I woke up to my tablet going off. Shane slept, his eyes closed, his head facing away from me. He’d not heard the dinging, which meant he must have been really out of it. When was the last time he’d slept? I grabbed the tablet. Wade hated to bother me, but there were five ships coming in all with injured.
He needed me.
I swung my legs over the bed and quietly made my way over to the chest of drawers. I grabbed my only clean pair of scrubs and put them on. Shane didn’t move. He must have been exhausted. I wasn’t much better myself.
I contemplated taking the adrenaline dose but it seemed like a bad idea. That really needed to be saved for emergencies since the side effects could be so bad. I’d take it with me if I needed a hit later. That sounded bad even in my own head.
I left Shane asleep, locking the door behind me, but I needn’t have bothered worrying about his safety. There were ten Z standing in the hall with Matt, who was often there in the morning while Brenden slept.
I nodded at them. “Shane is out cold.”
One of them, whose name I didn’t know for sure but I thought might be Todd, answered. “That’s not surprising. He never sleeps. I think it might have been a week since he did.”
That bothered me both as his wife and as a doctor. “Leave him be unless you have to go, okay? Otherwise, if he sleeps all day, let him.”
“Yes, Mrs. Chen.” Todd nodded.
“It’s Dr. Chen now.” Matt smiled at me. “Everyone is very proud.”
“Oh.” Several of the Z looked at each other. My own guard might be used to things but that didn’t mean that the entirety of the old boys’ club around here was going to be thrilled. That was okay. They could all screw themselves if they didn’t like it.
I took off toward the medical area, Matt hurrying to keep up with me. “Did you have a good night?”
He nodded. “You?”
“Top ten nights ever.”
Arriving amidst the horror of alarms, blood, and swearing made it clear it would be the day from hell and the sun wasn’t even out yet.
Wade glanced up from where he operated. “Sorry, I called Ari, but he hasn’t answered yet.”
“They’re probably deep in the depths of baby. I’m here. We’ll get this done, you and me.”
The nurse Chrissy entered the room at that moment, and I grinned. I was going to handle that, too. Everyone should have love like I did to come home to. If I could help spread it then I’d really feel like I’d done something for the universe.
I washed my hands. It was time to save lives.
“Amber.” Wade passed me a pill. I understood what he was saying. We had hours still ahead of us. With eight hours behind me, I was going to need the help.
I nodded. Wade hated this stuff. If he was giving it out then he must have been concerned. “We’re both going to crash as soon as this is over.”
“Yes.”
Ari rushed into the room just as I swallowed down the pill. He groaned. “That kind of night? Fuck. Sorry. I just saw the messages. I had it turned off. The baby is… not sleeping through the sounds of life. I had Emerson, and I’m sorry. The Z told me you had to leave Shane. I’m sorry.”
“No one dies today.” We all made sacrifices.
Ari grabbed one of the pills. “Let’s get this done.”
I’d taken care of two more patients before Shane called my name from the doorway. I whirled around. I was covered in blood. I couldn’t even hug him because I’d have made a huge mess of him.
He leaned in the doorway. “Can you take a second?”
I looked around, Ari nodding at me, while he took over my spot. I ran to Shane, stopping right before I got to him. “I’m sorry.”
“No, the guys told me there was a huge amount of injured. You were where you needed to be. I slept most of today and helped the guys get the stuff ready on the ship. I had to see you before I left again. Look at you in here. Running things. I’m just… blown away by you.”
I waved my hand. “Stop. You’re saving the universe.”
“So are you.” He leaned over and kissed my neck. “You smell so nice. Last night was amazing. I love you. I don’t think I said that and it should have been the first thing out of my mouth. Then I should have said it over and over and over.”
My hands shook with wanting to talk to him. “I’m dying to hug you.”
He kissed me, keeping his body from touching me. “I love you.”
“I love you more. Be safe. Come back.”
He smiled at me, and I tried to memorize it so I’d never forget. “See you soon. Weeks now. I promise.”
I was going to hold him to that.
“If you see Jackson, Canyon, or Rohan tell them they have a new son.”
His smile was fast. “I’ll do that. We need babies around here. Lots of after war babies.”
A split second after the words left his mouth, his smile fell. There might be babies but they wouldn’t be mine. “My love, I didn’t…”
I interrupted him. “I know. Of course you didn’t. I know you love me. And yes, there need to be lots of babies.”
He kissed me again. “I wouldn’t make you sad for anything. I’d sooner cut out my eyes.”
“The only thing that makes me sad is you leaving. But I’m going to be happy you’re coming back. Be safe, my love.”
Days could become weeks in no time. I was dragging, but I didn’t want to take another pill. The idea made my stomach turn. In fact, everything made my stomach turn. I had to get back in the med machine, and I didn’t want to do that either, but I was going to because I didn’t want another lecture. The Z were now following the schedule, with orders from Shane to do so. If I didn’t get in, I was going to hear something about it.
It was a quiet night. The first since Shane had left. The war might almost be over but the casualties were huge on both sides.
I was just about to tell Wade to turn the thing on when Paloma stumbled into the room. “Amber.”
