by West, Sinden
I watched him as he started to split wood. I half fantasized about taking that axe and splitting his skull in two. It was a warm in the sun, and soon he shrugged off his jacket before pulling his top over his head. His skin was golden like it lived in the sun, or at the very least came from an ancient people who belonged on the land as if the clay of the earth had leached into their blood to be proudly displayed in beautiful color. His muscles bunched as he swung the axe; he was slim but so well formed and cut. The scars on his back stood out starkly, their twisted tissue forming something like hieroglyphics on his flesh as if they had a secret to tell.
I shook my head, forcing away that notion. There were no secrets here. Everything was abundantly clear to me. I leaned my head back, enjoying the winter sun on my face and for a moment I could imagine that I was elsewhere. The sound of his wood chopping ceasing brought me back to reality.
The axe was firmly embedded in the block. I wouldn’t be getting that out anytime soon. As he started to gather the wood up, I held up my handcuff.
“Let me help.” He stopped what he was doing and studied me carefully. “I need some exercise, let me help.”
He stood still for a moment, then walked slowly toward me, fishing the key from a pocket in his jeans. He picked up my wrist and inserted the key in the lock; then his hand stilled. “Let me make it clear, Rachel. You run, and you won’t be happy. Got it?”
I nodded my head, and my wrist was released. I gathered the wood in my arms, happy to have something to do and ignoring the scratches that the wood made on my skin. When we both had a pile in our arms, we headed inside with me in front. I imagined turning with a piece of wood in hand and whacking him over his head with it. I couldn’t see him not being prepared though; it wouldn’t end well for me. I heard the door lock behind me as I headed into the living room and dumped my pile of wood into the basket beside the fire. He followed suit, then stoked up the fire so it would burn for a long while.
I sat on the couch while he did that. His top was back on now, covering those terrible scars. For just a moment, I thought he could pass for someone normal. Just for a moment though, he was too pretty not to be fucked up.
After he was finished he turned to me. “Give me the jacket.”
I fingered the material reluctantly; the jacket felt like armor to me, some kind of defense against the world. But I didn’t want to piss him off, so I slowly slid the jacket off my arms and held it out to him. He took it, and then motioned to the rest of what I was wearing.
I bit my lip, fingering the edge of the top. “Why do you have to humiliate me more than you’ve already done?” My voice was small, and I knew my words were unwise. I waited for his asshole comeback about how I deserved it.
But all he said was, “I like seeing you naked.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. It didn’t matter though.
“Come on, Rachel. I’ve made it plenty warm in here for you.” His voice was soft, and I shifted, uncomfortable under his gaze. Averting my eyes, I slowly lifted my top over my head. I felt exposed anew and shamed even more. I moved my fingers down to the string-like waist band of the panties I wore and hesitated.
“You can keep those on.”
I let out a sigh of relief, moving my hands in front of me to cover my chest.
“No.” He moved to kneel in front of where I sat on the couch. His hands gripped my wrists and slowly pulled them away from my attempt to cover myself. “No. I let you keep the panties, but you do not cover yourself. You understand?”
I nodded, and he let go of my hands, and they stayed resting at my side.
He sat back on his heels.
“How long did you live here for?” I wondered if he would answer me. But he did.
“Until I was twelve.” He got to his feet.
“And then your uncle rescued you? Is that why you’re so hell bent on doing,” I waved a hand, “this.”
He gave a smirk. “Wouldn’t you be? If someone saved you from hell?”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. No one’s ever rescued me.”
He stared down at me. “If someone came along right now and set you free, are you telling me that you wouldn’t do anything they asked, that you wouldn’t be so grateful that–“
“That I’d do something so cruel?” I lifted my chin and looked him directly in the eyes. He looked away and turned his back, picking up the diary and tossing it to me. I stared at it for a moment, feeling the soft leather and wondering how such a beautifully crafted book could hold such terrible things inside.
