by C. A. Harms
I wouldn’t blame her if she refused to talk to me now that I was back. She didn’t owe me a thing. I’d treated the bond we’d shared as if it meant nothing. I got lost in the excitement of being the “it” guy in high school and the popularity and girls that came with it—girls that would have given anything to be with the quarterback, and did on more than one occasion.
I was an asshole and I’m not proud of those times.
They say something drastic has to happen to you before you step back and realize your wrongs, and I believe it now.
As we passed the Welcome to Alvord sign, I grew nostalgic seeing the familiar landmarks and places that held so many memories of my childhood—memories that included the same blonde girl with pigtails and big hopeful eyes. A girl who never failed to stand by my side, even when I didn’t deserve her friendship.
Madelyn Rose Emery made coming home that much harder. She is and would always be my biggest regret. Maddy was the best part of Alvord, and I was just a stupid kid who figured that out far too late.
Chapter 4
MADELYN
“You coming tonight?” Deacon asked again, still not offering to help me lift the bags of feed I’d been pulling out of the back of my truck. “Because last week I thought you’d show up, and I stood there being the only guy without his girl.”
Poor Deacon. I wanted to turn and pretend to pout at his pity trip. Seriously, I’d never met a man who whined and bitched as much as he did. The guy had no idea how to do anything for himself—he still lived with his parents, for shit’s sake. What twenty-two-year-old man still had his momma doing his laundry and making his bed every day?
The sad part was that he didn’t see a thing wrong with it.
“Madelyn?” he said when I didn’t answer him.
I tossed the bag of feed down on the pile of them near the barn and turned to him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I tried to rein in my inner bitch. I had a hard time being the sweet, attentive girlfriend he longed for. I would not fawn over him, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to hang on his every word. If he wanted a girl like that, he’d better keep looking.
He tilted his head to the side and stared at me, as if he was waiting for me to speak. And when I didn’t, his expression softened and I knew he’d picked up on my irritation. He took a few steps toward me and reached out to place his hands on my hips.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he pulled me in close. I kept my arms crossed over my chest, allowing me to keep a little distance between us. “I just like having you around. The guys invited their girlfriends again. We don’t get to spend much time together, so I was hoping we could tonight.”
He smiled mischievously and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Though Deacon was cute and charming, he wasn’t as smooth as he thought he was. Or I just wasn’t as easily convinced as the other girls in town.
“We don’t spend much time alone because I’m finishing up my last year of school, working at the diner, and helping my daddy around here.”
He leaned in to kiss me, attempting to tame the raging bitch in me, but I pulled back and he pouted again.
Was it bad that I wanted to tell him to grow the hell up? For what felt like the hundredth time since we started dating, I asked myself what in the hell I was doing. One’s boyfriend shouldn’t irritate them as much as this man—or boy, whatever—irritated me.
“What if I help you get caught up here?” He leaned in again and I turned my face, causing his lips to miss my lips and skim over my cheek instead.
“Wow, Deacon,” I replied, as if I truly was honored by his offer, “you’d really do that?” He lowered his head to rest his forehead against my shoulder. “When I only have four more bags to unload, you finally decide to help?”
I backed away and moved toward my truck, once again feeling like I needed some distance. He was offering for purely selfish reasons.
“Come on, Mad,” he hollered out, “I’m trying here.”
“Just go,” I said as I lifted the bag over my shoulder. “I don’t need your help with my chores, and if I feel like it afterward, I may stop by.”
“Let me help with the rest of the bags.” He stepped around me and placed one bag on top of another before picking them both up.
This guy brought out the worst side of me, the defensive, irritable side that even I knew was hard to tolerate. I could barely stand myself when I got like this. I’d avoided dating him for two years, but he’d never given up, and now here we were. He was fun at times, but I just didn’t feel a deep connection or that uncontrollable desire to be near him. I’d kept thinking that something like that takes time, but maybe I was fooling myself.
I’d watched my parents over the years, and the love they shared and the way they looked at one another with such deep love was inspiring. I guess I went into this relationship hoping to feel a connection comparable to what my parents shared, and I’d only set myself up for disappointment. A love like theirs was a gift, one I wasn’t sure I’d ever be granted.
***
“Are you going?” I asked as I rested the phone against my shoulder, tilting my head to hold it in place. “Because if you aren’t, then I’m making up an excuse.”
“You always make up an excuse,” Shannon said with a laugh.
“That’s because they’re a bunch of assholes when they drink,” I said without hesitation.
“Only when they drink?” I could almost sense the smile on her lips.
“Okay, they’re bigger assholes when they drink.” I walked to my closet and dug through it, looking for my favorite skirt. “But I need you there as a buffer. Or at the very least to make the night worth my time.”
“I’m going,” she said with a laugh, “and I’ll be sure to have a drink waiting for you.”
“Make it two shots,” I said as I stepped back from my closet, holding up the skirt and my red tank. It was a bar full of drunk people and loud-ass music, not a five-star restaurant. So boots, a skirt, and a tank top sounded perfect.
“See you in bit,” she said and I smiled. Shannon and I had grown close over the last few years. She was a lot like me: she always said what she felt and she didn’t take any bullshit, and I loved her for it.
