by KE Payne
Fickle: I’m kidding ya! But I’m telling her I gotta go.
I waited a while as Fickle did whatever it was she was doing and suddenly found myself bringing up her latest photo on my screen. I thought it would be neat to talk to her and look at her picture at the same time. Kinda bring her closer to me, that sort of thing.
Fickle: K, I’m all yours now, honey.
Barnaby Rudge: Good! Sooooo…You had a good day?
Fickle: Not bad. Better now I’m talking to you.
Barnaby Rudge: You say the sweetest things!
Fickle: Only to you.
My heart thumped. I read her words again, slowly. Only to you. I grinned and flicked screens, looking at her lovely face gazing back at me. Damn, she was hot, and damn, how I wanted to tell her that too! Suddenly she wrote:
Fickle: You still with that boyfriend of yours?
Why would she write that? Why?
Barnaby Rudge: Who’ve you been talking to?
Fickle: No one, why?
Barnaby Rudge: Why would you ask me that?
Fickle: Just making conversation, honey. Keep your hair on!
I paused, my heart still thumping madly away.
Barnaby Rudge: I’m not with him anymore, no.
Fickle: Oh. Hey, I was only kidding before! I didn’t know, honest. I’m sorry, Immy!
Barnaby Rudge: Don’t be. I’m not.
Fickle: Ouch.
Barnaby Rudge: I had to do it. I was having, uh, issues.
Fickle: With him?
Barnaby Rudge: With me.
I paused again, staring at the screen. I swallowed hard, feeling like I was in some parallel universe or something as I wrote:
Barnaby Rudge: And issues with you.
Fickle: With me, Immy?
Barnaby Rudge: Can we change the subject now? How was college?
Fickle: Again, not bad.
Barnaby Rudge: You got lots of work? I tell you, I’ve got shitloads. It’s gone crazy!
Fickle: Yeah, quite a bit. Can we stop this?
Barnaby Rudge: Stop what?
Fickle: This polite chitchat.
Barnaby Rudge: Oh, K. Have I pissed you off or something?
Fickle: Quite the opposite.
Barnaby Rudge: Well as long as I’ve not irritated you?
Fickle: No. What issues you got with me, Immy?
Barnaby Rudge: Forget I said it.
Fickle: No. LOL.
Barnaby Rudge: Please?
Fickle: I wanna ask you something.
Barnaby Rudge: Go ahead.
Fickle: Can I ask you if you’re…I dunno if I can ask you!
Barnaby Rudge: Ask me what? If I’m what?
Fickle: Immy! If you’re confused!
Fickle’s abrupt message made the hairs on my arms practically sit up and beg. I paused, staring at the flashing message on the screen, unsure how to answer.
Immy?
Another message flashed up.
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah, I’m confused. I dunno what I am anymore.
Wasn’t that the truth?
Fickle: Are you, curious? I mean, you know, bi-curious?
Barnaby Rudge: Why would you say that?
Fickle: I’ve been getting vibes from you, is all.
Vibes from me?
Barnaby Rudge: I dunno. I suppose, well, I don’t really know what bi-curious really means.
I added “LMAO” to let Fickle think I was embarrassed.
Fickle: You don’t?
Barnaby Rudge: Nope. And if you laugh at me I’ll kill you!
Fickle: Hmm. Well I can only equate it to, I dunno…OK, say you’ve never eaten something but one day you think you’d like to…
I could feel my face getting redder by the second.
Fickle: OK, maybe eating something ain’t such a good comparison, LOL, but say you’ve always wanted to try something, yeah?
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah.
Fickle: And you’re kinda curious to try it, even if you’re not sure you’d like it, yeah?
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah, like artichokes?
Fickle: LMAO!!!
Why were we talking about artichokes? I didn’t want to talk about flipping artichokes!
Fickle: OK, so you’ve always wanted to try artichokes but you’ve never had the chance to?
Barnaby Rudge: I s’pose not.
Fickle: Well, just imagine someone put an artichoke in front of you? Right there in front of you, so close you could touch it. You’re not sure what it’ll be like, you’re not sure you’ll even like it, but there’s something about it that makes you wanna try it.
Barnaby Rudge: And if I don’t like it?
Fickle: Then you go back to eating boring old cabbage!
Fickle added a winky and I felt my tummy go to mush again for the second time in about ten minutes.
Barnaby Rudge: LMAO! Sooo, in layman’s terms, you mean, do I consider myself straight but curious about what the other side has to offer?
Fickle: Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean. Are you curious now, Immy? Have you found yourself an artichoke you wanna try?
I leant forward in my chair and read Fickle’s message over three times.
Barnaby Rudge: Why do you wanna know?
Fickle: Just do. Tell me to piss off if you like, I don’t mind.
Barnaby Rudge: I don’t mind you asking. I’m confused! That much I do know! But lemme put it back to you…are you curious, Fickle?