“Read the next entry.” He settled himself in the armchair, while I stood in front of the fire. It was funny how I felt far more exposed wearing that ridiculous G-string than by when I was completely naked. Finn had even wrapped it, watching eagerly as I pulled it out of the paper with one finger hooked through it in disbelief. I never wore it for him. I told him that I wasn’t a whore for him to dress up and play with.
I took a deep breath before I started to read.
“Hannah had gone out when Rachel finally ventured from her bedroom. She mustn’t have thought that I was home because her eyes widened in shock when she saw me waiting for her in the kitchen. She quickly looked away and headed to the refrigerator to grab out some juice.
I leaned against the countertop and watched her as I drank my whisky. Her actions were stiff and nervous.
‘What’s wrong, sweetheart? With sin comes pain, just remember that next time you decide to become a whore.”
The juice spilled on the bench as she poured, and her hands shook. Before she grabbed for the cloth, I beat her to it, reaching around her and crowding her so I pressed her into the counter while I soaked up the mess in front of her. She held still, and I reached up to stroke down her hair. She flinched at my touch, and that made me grin.
I reached down and pulled up her robe, putting my hand down the back of her panties, and I searched for where she was sore from the night before, plunging my fingers into her with no warning.
She let out a moan.
“You act like a whore and I’ll treat you like a whore.” I pushed deeper inside her, but she stayed still, frozen in place. I heard Hannah’s car pull up then, and pulled out of Rachel. She wasted no time running to her bedroom while I washed the blood off my hand just in time for Hannah to call out to me to help her with the groceries.”
I bit my lip and closed the book softly. I wanted to hurl it into the fire and see everything horrible in it licked by flames until it become nothing, like it had never existed. Instead, I handed it back to Aaron with a shaky hand. In fact, all of me seemed to be shaking. I made my hands into fists and dug my nails into my flesh to try and still myself. But it didn’t work. I shook my head.
“I can’t be here. I just…I can’t be here.” Tears started to run down my face. “This is too horrible. I have to go home. This can’t be happening to me.” I fell down to my knees and wrapped my arms firmly around myself to try and stop that shaking that rattled my bones. It was uncontrollable, and I sunk my nails into the skin of my arms. There would be blood, but I couldn’t stop it. The pain felt good, but it didn’t stop the shaking, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wondered if I’d die.
Strong arms lifted me. I felt denim beneath me, and the softness of Aaron’s t-shirt against my cheek as he cradled me in his lap. His arms wrapped around me and held me in place while I shook and cried. It seemed like a great amount of time passed but maybe it was only minutes. Finally, I just lay there against him, so numb like there were no more tears, but the shaking had stopped.
Chapter Fifteen
Aaron cooked dinner while I sat at the table, obedient and docile. He must have realized that there was no energy in me to fight or defy. He gave me my own food on my own plate, but I still sunk down on my knees to eat it on the floor without even being told. If he wanted me broken and submissive, that’s what he would get.
I kept my eyes on my plate, but I was so conscious of him watching me, al
though he didn’t say anything as we both ate in silence. When I finished my meal, I dared to glance at him. He’d finished eating and was leaning back in his chair with his legs stretched out in front of him, his eyes never leaving me. I got to my feet and took both our plates to the sink to be washed. Only after everything was finished did I speak to him.
“What now?” Apprehension twisted in me.
He pushed his chair back and stood. “Come.” He held out a hand to me, and I hesitantly reached out to take it. He led me back into the living room and only released my hand when I stood in front of the fire. He opened the diary at the desired page and handed it to me. I felt like vomiting as I took it, and my heart beat wildly. He settled himself back in the armchair and waited.
‘They’re gone. My house is empty and silent now, and just memories of the whore torment me every time I enter a room, instead of Hannah. The whore turned her against me. I took Rachel in her bedroom which I’d never done before. I did it at night while Hannah was sleeping. I stood over Rachel’s sleeping form and sculled back my whiskey. She looked like an angel, perfect and innocent, but it was all a lie.
