by Stahl, Shey
A burning pain ripped up my veins and tore through my body. I clenched my teeth at the onslaught of pain. I was absolutely furious that he went after her, the one person on this earth that I loved more than anything—he went after. He knew that without her, there was no me.
Adrenaline coursed through my veins, burning like acid, begging for release, his words haunting me.
I snapped out of my trance at the sound of an engine starting beside us.
“Where’s Emma?” I shouted. “I need to go with them!”
I looked over my shoulder when I heard the vociferation of my team getting the car inside the hauler as quickly as they could.
“Hold on a minute,” Spencer caught me in an iron grasp before I could leave by myself. “You don’t need to see that...believe me. Emma asked that you not go.”
Has everyone lost their goddamn minds today?
“What? If you think I’m staying here you’re—” Alley was suddenly in my face.
“Jameson?” She forced me to look at her. “Jameson? Look at me!” I turned my head reluctantly toward her. “She’s...okay.” Sobs broke through again. “You just...you don’t need to see her right now.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” I shouted again, she flinched. Spencer wrapped his arms around Alley, giving me warning look to stop yelling at her.
“Jameson...” she took a long pause. “Sway was pushed down the stairs...by Darrin...the baby wasn’t moving. They...have to run some tests so they air lifted her ten minutes ago.”
I gasped at her words. Spencer who had actually been rather quiet through all this, besides glaring at me for yelling at Alley, immediately began screaming profanities and went running back inside the hauler.
No image was violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to me in that moment as she spoke those words. I couldn’t move. My heart began pounding horribly. Pain so strong, so rough, so real I didn’t know if I could move...without exploding. I stared at Alley, numb. My knees went out on me again. For a second I thought I would surely die with the anguish. I shook with grief, with overwhelming sobs. I found it difficult to think...to imagine...his hands on her. In that instant, each second, each breath, each excreting emotion...threatened to overtake me.
I felt an abnormally detached feeling as I rose to my feet, moving dream-like. The awful pressing feeling in my chest grew tighter, more painful. I felt sick.
Spencer came running out from the hauler, “Let’s go!”
No one hesitated as we all ran to the Yukon parked beside the hauler.
“Alley, do you know for sure they are taking her to St. Joseph’s?” Aiden asked climbing into the back seat with me. I was to numb to speak—I wasn’t sure I could.
Why had I let Van take the weekend off? Why wasn’t I with her?
“Yes, I’m positive Emma and Jimi told me St. Joseph’s because...” she paused looking back at me. “They said with the baby only being 17 weeks, it would be the only hospital that could help her now.”
Alley leaned over to comfort me but I pushed her away, shaking my head violently. I didn’t want anyone to touch me.
It seemed like it took days to finally reach Nashua. I hadn’t spoken a word since we left. When Spencer pulled up to the ER entrance, Aiden and I jumped out while Alley and he parked.
“What room is Sway Reins in?” Aiden asked the front desk as we ran through the waiting room.
The young receptionist behind the counter smiled glancing at my racing suit I was still wearing.
“Umm let me see.” she began looking through the computer. “Do you know when she arrived? I’m not finding anything.”
“I don’t know when she arrived.” He huffed back at her. “They brought her by helicopter.” Aiden was being way more patient with her than I would be.
“Do you know her date of birth?”
Oh for Christ sakes, you have to be fucking kidding me!
I snapped.
“Her name is Sway Reins; she is twenty-three years old. Her birthday is September 13th, 1980. Now look in your fucking computer and tell me what goddamn room she is in!” I shouted back at her slamming my fists on the counter in front of me, shaking the computer, pens and brochures gathered on the counter.
She flinched back at my harsh tone and gasped.
Yes lady, I have aggression issues...deal with it. Everyone else does.
She glared. “She is not in a room,” she chided rolling her eyes. “She is in the trauma center. No one can see her right now. There is a waiting room for families over there,” she pointed us to where we could wait.
Aiden cursed the whole way to the waiting room about how rude she had been to us. I, on the other hand, was numb again. All I wanted to do was be there for her as she was all alone up there with god knows who caring for her and our baby.
As walked around the hospital aimlessly I eventually found some vending machines so I decide to get some water for Aiden and me. My throat felt like the Mojave Desert.
Eventually, I approached the hall leading to the critical care units. A security guard stood firmly outside the doors. Sizing him up I contemplated the variety of ways I could take him down to get to Sway. It wouldn’t be hard but would surely cause a scene. He had a gun but at this point, that wouldn’t stop me. He also had pepper spray and a taser. I’ve experienced both growing up with Spencer and Sheriff Taylor. Although, I would prefer the taser to the pepper spray. Reluctantly, I continued walking in the other direction because the last thing I needed right now is to cause a scene.
After another two long hours of waiting, my dad and my came walking down the hall. He was still dressed in his racing suit as well. Aiden and I both looked at each other. I felt nauseous again. Under the queasiness, I felt assuagement that they had been with her.