The horror in her voice made me rush over. “What’s wrong?”
“Something’s wrong.” She pointed down. “My water has broken, and it’s too early.”
It was. She wasn’t wrong. Six weeks too early. My sister had problems with Ben’s pregnancy, too. She’d had a blood clot requiring him to come a few weeks early. We’d seen no evidence of this, and I’d checked her yesterday.
“Come sit down.”
Wade walked over, sticking on the machine. We both looked up. Paloma was in labor. Her water had broken and the baby was coming. Early.
The proximity alarm went off. There were ships coming in. Ari was below ground again, and it was just Wade and me.
He pointed at me. “Take your sister. Go stay with her. Save the baby.”
“Save the baby?” Paloma’s voice squeaked.
That had been a poorly timed phrase. I shot him a look, and he winced.
“Come on,” I took her hand. “My love, you’re going to have to walk a little bit longer. We’re going to Artemis.”
I didn’t know who was up there. I had to take her someplace safe. The old ship was on the ground, not deemed worthy for this battle. That was fine. We’d be alone on it and we could have my nephew in private. There were two med machines. One old, one new. If I had to operate on Paloma, then both she and the baby could heal.
This was when I wished for Cash. For Lewis. For Dane. Oh, I’d take Dane any second now. A preemie. I didn’t have one under my belt yet. Newborns on time were scary enough.
“Amber,” Paloma’s voice shook, reminding me I already had a patient and I had to stop calculating and focus on her.
I hugged her. “What did you do with Ben? He has to meet his little brother very shortly.”
“He’s with Diana. It’s too soon.”
I nodded. “We can fix it.”
I would. I was going to make all of this okay.
I hoped that for the rest of my life I never had to do something as scary as deliver Paloma’s preemie in the middle o
f a firefight with more injured showing up every minute.
I had to operate. There were rules about who we operated on, specifically family, and reasons for that. Wade should have done it, but by the time I realized it was operating time, he was too involved with the people coming off the ships. With no choice, I’d done it.
Now, as Aaron slept in one med machine that developed his lungs and helped him grow, Paloma sat in the other.
I sunk to the floor.
I’d really never felt so alone. What if I’d lost my sister? What if I’d lost Aaron who looked just like Ben to me, only startlingly small and new? What if… what if… what if?
“Dr. Chen.” Brenden poked his head in. “Is there anything you need?”
Actually there was. Wade needed me as soon as I could get there but preemies had to be watched.
“Are there two Zs around who are not fighting and who could watch these machines? I have to leave Artemis.” I actually had never felt better to leave them anywhere. There was something about Artemis. Some of my favorite people in the universe had been kept safe here, including me. Paloma had lived on Artemis for a while. The ship would take care of her. Hell, I was crazy. I was personifying the ship.
Brenden nodded. “I can. Matt can.”
“Thank you.” I was so tired, and I couldn’t figure out if I was hungry or nauseated. I walked him to the machine and showed him what levels I wanted to see. “If anything changes, you call me immediately.”
“We won’t let anything happen to them. He’s one of us now, and she’s your sister. We consider them family.”
I put my hand on his arm. “When this is over, I’m going to meditate for hours. I keep saying I’m going to and I keep not doing it.”
The Z Warrior shook his head. “You didn’t grow up with my father. You’d never have missed a morning. It’s ingrained from birth. And I’m taking Chrissy out tomorrow. Unless we have more firefights.” New babies. New loves. There really might be a future.
I ran to the med bay. It was chaos. That was okay. I’d make order out of it. I was good at that. My fellow doctor operated with a laser. “That you, Amber?”
He didn’t look over. “It’s me, Wade.”
“Good. Listen, when this is over we need to talk about that woman you have in cryogenic sleep.”
Sienna? “I check on her every other day.”
“Right. I check on her every day.”
He did? This was news for me. According to future Ari who visited me on Artemis, Sienna would eventually be Wade’s patient. I didn’t know how or when that happened. I washed my hands. “Something up with her? Brenden is going to call me if there are any issues with Paloma or Aaron.”
“Good. I can help, too. I’m almost done, and I might need a break. When are you planning on waking her?”
That was a good question. I grabbed one of the patients from the waiting area. “Maybe never if this is the world. Should I wake her up so she can suffer this hell with the rest of us?”
Wade made a sound I couldn’t identify. Nausea roiled through me. Okay, when this was over, I was going to bed. Then I’d meditate. I would. Maybe.
3 The Art of Communication
I sat on the floor drinking tea and watching Paloma’s med machine readouts. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than to take a nap, but I wouldn’t leave her until I was sure she was settled and I could leave her in the care of a nurse who would stay with her. Aaron was going to need more time and that was going to be hard on Paloma.
How could I help her with that?
My tablet beeped. I looked down. Someone was trying to reach me from outside of this compound. My heart rate kicked up. Did we have access? Was communication restored? I hit the button, and although at first it was fuzzy the image of Hunter’s face stared back at me.
I cried out and then forced calm. He wasn’t here like Shane had been, and I’d blown that reunion. I wouldn’t spoil this.
“Well, there’s my Amber’s face.” He touched the screen. “I’ve wanted to see that for six months.”