I sat back in my chair, looking at the screen, chewing at my fingers, not really sure where this conversation was heading, but kinda hoping…
Fickle’s answer sprang back at me:
Fickle: The only thing I’m curious about is you.
Chapter Eleven
The skin on the back of my neck prickled. What did she mean, she was curious about me?
Barnaby Rudge: Curious as to whether I’m curious? LOL.
What a dumb reply!
Fickle: No, just curious about you. Are you curious about me?
I sat back in my chair. Was I reading this right?
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah. I am. I’m curious about you, Gemma.
Fickle: Good. That’s what I wanted.
She put another wink sign and I felt my breath coming just a bit faster. This sounded to me like it was going somewhere, and it was making my head spin, but in a good way this time. I didn’t know what to write, so I waited for Fickle to write something else instead.
Fickle: My hands are a bit clammy all of a sudden. Are yours?
I felt my palms. They were sweaty too. I suppose that’s what anticipation does for you.
Barnaby Rudge: They are. And my heart’s beating faster.
Fickle: So’s mine. That’s what you seem to do to me just lately.
I paused, reading her messages again. My mouth felt dry and my pulse raced ten to the dozen in my neck.
Barnaby Rudge: I’m not sure what to say now!
I laughed as I wrote my message.
Fickle: Just tell me you’re interested in me
Barnaby Rudge: I am. I’m interested in you, Gem.
Fickle: Good. ’Cos I’m sure as hell interested in you, Immy.
She was interested. She was interested in me!
Barnaby Rudge: What, even after you saw my pictures? LOL!
Fickle: Especially ’cos I’ve seen your pictures, honey.
So she did like my legs! Result!
Fickle: I really like you, Immy. You know what I’m saying here, don’t you?
Barnaby Rudge: I think so…I hope so, ’cos I’ve kinda been thinking about you a lot since we started talking to each other too.
Fickle: I’ve been thinking about you all the time. You have no idea!
The hairs on my arms stood up again. She’d been thinking about me?
Fickle: Aaaand I’ve been kinda trying to keep it to myself ’cos I didn’t know if you were gay or not, and then you told me you had a boyfriend and…
Barnaby Rudge: But not anymore.
Fickle: Not anymore, no.
That’s good.
Barnaby Rudge: And that’s because of you.
Fickle: Me?
Barnaby Rudge: You. I couldn’t concentrate on Matt all the time I was thinking about you. I didn’t want to either. All I wanted was you.
I hit the Send button and wondered if I’d gone too far, that she would think I was stupid for finishing with my boyfriend because of her. I started to type a message saying it wasn’t just her, that I’d wanted to finish with Matt anyway, that she, Fickle, had been the catalyst to that. Instead she wrote a message back that just said:
Fickle: All I want is you too, Immy. My ex wanted to get back with me the other night but all I could think about when I was out with her was you. I don’t want her. I want you! Does that sound crazy?
Barnaby Rudge: No! ’Cos it’s just the way I’ve been thinking lately too! You’re all I think about, Gem, nothing else matters, just you. It’s madness!
Fickle: It is, isn’t it? LOL. I think I’ve known since the first time I ever spoke to you that I liked you. How can that be?? Something with you just clicked, I dunno.
Barnaby Rudge: And then when you sent me your picture…ohhh boy!
Fickle: And you. OMG, you’re sooo hot, Immy. I think I fancied you even more when I first saw you.
I felt like I was floating away and that I’d have to keep a tight grip on the chair to stop me drifting off. I was sooooo happy! This is what I’d wanted to happen for ages, and here it was, right here, right now. This felt right, it felt perfect.
Barnaby Rudge: This feels nice. Weird, but nice.
Fickle: It does. How long have you known?
Barnaby Rudge: Known what?
Fickle: That you liked me, silly! You do fancy me, don’t you?
That I liked her. That sounded strange. I’ve never fancied anyone in my life, apart from a few stupid girl crushes at school. Fancying someone was something different altogether, especially because she was a girl. I fancied a girl. How weird was that?
Barnaby Rudge: A while, I dunno. I s’pose it just kinda crept up on me, you know? That I’d suddenly find myself thinking about you, like, ALL the time and I wanted to talk to you, like, ALL the time, get to know you better. And then, like I said, I saw your picture and it did something to me. It was crazy. And then, ever since then, I haven’t been able to get you outta my head.
Fickle: So where do we go from here, Immy?
Barnaby Rudge: I dunno!
Fickle: We should meet up.
Barnaby Rudge: I guess.
Fickle: Don’t sound TOO excited will ya?!
Barnaby Rudge: LMAO, sorry. It’s just a bit scary, you know?
Fickle: I’m not scary!
Barnaby Rudge: I know that! Not you, just the whole meeting someone new thing.
Fickle: It’ll be like a blind date, except that you know what I already look like!