“Boys, come with me.” his voice was cold, detached. I had never seen my dad behave this way before.
Mom, in tears, moved past us and held up her cell phone. “I think it’s time we call Charlie.”
I just nodded and drew in a shaky breath, my hand reached out for the wall beside me.
“Where’s Emma?” Aiden asked him as we began walking with him.
“With the police,” He answered refusing to look at me as he kept walking toward the long hallway that led to the ICU.
“What are the police doing?” Aiden was trying to get him to give more information but it was apparent that wasn’t going to happen. I could tell from the look on my dad’s face they weren’t doing a goddamn thing, making my anger peak once again.
“Right now nothing, there’s nothing they can do until we hear from Sway exactly what happened. They have issued a warrant for his arrest but nothing has come up.” He opened the door to a secluded room.
“Aiden, I need to speak with Jameson alone for a few moments. I will be right back.”
Breathing heavy, I tried to catch my breath. Gasping for air, I reached for the table to steady myself. My dad noticed. His eyes were watchful of my every motion.
He closed the door behind him and walked over to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Jameson,” he gasped pulling me into a tight hug.
I twisted away needing confirmation. Looking into his eyes I hoped to see encouragement in them that she was all right but was not finding it.
“Is she...” I couldn’t finish, gasping.
Please tell me she’s still alive! Please tell me my angel is still breathing!
“Son, they are doing everything they can do for her and the baby,” His face solemn. “I’m sorry.”
“Dad,” I warned.
He closed his eyes for a long moment before speaking in a low strained voice. This was hard for him too.
“For now...they are both...stable.” he took a deep breath.
He didn’t look very fucking convincing. If there was ever a point in my life where I thought, “Enough is enough,” it was right now. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t.
“Jameson, she fell down two flights of stairs and l
anded on her stomach.” He paused taking a deep breath, his eyes looking up at me deciding if he should continue. “Her arm is broken in three different spots, along with two bones in her hand and a few ribs. When she arrived, she was unconscious. There was a bad cut on her head that required about nineteen stitches. Your mom and I arrived about twenty minutes after she got here. The MRI showed no skull fractures or anything of that nature, so that’s good. About a half an hour ago she woke up but they had to sedate her when they told her they needed to run some tests on the baby. The ultrasound showed the baby is alive but it also revealed a placenta abruption, meaning that the placenta is separating from the uterus.” I gave a blank stare. “It’s caused the baby to go into distress and Sway has lost a great deal of blood.”
I tried to understand what he was saying but it was difficult.
“Can I see her?” I asked, my voice trembling from my body shaking so badly. I could feel the warm tears running down my cheeks.
“Jameson, you need to stay calm okay and no, you cannot see her right now. No one but doctors can.” I shook my head violently trying to comprehend what he was telling me. “Listen to me son,” He demanded, framing my face with his hands, forcing me to look at him.
His brow furrowed as though he was in pain too. “This is part of the reason I wanted to speak with you alone. You need to stay calm for Sway and the baby’s sake. You can’t go doing anything stupid right now but...they have to perform another test...” he stopped mid-sentence when my eyes shot to his. “Jameson.” He warned in a deep stern voice he reserved for threatening people. I knew the voice. I’d perfected it as well.
“Oh my god.” I shook my head violently ripping away to pace the floor. “Don’t fucking say, please don’t fucking say it!” I shouted back at him.
“They need to perform a ra—”
I was out the door before he could finish the sentence.
I was livid. Fucking livid.
Every emotion I’d felt since they told me she’d been hurt was multiplied by a thousand and exploded in a burning incinerator. I was so fucking angry my entire body shook uncontrollably. Each step was an effort not to crumble to the ground. I reached down and pulled my phone from inside my racing suit, dialing Spencer’s number.
He answered on the first ring, “Spencer?”
“Have you heard from Emma?” He questioned immediately. I could tell he was concerned by the tone of his voice. “How’s Sway?”
“She’s being sedated because the baby is in distress.” My voice was so cold, monotone, I wasn’t sure it was mine. “Where are you?”
“Alley and I just got a few hotel rooms for everyone. We’re in the parking lot. Should we come inside?” I could hear Alley in the background grilling him with questions to ask.
“Tell Alley to come in. I will meet you outside.” He caught on to exactly what I was getting at without saying my intentions.
I could hear Alley again, “No, Spencer this is a bad idea.”
Neither of us listened.
When I got inside the Yukon, Spencer drove away.
I had no idea where to find Darrin, but I had to.
Once we were on the freeway, Spencer spoke.
“I know what you’re thinking and I couldn’t agree more.” his blank stare focused on the road.
I felt my phone vibrate drawing me from my thoughts.
I saw it was Emma so I quickly answered. “Where are you? Are you with Sway?”
Emma sniffed and I could tell she was still crying. “Jameson,” her sobs marred her tone. “I’m so sorry. I should have never let her walk alone, I’m so sorry.” her voice was trembling, ready to break any second if she thought I was upset at her.
“Emma, it’s not your fault.” My voice cracked. “What happened? Do...you know?”
