“We don’t have room to do shipping here,” Nicole said. “We’re already jammed in as it is. And before you suggest it, another location would be too expensive for a trial effort that’s probably going to fail.”
Jesse felt her temper slipping. She grabbed on with both hands and held it in.
“I know you’re happy with the sales,” Nicole continued, sounding more like a mom than a business partner. “But this is the rush of something new. They’re going to level off. Let’s see what the real numbers are before we make any commitments.”
“We’ve barely begun to figure out even a piece of the market,” Jesse told her, hating the sense of being talked down to. “There’s buzz. We’re already getting calls from people who’ve moved out of the Seattle area and have heard about the brownies from their friends who still live here.”
“I know you want these to be the next big thing, but they’re not,” Nicole told her. “That sounds harsh, I know. I don’t mean it that way. I’m just saying-”
“You’re just saying you want me to fail,” Jesse snapped. “This isn’t even about the brownies. It’s about the past. It’s about Drew. Despite the fact that I have told you nothing happened, you don’t believe me. Or maybe you could but you don’t want to. It’s easier to blame me and be angry.”
“Why should I believe you?” Nicole asked flatly.
That hurt. Jesse sucked in a breath. “Don’t. Call your ex-husband and ask him.” Not that Drew had told the truth before, but hopefully enough time would have passed for him to be willing to come clean. It wasn’t like she had a choice.
“You should have tried harder,” Nicole yelled as she came to her feet. “You should have fought him off. Why didn’t you? Why didn’t I hear you scream?”
Jesse couldn’t have been more surprised if Nicole had physically slapped her. She stood, not bothering to head off the anger exploding inside of her.
“Is that the condition of your forgiveness? Rape? Sorry to disappoint you. I wasn’t violated. Not that way.”
“That’s not what I mean,” Nicole snapped.
“Of course it is. I wasn’t after Drew. I didn’t try to get his attention. But that’s not good enough. If he didn’t attack me, I’m the bad guy. He blamed me and you believed him. You assumed the worst about me. You’re my sister. You’re supposed to know me better than anyone.”
“I did know you,” Nicole yelled. “I knew what you’d been in high school. Why would you have been any different with Drew?”
Once a slut, always a slut, Jesse thought sadly. That’s what it came down to.
She told herself it didn’t matter, except it did. It mattered and it hurt and she didn’t know how to make anything better between them. All she had was the present and today she was focused on her brownies. She took another deep breath.
“I can’t change the past,” she told her sister. “I’ve told you what happened and you either believe me or you don’t. I don’t know what else to say or do. So I’m done trying. As far as the brownies go, you’re wrong. We haven’t even begun to tap their potential. I want to run the ads. I’m an equal partner in the bakery and this isn’t an extraordinary expense.”
Nicole’s mouth tightened. “What happened to earning your way in?”
“I’m working my butt off here and you know it. While I’m willing to put in the time, I’m not willing to let your feelings about the past keep us from being successful.”
“Fine,” Nicole snapped. “Run the ads. Bake your brownies, but don’t get your hopes up. They’re not all that.”
Jesse collected her papers and walked out of her sister’s office. She made her way to the back where she could duck into the women’s restroom and try not to cry.
Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t Nicole give her at least half a break? Why did she have to assume the brownies were going to fail? Talk about a lack of faith and forgiveness.
She slowed her breathing. Gradually the burning behind her eyes faded. She sniffed, then made sure she hadn’t leaked mascara on her face. Once she decided she could probably pass for relatively normal, she left the restroom and the building.
But when she got in her car, she found she wasn’t ready to go back to Paula’s. She felt restless and uncomfortable in her own skin. Without considering her actions, she picked up her cell phone, scrolled through her recent call list and then pushed the send button.
“Matthew Fenner’s office,” a woman’s voice said. “May I help you?”
“Uh, this is Jesse. Is Matt around?”
“Just one moment, please. I’ll check.”
Meaning the woman would go ask him. She shouldn’t have called, she thought. Why go looking for more pain?
But before she could hang up, she heard him say, “Jesse? Everything all right?”
“Sure. I don’t know why I called.” Then she remembered her vow to not lie. “That’s not true. I called because I just had another fight with Nicole. The brownies are going great, but does she want to listen to any of my ideas? Of course not. She only wants to see me as a screwup. She wants me to fail. It’s getting to me. That’s all. I need to talk, but I know you’re busy-”
There was a pause, then he stunned her by saying, “Or you could come by the office and rant in person.”
“Really? Now?”
“Sure. Where are you?”
“At the bakery.”
“Come on over. I’ll order lunch in. You can call your sister all the names you want and I’ll agree.”
Despite everything, she smiled. “I’d like that.”
Thirty minutes later, she parked by the large building that housed his company and made her way to the elevator. She went to the top floor where a well-dressed receptionist directed her toward a long corridor. Jesse tried not to feel underdressed in her jeans and T-shirt. She’d come straight from the bakery and working in the back meant comfortable clothes she didn’t mind getting dirty.
