Daisy looks away. “She’s done so much for us.”
“You need to tell her.”
“How can I tell her? She’s so excited, Daltrey.”
I release a long breath. “Look, I get that Paige can be a little…”
Daisy raises her eyebrows. “Pushy?” she asks. “Overbearing? Keep in mind this is one of my best friends before you finish that sentence.”
“A little much,” I say. “Sometimes. But, Daisy, come on. You have to know that she would never want you to be uncomfortable.” I lift her chin, making her meet my eyes. “She loves you. The only thing she wants is for you to be happy.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I just…I don’t want to disappoint her.”
I smirk a little. “Well, from Reed’s reaction in the bridal salon, she might not be waiting too long to plan her own wedding.”
Daisy’s eyes go wide. “You think so? Paige totally thought he was uncomfortable.”
“Maybe uncomfortable in his pants,” I say, laughing.
“Daltrey! Ew!” She hits my chest. “I don’t want to speculate about your brother’s boner.”
I shrug, still laughing. “I’m just saying, the boy was shook.”
“Wow. Do you really think he’s thinking about marriage?”
I just shrug again. He might not have been before today, but I have a feeling he is now.
“Forget about them for a minute,” I tell her, taking her hands again. “I think we’re both in agreement that we should scale back this wedding. By a lot.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, still looking uncertain.
“I’m positive. Paige says it should reflect us, right?”
“Right.”
I kiss her nose. “We’re not over the top people, Dais. We live on a farm, for God’s sake.”
She nestles into me, sighing, and I can feel the relief in her muscles. “Scaled back sounds pretty good to me.”
“Good. Then we’re decided.”
We sit in silence like that for a long moment. “Daltrey?” she finally asks, her voice a little thin. “Will you come with me when I tell her?”
I grin into her hair. “Why? You scared of Paige Brennen?”
She laughs, and the sound fills me with relief. She’s okay, back to herself. We’re doing the right thing.
“Hell yes I’m scared of Paige Brennen.”
I join her in laughing. “I don’t blame you one bit.”
Will
You planning to join me out here sometime?”
I look up to see Ruby standing in the doorway to my balcony, her arms crossed. “Just one sec,” I say, my attention darting back down to the half-finished email on my phone.
She sighs, walking back into the living room and approaching me on the couch. “I’ve been sitting out there on my own for fifteen minutes.”
“I’m sorry, babe.” I tap away at the phone. “Almost done…”
I feel her hand on my shoulder. “Will. You said no work tonight.”
I finish off the email, smiling up at her. “I said I didn’t have to go in to work tonight.” She doesn’t match my smile so I slide my arms around her, pulling her to stand between my knees so I can rest my forehead against her chin. “Come on, Rubes. It’s just a few emails.”
She looks down at me, her hands coming up to run through my hair. I close my eyes, unable to suppress a small shiver. Ruby has a thing about my hair, always touching it whenever she’s close enough to do so. I love the way her fingertips feel against my scalp. Love that we’re developing these little routines together, these things that we always do.
“I’ve barely seen you lately,” she points out. “I thought we were going to have this time tonight.”
“I’m sorry. Things have just been crazy since the shows started. It will relax soon.”
I can’t read the expression on her face anymore. “That’s what you said when the rehearsals were reduced.”
I frown at that. In all honesty, the rehearsal schedule shouldn’t really affect me much. It isn’t like the boys ever invite me to hear them practice. But I like to be in the building all the same. I’m not sure why—I just know it would feel fundamentally wrong to not be at work when they are.
“There have been a lot of meetings.” I can hear the edge in my voice and I guess she can too, because she pulls back.
“I don’t want to fight. I just wanted to see how long you would be.”
“I’m coming now,” I tell her. I feel her gaze flick down to my hand as I slip the phone into my pocket, standing to join her. “Did you save me any wine?”
She entwines her fingers with mine, pulling me out to the balcony. The evening is still warm, the sky a deep gray, tinges of pink along the clouds. Ruby hands me a glass of pinot. “You missed the sunset.”
“Then we definitely shouldn’t waste any more time.” I set my wine on the little glass table before taking her glass as well.
“Oh no, buddy.” She pushes against my chest a little. “I’m not making out with you.”
I laugh. “Who said anything about making out?”
Her eyes twinkle. “This is you we’re talking about.”
“I just wanted to sit with you,” I say, lowering my lips to her neck. “But now that you mention it…” She laughs, still pushing on me as I try to kiss her. “Fine. Come sit.” I pull her into the lounge chair with me, arranging her so she’s tucked up to my side. I hand her a wine glass before reaching for mine.
“That’s better,” she sighs, resting her cheek against my shoulder. “Aren’t you glad you took a break?”
I kiss the top of her head, looking out over the trees. Through a gap in the buildings you can just make out a tiny strip of the ocean, nearly black in the gathering darkness. I try to relax into the cushion, into the feel of Ruby in my arms, her smell surrounding me, the taste of the wine mellow on my tongue. There are a million things I should be doing, emails to answer, calls to make. But Ruby was right—we’ve barely seen each other lately. I’ve been too busy with the details of the residency and the taping of the special. A small weight settles into my stomach. Work is actually a lot lighter than it was back in the day, definitely lighter than it would be out on tour. And it’s still too much, still getting in the way of having a normal social life.
