A low rumble vibrated from Kerdik’s chest, and his hands wrapped around me to squeeze my waist possessively. “Don’t be their princess; only be my queen.” His fingers brushed across the swell of my backside, giving us both the green light and the red at the same time, as we pivoted on the edge of our strange friendship. “You have no idea what you’re saying, and I’m all too aware of it. I have half a mind to tear my shirt clean off you and suck on these plump breasts. They’ve been teasing me for far too long.” He shook his head.
“All talk.” I smiled at the seduction of a chase neither of us had a right to be in.
“I think you should probably tell me to leave.” When I didn’t say anything, Kerdik’s fingers started to trace my throat, gravitating toward the needy whine that escaped my lips. “You’ve left your whole neck exposed here; you know what that does to me.”
“Kerdik, I…” When his lips caressed my neck, any reason left in my brain turned into a gratuitous moan. His mouth opened to suck on my skin, tasting the juncture between my shoulder and my neck as if I was utterly lickable. His arms went around my waist, jerking me to his front so that our pelvises kept no secrets from each other.
“We can’t do this,” he scolded himself. He popped open one of the buttons on my borrowed shirt, his fingers dexterous and capable. Sirens went off in my head when another button came undone and the collar slid over my shoulder and down my arm, giving him more real estate to nibble on as his hands clutched me to him. He reached between us and hiked up the hem at my thighs so he could grip the swell of my leg, his fingers squeezing as if to test my ripeness. “Send me away.”
I shook my head, but maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should’ve pushed the sexy man in my bedroom far away. Lane would have told me that a woman who didn’t know who she was shouldn’t be figuring that mystery out with anyone else; she should get herself together first.
I didn’t want Kerdik to go, but I knew we probably shouldn’t be doing the breathy things we were contemplating. It began to dawn on me that Kerdik was far older and more experienced than I was at the art of seduction. I didn’t know the game, so I was pliable under his ministrations, when perhaps I should’ve been rigid.
But part of me had wanted this from the very start. I didn’t have the words to put to it when I first saw him in the storm so very long ago, but the longing was there. No matter how many people warned me away, what had started out as attraction had bloomed into friendship, and was now peaking into a lust I had no reason to deny anymore.
Kerdik’s hands were simultaneously rough and gentle, the pressure firm but smooth. “Tell me to leave the province. Tell me your life is better without me by your side.”
“You know I’d never say that.”
His fingers teased the inside of my thigh, climbing higher as my knees shook with the trepidation of the unknown. I felt him guiding me backwards. Instead of questioning the moment or overthinking a future I was never sure would be there in the morning, I let the lantern’s light dictate my pliability. As the flickering flame danced on our skin, so my body moved for Kerdik.
“Lie down,” he whispered, his voice low and ragged in my ear. “Your eyes have teased me long enough.” It wasn’t even an effort for him to lower my form across my bed, my body trembling beneath his.
I finally found my higher brain function, but it didn’t come out in time. “Kerdik, wait!” I squeaked as the top of my shirt slid down to a PG-13 level, leaving me exposed enough for my arms to band around my chest, and trapping my sleeves with my elbows.
He looked down on me with affection and longing, as if I was someone precious to him. “Cover yourself as long as you like,” he offered, and then leaned down to kiss my cheek. He was careful to keep his lips from mine, so the moment didn’t get ruined by the reality that I would breathe fire. White lilies sprang up all around us, blooming from the comforter itself and tickling my bare arms with their delicate petals. He picked one and ran it from my nose, down my throat and danced it along the horizon of my breasts. Maybe that’s who I was. Maybe I wasn’t broken; maybe I was delicate. He sniffed the flower, and then slowly lowered his nose to my cleavage, burying his face in the valley that was winched shut by the arm I had banded across my chest.
Neither of us were surprised that my back arched, nor that my knees parted. His lips affixed themselves to my sternum, and then kissed a trail of fire-laced lust downward, inching lower until I was panting and writhing beneath his agile body. Kerdik was playing my form as if it was an instrument he needed to stroke to bring out the sweet melody of my strangled cries.