“I haven’t seen her since we arrived. When we arrived they took her away because the baby wasn’t moving around.”
“That’s...” my own sobs broke through again. “That’s not what I’m asking Emma. No one will tell me what the fuck happened and I know they are keeping it from me so please spare the goddamn bullshit and tell me what happened!” I was yelling by now and I really wasn’t meaning to but at that point, nothing could control me.
Emma inhaled a shaky breath before speaking. “Sway had said she had to go to the bathroom, so she left. When twenty minutes went by and she hadn’t returned, I went to look for her. When I found her in the stairwell, she was bleeding everywhere, from her head, body. She just kept vomiting over and over again and then eventually she passed out.” she paused. “Jameson?”
“Yeah,” I croaked trying to control my sobs.
“It was Darrin. Sway was conscious when I found her and she kept repeating Darrin’s name. She also kept asking for you but she wasn’t making any sense, just mumbling.”
“Was she um...did he...” I couldn’t even form the fucking word to ask. I couldn’t say it. I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want it to be true.
“We don’t know.” Emma cried. “Her pants were ripped off and she was bleeding from there but it could have been from the fall.”
Rage hit me like a wrecking ball when she that. I hung up the phone, not waiting for any more to be said. Tears streamed down my face. I had no idea at this point if Sway was all right or how the baby was and that was the worst feeling of all. Not knowing.
Thankfully, Spencer gave me my privacy and looked out the window as I silently cried to myself. How would I ever survive without her? I tried once and it didn’t work. I couldn’t live without Sway. I needed her just to survive and as unhealthy as the bond was, it was a vital one for me.
The rain hung on, rolling over the windshield morphing into a river of despair I followed feeling it carry me.
An internal combustion engine goes through four cycles, also known as the suck, squeeze, bang, blow process.
You intake air, compress it, spark and then it’s blown through the exhaust. It’s not much different than life the human respiratory cycle working in tandem with a beating heart.
A few things are vital to an engine. Without them you are parked. You need suction, a way to compress the air, a way to create spark and a way to blow that air out. A number of things can go wrong once you have that.
Maybe it’s an electrical problem, ignition, compression or mechanical—the point is that more than one thing is needed for an engine to run successfully. There are a lot of deciding factors.
Maybe it’s an electrical problem, ignition, compression or mechanical—the point is that more than one thing is needed for an engine to run successfully. There are a lot of deciding factors.
Most people need a lot of things to feel alive, to feel fulfilled in life. But you only need one thing to actually live.
Just as a car needs an engine, you need a beating heart.
When your heart is threatened by someone or something, you respond on instinct. Humans, animals and even engines all respond in one of those two ways.
You fight or give in.
Even an engine, when pushed to its limit, blows. Animals, they attack. Some may say it’s just instinct and we can’t control it...or can you?
One thing’s for sure...I couldn’t when instinct and adrenaline overpowered everything I thought I knew. Not when it comes to my reason for living, for feeling alive.
I could fight or give in.
“It’s your call.” Van replied, leaning against the brick wall.
After driving around for three hours, Van had called and said that he found Darrin at a bar right outside of Loudon, having a beer with Mike Tanner. It was such a normal thing to do but not for someone who just...I couldn’t even think the words without wanting to kill him.
How far would I go to protect her?
The answer, I would do anything.
I was ready for him and once and for all, I would finish this with him. Regardless of the action, this was my fight to finish.
“He dies,” Was my only response before I stormed insid
e the bar.
Anger, infuriating anger threatened to overtake me.
When you think about it, anyone can be considered deadly when they’re angry.
I mean why wouldn’t they be? After all, it is a deadly sin, right? Some don’t even know it’s a deadly sin.
But the thing with anger that most fail to realize is the power it holds. Anger can take down everyone and everything you’ve ever known and loved just from the pure fury. And that is why it’s a deadly sin.
“Jameson, don’t.” my dad warned stepping in front of me as I walked inside. I don’t know how my dad and Kyle found us, but they did.
“Let go of my arm.” I growled as he tried to hold me back. My breathing was ragged and coming out like something resembling a bulls breathing right before he charges.
Hot pits – Spencer
I knew this was wrong, encouraging him to do this but it was also my little brother. I would do anything for him, even killing another man.
I would never question his intentions behind it. I would support him.
And Sway, well, she’s been like my sister since they met. I would also do anything for her.
Dad eyed the two of us but my eyes focused on Jameson’s, red from the tears.
A chill ran through me. Even at his angriest, and I have seen him angry, he had never looked this angry before.
Dark lashes shadowed his eyes but I knew the green was raging. Jameson had never looked so fiercely intimidating as he did right then. His jaw set in a firm hold, eyes had that hard defying stare he got when he was so intently focused that he wasn’t backing down. His hands fisted, waiting. There was no other option for him right now. This was the only outcome he would settle for.
I couldn’t blame him though. If this was me, if that was Alley and my son in the hospital...he’d die for sure.
