by Alexa Riley
When we get there, we spend most of the day outside by the pool, just eating and hanging out. When the sun starts to set and the mosquitos come out, we decide to go inside to play a few card games. Everyone has been getting along great and no one is ready to call it a night. Even Saint seems to be good with Justin, even though they’re clearly from two different worlds.
Not even two games in and I feel it come over me. I race to the toilet just in time to throw up everything I’ve eaten. This has been happening to me on and off for the past week. After I’ve finished I go to the sink and rinse my mouth out. I look up and see Jeanette in the mirror, watching me.
“How long?” she asks and I know where this is going. I’ve been trying to pretend it couldn’t be true.
“Few weeks,” I admit, making her eyebrows nearly hit her hairline.
She walks over to her medicine cabinet and pulls out a pregnancy test. This makes me give her the same eyebrow treatment in return.
“Cool it. I’m not knocked up. Saint made me take one a few weeks ago. I couldn’t get the guy to wear a condom if my life depended on it and sadly, once he gets me hot, I let him do whatever he wants to my body. But little does sweet Saint know, I’m on the pill.” She takes the test out of the wrapper and hands it to me.
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“It’ll be fine. Whatever the test says we’ll get through it together, just like everything else.”
“I meant I’m scared about your boyfriend trying to get you pregnant,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
“You and me both,” she says on a nervous laugh. I can tell we’re both feeling anxious.
I stare at the test, take a deep breath and then do what I have to do. And then we wait. I think normally you’re supposed to set a timer and then look, but Jeanette and I just stare at the thing like it’s going to get up and walk away.
Two pink lines come up way freaking faster than it says they should.
“Oh my God,” we both say at the same time.
“You’re pregnant!” Saint barks behind us, and we both scream, not realizing he’d opened the door. He looks at Jeanette, not me. She shakes her head and I raise my hand a little sheepishly. It’s then I notice Justin standing behind him with a shocked look on his face.
I look back to Jeanette and ask the only thing I can think of: “What am I going to do?”
Part of me is excited that I’ll now always have this connection to Carter, but just as quickly that’s replaced with shame. My silly little brain had a quick thought of him coming back to me, but who wants a man to be with them only because they’re knocked up.
Fuck that. Who knows where Carter is or worse, who he’s with. That thought makes me turn to the toilet and throw up again.
“Oh Lays, calm down. We have options here,” she whispers, and I think only I can hear her.
“You can go ahead and shut that shit down,” Saint says, matter-of-factly. “Carter would lose his fucking mind if he found out you had an abortion.”
Spinning around I point my finger at Saint, “I’m not going to have an—” and it’s then that all of his words catch up to me.
I look over at Jeanette and I see her catching up as well. When her eyes meet mine, they’re full of pain. She closes them and shakes her head, answering my question.
I switch my focus back to Saint and glare at him with all the hate I have inside me. “How do you know Carter?” I snap.
“Fuck me,” is all he says and his eyes go to Jeanette. She’s staring off into space and just shaking her head in disbelief. You can see the moment it all starts to snap into place.
He’s Carter’s man.
“Why?” I ask, bringing his eyes back to me.
“I can’t answer that for you, Layla,” Saint says.
“Because you don’t know or because you won’t tell me?” I question.
“A little of both. But I do know he loves you.”
“You don’t know shit,” I spit. Why have Saint here watching me if he loved me? Why isn’t Carter here himself? I want to scream until my lungs burst.
“If there’s one thing I know about Carter it’s that.”
I can’t do this anymore. The hope that was still dangling there for Carter slips free. I won’t do this anymore. They have to let me go, let us go.
“Why won’t you guys just let me go? He said I was free. Just give me my freedom!” I yell at him.
“You’ll never be free of Carter. Never. Even more so with his baby inside you.”
Bullshit, I think to myself. If he truly cared he would’ve been here for me. I went to see him in prison and he took my first kiss and told me to leave. He came back again, taking my virginity this time. Maybe he was just fulfilling his needs with me. I’m just not getting how I fit into all of this. My mind can’t take it anymore. Nothing is making any sense to me. If he loved me, he would’ve told me what the hell is happening. He knows I can’t remember and that it’s driving me crazy. Does he really think keeping me in the dark will help me?
Why does he keep ripping this scab open? I’m not dumb. I know I’ll always wear the scar of Carter’s love on me, it’s part of why I got the tattoo. But they won’t even allow the wound to heal. They keep ripping it open and making me bleed. They’ll keep doing it if I let them, until it consumes me.
“You’re just like him,” I say. “Filled with lies. He doesn’t love me. Does a man leave the woman he loves? Does he rip her to shreds and then leave her to pull herself together alone? If that’s your guy’s kind of love, I don’t want any. Keep it.”
“Layla, there’s just so much you don’t know,” Saint says, but I’m not hearing it anymore.
“You’re not getting it. No one cared enough about me to tell me. And I’m done. When you leave here you tell Carter if I ever see him again we’re all going to find out how much of my father I have in me. And this baby, it’s mine. I won’t have it in his world. I’ll make sure it never knows your type of love,” I hiss, before turning to face Jeanette who is staring at Saint.