I wanted to feel it all, but suddenly Kerdik wasn’t on top of me anymore. I blinked, and raised myself up on my elbows when I found him clear across the room, his back to the wall. His eyes were wide as if I was the danger – me, armed with nothing but his shirt and my willingness to let the night take us where it pleased. The lilies around me remained fragrant, but we were separate now, with too much distance between our heated bodies. “We can’t do this!” Kerdik chided us both. “For too many reasons, we have to stop now.”
While I wanted and wanted, I did my best to put my libido on hold and respect his wishes. “I’m sorry, Kerdik. Was that too much?”
“It’s never enough, and that’s the problem. We can’t… You’ll regret all of this in the morning, so I guess I’ll have to be the adult tonight.” When I made to stand from the mattress, he motioned for me to get under the covers. “Into bed with you, delicious little nymph.” His voice turned sharp, as if I was the problem. “And button that shirt!”
I frowned at him, but obeyed. “Oh, fine. You know, usually my dream guys don’t mind it when I—”
Kerdik’s voice was sharp, and held a note of panic beneath the command. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll lay down right now. I’ve never been known for having great self-control, and you’re prancing on the outer edges of mine right now.” He lowered me down onto the mattress and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. “Get some sleep, darling. We can talk in the morning.”
“You’ll still be here? You’re not running off?”
I could practically feel his body beaming at my admission that I wanted him to stay. “If you’re here, then that’s where I’ll be.” He retrieved the china cup he’d brought up and turned it over on its saucer. He squeezed his fist a few times, and from nowhere, herbs appeared in his palm and crushed themselves as they fell into the cup. He observed the bags under my eyes as he filled the cup with warm water from his hands. “Drink this, temptress. It’ll help you stay asleep. You keep waking every other hour or so. You can’t keep going on like this. You’ll seduce the wrong man, if you’re not careful.”
“Are you the wrong man?” I asked, blinking up at him through my daring.
Kerdik didn’t answer me, but held my gaze, saying too many things with his eyes. “Drink.”
I didn’t bother arguing, and downed the cup in one go. Then Kerdik climbed into the bed beside me, sighing contentedly when I curled up like a cat in his arms. I stroked his chest as if it was my plaything, and listened to his breathing start to syncopate.
Kerdik fondled my spine and strummed his fingers across the swell of my butt until my eyelids grew heavy. Finally, I fell asleep without worry that life would be all wrong when I opened my eyes in the morning.
8
The Problem and the Solution
I didn’t work quite as manically the next day, or the day after that. It was two whole weeks of me learning to pace myself and deal with the knot that never seemed to go away in my gut. Kerdik and I ate breakfast together in companionable silence every morning after that first night that I slept in his arms, and though I was grateful for his presence, I still felt the ache in my chest at the absence of so many people in my life.
“Not hungry again?” he remarked. “You’re whittling down to a stick. I admit, I like the curvier aspects of you.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” I joked. He’d stroked my backside and snuggled my
breasts every night for two weeks now in bed while I slept in his shirt. Some of the evenings ended in a bickering fight, but we managed to get along on others. After our one sexy night, we’d tried to keep things PG, and had, for the most part, succeeded. I was anxious and overly exhausted, so I wasn’t the most pleasant person to live with these days. No matter how attracted I was to Kerdik, I was in no position to be entertaining sexy thoughts about anyone, broken as I was.
It was when Kerdik commented on it that I realized I was only stirring my oatmeal, and not actually eating much of it. I shoveled in a few bites and took my bowl to the sink. “I’m not trying to be weird. I see how far off the rails I am these days. I don’t know why I feel so out of it still. I would’ve thought having you in bed with me would’ve helped, but I still tossed and turned.”
“You shouldn’t be so stubborn about my potions. They’re meant to help you.”
“I don’t want you to have to drug me to sleep. I need to start sleeping without help. I don’t know what my deal is.”
