Softening his features, he took Vasili from her and walked quickly with him away from the ship as he tried to soothe the boy. "It's all right, little guy. I'm Uncle Ryn. I'm going to get you home to your mama, okay? Shh ... it's all good. It's..." His voice trailed off as he froze mid step.
Chaz came out of the shadows with a blaster aimed at them. "Call off your orders. Now!" He clicked the blaster's setting from stun to kill.
Ryn scowled at him. "Davers, I'm holding your son. Let me set him down and we'll discuss this."
"You think I care about that brat? I didn't even want him. Now don't fucking move! Do what I told you. Call off your orders or I'm shooting you!"
"Paka?" Vasili cried.
"Shut up!" he snarled. He tightened his grip on his weapon. "I'm not playing, Dane. Don't try anything. I know how your family works. You brought us here 'cause we can't breathe fire in this atmosphere. You're sneaky bastards. And I'm not going to die on my knees like my father did. Nor am I spending another day serving a piece of shit Vaqim whore and her family. Now release my friends!"
Vasili cried even harder.
Tightening his grip on the boy, Ryn's gaze went past Chaz's shoulder. He covered Vas's eyes with his hand and kept the child's face buried against his shoulder.
An instant later, Chaz hit the ground, dead. Splintered into pieces as if a bomb had detonated inside him.
Repulsed by the vision, Jullien pulled his hand away from Trajen's as he let the reality of what he'd just seen go through him. That wasn't a memory tainted by emotion and perception. It was the harsh, unvarnished truth.
"Damn, Tray. You're a cold-blooded bastard."
"Era suera."
Jullien snorted at the idiomatic Trisani expression that was literally translated to like eats like, but meant it takes one to know one.
Maybe he was right.
"You didn't murder his father."
Trajen shook his head. "No. I fought him for my position, per Tavali law and custom. While I'm Trisani, he was a Fyreblood. And I didn't use all my powers in our Calibrum. I could have killed him as easily as I did Chaz. But rather, I battled him relatively fairly."
He particularly liked Trajen's use of the word relatively. "And you never told Ushara the truth about her husband?"
"No, I let her think that our enemies attacked him and his envoy, and did that to them. It would destroy her to know that Chaz had been involved in that kind of treachery and had pointed a weapon at his own child."
Yes, it would. She honestly thought Chaz had loved her and her son. But the truth was far from her delusions. "He was using her for her family's position and ties?"
Trajen nodded. "Back then, I kept myself cloistered and left the running of the station and Nation primarily up to Ushara's father and family. Chaz was my field admiral and his brother was the VA under my predecessor. Since I was an outsider, I thought it best to let things stay as normal as possible ... my mistake."
"Ushara told me that Chaz was a pacifist."
"A lie he lived. He battled his way to become my field admiral, then kept his head low while moving into position so that he and his brother could assassinate me. I believe you're familiar with such tactics."
"Little bit." Jullien rubbed his hand over his face. "And Vas? Does he remember any of that?"
"No. I made sure of it, but ... my interference had unforseen consequences."
"Mindwipes usually do."
A tic started in Trajen's jaw. "I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't leave the boy with that memory. Could you?"
"No. Trust me. You did right by him. Having been on the receiving end of many similar father-son exchanges, I'm a walking advertisement of what happens to sons whose fathers are in bitter need of parenting classes. We come out all kinds of effed up and arselings back." Jullien narrowed his gaze on Trajen. "So if you weren't interested in leading the Gorts, why did you battle to become their HAP?"
"I had my reasons."
"So you did and they're all yours and none of my concern. Gotcha, boss."
Trajen snorted. "I can't believe how much I strangely like you." He pulled a flask out from his pocket and handed it to Jullien. "You're the only one, other than those who were there, who know the truth of what happened that night."
Jullien was impressed by his compassion. "You left all of them with their memories?"
"You and Ryn Cruel are the only ones who know what happened that night."