Rather than notice how great everything she saw looked, she glanced into the offices and noticed that the closer she got to the end, the bigger they got. At the end of the hallway, she turned left and saw a fifty-something woman sitting at a desk.
“You must be Jesse,” the woman said. “I’m Diane. Matt is waiting.”
“Hi,” Jesse said, wondering if this was the woman who told Matt what to do.
Diane walked into Matt’s office. “Jesse is here,” she said.
“Thanks, Diane. Have them hold lunch until I call for it.”
“Sure.”
Diane smiled at Jesse, then moved out of the room. She closed the door as she went.
Jesse stood in the middle of the big space and tried not to look as stupid as she felt. She shouldn’t have called, shouldn’t have come. She didn’t belong here. The Matt she’d known years ago had changed and the successful, wealthy stranger walking toward her didn’t look all that approachable.
“Sounds like Nicole’s giving you a hard time,” he said by way of greeting.
“I should go,” Jesse murmured.
“Don’t. You’re here now. Have a seat.”
He led her to a sofa with a view out the big windows. She sat down, then wished she’d brushed her butt first. Who knew what possible ingredients she might have on her jeans.
“Talk,” he said as he settled at the other end of the couch and faced her.
That made her laugh. “You’re a guy, Matt. You don’t do talk. You fix the problem, conquer your enemies, then go celebrate with a big, loud brawl.”
“I’m more evolved than that and I was never one to brawl. Now talk.”
She didn’t want to dump on him, but she didn’t have that many friends in Seattle. Not anymore. She’d lost touch with most of them when she’d moved away. While Paula was wonderful, she was already doing so much by helping out with Gabe. Complaining seemed a poor way to repay her.
“I just-” Jesse began, then sighed. “I don’t know why she bothered to agree to let me try to earn my way back into
the bakery. She’s hoping I’ll fail. Or at least the brownies will. She’s not doing anything to help with the launch and she’s standing in the way of everything I want to do.”
“You’re part owner, aren’t you? Can’t you force her to do what you want?”
Jesse shrugged. “I played the ‘I’m a part of this, too’ card earlier. She didn’t like it. It’s just so frustrating. I’m not asking for special treatment here. I’m just asking that the brownies be given a chance. That she doesn’t always assume the worst. It’s been five years, but she’s not over any of it. I’ve changed, but she can’t see that.”
She looked at him, at his dark eyes, at the familiar mouth that now kissed so different. “I guess you two have that in common.”
“I know you’ve changed,” he said.
“You’re not acting like it. I didn’t cheat on you, Matt. How many times do I have to say that? How many times do I have to keep explaining?” She stood up. “You know what? I’m tired of it. I’m tired of it from her and from you and you can both go to hell.”
He rose. “Feel better?”
“A little. I’m just really pissed off.”
“Seriously? Because I didn’t get that from what you were saying.”
Against her will, despite everything that was happening, she smiled. Then she laughed. “Dammit, Matt, I’m not kidding.”
“Neither am I.” He motioned to the sofa. “Are we ready to sit again?”
She felt a little foolish as she settled back down. “Sorry. I’m kind of on edge.”
He angled toward her. “Jesse, you’ve known for a while you were coming back. You’ve had a chance to make plans, think it all through. You know what you want and how you’re going to get it. We don’t have that advantage. You show up here, unannounced, and expect me and Nicole to be okay with that. We’re still trying to catch up.”
As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she saw his point. “I don’t like it when you use reason against me.”
“Sorry. It’s all I’ve got.” He stared at her. “I’m mad as hell about Gabe. Sure, you told me you were pregnant, but you knew I didn’t believe you. You never tried to get in touch with me again. You never bothered to let me know when he was born. What the hell was up with that?”
Now she was the bad guy? She stood again. “What about all those things you said to me? You told me you didn’t care if the baby was yours?”
He rose. “I was wrong, but so were you. You knew Gabe was mine. You should have tried harder.”
She didn’t want to hear that. “You wouldn’t have listened.”
“We’ll never know what I would have done.”
She stared at him for a long time. Shame filled her. “Matt,” she whispered, fighting tears. “I’m sorry.” She’d come here to cry on his shoulder. This wasn’t the conversation she’d expected. “You hurt me so much.”
“I know. I’m sorry. You have no idea how much I regret what I said.”
Jesse wanted to believe him. Matt could see it in her face. But she wasn’t sure if she could trust him. If she’d known these past five years, she would know she couldn’t, but despite everything, Jesse had always believed in people, which was to his advantage.
She stared at him now, her big blue eyes dark with tears. God, she was beautiful. That hadn’t changed. If anything, she’d improved with time. The lines of her face were a little sharper and more defined. She was all grown up and about the sexiest female he’d ever seen.
He accepted the fact that he wanted her. It couldn’t be avoided. Sleeping with her would be a pleasure for both of them and where was the bad in that?
Now, as he moved toward her, sensing her vulnerability, he almost meant everything he said. Because caring about Jesse had been easy, too. Not that he was going to let himself forget what she’d done.
“You’re confusing me,” she admitted.
He rubbed his thumb against her bottom lip. “Part of my charm.”
