by West, Sinden
I clawed at it, a small padlock cold under my fingers. “It’s a dog collar. You put a dog collar on me?” I rasped out.
“Don’t try to get it off, it’s padlocked on tight. You’d only end up hurting yourself.” He smiled slightly. “That’s my job, remember?”
Downstairs in the dining room, cold toast sat on a plate on the floor with a mug of water next to it. I dropped to my knees, unable to sit any other way without hurting myself more. I was obedient, like a dog. I hated myself but I was too sore and too tired, not to mention hungry, to fight. I ate until the plate was clean, and gulped the water down into my dry mouth, ever conscious of this heinous thing around my throat. I finally set the mug on the floor and waited with my eyes down for his next instructions.
“Put them in the kitchen and then follow me.” He got to his feet, and I struggled to mine. He didn’t even look behind to make sure I was following as he headed to the living room. Of course, I followed. He’d just made me a little less human.
He settled himself in the armchair again, as I stood naked before him. He picked up that damned diary and passed it to me, then settled back and waited.
This time there were two Post-It notes marking pages. I just held it and stared for a moment.
“Don’t make me wait, Rachel. You don’t want me hurting you while you’re still so sore.” I flinched at his words and began to read.
‘Today I asked Hannah to move in with me. She was getting kicked out of her rental because it was being sold. She was damn near in tears over trying to find another place that she could afford. Her ex was being a prick about the money she was owed, and she’d just been laid off from her job. When I offered, she threw her arms around my neck like her life depended on it, kissing me and thanking me. It was nice to feel so wanted and needed. Afterward, we made love for the first time. I said she didn’t have to do that, but she said she’d had feelings for me for a while. When she said that, it was like everything was falling into place.
Rachel was delighted when we told her. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed herself to me tight. “Thank you,” she whispered in my ear. She really is the most polite young lady. I’ve learned she’s fifteen, although her body is, shall we say, mature. Hannah worries about the boys who go after her. She says Rachel’s too innocent for her own good. I told her I’d help see off any unsuitable kids who came sniffing around her.
Hannah started to cry again, telling me how grateful she was to have a responsible man in her little girl’s life again. I won’t be telling her my secrets; she’s so happy. It’s time for my life to start over on a fresh path.”
The entry ended and I shut the book.
“You haven’t finished yet. Open it to the next page that I marked.”
I swallowed; the collar uncomfortable around my neck, as I did as he asked. I cleared my throat.
“Hannah’s gone away for the weekend with a girlfriend. I told her that I’d take care of Rachel, and she should go ahead and have a good time. All went smoothly until the second night. We were sitting in the den together; she was playing on her phone and I was reading the paper. She sighed and turned off her phone, throwing it aside.
I asked what was wrong. She gave a laugh and said she hated boys her own age, they were so immature. She liked older, more mature guys.
I laughed at that and said not too mature I hoped.
She smiled as well. ‘Someone like you,’ she said. ‘Someone who can take care of me.’ Then she yawned and said it was late. She came over and to my surprise gave me a goodnight kiss. I’m ashamed to say it, but I was so aware of her breast pressing into me as her lips touched my cheek. It took me a moment to remember myself and stutter out goodnight. She gave me a smile and walked off. I made sure that my eyes rested safely on the newspaper until she was out of sight.
The storm that night was something fierce. Thunder and lightning crashing down made it impossible to sleep. I was lying there in the dark when I heard my name called and the creak of the door being pushed open. I turned on the lamp and sat up as Rachel approached. She was wearing a short nightie that brushed the tops of her thighs; it was white and near see through. All of her was on display for me, and I looked, God help me. I was only brought back to reality when thunder clapped loudly. This sent Rachel scurrying for the bed. She jumped in beside me, clinging to my arm.
“I’m sorry. It freaks me out. Can I stay with you until it’s finished?”
I nodded wordlessly. I knew I should have sent her back to her own room, but it’s like that other me took over again, and I couldn’t.
