I think we’re pretty even until Gio lands an uppercut, his fist slamming into my chin, jarring my teeth together with brute force. I fall down, dazed and confused. My head smacks on the floor of the ring, bouncing back up only to crash back down. Immediately, pain overcomes my head, causing me to close my eyes. Suddenly, all of the pain he’s sent into my body with his fists comes at me full throttle.
Why the fuck did I think I could win this?
“Get back up,” Enzo’s voice is suddenly yelling at me, causing me to focus. I see him standing by me on the outside of the ring, looking in, his eyes full of ire, his words heated with it. “If I thought you were going to do a crazy fucking thing like this, I’d have left you to drink away your sorrows! Now, get back up and don’t let him win!”
I remain still, unsure if it’s a feat I can manage.
“Show him you mean fucking business!” he tells me, fighting for me. “Don’t do it for me, or for you... do this for Amelia. If you love her like you appear to, then beat the fucker. Now, get back up, Maverick!” I watch him roll his eyes with infuriation. “He’s the only thing standing between you and being one step closer to Amelia! Don’t let him take it away from you!”
He’s right. He’s completely right.
Sliding my hands up against my body, I force myself up. My head feels woozy; the last hit leaves me with a violent head rush, but I feel angry that I let him have it easy.
“C’mon, bastardo! Let me show these men a mercy killing!” Gio shouts from his side of the ring. “Let me show them how an Abbiati kills a filthy cop!”
I bite my tongue, remaining silent toward him as I prepare to charge.
“Might take your cock and give it to Amelia as a trophy,” he threatens, gleefully. “Show her how small a man she fell for!”
I charge. I’m ready to make him swallow every word and shrink his ego. I take no prisoners and run at him, taking him by total surprise. I punch, feeling the beautiful burst of pain across my knuckles. It should deter me, and once upon a time, it would’ve done just that, but now that I’ve started, I feel like I’m winning. I feel the skin across my knuckles split from the contact with Gio, but it’s the feel of his blood spraying at the will of my punches keeps me attacking.
I’m a man with very little to lose and a fucking lot to win.
I can feel the exertion of energy getting to me and whatever hits Gio gets in I take. I just need enough to fall him down to his knees. He lands a solid punch to my jaw again, and I stumble back, leaving him ample opportunity to attack. He comes at me angrier than ever, but I can’t deter now. I can’t fear making the beast angrier. Instead, I run straight back at him. I nail a punch to his kidney, forcing him to howl and lose concentration before I throw an uppercut, and I follow it with a cross punch. As Gio falls, it’s not an easy celebration as I sway on my feet, dazed from the punches he delivered
I go at him, and he puts a hand up before spitting a mouthful of blood out.
“You’re a fucking psycho!” he says, and I wonder if he’s admitting defeat. “I’ll get you a meeting with him but don’t think it’ll be pleasant.”
“I don’t plan on it,” I say, offering my hand out to him – almost calling a truce. He smacks it away, getting himself up. “I just need a moment of your father’s time.”
“You’ll get it, don’t worry.” He wipes his mouth, blood leaving a trail across the back of his hand. “Next time we have a fight, I won’t grant you a chance. I just want to see what this new Zane Maverick will do for my family.”
I stopped one of them from killing me, and as adrenaline rushes through me, I wonder if this was what she felt when she avenged me. I’m doing this for her; I won for her.
I’m one step closer to Amelia, just as Enzo said I would be.
***
“You still love her.”
I grin at my mother’s comment, knowing she’s right.
“I think I’ll always love her,” I muse, my small grin not faltering in the slightest. “I’m one of the lucky ones for finding their other halves, but I’m also a stupid one.”
“You can still get her back.”
My mother weakly reaches out, even with her lack of energy, to capture my hand in hers. I look her in the eyes, knowing her time with us is becoming shorter by the day. Her battle with cancer has been quick and aggressive, stealing every hope and dream I had fo our future. I wanted my mother around for decades, but that will never happen, and every day I care for her, I know it’s getting closer to being over.
