I wonder if she’ll keep the letter with her or if she’ll think it’s silly. Of course I want her to cherish these words, but maybe poetry is lost on women these days. I scratched out what I had written, balled it up, and threw it in the trash. What if she laughs at me and thinks it’s stupid? I’ve put so much work into this and I don’t think I can sit there and be scorned over it. With this poem I’m practically handing her my heart and saying here, read it and don’t hurt it. Was I willing to put myself out there like that? Could I bear to let her hurt me?
I buried my face in my hands, then stood up and went to the kitchen sink. I know the poem is stupid, but it’s what I feel. I turned on the water, cupped my hands under the running stream, and doused my face. The cold from the water was enough to snap my thoughts into place and strengthen my resolve. It’s my love for her that drives me crazy, and if I look like a fool at least she knows I’m her fool. At least she’ll know how I feel about her and how she affects me. I want her to know me and I want her to love me. People don’t gain love by holding back and guarding their thoughts. They gain love by putting themselves out there even when they feel stupid. They give their heart even if it means heart break. I was willing to let Crystal have my heart even if it meant she would break it and I might never recover. Didn’t some famous person say, “It was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?”
Before I could change my mind I wrote everything down on a piece of paper, then I folded it up, stuck it in an envelope, stamped and addressed it. Then I marched myself down to the post box and stuck it in. I had a bad moment when I thought about running back over and digging for my letter before Crystal could see how stupid I am, but then I realized that it’s done. Sweet or not she will get it soon. All I can hope is that she likes what I wrote.
My hands were buried deep in my pockets as I walked back to my dorm room, my head down thinking about that letter sitting in the box undelivered and I walked right into someone. Well she wasn’t someone she was Kelly; I knew that from the pictures I’ve seen in Crystal’s room. I looked up to apologize and the words froze on my lips before I could get them out. Her makeup was smeared and she was crying. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” I asked her.
“I’m fine,” She mumbled.
“You don’t look fine to me, can I walk you somewhere?”
“You can walk where you want, it’s not my problem if you follow me,” She said and started walking away. I could see fresh tears filling her eyes, so I followed her.
“I don’t think I’ve ever introduced myself, but my name is Gabriel.” I said hoping the name would ring a bell and let her know I wasn’t a creep.
“You mean Gabriel, the one that Crystal was seeing?”
“We’re still seeing each other, and yes.” I answered without thinking and immediately wanted to kick myself.
Kelly’s mouth popped open in surprise, “I thought she broke up with you, she’s with Ryan.”
“Yeah, about that it’s supposed to be a secret, so don’t say anything.”
“I didn’t think Crystal would be the kind of person to handle two guys at once.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing.”
“So, what were you crying about?”
“Nothing, everything.” She answered.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because you are Crystal’s friend and I care about her. That means I care about you too.”
“Did you know I’m in love with him?”
“In love with whom? I’m not following.”
“Ryan, I love him, but he’s so wrapped up in Crystal he could care less about me. Ever since he got her to start seeing him he’s started treating me worse. He hasn’t asked me over in a while now.”
“I’m sorry, I had no idea.”
“What’s even worse is he doesn’t care about sex anymore. It’s like I don’t exist, even when I’m off with Nick he doesn’t care. He used to, we had an agreement. I knew he loved Crystal but I was hoping he would…” She trailed off.
“Wait, he’s been sleeping with you?”
“Not that it matters but I was with him when she called him and told him she wanted to be with him. He kicked me out.”
“Wait, so, give me a second my head is spinning. Ryan loves Crystal, but he’s still seeing you, and you’re letting him do that to your friend?”
“Yeah, and?”
“Crystal talks about you like you’re her best friend she trusts you and you aren’t telling her about Ryan?”
“Look, Gabriel it’s a secret, it was supposed to be just sex and Crystal isn’t supposed to find out.”
“Do you care about her at all?”
“It looks to me like she’s got it all figured out. I mean isn’t she the one playing you and Ryan?”
“That shouldn’t matter what should matter is you being a friend to her.”
She frowned at me, and then lowered her voice, “If you say anything to her about it. I will tell Ryan about you and her.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“Do you want to be with her or not? You do realize I could say anything about you to her and she would believe me.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because in some sick way I want Ryan to be happy and as much as it kills me to see him with her at least he’s happy.”
“Hey, you want some advice Kelly? Move on from Ryan. Find someone else and get out of Crystal’s life she doesn’t need you around anyway all you do is hurt her and drag her down.”
“Well aren’t you such a nice guy. I’ll try to remember that when I’m making up some story about how I saw you fucking Mary.”
“Who’s Mary?”
“Does it matter?”
“All that Crystal will hear is that you’re unfaithful and you don’t want that do you?”
“No”
“Then let me offer you some advice, learn how to shut the fuck up.” She said before walking away.