She gave me a small smile and moved closer, resting her head against my shoulder and nestling herself on my arm. I won’t give details here because it sickens me, but suffice to say that little nightie ended up torn and on the floor as she rode me hard and my hands gripped onto those amazing breasts like there was no tomorrow.
After we finished she collapsed beside me. “That was so beautiful,” she said, breathlessly. My head was in turmoil. She grabbed my hand. “Don’t worry, this will be our little secret.”
I snapped the book shut. Aaron got to his feet and took the diary from my hands, placing it on the side table before returning to me. “You look very pretty with this around your neck. You look primal and wild.” A finger reached out to trace the collar. I trembled.
“Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to make you ride me like you did him. You’re still too sore for that.” He leaned in close to whisper in my ear. “All you have to do is suck my cock.”
I gave no reaction, although he waited for one. I stared straight ahead as I heard him unbuckle his belt. “And no teeth, sweetheart. You maim me, and I’ll maim you. That’s a promise.” He sat back in his armchair waiting. I bit my lip before sinking to my knees in my most degrading position yet and started to do what I was told. It was okay, I told myself. I always did what I was told, and this was no different than doing what my mother had commanded…
Before I could free him from his jeans though, a hand grabbed my hair and pulled me away with a sharp tug. I looked up at him in surprise. He was staring down at me, but I couldn’t read what was in his eyes.
Chapter Ten
I waited there until he nudged me with his boot. “You can go back to your room now.”
I didn’t need to be told twice; I was dying to get away from him. I got up swiftly, forgetting my pain until it was too late. But even then, it didn’t stop me. I didn’t try to run for the door or anything like that. I headed up to the room, ever conscious of him right behind me. Once inside I waited to hear him pull the door shut and the familiar sound of the bolt being drawn into place.
But when he didn’t, I looked up to see him leaning in the doorway, staring at me. I faltered under his gaze, letting my eyes rest back on the floor as I waited for him to go, or speak, or do whatever the hell he wanted. “You know,” he said finally. “I never would have made someone do that to me, not in a million years. You could have said no, but you didn’t, you just proved that everything he says about you is true.”
My eyes snapped up. I stepped forward until I was but a foot apart from him and met his gaze. “So? Do you want me to act like some pathetic, weak, victim? You want me crying and begging you all the time? Justify it all you like, but you are the monster here. Everything you’ve done is unforgivable, and you don’t even care. You’re a fucking sadist. You get off on hurting people so don’t get all moral on me.”
He stared hard back at me, and I managed not to flinch under his gaze, even though I was shaking internally. He took a step back, hand on the door but before he could close it, I stepped closer to him.
“I want my clothes. You’ve degraded me every way possible, so now give me back my clothes. You fucking psycho cunt!” My voice hurt from my scream and fear shot through me at the look he gave me. Before I could react, he was grabbing my arm and turning me as he twisted it behind my back. I bit out a yelp as pain shot through me, and he pushed me face down on
the bed and held be tightly there. I struggled, my breath dragged in as panic threatened
“Don’t. Oh god, please don’t” This voice didn’t sound like it came from me. It was too low, too desperate to be me. But it was, and he paused.
I shook even under his firm hand. And then he released me suddenly. I stayed still until I heard the door shut, and the bolt draw into place. Trembling I turned and sat up, hugging my legs to my chest. My ass still stung, but it was nothing in comparison to the mixture of relief that was flowing over me. I stayed like that for a long time. I missed Torrance and Mara desperately. I knew that they would look for me if I went missing. The same couldn’t be said for the other people in my life. It was with that realization that I began to cry as I clawed at the collar around my neck. It held though, and all I succeeded in doing was clawing at my neck until blood stained my nails.
I stopped then. The sobs stopped as well as numbness took over. I lay down on my side in the fetal position and stared at the faded wallpaper until I fell asleep. No sunlight snuck in through the tiny gaps in the wood covered window when I awoke. It must have been night and my stomach hurt with hunger. Would he feed me? I hugged myself tighter and tried to go back to sleep, but it was no good.