“I fault for you to be the man you are today. It’s time you fight for her,” my mother argues. While her voice is weak, her conviction isn’t.
“I don’t think it’s that easy,” I admonish, offering a mirthless laughter.
“It’s not meant to be,” my mother comments, honestly. “Zane, love is meant to hurt, and it’s meant to be frightening. It’s also meant to be consuming and addictive. What you and Amelia share is a rarity, and I’m so grateful I got to see you find a woman who evokes in you all the things she should.”
“I ruined it, though,” I reply, that bitterness striking my tone. “No girl will come close to her, but I let my prejudices about her family jeopardize it all, and I tossed her aside. She left a huge mark on me, and that’s the most I deserve.”
“No, it isn’t,” she tells me, pushing herself up as much as she possibly can. “You were scared, Zane, and you’re allowed to be, but that’s when you know it’s pure. Love isn’t meant to be friendly. Amelia is such a kind soul, but her nature is fiery. You could deal with that like she could deal with you. Once you realize that her father isn’t the only one who has a hold on her, you’ll be unstoppable.” She gives my hand a reassuring shake. “You could save her, so just think about it. Remember, I’ve met her and watched you two. She’s looking for her hero. Maybe round two could involve you being that.” She gives me a cheeky wink; even now, with her life ebbing away, she’s still able to love me and care for me and make me see sense. “After all, I’d love to see her again,” she says, relaxing back into her pillows. “Call it my dying wish.”
“Mom,” I groan, scolding her for pulling that card. “That’s not fair.”
“Nor is life,” I mutter, trying to make her see some clarity and sense.
“But we live with the cards we are dealt, so appease a dying wrench, won’t you?” she asks, casting me a look that tells me not to rival her. “You’ll need her, Zane, not just for now, but for the future. She’ll be the one who will make you the happiest you can ever be. So call her, make peace, and mend your heart and hers.”
“Fine, I’ll make some calls, but first, you need food and your meds.”
I stand up, kissing her forehead as I leave her to rest. I take a hold of the door handle, turning as I pull it closed, and cast a look back. She’s already got her eyes closed, looking serene regardless of the cancer taking its hold. I lean against the doorframe, closing my eyes as despair flares in my heart.
It’ll be something that will always haunt me, but Amelia is never going to make it here.
I’m never going to contact her.
I can’t bear to open that wound when I know that any day now, my mother will pass away, and I’ll be left an emptier man.
I want her back for love, not for pity.
This is a secret that will kill me slowly, but it’s the best one to keep.
CHAPTER SIX
AMELIA
Zane.
My mind tells me as it’s his lips trailing through the naked valley of my breast. It’s he who I want even when I know I shouldn’t. It’s Zane I desire; the man who forces my body alive in ways no way can ever understand. Zane, my mind whispers, wholly captivating my attention with just one word, and I lose myself completely.
Zane, it echoes again; this time louder as my body works its way to that euphoric high, feeling him rocking in and out at me with such a rhythm it’s hard not to forget everything. I feel hands grip my hips, his speed hastening as he t
hrusts into me harder and deeper. I know he’s going to come just as I am because his grip tightens just as I fall from nirvana.
“Zane,” I whisper as I feel myself become unbidden.
I feel myself clenching down around his length as I continue to fall; his body goes rigid, and he falters a little over me as he comes too.
His name doesn’t sound out loudly; it’s feather light and surreal, and I know why when I feel his lips kissing mine. It’s not Zane here with me. I can force myself to think it is, lie my way through every orgasm, but it’s not going to be him. When I open my eyes, the remorse filters back in, and I feel guilty for using a man for my own sadistic sexual gratification.
“Bella?”
I quit my musing to look at him, my eyes settling upon soft olive orbs that look at me with such adoration that my guilt only magnifies. He hurt in the beginning at my inability to love him but not anymore. He understands that the wounded soul I am will not heal as quickly as everyone would like.