A month. Had it really been that long since Shane was here? I guessed it had been. “Hunter. You fixed it.”
“I had to rebuild the whole array. Big fucking mess. Took twice as long as it should have because we kept getting fired on. Anyway, yes, it’s done. You can look at my ugly face every day now when I call.”
I didn’t try to stop my happy tears. “Your beautiful face. I’m sure that’s what you meant to say. I miss you.”
He sighed. “Where are you? I don’t recognize where you are.”
“I’m sitting in the med bay in Artemis. I’m a doctor now.”
His smile brightened. “That is great news. Why are you on Artemis?”
Hunter was a details guy. He was never going to let this go. “Well, Paloma almost died having Aaron yesterday. I had to operate on her. She bled and bled. I don’t know why. No blood clot I could see. I almost lost her. There was a firefight happening at the same time. And,” my voice wobbled so I paused until I could get it under control, “now I have my sister next to her preemie son, Aaron, in med machines. I’m sitting with them.”
“They’re going to be okay?”
I nodded. “Eventually. It’ll be a few days. He’s very small but strong.”
He smiled at me. “I’m glad to hear that and I’m sorry you’re all going through that. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have handle than you.”
“You’re just saying that. I’ve been a doctor for two seconds.”
Hunter laughed; it was a great sound that I’d missed so much. “You love her. You were never going to let anything happen to her or to your nephew.” He yawned. “Sorry. I think talking to you must be killing my adrenaline.”
“Shane slept for most of the time he was here. I should tell you to go sleep, but I want a few more minutes with you.”
He widened his eyes. “Did my little brother manage to get home? Lucky bastard. Has Amari gotten home, too? Is it just me lost in the universe without you?”
I shook my head. “Just Shane and less than twenty-four hours.”
“I’d take ten minutes.” He sighed.
“Me too.” I touched the screen. “You said you were under fire. Have you been mostly safe?”
“None of us are safe. Clearly, not you either. Can I assume you guys made it through the firefight? Defenses are holding.”
I hadn’t talked to him for six months so I hadn’t had to face this. How much should I tell him about what was happening here? How much should I allow him to worry? “Hunter, you can’t do anything about the situation. I’m thinking it might be best to not talk to you about it so you don’t obsess.”
He shook his head, some of his brown hair falling into his eyes. That was downright long for him. I wished I could brush it away. “I can’t fix it now. But I might be able to help if I know there is a problem, or arrange for someone else to fix it.”
“Is this secure?”
He sighed. “Probably not one hundred percent. Fuck, you’re right. Don’t tell me.”
“You know what I was daydreaming about last week?”
My husband yawned again. I was going to have to let him go to sleep soon. “What? I love that you were daydreaming. What?”
“Do you think we could make a summer home we go to sometimes? Like away from here. Don’t get me wrong. I love it here now. I know that makes no sense. I didn’t love it when it was safe and pristine, and now I adore it. I’m weird. Anyway, a place where we could go, just the four of us and maybe two guards each.” We’d never be entirely without the Z and as long as my guards stayed as they were that was fine with me.
He sat up. “I could build us a place. Do you have a quadrant in mind? I mean inside or outside of the Empire?”
“No. Just a daydream of looking at the ocean and seeing sunsets and drinking alcohol. Does that sound awful? The last part?”
He laughed. “Sounds good to me where I’m sitting. No alcohol there?”
“Non-essential.”
“Well, fuck that.” A thought dawned on me as I giggled at Hunter’s response. “Can you get in touch with one of my brothers-in-law? The Sandlers? I mean, if this happened to me, if I was hurt, would you want to know or not know? I can’t decide which is better.”
Hunter ran a hand through his hair. “If you were hurt… I… I know what it feels like to not know that something is happening to the person you love. When we thought you were dead, any number of things could have happened to you and we’d have had no idea. When I think about that trek you made across the galaxy by yourself. Anyway, they need to know. I’ll try to get in touch with them and see if there is anything else I can do.”
My heart clenched and melted at the same time. I’d really thought they wouldn’t care that I was dead or that it wouldn’t bother them much. When I dwelled on that time, it made me heartsick for what I’d done. I hadn’t thought I had a choice. I’d been wrong. Fortunately, we’d all moved past that, but it was always there. The two-year gap in our marriage. Hunter was going to see if he could reach the Sandlers.
“Thank you.”
He touched the screen again. “I’m going to design and build us a summer home. I’m already calling it Amber’s house in my head. I love you.”
There it was. Those three beautiful words. “I love you, too.”
“Then everything will be right in the universe. I should probably go. We only have so much power to do this, and I want to let the others here reach their people. I’m being selfish, but I don’t want to end this talk. I’ve missed the very sound of your voice. Listen, I can’t call every day. It’s not safe and it’s not always possible. But I’m going to try to write. Send you letters. Those can probably go through. If you want them.”
I choked back my sob. There I was, ruining it again. I wiped at my eyes. “Sorry about the tears. I miss you. Everything is fine. Don’t worry. If I want them? Yes, I want them. Every word. I’m so grateful for what you’re doing and proud of you.”
Rising Tides Page 3