Barnaby Rudge: And I know you’re hot, so you won’t be a disappointment!
Fickle: Nor you, honey. Nor you. It’ll be awesome! There are plenty of trains between Leeds and Oxford, aren’t there, FFS?! LOL.
Barnaby Rudge: Totally.
Fickle: So have a think about it, yeah?
I was just typing up a reply when Fickle suddenly said:
Fickle: Shit, have you seen the time? I better go. I don’t wanna, but I ought to.
Barnaby Rudge: OK.
Fickle: Can I ring you some time? Tomorrow?
I pulled my hands through my hair. She wanted to ring me? This really was the next stage, wasn’t it?
Fickle: Immy?
Barnaby Rudge: ’Course!
Fickle: I wanna hear your voice, Immy. I wanna know what you sound like.
Barnaby Rudge: I wanna hear your voice too, Gem. Sooo much.
Fickle: Kewl! Then I’ll call you later, yeah?
Barnaby Rudge: Look forward to it.
Fickle: Me too. Miss you already xxxxx
After she’d logged off I sat back in my chair, leant my head back, and stared up at the ceiling. Had that really just happened?! My face flamed but nothing could burn the enormous grin from my face. I could hardly believe it! In the space of seventy-two hours I’d gone from feeling helplessly stuck in a relationship with Matt, feeling totally confused about Fickle, to being free of Matt and then finally having Fickle finally tell me she fancied me. They say a week’s a long time in politics, don’t they? Lemme tell you, three days is even longer on the Internet!
*
I stayed at my computer for ages after Fickle had gone, replaying everything that had just happened. I knew that I wanted to tell the world that I fancied Fickle, then felt an overwhelming feeling of disappointment that only Joey knew about anything. I grabbed my phone and fired a rapid text off to her, telling her everything that had happened, a stupid, soppy grin across my face as I did so. Then I felt bad for not asking her how she was, so I sent her a second one, asking her how Scotland was and whether she’d managed to find anything green and interesting to dissect yet.
I didn’t want to go downstairs to my family, worried they’d be able to tell that something had happened. Maybe I was being paranoid, but I kinda thought it would be written across my face. How could I keep something as wonderful as what had just happened a secret? No, I decided to stay in my room and calm down a little before venturing downstairs again.
I looked back at MSN and was pleased to see Twiggy had just signed in and, wanting to talk to her more than I’d ever wanted to talk to her before, sent her a quick message to say hi. Her message came back about a minute later.
Twiggy: Hi yourself! How’s you?
Barnaby Rudge: Good! Very good! You?
Twiggy: Glad to be home from work, aaaand I’m off til Friday now.
Barnaby Rudge: Doing anything?
Twiggy: Decorating. LOL. Well, not just me. Husband’s helping as well!
I had known that Twiggy was married, for as much as she liked to keep things to herself, she’d let it slip in previous conversations that she’d been married for nearly four years. Trying to get anything else out of her had proved more difficult, though. Knowing she was married also made it harder for me to decide whether to tell her about me and Fickle, so I just decided to see how the conversation panned out.
Twiggy: So what’s your week been like so far? Been at college?
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah. It was a bit awkward though ’cos I saw my ex-boyfriend the other day.
Twiggy: The Matt guy you told me about? He an ex now??
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah.
Twiggy: Soz to hear that. Since when?
Barnaby Rudge: Since the other day. LOL.
Twiggy: Yikes! So still raw, huh?
Barnaby Rudge: Not really.
Twiggy: Nah, you don’t sound so upset!!
Barnaby Rudge: I’m not. I’m really happy, actually! It’s been a really good day today.
Twiggy: Sounds like you’ve moved on already?!
Barnaby Rudge: I think I have.
Should I tell her? I wanted to talk to someone about Fickle so badly, I thought I would burst. I dare say if Joey had been around, I would have bent her ear back about it, but she wasn’t, and in her absence, Twiggy was the only other person I talked to on the board who I knew well enough to talk to about it.
Twiggy: You’re a fast mover!
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah!
Twiggy: So is he from your college?
Barnaby Rudge: No.
Twiggy: Jeez, don’t give much away, will you?!
Barnaby Rudge: No. LOL.
Twiggy: You don’t wanna tell me? It’s okay, I understand.
Barnaby Rudge: I do want to tell you, Twigs. I just don’t know if you WILL understand.
Twiggy: Sounds intriguing.
Barnaby Rudge: It’s someone from the board.
Twiggy: The Lovers and Sinners board?
Barnaby Rudge: Yeah.
Twiggy: Oooh gossip! I love gossip! Who? Speaking of gossip, did you know that Chatte Noire and Josh99 got it together?
> Barnaby Rudge: No? Really?
Twiggy: Isn’t it cute? Love over the superhighway. Is that what’s happened to you?
Barnaby Rudge: I guess. And you don’t think it’s weird? Falling for someone over the Internet?