“You did it again. You said his name,” he remarks, his Italian accent washed through his words. “He did a real number on you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say sitting up, pulling the sheets around me. “I can’t stop it.”
I hate myself a little more each time I lure Lorenzo into my bed and allow him to try and fix me. I’m not an easy fix. I’m beyond broken, shattered into so many thousands of tiny pieces. However, I keep trying in the vain hope that one day, he’ll replace the memory my hearts taken prisoner.
I guess my first issue is that Lorenzo is the Italian version of Zane Maverick – tall, dark, and handsome. Even their jawlines are cut the same, but Lorenzo’s face is softer than and not as masculine as Zane’s and his eyes are olive green, unlike Zane’s deep blue ones.
He’s my fantasy, my escape, my guilty pleasure – and I hate myself for it.
“I need some fresh air,” I say, getting up entirely and wrapping the sheet around my naked form.
I escape my room but only to go onto the balcony. From here, I have a watch spot that casts out for miles. From here, I can look straight out across the sea surrounding Amalfi Coast. I’ve spent many nights out here, getting lost in the way the moon glistens across the delicate waves below.
Sinking into my seat, I continue to do the same but this time, wrapped in nothing but a sheet.
For once, I’m not here to reflect or to wonder what is happening back in Manhattan. Tonight, I’m here because I can’t bear to lay beside Lorenzo for another second without being eaten alive by self-hate.
I’ve torn through many emotions because of many people but never have I truly sat here and held myself a culprit – until now.
After all, I wouldn’t be here, trying to use a man to fill a void in my heart, if I’d never trusted the damn thing in the first place!
CHAPTER SEVEN
ZANE
“Why are you here?”
I squint against the sunlight, trying to make out Billy’s form at my motel door. Looking over his shoulder, I notice Enzo and Carlo are in the car, and the engine is still running. Enzo looks over at me, nodding his head in my direction. I know he’s not happy with any of the decisions I’ve been making since that fateful night, but he’s still here, still willing to watch me.
“We’re your ride into the Abbiati house,” Billy says, stepping forward to force me into my hotel room. “So you have fifteen minutes to get in that shower, get shaved, and put some gel in that hair of yours.” His orders don’t go unnoticed as he tosses a bag in my direction. “That’s a brand new suit and shoes, and everything you need to look the part.”
My brow furrows, tugging together fiercely.
“And whatever you do, Zane, don’t wear that fucking dumb-ass look when you go in there. It won’t end well if you do.” I can hear the mirth in his tone he uses. “Now, get ready. You’re needed at the house by noon. You don’t have long to get your shit together, so please, for your sake, I hope you have your speeches and arguments prepared.”
“I’ve known for a long time what it is I want to say to that man,” I state, going off into the bathroom with the bag of clothes.
I do as I’m told – robotically, I shower, I shave, and I prepare myself to be presented to the great Salvatore.
As a cop, I’ve had my fair share of confrontational moments. I’ve been threatened, attacked, and shot in the line of duty. I’ve dealt with junkies, psychopaths, and desperate men. Not one of them comes even remotely close to what it is that Salvatore Abbiati brings to the table. He is a man on top of his underworld. He has faithful men who do his bidding and work tirelessly to keep him happy. He has connections across all boroughs of New York, and he is willing to show how expendable his workers are. He calls himself a dutiful family man, but I’ve seen how he treats his own. I’ve witnessed firsthand what his supposed love did to his only daughter.
The one and only woman I loved grew up abused and manipulated. She was forced to see that all she had in the world was all at her father’s disposal, and in time, that factor destroyed us not once but twice.
Adorning the new suit, I hate that the guys have gone to this effort to help me fit the part. I know, right away, that Sal will recognize I’m trying too hard, but I know Enzo wouldn’t set me up to be killed that easily. Unlike his brother, Gio, he is the most understanding of them all. The fact he’s been wherever I have, checking on me, tells me that.
I expected total abandonment. He refused to give me that.
Stepping out of the bathroom, Billy stands partially leaning against the dresser opposite the beds. He looks up, at first with no emotion, and begins to look away before looking back at me shocked.