I’m stunned, I had no idea Crystal’s friends were like this. She’s such a good stable person, how did she end up friending someone like Kelly? She deserves so much better. At least she’s getting some footing with Tiffany. I can see that being a good thing for her, Tiffany seems nice enough and I haven’t seen her do anything to cause concern. Not like Kelly, anyway. I walked back to my dorm with more drama added to my list. What is it about girls and drama anyway? In my room I pulled up the NASA website there’s promises of a meteor shower, something tells me Crystal is going to love it.
Crystal
Chapter Seven
Shower
A song is playing somewhere in the class room and I’m trying to make notes. I lean in closer to the sound and realize it’s the ringtone for my phone. I must have forgotten to put my phone on silent. The song gets louder as it continues to play and I’m trying to decide between ignoring the fact that my phone is ringing or fumbling for it in my backpack and turning the sound down. I glance around the room and see some of my class mates sneaking looks in my direction. Maybe if I ignore it no one will know that it’s me. The music is still playing and now there’s no mistaking where it’s coming from. My classmates are now looking in my direction I try to remember how long my ringtone is, then I remember it’s the whole song and it plays until it goes to voice mail.
My professor pauses in the middle of writing on the board and looks around too. Shit, he can hear it. Maybe I can get my phone to stop. I start kicking my bag hoping I can hit a button that will make my phone stop. The music cuts out mid-sentence and finally there’s silence from my phone. I relax a little in my seat and everyone turns their attention back to the front.
“Hello? Crystal? Are you there?” I hang my head. I wasn’t successful; I just put my phone on speaker mode. “Cryyyyyystal!” I hear my mom’s voice from my phone. This time everyone is looking at me. “You’re only making it worse by letting it sit there. By all mea
ns answer it Miss Hamilton.” My professor says, while turned towards the dry erase board. “Yes Sir.” I answer and grab my phone out of my backpack and turn off the speaker. “Yes.” I hiss.
“Oh Crystal, I’ve missed you so much. I thought you were ignoring me!” She says.
“Mom.” I whisper.
“I’ve been so busy, but I’ve been thinking about you. How’s Ryan and that other guy, what’s his name…
“Mom” I say again only just a little louder.
“Miss Hamilton, you should probably take the call outside of the classroom.”
I fumble with my bag trying to put everything in it and carry it out of class. “Hold on mom.” I interrupt, she’s rambling about work. I manage to make it out of the room with everyone staring at me. Great, I think to myself, enough time goes by for them to get bored with the flyer incident and now there’s this. “What’s wrong honey?” my mom asks.
“Nothing, you just called while I was in class.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. You didn’t have to answer I would have left a voicemail.”
“I know, mom, I forgot to put my phone on silent.”
“Oh.”
“So, why did you call?” I ask her. I talked to her just last week. In fact she calls me every week, but never in the middle of the day while I’m in class.
“I was thinking about you and wondering how you were.”
“I’m fine.” I answer.
“Have you heard anything from Ryan’s parents?”
“I talked to Michele a few days ago, why?”
“Have they said anything to you? Anything important?”
“No, mom, Michele just wanted to know how I was and told me that she misses me and hopes I’m taking care of Ryan and all of that.”
“So nothing about hospitals or doctors?”
“No, why would they say anything about that?”
“No reason, honey.”
“Mom, is there something going on?” I ask. Her questions worry me.
“Oh it’s nothing, I must have misheard something.”
“What do you think you misheard?”
“Nothing honey. How are things, school and all of that?” She asks, changing the subject.
I chat with her about Ryan and Gabriel, unable to get my mind off of Ryan’s parents. The phone call was shorter than the other ones, but I had another class to attend. Now, I’m going to have to ask Ryan if anything is wrong at home. I’m sure he would have told me but we haven’t had much time to talk because of his job.
After class I breathe a sigh of relief, another day is closing and I’m that much closer to the end of the semester and a break. And Tiffany and I are bonding. We found a common enemy, Emily, and we’ve been talking more and more each day. Upon entering my dorm and Tiffany waves an envelope in my face. “This came in the mail today.”
“Thanks.” I say taking the letter out of her hands. The off white envelope has no return address and I don’t recognize the hand writing scribbled on the front. It looks like it was written in a hurry. I try my best to open it without ripping it to shreds; I never was the best at opening them smoothly. I manage to not destroy the letter inside and unfold it. The words written on the letter are more legible than the one on the envelope. I’m touched and a little confused when I read the first few lines and my eyes skim down to the signature. Now it all makes sense. I’m truly touched he must have put a lot of effort into this.
“Who’s it from?” Tiffany asks, distracting me from the beautiful words written on the page.
“Gabriel,” I answer.
“What’s it say?”
My face turns bright red in response, I’m not sure if I want to share it with her. “Oh come on you have to tell me now, it can’t be that bad.” Tiffany begs.
“Fine.” I relent and begin to read the letter out loud.