“Yep.” I ended the call and walked across my tiny bedroom to toss the clothes I’d chosen on the bed.
I loved my cozy little place, though the smell of the hardware store below tended to seep through the floor on most days. But it was nothing a little potpourri and a few candles couldn’t cover up. The apartment was less than five hundred feet of combined space and wasn’t immaculate, or anything close to perfect. The bathroom faucet dripped, and the kitchen floor linoleum had a few spots where it was beginning to peel upward, but it was my place and I was proud to have it. Rugs and other cutesy items covered the imperfections and made it feel like home.
I’d much rather stay in with a movie and a huge bowl of buttery popcorn than go out tonight. But I knew if I didn’t show up at Hannigan’s, the people waiting there for me would blow up my phone. I told myself earlier I wouldn’t show up, not after Deacon and his arrogant attitude, but Shannon would be there. The girls were the only reason I was going—it wasn’t for Deacon that was for sure. I worked hard, though, and a night out every once in a while was good for a person. Right?
I took a quick shower, put on a little makeup, and fluffed my hair up, deciding to go with the wild-and-free look, which was completely different from my normal ponytail. My long blonde hair now flowed down my back in waves.
As I left my small apartment, I decided I’d do my best to enjoy myself tonight.
Chapter 5
LUCAS
“That was one hell of a hit you took,” Trenton said as lifted his beer to his lips before taking a long pull. “It’s a shame, man, because you were on the fast road to the big time.” He shook his head and I took in a deep breath to hold back my urge to say, No fucking shit, asshole, rub it in a bit more.
We were sitting around on the back patio of Ha
nnigan’s Pub, listening to the sound of the house band filter through the open doors. It was a cool night despite the heat and humidity that hung in the air earlier in the day, and we’d all gotten lost in conversation about our high school years and what we’d been doing since. Reminiscing about the years we’d played ball together didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would, but I was beginning to think taking Jeb up on his offer to hang out with some of the guys from high school was a mistake. I came out to forget, not to be pelted with replay after replay of a night I just wanted to forget.
“Well if it ain’t the small-town big man.”
I didn’t have to turn around to recognize that voice. It was one I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing. I’d never liked Deacon Hendricks. He was cocky, arrogant, and full of himself. He stepped up to my side, and instead of turning to face him, I focused on the lukewarm beer in my hand.
“When did you get back in town?” he asked, and I look over at him. He leaned against the railing with his arms crossed over his chest, looking the same as he had when I’d left. Most everyone did, actually; just a few years older.
“Earlier today,” I offered, deciding there was no point in being an ass. Starting off my first outing after returning to town by making enemies wasn’t the way to go, even though I wanted to ask him what his fucking shit-eating grin was all about.
Jeb must have sensed the agitation I was doing my best to hide, because he changed the subject to a job he was finishing up with his dad, Leroy. His father owned a construction company that Jeb had joined right out of high school, and now he ran the company right alongside his father.
With the mixture of the music and the loud conversation, I hadn’t noticed anyone pull in until I heard an engine rev before coming to a stop only a few feet away from the back entrance.
I looked to my left and was immediately distracted by the big silver, lifted Chevy truck with massive, meaty tires and rims. The entire truck was decked out from one end to the next. The tinted windows made it hard to see who was inside, but damn the truck was nice. Sleek and well maintained as if it was polished daily.
Deacon moved toward it and rounded the truck to greet the driver.
“Short Shit’s here,” one of the guys hollered out as I waited to see who’d emerge from the driver’s side.
“I will never understand how that girl gets in and out of that big-ass truck,” someone else added, and I turned toward them with curiosity.
“Short Shit?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Jeb looked at me with a confused expression. “Wait.” He cocked his head slightly. “Are you telling me the two of you never kept in touch?”
My stomach tensed as I looked back toward the truck just as Deacon walked around the tailgate with the driver in tow.
My stomach instantly felt hollow.
Madelyn.
Her long blonde hair hung halfway down her back. I couldn’t remember her legs ever being so toned and fit. She was no longer a girl in glasses and a ponytail, but a woman with perfect curves and a confidence I’d never seen her carry before. Her short, tight jeans skirt highlighted her gorgeous legs, and the red tank top hugged her body perfectly. One thing was the same, though: the girl had always loved her cowboy boots.
I sat there feeling as if I was seeing her for the very first time, and in a way I was. My Maddy was fucking beautiful.
Only she wasn’t mine. She was his.
Conversations went on around me, but I couldn’t comprehend a word. My chest was tight and I struggled to breathe evenly. The ache was so deep and crippling. My pulse raced, my mouth grew dry, and suddenly I felt like the ground had shifted beneath my feet.
Just when I felt as if I was regaining some control, she turned toward the table where I was sitting and her eyes locked with mine.
I didn’t miss the way she faltered as she walked or the look of shock on her face. The way her mouth gaped slightly told me she was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her.
“And that would be a no to keeping in touch,” Jeb added, but I didn’t take my eyes from hers. I couldn’t.