“You got what you needed from him?” she asks, still not taking her eyes from him.
“Yes,” I say, grabbing her hand
“Get out,” she says, way calmer than I thought she would.
“Mama, it’s not what you think.”
“Don’t call me that,” she says through gritted teeth, and I can see her control slipping. I squeeze her hand tighter so she knows I’m here.
“Jeanette, it’s why I came here but not why I’m staying.”
“You used me.”
“That is not true!” he shouts.
“I won’t be used by another man. I’ve played that game before and I won’t play it again. Get out. We’re through.”
I can hear the pain in her voice. This must be the past she still hasn’t told me about.
“We’re so far from through and you know it. You. Are. Mine.”
“I’m not your shit. I’m not your goddamn anything, Michael.”
Saint goes to reach for her but Jeanette shrinks back from him and he stops.
“Touch me and I’ll scream this house down. You better get out or I’m calling the cops.”
Saint takes a step back and I see his shoulders drop in defeat. “I’ll give you some time but this will never be over, Mama,” he says with resolve and turns to leave. It’s only then that I notice a silent Justin behind him walk out at the same time.
And then Jeanette does the one thing I’ve never seen her do. She cries.
Part Two
Prologue
Carter
I put the picture on her bedside table and I stare down at her naked body, not wanting to leave. Every cell in my body is pulling me back to bed with her but I have to ignore it. I sit on the edge of the bed and allow myself two more minutes. I’ve waited eight years to be this close to her. I just need two more minutes before we’re separated again.
I lightly stroke her cheek and she leans into my touch. She smiles a little
and I can only hope she’s dreaming of me.
The only thing that could take me away from her is protecting her. I didn’t lie to her – she’s safe and she’s free. I’m out and she won’t ever have to worry again, but I’m going to find her father and make him pay for everything he did to her. I told her I’ll be back and I just hope she doesn’t hate me for leaving like this. If she looked me in the eyes and asked me to stay, I would. So I’m taking the easy way out because I can’t risk someone coming after her again.
My soul aches as I stand up and step away from the bed. I turn around and let myself have one last look at her before I close the door.
“Wait for me, baby,” I whisper. And then I’m gone.
Chapter 1
Carter
Three Months Later…
“I said get your nasty fucking cunt out of my face before I lose my temper,” I growl. I have a pounding headache and this shit isn’t helping.
“Oh come on, Daddy, don’t be like that. I can feel you’ve got a big pole in there you’d like me to dance on. Let me take you in the back, no extra charge.” The stripper grinds on my limp cock and winks over her shoulder at me. Like that’s what it’s going to take to get me to fuck her. She eyed me up the second I walked in this place. She’s been rubbing all over me and it’s taking all my strength not to stand up and put her on her ass. Fake tits and bleached-out hair might do it for some guys, but my cock only gets hard for one woman, and this one ain’t her.
I used to love places like this. I could roll in, have a few drinks with the boys, and avail of some free, no-strings, easy pussy. Now my cock only wants Layla. The damn thing has only wanted her since I laid eyes on her nine years ago. It pisses me off that this stripper thinks she can have something that isn’t hers. Who am I kidding, though; I’m not even sure if it’s mine anymore.
The only reason I let her get this close is because I don’t want to draw attention. I’m trying to blend in, which is hard for someone who is as big as I am, but I can’t let this chick think she’s getting anything from me. I’m not sure what she thinks I could do with her anyway – she’s a fucking twig, and I’d probably break her in half. It only makes me miss my Cherry more, with her luscious curves that fill my hands. I swear my girl’s skin is as soft as rose petals and as pure as snow. I love that she’s only been touched by me.
Catching a whiff of the stripper’s perfume, I’m pulled from my thoughts of Cherry, which only pisses me off.
“Listen up, Diamond, Mercedes, Daffodil, or whatever name it is you go by. If I have to tell you one more time to go away, I’m gonna put a gag in your mouth, handcuff you to the stage, and tell everyone in here there’s a seven-dollar hooker looking for a train ride. You feel that?”
Immediately, she stands up and walks towards the bar. “Asshole,” she mumbles and it’s all I can do to stay in my chair.
I take another sip of my club soda and go back to “watching” the stage. I’ve been waiting for over an hour for my informant to show up. Add to that I still haven’t gotten my daily report from Saint, and I’m in a terrible fucking mood. I feel like a junkie waiting for his next fix, my fix of Cherry. Three months I’ve been away from her. Three fucking months. Hell, I did eight years in the pen, three months should be nothing. But after having her, tasting her, I’ve only made my obsession worse. Sometimes I feel myself slipping into a dark place, doing what I’ve been doing these last few months, and then I think of her. It’s like she’s my talisman. She tames the beast I can turn into with just a thought of her.