“You always were charming.”
“I was some computer nerd who still lived with his mother.”
She smiled. “I never saw you that way.”
She really hadn’t, he thought, remembering how easily she’d helped him. She’d changed everything and along the way he’d fallen for her. It had stunned him when she’d admitted having feelings for him. He could still recall the sense of impossible victory. He’d gotten the girl-the only girl who mattered.
He wasn’t that foolish anymore, he told himself. No one mattered now. He didn’t let them.
Just to make sure he didn’t forget, he leaned in and kissed her. He touched his mouth to hers, claiming her, teasing, testing to see how far she would let him go.
At first she did nothing. She accepted the kiss, without kissing him back. He didn’t move, determined to make her feel something, feel him, when she softened slightly, eased forward and put her hand on his shoulder.
He wrapped both arms around her and drew her against him, holding her close, holding her tight, determined to keep her for as long as he wanted. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, as much to claim her as to please her, but she didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she met him stroke for stroke, touching, teasing, rubbing. Her hands moved up and down his back, her hips and belly pressed against him, daring him not to be aroused, not to be interested.
He was hard and ready and it was all he could do to keep from taking her right there in his office. The desk, a voice in his head yelled. The desk would work.
Heat burned through him, making it impossible to remember why he’d started the game, reminding him that now he should only be concerned with finishing it. Her mouth was hot against his, yielding, offering. He tasted her kiss and wanted to taste other parts of her, all of her. He wanted to touch her everywhere, rediscover the body he had known better than his own. He wanted to breathe in the scent of her, hear her gasp as pleasure claimed her. He wanted to push the thought of any other man out of her mind until there was only him.
He wanted more than sex, more than making love. He wanted to take her and mark her and hear her scream as she totally and completely lost control in his arms. Then he wanted to hear that final, breathless sigh of perfect contentment.
Need grew powerful. Wanting filled him. It wasn’t pretend anymore. It was real and alive and it pulsed within him. He wanted Jesse the same damn way he’d always wanted her. Heart and soul. Forever. In that moment he knew he would walk away from his vow of revenge if only he could-
They pulled apart. Matt wanted to say he’d been the one to end the kiss, but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe it had been her. Maybe she’d figured out the danger of an out-of-control fire. They stood staring at each other, both breathing hard. He could see the wanting in her eyes and knew she saw the same in his.
She started to speak, then shook her head and turned away. In a matter of seconds, she was gone. When he was alone, he continued to stand in the center of his office, his breathing too fast, his body burning for her as it had five years ago.
The game had just gotten interesting, he told himself. There was a whole new dimension at play. A dangerous one. Because she still had power over him. He was going to have to be very careful and make sure she never found out and used it against him.
What he didn’t admit, even to himself, was that maybe it wasn’t a game anymore. Maybe it was something else entirely.
CHAPTER TEN
Five years ago…
THE LOBBY OF THE HOTEL looked like something out of an old movie. There was dark wood everywhere, antiques and an air of elegance that made Jesse wish she’d worn something other than jeans and a sweater. She felt like she should be in a dress and heels. She also felt young, out of place and scared.
Don’t be crazy, she told herself. She was fine. So she and Matt had gone away for the weekend. So they were going to have sex. That was hardly new for her. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d done it.
Except everything about Matt was different. Everything was new and e
xciting and just a little terrifying, but in a good way. At least she hoped it was good.
Matt finished registering them. “Want someone to bring up our bags?” he asked.
She glanced at the small wheeled suitcase she’d brought and his leather duffel she’d made him buy a couple of weeks before.
“I think we can manage,” she murmured, knowing a bellman would only make her more uncomfortable.
As it was, she felt like everyone was staring at her, judging her. It was as if they all knew about her shameful past and were thinking, “Here she goes again. Sleeping with someone else.”
But it wasn’t like that, she thought, wanting to defend herself. Matt was different. She was different. Being in love with him had changed her. Not that she expected anyone to believe her.
Jesse shook her head, determined not to think about her sister or anyone else. Matt had brought her to Portland for the weekend so they could spend some time together and have fun. She wanted to have fun…if only she could catch her breath.
The elevator was old and beautiful, with a brass railing and carved ceiling. They rode up ten floors, then walked down a long, carpeted hallway. Even the doors to the rooms were ornate and looked heavy. Matt used the key and let them into their room.
He stepped back and motioned for her to go first. She stepped into the space and frowned. There was no bed. Just a sofa, a couple of chairs and a view of the river.
She turned in a slow circle, taking in the beautiful furniture, the air of elegance. Then she noticed the open doorway and walked toward it.
Here was the bed, she thought as she stared at the carved canopy, the matching armoire and the lovely linens. The bathroom had a tub built for two, or maybe five, a double shower and real marble floors. The walk-in closet had automatic lights that went on as soon as the door opened.
“Makes me wish I’d brought more clothes,” Jesse murmured, trying not to let him see how out of place she felt. This was too nice, too special. She was used to doing it in the back of a car, or a basement. On the sly, fast, as if the act was something to hide. As if she wasn’t worth anything else.
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