I try to push the thought away, try to concentrate on her instead. “You know, I never even sat out here until you started coming over.”
She laughs softly. “The fact that you didn’t have any furniture out here kind of gave that away.” I grin into her hair. Ruby dragged me to a home goods store to buy stuff for my patio when she realized I had an ocean view out here—albeit a minuscule one. I would be fine to spend our time together inside—preferably in a bed—but Ruby told me she requires fresh air and sunshine as much as humanly possible. Of course that didn’t stop her from also pushing me to make the inside more homey and comfortable. I actually have throw pillows on my couches, probably for the first time in my life. This condo is starting to feel like a home.
And the reason for that is curled up in my arms. I kiss the top of her head. “One of the many reasons I’m lucky you started flirting with me in your bar.”
She sits up to glare at me. “I started flirting with you?”
“That’s the way I remember it, yes.”
“Then you need to get your memory checked, old man.”
I laugh, pulling her against me again, my lips going to my favorite spot below her ear.
My phone rings and Ruby goes rigid in my arms. “Let me just see…” I mutter, pulling it out. It’s Gwen. Again. “One of the VPs at the label,” I explain. “I really should take this.”
I bring the phone to my ear and Ruby climbs off the lounge chair. I make a face at her, motioning that I’ll just be a minute. She rolls her eyes, walking over to the edge of the balcony. I try to focus on whatever Gwen is saying, instead of the sight of Ruby’s ass in those tight jeans as she leans against the railing.
Gwen
is prattling something about a promotion schedule. Interviews she wants to set up, radio spots to record. More work for the boys. I sigh. “Just send it all over,” I tell her. “I’ll talk to Levi about the schedule.”
“I’d like to get this taken care of as soon as—”
“It’s Levi’s night off,” I say firmly. “I’m not calling him at nine o’clock. We’ll deal with it tomorrow.”
I can hear the disapproval in her silence but I just want to get her off the phone.
“Fine,” she says after a long moment. “We should also go over the details for Mr. Johnson’s benefit.”
Damn. I’d forgotten all about that. I have no idea if Levi even broached it with the band. If he didn’t they aren’t going to be happy with the short notice. “Right.” I rub my forehead. “That’s…next Friday?”
“Saturday.”
“Right. Next Saturday.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Ruby turning to look at me, her eyebrows raised. “Send over those details, too.”
I end the call, sighing. I really don’t want to bother Levi but I wonder if I should send off a quick text, just to see if he’s talked to the guys about the annual benefit hosted by the president of our label. Before I make up my mind, Ruby is clearing her throat. “What about next Saturday?”
“Some party we have to go to.” I take a long swig of my wine, feeling tired. I shouldn’t have to wonder if the boys know about their schedule because I should be the one keeping it for them. I should be the one telling them these things, not relying on Levi to play messenger. A wave of frustration rises in me. I’m so damn tired of going over and over this in my head. Of feeling like crap about it. I just want to sit here with Ruby and not think about any of it.
But Ruby’s looking at me with an incredulous expression. “Next Saturday? You have to work next Saturday?”
I frantically try to remember if we have plans. Nothing is coming to me. “Um. Yeah?”
She’s glaring at me now, looking more pissed than I think I’ve ever seen her. “You’re unbelievable.”
I rub my forehead again. “Okay, what am I forgetting?”
She throws her hands up. “We’re supposed to be having dinner with Grace next Saturday. We’ve talked about this. Multiple times.”
I curse under my breath. Ruby has been trying to arrange a day for me to meet her daughter for a few weeks now. I haven’t exactly been looking forward to it—it feels like a pretty big step, and meeting the family is definitely out of my comfort zone. But Ruby has a way of getting me to agree to just about anything, and I did agree to this.
“I’m sorry,” I start, but she holds up her hand.
“It’s one thing to blow me off for work,” she says “But it’s another thing to be rude to my daughter.”
I close my eyes. “I don’t want to be rude to Grace. And I don’t mean to blow you off—”
“Then why does it keep happening?”
My eyes snap open, the frustration rising again. “This is a stressful time, Ruby.”
“I thought the whole point of doing this residency was to reduce your stress.”
“It was to reduce their stress, not mine,” I shoot back.
She crosses her arms. “You can skip this party.”
“No. I can’t.”
“Why?”
“This is the head of their label. The boys need to be there—”
“Fine,” she says, her voice rising. “The boys need to be there. Why do you?”
I just stare at her, uncomprehending. “Because I’m their manager.”
“They’re grown adults, Will. They don’t need you there to hold their hands at a party.”
I climb off the lounger, reaching for the wine. I have a feeling I’m going to need it. “You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
She’s still wearing that angry expression, but there’s something else there, too. Something that looks a lot like she might feel sorry for me.
“I need to be there,” I say flatly. “It’s my job to be there.”
She just shakes her head, and it’s definitely pity I see in her face. “So they get to completely cut you out while you still rearrange your entire life around them?”