With a scoffing laugh, Jullien took a swig, then choked on the potent drink. "What the hell is in this thing? Ship fuel?"
Grinning, Trajen took it and knocked back a large gulp. "Trisani Starfyre. Forget that watered-down shit the Tondarions make. We brewed the malt whisky that put hair not just on your chest, but on your knuckles and tongue."
Jullien laughed as he continued to wheeze. "Is that legal?"
"Of course not. Outlawed by every known government. Melted the brains of lesser species." He held the flask out toward him.
"Well then ... gods know I never needed my brain activity. Pretty sure I was brain dead on arrival at birth." More prepared this time, he drank it and let it burn its way through his system. It was toxic going down, but had a smooth aftertaste that mellowed into something very pleasant after a few minutes.
Trajen clapped him on the back. "I'll make a Tris out of you yet, Andarion."
Snorting, Jullien ran his thumb down his right fang. "So you've confided in me. Poisoned me ... dare I ask why? 'Cause I got be honest, these little chats of ours scare the Tophet of out me."
"You don't believe in Tophet."
"Not true. I currently live in it."
Trajen confiscated his whisky for another swig. "Truthfully? I don't know. I think it's because I can't hide from you. I still haven't figured out how you saw me so clearly when no one else ever has. You see everyone."
He locked gazes with Jullien. "And I see you, little brother. You're as fucked up as I am. It's why I wanted you to know the truth. I didn't want you to keep comparing yourself to a ghost that never existed. You held Chaz up as this shining beacon of perfection in fatherhood and husbandry, when the truth is he didn't give a shit. He took his wife for granted and ignored his son. I think it's why Vas glommed on to you the way he did in that bar. You protected him when you didn't have to. And I know you're stralen. It's faded for now, but I can still see the traces of it in your eyes. The more you're around Ushara and Vas, the stronger it'll become."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"It's what we're all afraid of. Love makes us weak. 'Cause you know you're no longer in control of anything. She is."
Jullien let out a tired breath at that single truth. "Swahytsy, brother."
Trajen capped his flask. "Congratulations, by the way."
"On what?"
"Your marriage."
Jullien blinked as those words hung in the air between them. "Pardon? My what?"
"Ah.... Didn't know, did you?"
Confused, Jullien stared at him. "Am I drunk?"
"I don't know. Are you?"
Jullien scowled as he held his hands up to test their stability. No. He appeared sober. Everything was relatively right, except ...
"What makes you think I'm married?"
"I don't think anything." Trajen pulled out his link and handed it over to Jullien. "Know it for a fact. It's how my favorite admiral kept your ass out of jail and off the bounty sheets after a certain family went to file formal charges on you behind her back. She done went and changed your name, lineage, bio, and your address, and everything else in your files."
Jullien's jaw dropped as he read through his personnel files. Trajen wasn't kidding and he wasn't drunk. According to this, he did indeed have a wife, and a new last name.
Furious, he handed the link back to Trajen and jumped down from the ship.
"Hey! Where are you going?"
Jullien glared up at him. "To make myself a widower."
CHAPTER 11
Ushara came awake to a giant,
"According to my files, I live here now."
"Wha ... oh." She cringed. "I was going to tell you about that in the morning."
"In the morning? Really?"
She bit her lip and cringed. "I had to do something. After you stormed off, there was more fallout over the fight. And..." She paused at the low feral growl he let out over her words. If he'd been a Fyreblood, she'd have expected smoke to come out of his throat to punctuate that guttural sound. "Why are you so mad, anyway?"
"Why?" He stepped back from the bed and gestured angrily toward the door. "Oh, I don't know. You married me without my consent, or even notifying me of the event. How would you feel if I did that to you?"
While he had a valid point, she wasn't going to let him know it. "You're stralen."
"So?"