He motioned for me to come to him, and wrapped his arm around my hips when I stood next to his stool at the kitchen counter. “Be patient with yourself. Give your lueur time to settle back into your body. It takes longer for some than for others. Though, I’ve never known it to take this long.”
I slumped against Kerdik, my body molding itself fluidly around his. “He’s got my lueur still, so that’s not it,” I sighed, still unable to bring his name to my lips. “I’m just in a funk. Funkalicious Rosie, they’ll call me. I might even request that it’s my work name out on the wall today. It’d make a pretty decent rap name, too, if I ever decide to turn in the crown for a life as a totally dope rap master.” I started beatboxing, just because I’m awesome, and frankly, because it usually confused the crap out of Kerdik. I still couldn’t smile, but I liked it when other people did.
Kerdik stiffened and pulled back to gape at me. “Please tell me you’re making one of your little jokes no one gets. You took your lueur back from Bastien before you sent him away, right?”
I wasn’t sure if I should feel embarrassed that I hadn’t thought to do that. “I mean, he was unconscious. How was I supposed to take it back? I wasn’t about to kiss it out of him when he was stone drunk like that.”
“How have we not discussed this?!” he shouted out of nowhere. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if my incompetence on how to grow a unicorn from scratch pained him. “If you dismiss your Guardien, you have to take your lueur back from him, otherwise you’re still tied. How did you think you were ever going to get a new Guardien?”
I shrugged. “I dunno. No one ever went over all the logistics with me. I wasn’t planning on taking another Guardien. Too much drama with the last one.”
“You need protection!” he bellowed.
“What for? I have you. I watch your back, you watch mine.”
Kerdik shot me a simpering expression and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s very cute. You need a Guardien, Rosie. Your father and I have already taken applications from dozens of willing men who are eager to take Bastien’s place. Urien’s been putting it off until you were yourself again, but now I see we would’ve been waiting forever.”
“Huh? What are you talking about? Are you seriously thinking of auctioning me off like Morgan did?”
“Of course not. Not everyone falls in love with their Guardien. They’re mostly seen as part of the family – a brother or father or son.”
My indignation deflated at his logic. “Oh, then I’ll hold off on the tirade I was about to spew at you.”
“What did you think Urien and I have been doing for the past few days while you were out working on the wall?”
“Mysterious magical stuff? Drinking scotch and talking about getting the hippies off our lawn, like old people do? How should I know? I thought you and Dad were just shooting the breeze, hanging out and catching up.”
He shook his head at me. “I swear, it’s like you want to get abducted.” He threw up his hands, like I was the one being a problem. “Well, now we’ve got to get Bastien back here. Are you happy with yourself? All that time trying to move on from him, and I have to invite him right back into our home.”
I quirked my eyebrow at him, leaning my hip on the counter. “There are about fifteen things wrong with everything you just said. Relax your butthole, K. You’re all worked up over a minor hiccup.”
The stones started rattling, and I heard a few servants out in the hallway squeak with fear and scurry out of the palace, lest it fall on their heads. My dad and Draper ran into the kitchen, ready to battle whatever needed their reckoning. “What is it? Why’s the house shaking?” Urien asked, his brown eyebrows furrowed. He had sporadic streaks of the lightest silver snaking through his hair, making him look distinguished even when he was frazzled.
I rolled my eyes at Kerdik’s tantrum. “Kerdik’s full of drama this morning.”
“Drama? You act like… like…” He spluttered, but was too livid to work out a whole sentence. A few trails of dust fell down from the ceiling between us.
“Bring it all down on your own head, you jag! Bury us all in the rubble because it’s just now dawning on you that I wasn’t raised here.” I ignored the trembling house around me and turned to the newcomers. “He’s throwing a fit because I didn’t know I was supposed to get my lueur back before I sent Hermit Bob away.”
Draper smacked his forehead. “Oh! No wonder you haven’t been able to calm down. Oh, man. Rosie, why’d you do that?”
“I didn’t know I was supposed to take it back! No one told me.”
