if you thought about it…”
“Noah, nothing’s changed.”
He stared at me, blinking as if he thought that he hadn’t heard me correctly.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re right. I didn’t sleep with Damien, but that was my choice. He doesn’t know it, but he has involvements in my life outside of all this. In my real life. I couldn’t go through with it and put that at risk later.”
Noah climbed to his feet and pulled his pants on, whipping around to face me.
“That’s it?” he demanded. “That’s why? Because he might at some point interact with you after this, that’s the only reason why you didn’t sleep with him?”
I wriggled into my pants and dropped my shirt down over my head, not bothering to put my bra back on.
“What do you want me to say, Noah?”
“I want you to say that you’ll stop this. I want you to say that you’ll leave and won’t go on anymore dates.”
I waited for more. I waited for him to say the words that I needed him to say, the only words that would convince me to end my retreat, but he didn’t. He just kept staring at me, the demands in his eyes telling me that he didn’t understand, and I felt the softness that had come over my heart harden.
“I’m going to see this through,” I said, making sure that each word was fully enunciated so that my message was clear.
Noah looked at me for a long, steely moment. Without another word, he stormed out of the cottage, leaving me alone, overwhelmed with the conflicting, battling emotions that filled me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Snow
Any questions that I had about my continued investment in the retreat were gone by the time that I returned home. The unexpected encounter with Noah had worked to confirm that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I was finally doing something for myself and following through with what I had intended from the beginning rather than allowing the will of someone else to control me. I had looked into Noah’s eyes, hoping to see there what I now knew was the only thing that could supersede the valuable personal and sexual discoveries that I was making with each new date. This wasn’t just about the sex, though I definitely felt like I understood Robin’s fascination now. Continuing the retreat was about me connecting to and honoring myself, accepting that my own needs mattered, and that I deserved to focus on not just knowing myself, but knowing how to look beyond everything else to live the life that I deserved. In those last intense moments in the cottage I hadn’t seen in Noah what I needed to, so I made the decision that I needed to and was more determined now than ever to see this through.
Friday morning had come again and I got into the shower to ready myself for my journey back to the retreat. My date box sat in the living room, waiting to be brought along with my luggage. The card had been the same cryptic, vague message that I had become accustomed to over the last several weeks.
“Express yourself”
I had just rinsed the shower gel from my skin when the temperature of the water suddenly shifted to scalding. I pressed myself back against the wall, trying to stay out of the blistering water, and pushed the door open so that I could climb out. My skin stung as I reached in to turn the faucet off. Shaken, I picked up my towel and dried off. I dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, turning toward my bedroom to get my luggage. Moments later I heard the high-pitched scream of the smoke detector. I ran into the hallway and immediately smelled smoke. Rushing toward the grey trail I saw forming near my ceiling, I found a small fire burning on the carpet of my living room. I ran into the kitchen to grab my fire extinguisher, but I
couldn’t activate it. Feeling panicked, I ran out of my house and into the yard, shouting for help.
My hand touched my pocket and I realized I hadn’t grabbed my phone. I had no way of calling for help. I was tempted to go back inside, but even from this vantage point I could see that the fire was building in my living room. Tears were forming in my eyes and I felt my chest crushing. Suddenly a figure rushed past me and into my house. A few moments later I saw the glow of the fire stop and the windows open to allow the smoke to stream out. The chauffer’s face appeared in one of them and I felt myself sag with relief. I glanced behind me and realized that the limo had pulled up behind me without me noticing.
“Philip,” I said, the tears trickling down my cheeks now. “Thank you.”
“It’s alright, Snow,” he said. “The damage isn’t too bad. I’ll make some calls and make sure that it is fixed for you before you get back.”
I heard the wail of sirens and looked to the street to see a fire truck zooming toward me. The men rushed out and streamed into my house where Philip reassured them that he had the situation under control. They did a quick scan of the house and then came out to tell me that I could go in if I wanted to.
“I can get your things for you if you’d like,” Philip offered.
I nodded, not wanting to face whatever damage the fire had caused before he was able to extinguish it. A few minutes later he came out of the house carrying my luggage and my date box. He tucked them into the trunk and then went back inside the close the windows and lock the door. With another promise that he would ensure that everything was fixed when I got back from the cottage, he started on the now-familiar drive to the cottage where I hoped that I would be able to calm down and relax before my date the next day.