“Well, fuck me, you do clean up well,” Billy comments, pushing away from the dresser to face me better. “You could practically run with the big guys wearing that suit, Maverick.”
“I feel like a fraud,” I mutter, straightening up the lapels of the suit.
“My only advice right now is ... don’t act like that.”
“I guess this has just taken away any opportunity I had to run away,” I quip, jokingly. “I think it’s time we go.”
“You’re really ready for this, aren’t you?”
“More than anything in my life,” I admit, giving a ghost of a smile. “I wasn’t prepared to love and accept Amelia before, but I know after this, I will. After I’m done, I’ll know what I have to do in order to get her back.”
“I knew she’d leave her mark, but I always imagined you’d be able to walk away from her somehow. You did the first time. I just wish I had seen how cut up you really were after that.”
“What I did to her the first time was callous. What I did the second time is unforgivable.” I pause, taking a moment of clarity. “But I will work the rest of my life proving to her how sorry I am. Doesn’t matter how many times she says she isn’t listening to me, I’ll make sure I don’t stop trying.”
“You’re going to need to keep that in mind when you confront Sal.”
“I willl; don’t you worry,” I say, walking across the room toward the door. “Think it’s time to get this all moving. I’m sick of this fucking place.”
We walk out; I slam the door and make my way across to the black SUV. There are no 1pleasantries exchanged; Billy just gets into the back of the car, and I follow dutifully. Even once inside, Enzo makes no effort to talk to me, and Carlo gives me a slight head nod before we start the journey to the Abbiati mansion.
While Enzo drives, conversation slowly starts to filter into the car.
“Hell is about to be unleashed,” Billy muses, rubbing his hands together. “I bet Giovanni has been waiting on this day.”
“He sees it as a game, which is why he pushed for it to happen so fast,” Carlo answers, not even bothering to look over his shoulder. “He’s just willing to watch what happens to you once you’re in front of Sal. Especially after the fight.”
“Even Sal laughed at the mess Zane made of his son’s face,” Billy quips before
looking at me. “You’re going to have to be prepared to speak with your fists from today onward.”
“If he makes it,” Carlo jokes, chuckling to himself. “What are you going to tell the man when you’re asked?”
“The truth,” I utter, sounding unsure. “It’s all I can offer.”
“I can’t do this!” Enzo suddenly yells, stopping all conversation. He forces the car to a stop, braking on the side of the highway. He turns around, eyes narrowing at me. “Do you know what you’re doing is dubbed a suicide mission for one reason? Men don’t walk out of these situations on their own! Fuck, they don’t walk out of it at all. Do you know how stupid you’re being?”
“Yes,” I reply, keeping my face completely deadpan.
“And you have no fucking clue if Amelia’s even going to want you back!” he yells, clearly trying to force me to see sense. “None of us knows who we’ll be getting back, but from what I’ve heard, it won’t be the Amelia we loved!”
“Love,” I state, forthright and assertive. “Doesn’t matter what she’s been through or how she behaves when she’s back, we’ll love her because nothing fucking changes! She’s still Amelia! She’ll still be the Amelia you protected. Still the same girl who made me fall in love. Nothing changes with our love for her!”
“Well, at least you have some awareness she won’t be coming back the same this time.” He begins to turn back, sounding a little off. “I just need to know you’re aware of that and the fact that you might not survive the night to find out.”
“Oh God, you’re beginning to sound like a broken record here!” I exclaim, throwing my hands up in the air. “I know what I’m doing. I want to be doing it. And the sooner you start the god-damn car up, the sooner I can do it! I promise you, Enzo, I am worth so much more alive than I am dead.”
“And how do you work that one out?” Carlo now chimes in, twisting to look at me.
“Killing me might silence everything I know, but killing me means he never gets Amelia back. I might have been stupid, but you and I know that without me, Amelia never stands a chance to be who she wants to be.”
Maverick: Pericolo #1.5 Page 5