Every night I lay in bed, stroking my cock to thoughts of her, thinking of her wild red hair spread out across the bed while she lets me take what’s mine. I thought jacking off to her before I had her was good, but actually having her made it a thousand times better. Now I know the taste of her pussy when I make her come in my mouth, the feel of her tight little cunt gripping onto me when she comes with my cock. Fuck, after being in a strip club for an hour my cock finally goes hard but only because I’m thinking about her.
Adjusting myself I look up and finally see Frankie walking in the door. He makes his way over to my table and he’s got a big greasy smile on his face. He looks like fucking shit. He’s probably using again. These guys never learn. I never got how bosses would let their men run around all strung out. It makes for sloppy work and sloppy work lands your ass dead or doing twenty-five to life.
“You got the information I need?” I grunt, getting right to the point. It’s not my problem he’s using. In fact, he can fucking drop dead for all I care, but only after I get the info I need.
“Sorry, boss, I tried my best but…”
I don’t let him finish. First off I’m not his fucking boss. No way I’d have left a little weasel piss ant like that on one of my crews. Standing, I drop five bills on the table to ensure no one calls the cops on me, and then I grab him by the throat, pick him up off the ground with one arm and walk him outside.
There’s an alley out back and I plan on taking my frustrations out on this snitch. A nice ass-beating may help pull me back from this edge I feel like I’m on at the moment.
Glancing around the alley to make sure it’s all clear, I drop him to the ground and kick his side. I’m pretty sure I feel a rib crack. “The only thing I needed from you was a location, and you couldn’t give me that. Who the fuck are you really working for, Frankie?” No way he doesn’t have something for me. If that was the case he wouldn’t have showed. So someone else must have made him.
I kick him a few more times before he feels like talking.
“I was told to keep you on the chase. I swear that’s all I know,” he coughs out.
There it is. Never takes much for men like him to crack. Another thing I don’t get about these bosses. Never have a man on your crew who can’t take a good old beating. Just makes them an easy mark. “Who told you that?” I ask and reach down to pick him up. I haul his double-crossing ass off the ground and throw him against the wall, hearing his head give a hard crack against the brick wall. Before he falls I grab his chest and keep him held there. “I’m at the short end of my fuse, Frankie, and you’ll do well to remember what happens when I don’t get what I want. You think I don’t know you’re Richie’s cousin? Yeah, I took that motherfucker out fast after he betrayed me. You wanna learn from his example or repeat his mistake? Your call,” I toss out letting him know I’m okay with either outcome.
He struggles for breath, trying to fill his lungs around some presumably broken ribs. I use the hand that’s not holding him against the wall to punch the places I kicked. He spits up some blood, but he is finally trying to talk.
“Okay, okay, okay. O’Leary sent me. He knows you’re looking for him, and he knows why.” I loosen the grip on his chest and let him breathe a little easier. Just hearing his name makes my blood boil. “He heard you got out, and he’s been further underground ever since. I never even saw him. Just used burner phones for texts. Carter, man, you gotta believe me. He’s got a hold of my family. I had to do it.” He’s crying now and I try not to roll my eyes.
“Today’s your lucky day, Frankie. I’m gonna let you live long enough to tell him payback’s coming. You do what you gotta do to contact him, but when that happens, you tell him he better be ready. Hell’s coming.” I drop Frankie to the ground and walk away.
It’s night out and as I walk to my car I look at my phone to see if I’ve gotten my daily text from Saint. He’s late with his update and it’s pissing me off. He fucking knows better than to keep me waiting when it comes to her. He hasn’t ever been late before and I’ve got a sick feeling in my stomach that something is wrong.
When I check the screen it shows I’ve got a missed call from his number. I’m guessing Frankie was bleeding too loud for me to hear it ring.
I call it back immediately and he answers on the first ring. I’m already yelling at him when I hear it connect, “About fucking time you called me, I was…”
Saint cuts me off with the sentence
I’ve been both waiting for and dreading to hear, “Carter. Get here. Now.”
Chapter 2
Layla
“Think he knows?” I ask, trying to adjust to a more comfortable position in this damn hospital bed. It’s like they try to make them as uncomfortable as possible.
Jeanette nods her head and takes a sip of her coffee. “Yeah, I saw Saint in the hall when I was talking to the cops.”
Then Carter must know. It’s all I can think of. I wonder if he’ll come. Probably not. I’m sure Saint told him he’d knocked me up over a month ago, and if that didn’t bring him back, some stupid car accident won’t. Why would he care that I’m laid up in a hospital bed when he doesn’t even care that I’m having his baby. I’m ashamed that I had this ridiculous fantasy of him storming into the hospital room, picking me up and begging me to let him back into my life. He’d tell me we’d be a perfect family and he’d never leave me again. My daydreams are even more ridiculous because I don’t think Carter has ever begged for anything in his life.
“Did he say anything to you?” I ask.
“Nope. I just flipped him the bird so I think he got the message.”
I’m not sure who Jeanette’s trying to convince. We all know Saint hasn’t gotten the message. He hasn’t gotten it for the last month. He’s been trying and failing to get close to Jeanette again. Taking off her jacket and opening her purse, she starts freshening up her make-up and I know I’m more than likely in for a show: the Jeanette and Saint show.