When the bolt was drawn back, and the light turned on, I blocked my eyes from the painful light as I hesitantly sat up, drawing the blanket around me as the only defense that I had.
“Get up. Leave the blanket.”
I did as he said. As I went to move past him, his hand shot out and gripped my wrist. I looked at him in alarm.
“You shouldn’t have mouthed off like that.”
And then he was dragging me behind him down the stairs. My survival instincts told me I should apologize, but I couldn’t. The front door was already unlocked, and I struggled to keep my footing as we moved. Even in the dim light I could see we were heading toward the barn. I sucked in my breath. Nothing good happened in the barn. There was no point trying to dig my heels in because he was moving with such force and determination.
Once again, I was weak, and I hated myself for it.
The barn was lit poorly by a lamp and shadows gave it an appropriate eerie effect. Once inside, he released my arm with a slight shove. I rubbed at my skin as if his fingers had burned me but kept my eyes firmly trained on Aaron. I was scared that if I looked up I’d see a noose, and if I looked elsewhere, I’d see the cane.
“You want to call the shots? I’m going to give you a choice.”
I swallowed as he started to unbuckle his belt, but all he did was pull it through the loops of his jeans. He folded it in half and held it so it hung down against his thigh. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the leather.
I shook my head. “I didn’t mean too. I’m sorry.” My voice was breathless and pleading. “I just wanted to wear clothes again.”
“Too late,” he said, softly. I shut up then. I had no control here. He slapped the belt into his free hand. “I’m going to give you ten lashings with the belt. Now, I did too much damage to your ass to do it there. See? I’m not completely heartless. So I’m going to give you a choice of the other two places.” The hand that held the belt lifted it and carefully ran the leather over one breast, dragging across my nipple before moving to the next. “Here.” My breath caught and I think I stopped breathing. “Or, you can have them–“ The belt then slowly made its way down across my stomach to rest between my legs. “Here.” The belt started to nudge into me and rub. “Better choose quickly, Rachel, or maybe I’ll do both.
“I don’t deserve this,” I forced out in a shaking voice as I dared to look him directly in the eye. “Please don’t. I’m not her. I–“
“Choose, Rachel.”
My head sunk down in despair, and I covered my face in my hands, shaking my head from side to side.
“Choose. You’ve got five seconds or I double it. ”
I sucked in a breath and slowly lifted my head to face him. “Breasts,” I said.
He gave a nod, and then for the slightest second he looked away from me.
That’s when I ran.
Chapter Eleven
I sprinted out into the night. Fear driving me at a pace that I didn’t think possible. It felt good to run, to move, to be free. I didn’t know where I headed, but once clear of the barn I just aimed for the surrounding darkness where hope lay.
But arms tackled me and brought me crashing down to the ground. My face hit the dirt; blood spurted from my nose, and my teeth sliced into my lip. I tasted blood. I clawed my fingers into the ground to try and get some traction, but I was tossed quickly over onto my back and my hands pinned over my head while he sat on my legs.
I couldn’t see Aaron’s face clearly in the darkness, but I could feel the rage coming off him in waves. I closed my eyes as I saw his arm that held the belt reach back.
I shrieked as the belt hit my breasts with violence. Before I could recover and take a breath, he hit again and again and again. I couldn’t even scream.
“I told you I’d hunt you down if you ran.”
He moved off my legs and pushed them apart and held my knees up toward my chest with an arm pushing down on them so I couldn’t move, and everything was on display for him. The belt slammed down between my legs. The noise that escaped me was low and guttural, like an animal. I was an animal.
My teeth bit into my lip again as he punished me down there again, and again. I couldn’t move as he had me pinned down tight. My hands uselessly pushed at his arm holding my knees.
Finally, I was released. He sat back on his heels, breathing heavily while I scrambled into a sitting position. I hugged my knees to my chest and buried by face in them as I cried. And I cried hard. Sobs racked my body and he said nothing.