Draper rubbed the nape of his neck, and I could see the past month and a half of my lunacy finally making sense to him. “Okay, kiddo. I’ll take care of it. I’ll get Bastien back here quick.”
“Throwing a fit?” Kerdik raged, his voice shrill. “You haven’t begun to see my temper, Rosie!”
At this, a tile fell from the ceiling, landing with a crack between us. Urien and Draper cried out in alarm, but I was just plain pissed. “Would you look what you did? For the record, this is my house, not ours. You’re a guest here, and you best believe you’ll be fixing that tile.”
“Oh, I ‘best believe’? Am I your servant?”
“No, you’re the pain in my butt right now. You’re dancing on my last nerve, K.”
Urien shook his head. “You’ll calm yourself around my daughter, Kerdik. Bringing down our home won’t get you any peace in the end.”
Kerdik let out an angry breath and pressed his hands together under his lips. Finally the house stopped shaking as he reined in his temper. “You’re acting like a brat, but at least now I know it’s because you’re missing your lueur. I’ll go find Bastien and get it back. Then I’m cramming that thing down your throat before I strangle you!”
“Don’t do me any favors!”
He guffawed, ignoring Urien’s wary glances and Draper’s sniggering at our fight. “Do you hear yourself? Kings and queens sell entire kingdoms for the chance at one of my favors.”
“Yes, you’re so important. Can you fix a ceiling? Because really that’s all I’m asking you to do. If you can’t do that, I highly doubt getting an Untouchable back here is within the realm of your abilities.” I shook my head. “And I don’t want to see him. The only reason I’d need my lueur back is if I was taking on a new Guardien, which I already told you, I don’t need.”
Kerdik leveled his finger in my face, his jaw clenched. “You’re going to need a string of Guardiens to protect you from me if you don’t watch it.”
“Watch what? This?” I started doing the running man just to piss him off and show him that I wouldn’t be intimidated. In hindsight, not my most mature “screw you,” but it served its obnoxious purpose.
“Rosie!” Kerdik bellowed in warning, drawing both syllables out.
I touched my fingertip to his and made a patronizing kissing sound. Then I leaned up and pecked his cheek just to piss him off. “I don’t need a Guardien.
I need you to fix my ceiling and stop throwing a fit over every little thing. So my mood’s a little off. So what? I caught my boyfriend in a whorehouse. I think a little wallowing is par for the course.”
Draper answered before Kerdik could spit out his acerbic retort. “You need your lueur back, regardless. No doubt Bastien can feel the anxiety, too. It’s part of the magic of the bond between a Guardien and his charge. It’s painful to be far from each other, makes you both restless. You’ll live, but you’re going to feel off for the rest of your life until you get it back, or get him here. You feeling this way isn’t just because you broke up, and it won’t go away in time. It’ll only get worse. You’re already more neurotic than you were a few weeks ago. Soon enough, you won’t be able to sit still. Kerdik’s right. You need it back if you’re dismissing Bastien.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Okay. Could I not be here for the whole dramatic thing, though? Could you do me a solid, be my big brother and get it from him for me? I’ll owe you a favor, for sure. I just really can’t face him right now.”
“Of course, Ro. Don’t think on it another second.”
Kerdik threw his arms into the air, exasperated. “That’s exactly what I just said I would do for you! How is it Draper says the same thing, and suddenly you’re all agreeable?”
“Draper was nice to me. You yelled. I tend to go spontaneously deaf when people yell at me.”
Kerdik’s teeth ground together as he slammed the flat of his hand down on the counter, making the granite crack clean down the middle. “Oh, you make me crazy!”
I pointed at the wreckage in accusation, my voice shrill. “Would you look at what you just did? Stop breaking my stuff!”
Kerdik jerked his chin at me. “I was just going to fix it. Would you get off my back?” With his elemental energy crap, Kerdik repaired my counter in under five seconds. “There! Are you happy?”
“I’m pretty sure you meant to say, ‘I love you, Rosie. I’m sorry I lost my temper and tried to break your house.’ I mean, honestly. What’s Lane going to say when she gets back?”
Broken Girl Page 5