She didn’t wake up until I wrapped my hand around her throat with the other firmly over her mouth. I didn’t want her to distress Hannah by waking her. She awoke with a fright but I told her to be quiet or I would silence her for good. Then I fastened her hands above her head to the bed. She whimpered, but I slapped her face. That shut her up. I punished her for a good hour before leaving her curled up on her bed and weeping softly. I thought she was learning and that soon she’d be the daughter that Hannah deserves to have.
I woke up with a shocking hangover, to see Hannah standing over me, iPad in hand. She slapped me; I sat up in shock.
“You asshole.” She tapped the screen and pointed it at me. The whore must have had a camera in her room because the preceding night’s events were right there in detail, including sound. “In case you’ve got any ideas, this isn’t the only copy.”
“Hannah–“
“Shut up! You betrayed me. I loved you, and you turned out to be a monster.” There was brief hope in my heart when she told me that she’d loved me, but then so did the reality that she thought I was a monster.”
“Hannah, you have to understand what Rachel did. She coerced me, she behaved like a whore. I was wrong to touch her in the first place, I know that. But you don’t know what kind of…witch she is.”
I knew I sounded crazy, but I didn’t know how else to explain it to her.
“Tell it to the jury,” she snapped, tears forming in her eyes.
“No, Hannah, don’t, please. Don’t go to the police. I’ve been in trouble before; they’d come down on me so hard…”
She threw the iPad down on the bed before sitting down beside me and hiding her face in her hands. Her body shook with sobs, and I took her in my arms as she cried her eyes out. She let me comfort her for a while before she pushed me away and got to her feet.
“I need to get away from here. I need to think!” She wiped the tears away on her face before finally looking at me. “I need money. I need you to give me money to get away from here while I decide what to do.”
I swung my legs out of the bed and stood beside her.
“No, Hannah. I love you, and we can sort this out. You don’t need to leave, and you’re not going to the police.”
“I don’t want to go to the police, but–“
I reached out and took her hand. “No, you won’t go to the police, Hannah, because if you do, something very bad will happen. Do you understand?”
She frowned. “What are you talking about? Are you threatening me?”
“Shh. No, Hannah. I love you.” I pulled her gently behind me as I went in search of Rachel.
The whore was slinging a bag over her shoulder. They must have been up early, packing all their things. From out the window, I could see Hannah’s car packed with bags in the back.
Rachel tensed as I approached. I released Hannah as I stood in front of the little whore.
“You know what you’ve done, girl?”
She looked me right in the eye. “You’re a monster.” My blood boiled at that. She was the evil one that had set these events in motion.
“And you’re nothing but a whoring little witch.”
I punched her in the face, and she dropped. I didn’t mean to but it’s like that other me took over. Hannah screamed behind me.
I kicked at Rachel in my bare feet, right in her face. It felt good to hurt her. I tuned out the noises around me as I kept lashing out at her. Hannah’s screaming, Rachel’s crying and begging. I only returned to reality once strong arms grabbed me, and I recognized my neighbor.
“My wife’s calling the cops. Stop!” He yelled at me. That got through to me, and suddenly I saw Rachel at my feet, blood smeared over her face and my foot as she groaned. Hannah’s eyes were red as she helped the whore to her feet. And that made me mad again but I couldn’t break free of my neighbors grip.
“This isn’t over, whore,” I spat at her. “Don’t go, Hannah. Don’t leave me. Don’t you dare fucking leave me!” They went out the door. “I’ll hunt you down, you hear me? I’ll hunt you down!” Their car pulled away just before the cops arrived. I recognized one of them as the arrogant son of a bitch who’d arrested me that time before. He pushed me down hard as he handcuffed me.
“You still like hurting women?” he sneered. But I couldn’t even be mad at him. I can’t believe that Hannah is gone. That whore ruined my life.”