Finally I raised my head and looked at his figure in the darkness. “Why are you doing this to me?” My voice was hoarse and desperate.
He still said nothing but he moved toward me, and I flinched at his action. He took my arm and urged me onto my feet. He kept his loose hold on my upper arm and walked us in the direction of the house. Once under the light of the hall he turned to me with his mouth open to say something. But then, as he inspected my face, his mouth clamped shut, and his jaw tightened.
He indicated toward the stairs. “You need to clean yourself up.” He released his grip on my arm, and I walked up the stairs toward the bathroom. I nearly cried again when I saw myself. Dirt stained my face around the blood that had come from my nose and lip. My eye was swelling already from when I’d hit the ground and would soon blacken. I gently touched my face and winced as I did so, dropping my hands instantly.
I did cry in the shower, silently though. I stood hugging myself as everywhere hurt under the spray. I felt so tired and so pathetic. I kept my back turned to him, I hadn’t seen or heard him come up the stairs, but I knew that he would be there in the doorway, waiting. I stayed under the spray until my skin began to prune, unwilling to face whatever would come next. I kept expecting him to bark an order at me to get out, but he didn’t. He stayed quiet.
Finally I shut off the water, reluctant to turn and face him. Then the towel was placed over my shoulders, and I took it from him, pulling it around me and rubbing it against my skin. “Thanks,” came out of my mouth without even thinking about it. I silently cursed myself. I didn’t want to thank him for anything.
“You’re welcome.” Then, “Are you hungry?”
I shook my head which was still hanging down, staring at the floor. That hunger from earlier was gone, much like the girl from earlier who fought. She was gone as well. I hung the towel on the rail, knowing that he wouldn’t let me take it with me. Though I needed it, I needed something to protect me. I longed for the blanket on the bed, and that’s where I headed when he moved out of the doorway.
I crawled under that hideous blanket like it was the most-coveted thing in the world, and I hugged it to my body like it was a teddy bear as I lay on my side facing the wall. All of me was sore, but my mind was too numb
to register anything properly. I waited there, waiting for the light to go out and door to close, but neither happened. I felt a dip on the bed as he sat beside me, then something cold was pressed against my eye. I flinched, turning onto my back in surprise.
“It’s ice. It’ll help with the swelling.”
I lifted my hands to hold the ice pack in place as he released it and leaned back slightly. We both stayed like that in silence before he asked, “Is your body sore?”
I nodded.
His hand reached out and touched my breast. “Here?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, and nodded again. He started to rub across my flesh that was striped from his belt. To my surprise, it felt good and soothing, and the pain subsided with the rubbing motion. Part of me wanted to look at him, but the more sane part of me didn’t dare interrupt this bit of kindness.
“Is that better?” he asked softly. Eyes still shut, I nodded. The soothing motion on my breast continued while I gently felt the softness of his tongue on my other nipple. My eyes opened in surprise and I watched him wordlessly, barely daring to breathe, as he gently licked at my nipple. The soreness subsided under the pressure. He went on like that, alternating between breasts and always gently rubbing the one neglected by his tongue.
Then he raised his head and looked at me. “Here too?” His hand had moved down to the sensitive flesh between my legs that had been abused by his belt. Wide eyed, I nodded. He rubbed down there, his eyes firmly entrained on me. I felt myself blush under his gaze and shifted my eyes toward the ceiling. And when he moved down my body, I bit the side of my lip that hadn’t been mangled by my teeth earlier. The first swipe of his tongue made me gasp and bite my lip harder. When he lifted my leg over his shoulder, I didn’t protest. I squeezed my eyes shut again and hated the unevenness of my breathing as the licking turned into sucking, and he drew me into his mouth. A whimper escaped me before I firmly clamped my mouth shut. I shook my head violently in denial as I felt myself building up, but it didn’t stop me coming. I was silent, but he knew, how could he not?