"So ... you're stralen," she repeated. It wasn't like he could just run off and find another female now. Unfortunately for his rare breed, it didn't work that way. Once that gene kicked in, the male became pair-bonded to a frightening level to the one who'd caused it. While they could be with another female, their loyalty and heart would always remain with the one who first awoke the chemical change in their bodies. It biologically altered the male for the rest of his life, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Given that fact ...
"I thought this would make you happy."
He was aghast. "That you legally filed us as married without asking me?"
"Well, kind of, yeah."
Jullien laughed bitterly as he neared the bed again. "I'm not some stray dog you found on the street and took in, Shara. I'm a sentient being and still do have some semblance of pride. Believe it or not."
"I know that." She sat up and pulled her legs under her. "And before you come in here all pissy with me and yelling about this, you need to stop and remember that you're not the only one who goes a little nuts when it comes to the safety of the ones he loves. I've already buried one husband. I'm not about to stand aside and bury you because you're a fucking idiot, too. You ran off. I didn't know where you were. The HCs showed up demanding your head, and I panicked, knowing what would happen should they run your prints or DNA--which I didn't know if they had on file or not, given your earlier stupidity of ripping off someone's ear. And like you, I did what I had to to make sure you stayed safe and that they couldn't touch you. And at least I didn't put anyone in the hospital while protecting you, unlike someone I could name!"
Jullien backed up as he saw the pain in her eyes and heard the tremor in her voice. In his own fury and hurt, he hadn't thought about that.
Now he felt like a total prick for attacking her.
"I'm sorry, Shara. I'm not used to anyone protecting me. Only stabbing me in the leg so that I fall while they get away." He brushed the pale hair back from her face as he sat down beside her on the bed. "I told you that I didn't want to separate you from your family and I'm afraid of how they'll react to this. What they'll do to you because of me. I mean, shit ... is there anyone worse you could take home to them?"
"I know. But my family will get over it. They're not Anatoles. They will scream and yell about it, and pout. They might even shun me a bit. But after a few ... decades they'll learn to love you as much as I do."
He laughed at that as he fingered her delicate cheek and marveled at the screwed-up miracle that had brought them together. He couldn't decide if he was the luckiest bastard ever.
Or the most cursed to love her this much. Because in the back of his mind lived the terror that somehow his presence in her life would end it.
And knowing it was his fault would ruin him. He couldn't live with the guilt of knowing he'd caused her harm. It would be the one thing that would utterly destroy him.
"This is not how marriages are contracted."
"I know," she whispered. "But you don't have a matarra for mine to negotiate with."
He brushed his thumb over her lips. "And your matriarch has already denounced me as unwanted rubbish."
"True, but I'm a widow and a mother myself. So I claim autonomy to forge my own marriage."
"With an Outcast."
"You're a cock now. With prospects." She smiled up at him and it knotted his gut. But more than that, it made him feel like he was finally worth something. "Both my brother and Trajen have offered to sponsor you. Honorary Tavali today. Full citizen in two years. I know you, Jules. You'll be a captain in no time. I have my own ship in storage that you can run. She's not much, but with your abilities, you can breathe new life into her and get her running again."
He laughed bitterly. "You make it sound so easy."
"What else do you have to do with your life?"
Closing his eyes, he ground his teeth.
Ushara scowled. That reaction terrified her. "Jules?"
He met her gaze, then took her hand and placed it over his heart. "An Ixurian and a Pavakahira. This is a recipe for absolute destruction."
"I know. But you're a contentious asshole. Remember?"
He laughed. "I am that and I'm still angry at you."
"Good," she said, pulling her nightgown off, over her head. "I'm still mad at you, too."
"Then why are you getting naked?"
She slowly began undoing his pants. "Because we can't consummate the marriage with our clothes on."
Jullien's breath caught as she reached down to cup him. "Shara..."
"Hmmm?" She nipped at his chin with her fangs.
He struggled to remember his reasons against a marriage with her.
Or any thought at all.