I snapped the book shut and looked at Aaron.
‘How can you be so blind to what he is?” I really wanted to know.
He leaned forward. “We all have our faults, Rachel. You set him up to fail. You set out to seduce him. Why? I don’t know. And then when he did what you wanted, you couldn’t deal with it. You fucked with his head. He was vulnerable and messed up. He was trying to get his life back on track.” I couldn’t look away from his intense gaze. “You pushed him and fucked him up. No, he shouldn’t have done some of the things he did. But you need to take responsibility, Rachel.”
“Stop calling me that name.” I was breathing heavily.
“See? There you go, taking no responsibility, showing no remorse. Now for the last time, admit who you are.” His voice was so calm, in sharp contrast to all the turmoil swirling inside me. “Are you Rachel?”
I threw the book at him, and he caught it and casually placed it beside him.
“Yes,” I said through gritted teeth.
He leaned back and nodded like he was pleased.
“Why is that so important?” My voice was shaky. I knew I wouldn’t like the answer.
“Because he’s coming for you.”
Chapter Sixteen
I froze.
There was no beating heart, no trembling, no breathing. There was nothing but this room and its silence marred only by the crackle of the fire, and my captor sitting in the chair and looking at me with curiosity. Soon, there wouldn’t even be this.
I let out a small laugh that was absent of any humor. “You may as well go and put me in the noose right now then.”
He looked down at the book briefly, studying the cover before bringing his eyes back to me. “You’re more fun alive, Rachel.”
“Where’s he been?”
“Prison. Not for what he did to you. There were no charges for that because you disappeared, but he assaulted a cop in the whole sordid business.” Aaron cocked his head, looking thoughtful. “Why’d you and your mother give him fake names?”
My heart stopped as my mind whirled. Didn’t they know what we were? Obviously not, otherwise my mother would be here too. I’m sure my body didn’t betray me when I answered him in a flat voice that showed none of the shaking that I was feeling inside.
“Her husband was abusive. She didn’t want him tracking us down.”
He watched me, but I kept my lips pressed shut. “Is that right?” he said softly. “And why did you seduce him i
n the first place?”
I looked away, and kept my eyes firmly trained on the decanter filled with a dark liquid like whiskey or something, that sat on a side table. I would have given anything to have that pungent liquid down me and to numb everything.
“Answer me,” he commanded, yet his tone was still soft.
I shrugged. “You’ve been saying it all along. I’m a whore.” My tone was as carefree as I could make it. “I just thought it would be fun.”
“Really?” He didn’t believe me. It took all my will to shift my eyes back to his.
“Really. I just slept with her current boyfriend as well. She kicked me out just before you took me.” I put a smirk on my face, the kind of smirk that said that I didn’t care, the kind of smirk that would make anyone want to smack my face in. I shrugged. “It’s just something I do. Anyway, I don’t see the point in talking to you anymore. The truth is what you’ve always known it to be; I’ve admitted it. I’m going to my room.”
He let me walk away. I half expected him to tackle me to the ground, although I tried to walk as casually as possible, not betraying my expectation or anticipation of him coming after me. I made it out of the room, down the hall, past the locked door, and up the stairs. I exhaled when I reached the room and shut the door voluntarily behind me.
Only then did I let out a breath as I sank down onto my knees on the floor at the edge of the bed.
My mother may have been a cunt, but I wasn’t about to give her up to them.
Oh god, Oh god, Oh god, Oh god
I heard the beating of my heart thumping like a drumbeat that started to get faster and faster. My body started to tremble, and I struggled to breathe. I felt like someone had their hands wrapped around my throat and were squeezing. I was lightheaded and dizzy, and all I could hear was the beating of my heart. I was going to die. The realization hit me as I struggled for breath. I clawed at my throat, but I couldn’t feel my nails. Was I already dead?
Then Aaron was in front of me, he was saying something but I couldn’t hear him.