I take a step back, so angry I’m afraid I might break the wine glass. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I think I do, Will.”
“It’s not rearranging my entire life. It’s one stupid dinner, it’s not a big deal.” I know, even as the words are leaving my lips, that it’s the wrong thing to say.
She’s quiet for a very long moment. When she speaks again, she no longer sounds angry. And that’s worse, much worse. Because now she sounds hurt. “It’s a big deal to me. I don’t introduce men to Grace. Ever.”
I swallow, fear shooting through me at those words, at how big this whole thing suddenly seems. I don’t do big. Don’t have time for it. Know better than most how much big can hurt when it goes wrong.
“Maybe this is better,” I say, my throat suddenly dry. “I mean, that’s a big step, right? Maybe it’s too soon.”
She closes her eyes. “If you really feel that way, then yeah. It is better that you don’t meet her.” When she opens her eyes the fear in my chest worsens. But now I know it isn’t fear of getting too close. It’s fear that I might be screwing this up. “We’re obviously not on the same page here.”
“Ruby, wait.” I reach out a hand to her but she slips around me, going back into the house. Shit. “Wait!”
She turns around in the living room, watching my face. I have no idea what to say to her. I know I don’t want her to go, don’t want her to be hurt or angry. But what am I supposed to do? I have to put the boys first. How does she not understand that?
“You have no idea what you want,” she finally says.
“That’s not true. I just…” I swallow. “Damn it, Ruby. I’ve never done this before!”
Her face softens. “I know. And I can cut you some slack, Will. I know your life hasn’t been very happy.”
I frown at that. Has my life been happy? I can honestly say that’s a question I’ve never asked myself. Not since Rebecca left, at least. My life has always been about getting through, getting to the next step. Where does happiness fit into that?
“But you don’t talk to me,” she goes on. “You don’t let me in.”
And here I thought I’d changed so much with her, become so much more open. And it still isn’t enough. I feel a wave of exhaustion. Shit, what’s the point?
“You’ve made your entire life about their careers, Will.” She takes a deep breath. “How long are you going to do this?”
“Care about them?” I can’t believe she’s actually asking me that.
She makes a frustrated noise. “No. How long are you going to sacrifice your own happiness just to try to make it up to them?”
I open my mouth to snap something, then close it again, her words burrowing into my brain and settling there. “Make what up to them?” I whisper.
Ruby wipes a tear from her eyes and my stomach clenches. I hurt her. Or maybe she’s hurt for me. I can’t even tell anymore. “Make up for the fact that their mom left. That you never thought you were enough for them.”
“That’s not what…” But I can’t finish that sentence. Because I have a feeling she might be completely right.
“All of these sacrifices you make—your time, your work, your dedication. It goes beyond just caring about them, and you know it. You think you’re not good enough for them, that you let them down—”
“I don’t—”
She talks over me. “You blame yourself for what happened with their mother. You blame yourself because you think just you wasn’t enough. So you throw yourself into this career of theirs, make it your whole life. But it’s not what they need, Will.”
“I’m glad you’re such an expert on my kids, Ruby,” I snarl, the anger coming out of nowhere, shocking me with its ferocity. “It’s particularly imp
ressive since you don’t even know them.”
She just watches me for a long while and my anger slips as quickly as it appeared, leaving me feeling empty. Scared.
“You’re right,” she finally says, her voice soft. Unsteady. “I don’t know your boys. But I do know you. And if those kids are anything like their father, then I know they want more for you. They would want you to have a life of your own, a life that’s about more than just trying to make up for the past. A life that makes you happy. You deserve that.”
“Ruby.” It comes out like a croak. I want to pull her into my arms, want her to convince me that she’s right—that I actually deserve something this good. But another part of me, a louder part, wants to pull away. To put my walls back up, with her on the other side. Because it’s safer that way. Didn’t Rebecca show me that?
Ruby is watching me, her face soft and so sad, like she’s waiting for something. I just have no idea what. Then my phone rings again, and her eyes harden. “You should get that,” she says, already turning to go. “It might be important.”
I just stand there, frozen, unable to stop her. Unable to look at my phone. I should be fighting for her. I should be doing something. But then she walks through the door, leaving me alone in the apartment, the only noise the ringing of my phone.
Eventually it goes to voicemail and still I stand there, my eyes on the door, wondering what in the hell I just allowed to happen.
When my phone starts ringing again immediately, I look at the screen. And my heart nearly stops.
“Reed?”
His voice on the other end of the line is sharp and breathy. It doesn’t sound like him. “Dad?”
“I’m here. Are you okay? What—”
“Paige,” he says, his voice shaking. “Paige is really sick and I…” he makes a choking noise. “Cash is in Seattle and I can’t get Dalt—” He’s taking gulping, panicked breaths. “Lennon flew out to see Haylee and I don’t know…fuck, I don’t know what to do.”
I can feel his terror through the phone and it settles in my stomach, heavy and thick. “Reed where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital,” he says, and a noise like a sob breaks through, the sound going straight to my chest, chasing away the regretful ache Ruby left behind. It calms me, somehow, his panic. He needs me right now. There’s no room for anything else.
The Ransome Brothers Page 27