But it was useless when she was in his arms. He had absolutely no will where she was concerned, especially when she licked and teased him like this. God ... every part of his body felt like it was on fire. Sucking his breath in, he buried his hand in her hair and struggled with the intensity of emotions he could barely understand. The feral need to hold her and protect her.
He cupped her cheek and kissed her.
Ushara moaned at the passion of his kiss. She didn't know if it came from his stralen or something else, but no one had ever been like this with her. It was as if he lived solely to touch her skin.
Toeing his boots off, he pulled his shirt over his head while she pulled his pants down.
She laughed at his eagerness as he tripped on the pants and cursed. "You all right?"
He grunted in response. Then he was on the bed with her again, back in her arms.
The warmth of his skin sent chills through her that were heightened as he scraped his whiskers against her breasts. With a fierce growl, he pulled back. "Where are the condoms?"
"Consummation won't count if you use them."
He froze to stare down at her. In fact, he was still for so long that she began to worry he'd gone catatonic.
"Jules?"
Finally, he blinked slowly. "I-I've never done that."
"Why do you look so scared?"
His breathing ragged, he rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "It's been beaten into me my whole life that I'm a hybrid. That..."
She waited for him to speak. When he didn't, she sat up and draped herself over his muscular chest. "What?"
Jullien swallowed hard before he spoke again. "I was pledged twice, Ushara."
"You were tahrs. That would have been expected. So why didn't you marry them?"
He took a deep breath. "They killed themselves the day after the pledging ceremonies."
"What?" she gasped. "Why?"
Pain darkened his eyes. "They said they'd rather be dead than bear my defective lineage."
Bile rose in her throat over their cruelty. That would be harsh to say to any male. To say it to one who was of royal birth, who should have one day been the ruler of their empire, was unheard of. "Oh Jules ... I'm so sorry."
He swallowed hard. "And even though the companions were all on birth control, they were so afraid of accidentally conceiving a hybrid child from me that I had to agree to only sleep with them during the infertile days of their cycles and to make sure I was covered at all times and to spill nothing near them."
No wonder he was so paranoid when they had sex.
"Mi keramon--"
He placed his fingers gently over her lips to stop her protest. "It's okay, Shara. Having been unwanted by my own mother, I was glad for it. The last thing I want is to father a child on a female who can't bear to look upon its face. I don't want the first sound my child hears to be its own mother screaming in horror that she birthed it. A child should never hear its mother say the things I've heard my mother say about me." He drew a ragged breath. "I don't think I can do this."
Straddling his hips, she cupped his face in her hands and forced him to meet her gaze so that he could see the sincerity in her eyes. "Do you know what I see when I look at you, Jullien eton Anatole?"
"The discarded bastard of the family that murdered yours to extinction."
She wrinkled her nose. "In the beginning, but I don't see that anymore. All I see now is the handsome face of my stralen husband. In my life, I've only allowed two males in my bed. The father of my son and you. No one else. I would never trust my son's safety to anyone not of my blood save you and Trajen. And I can think of no greater happiness than holding your son or daughter in my arms and watching it grow into an exact copy of you. And if the gods were to ever grant me such a blessing again, I promise you that the first sound your child would hear would be the cries of his or her mother's joy as I gladly welcomed our baby into this world."
Jullien couldn't breathe as those words choked him. "I don't deserve your heart, Ushara. I damn sure don't deserve your love. But I swear to you that I will never betray you and I will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to bring no shame or harm to you or what you love."
"I love you, too." She gently nibbled his lips as her taut nipples brushed against his chest.
Closing his eyes, Jullien couldn't imagine anything feeling better until she slowly impaled herself on him. The pleasure of being inside her uncovered was so intense that he shook from it and growled deep in his throat.
Ushara hesitated at the ferocious, primal sound as Jullien gently grabbed her hips and thrust against her. His eyes turned a deeper, darker red. He rose up in the bed to hold her close before he flipped and took control of their passion.
-->