Deacon pulled her closer as they moved toward us again. Seeing his hands on her filled me with a strange possessive feeling I had no right to feel but couldn’t control. Sweet, innocent Maddy, the girl who dreamed big and lived in a fantasy world of happily ever afters, was allowing this prick to hold her close as if he owned her.
He didn’t deserve her. She was too good for him; too good for any of these assholes.
“I believe you two know each other,” Deacon said, still holding her securely. “Weren’t you neighbors or something?”
His condescending, nonchalant tone and his insinuation that she and I were nothing special irritated me even more. Everyone in town knew our history, and this cocky son of a bitch also probably knew we’d lost touch. I didn’t like how he was using it to his advantage. Before Madelyn could respond, I took the opportunity to enlighten him.
“We were a helluva lot more than just neighbors,” I said, leaning back in my chair. “In fact, I don’t have a childhood memory that doesn’t have Maddy in it. But you know that, Deacon. If memory serves me correctly, Maddy insisted that she and I would get married someday when we were walking home from the lake one day. I’d say we were pretty damn close.”
From the look on Madelyn’s face, I could tell I’d just made a dick move, but it was too late to take my words back.
“Well if I remember correctly, I was only nine when I said that, and I don’t think that counts for much, considering I still believed in Santa at that age.” Madelyn shrugged and shot me a glare. “And we all know now what a crock of shit that was. Back then, we all lived in a dream world.”
I smirked, not because I was trying to be an ass, but because her attitude had also changed. She was no longer the innocent little girl who did her very best to keep the peace. She was sassy, and call me an ass, but that intrigued me.
“Nine years old or not, Maddy, you know it meant something more,” I said as I stared back at her, mirroring the intensity in her eyes, silently daring her to deny it. “If it didn’t, then you wouldn’t be so angry at me now.”
“Angry?” She laughed sarcastically as she stepped away from Deacon and moved a step closer to me. “I’m just irritated that you think you being back in town should mean something to me; that I should be jumping for joy that you brought your oh so mighty self back to the small town of Alvord to rub shoulders with us hicks.”
Deacon chuckled, but I let my growing irritation subside. This wasn’t the time for us to have it out. This was about me and Maddy, and she had every right to be pissed. But her being mad at me meant one thing: she still fucking cared.
Chapter 6
MADELYN
Maybe being such a bitch was wrong of me, but seeing Lucas caught me off guard. He was the same cocky ass he’d become in high school; the jerk who loved being treated like a god. But he wasn’t to me. Now he was only the ass who thought he was too good for a country girl who felt small-town life was enough. A girl who thought big cities were a hassle and who would rather spend a day in the fields getting dirty or going mudding than being pampered in some pricey salon. Yes, I liked to get dressed up and be a girly-girl every once in a while, but hand me the keys to an ATV and point me toward the nearest trail and it was no contest.
I love the 143 acres of hills and lakes my father owned. I love being able to climb on my horse and ride ‘til my ass ached. Although I may complain about my back and feet hurting at the end of the day, I truly loved maintaining that land and caring for the animals right by my daddy’s side. It is such a peaceful way of life.
But none of that was ever good enough for Lucas. I understood him wanting more, and I never thought badly of him because his dreams were different from mine. I only had a problem with how he made me feel as though I was beneath him.
I refused to write off the way he’d treated me as no big deal. It was a big deal. For a short time after he lef
t to go to college, I’d allowed the way he dismissed me to make me question my life and my dreams. For a long time I wondered why I wasn’t good enough, but I was older now, and I’d never again let any man make me feel insufficient. I am too damn good to trail behind some guy pining for his attention, and Lucas showing back up again wouldn’t change that.
I tried to be relaxed and carefree as I talked with Shannon and the rest of the girls. I tried to ignore Luke keeping me in his sights. I tried to ignore the irritated look that appeared on his face whenever Deacon touched me, even in the smallest of ways.
I wasn’t a touchy-feely person, but Deacon always tried to get me to be affectionate when we were out with friends. I was usually irritated by the way he’d paw at me as if he had some claim to me, but tonight I let it slide a bit. I let him hold me close at times, and when he’d lean in for a kiss, I didn’t turn away.
Of course, I was being selfish and doing this strictly to prove to Lucas that my life had gone on without him. That I didn’t spend each day waiting for the guy who broke my heart more times than I could count to reappear and piece me back together.
I sure as hell didn’t still have this uncontrollable ache in my chest every time I heard his name being spoken throughout the pub. He didn’t have any effect on me at all.
“You okay?” I started as Shannon whispered close to my ear. She giggled as I turned to her. “You’re wound so damn tight, I can feel the tension rolling off you in waves.”
Her annoyingly observant mind didn’t amuse me in the slightest. “I am not,” I assured her.
Her smile only grew wider. “Okay, Maddy.” She raised her hand to beckon the waitress over. “If you say so.”
I did say so. I straightened my posture, squaring my shoulders as I jutted out my chin. I was fine. I wasn’t affected. Yet the moment I started to believe that, I chanced another look in Lucas’s direction and felt like I’d collided with a brick wall. Then the wall fell over on top of me, pressing on my chest, restricting my airway, and crushing me slowly.