“If Only You Knew
When I look at you all I see
Is a woman of beauty that stares back at me
Your beauty astounds me and leaves me breathless
And then you kiss me and I am rendered helpless
There is something in the way you move
That makes me want to prove
Just how much you mean to me
You are the one with the key;
The one that makes me see
I have a reason to breathe
A reason to be
You awe and inspire
And make me aspire
To be something more
And prepare for
The dreams and that future that are to come
If only you knew
How amazing you really are
Then you would see
The bright shining star
That I see
Every time I look at you
Crystal, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
Love, Gabriel.”
“Whoa,” Tiffany says and smiles at me. “That one’s a keeper.”
“He is sweet, isn’t he?” I answer, and I realize I’m smiling. I leave the room clutching the letter to my chest. I’ll have to put it somewhere safe and special. I want to keep it forever. This is the first love letter I’ve ever gotten and the first time anyone has ever written a poem just for me.
*****
Gabriel is at my door, ready to take me out. He texted me earlier asking if I was free; Ryan told me he was working late at the law firm, so I was free for the evening. I run up to Gabriel and gave him a hug, and then a deep kiss.
“Are you ready to go?” Gabriel asks when we pull apart.
“Of course.” I giggle and follow him out the door.
It’s a colder night than usual, and there isn’t a cloud in the sky. Gabriel opens the door to his Trans Am and I sit down in the passenger seat. He jumps into the driver’s seat, starts the car and we are off. He didn’t tell me where we are going he just drives, and I sit there looking at him. I note how handsome he is, and wonder what is so special about me, that he cares about me as much as he does.
“What are you thinking about?” He asks glancing at me.
“I’m just making a mental note of how handsome you are and wondering why you like me.”
“I like you because you’re you, Crystal.” He answers.
“Yeah, but what’s so special about me?”
“Well, let’s see. You’re smart, beautiful, determined, and you’re the only Crystal I know that’s you.”
“Lots of people are those things though.”
“While that’s true they’re not sitting here with me right now are they?”
“So, you’re saying that if they were sitting here with you now, you’d be into them?”
“No not at all.”
“But you just agreed with me.”
“I did, but they’re not you, so I wouldn’t like them near as much.”
“So, you’re saying that you would like them?”
“Are you seriously trying to debate with me about theoretical people?”
“Maybe,” I grin.
“Crystal, I like you and only you. There is no one else that I care about and no one else I’d rather be with right now.”
“You’re very sweet, you know that?” I ask satisfied with his answer. “Where are we going?”
“Someplace I’ve been saving for a night like this.”
“A night like this?”
“Yeah, you’ll understand when we get there.”
Gabriel parked the car at the top of a hill in a parking space. The hill overlooked the town, and all the lights twinkled in the night. My lungs filled with the crisp cold air and I watched the steam that left my mouth as I exhale. We were all alone on top of the hill, and I was trying to figure out why he had brought me here.
“Crystal, you’re going to miss the show.” Gabriel says, tapping me on the shoulder.
“What show?” I ask.
“The one up there.” He says, pointing up.
Then it hit
me, the meteor shower! I had completely forgotten about it but obviously he had not. “The meteor shower!” I exclaim.
“Yes.” Gabriel confirms.
“I completely forgot. How did you know?”
“I looked it up.” He shrugs.
“It is a bit cold.” I state, sitting down on the hood of his car next to him and wrapping my arms around myself.
“That’s why I brought a blanket.” Gabriel shakes it out and wraps it around us both. We lie back and stare up at the sky searching for a falling star.
“I got the poem you wrote.” I say softly and lace my fingers with his.
“You did?”
“Why didn’t you just tell me? I mean I love how the words were written and I have it in safe keeping, but I would like to hear you say it.”
“Sometimes when I’m with you, my words freeze up, because your gaze has captivated me and taken my tongue as prisoner.”
“You managed to tell me that.”
“Well that’s because I’m learning how to speak when I’m around you.”
“You’ve spoken before.”
“Yes, but it’s hard for me to vocalize just how you make me feel. I burn with desire when you touch me. It’s like you light a fire deep inside of me every time we kiss. I want to drink you in; you’re the breath in my lungs.”
Never have I heard anything so sweet in my life. His words touched me deep into my soul, there was nothing I could say, there was only what I could do. So I caress his face and bring it to mine and kiss him so deeply I hope it lights a bright burning fire.
He kisses me back matching my passion, and soon his hands are all over me. Touching and caressing me, making me shiver and want him more. The meteor shower is forgotten, as Gabriel and I kiss under the stars.
I used to make wishes on shooting stars, but right now I have nothing to wish for. Everything I could ever want is right here in my arms. As our desire builds, the blanket becomes a restrictive distraction. My body yearns to have Gabriel touch me, and undress me. I take my shirt off, and the Gabriel reaches around and takes off my bra. He holds me close kissing my lips and neck. He straddles me and I reach down and undo his pants. He sits back and pulls them off, then undoes mine.
Secrets (Swept Saga) Page 7
