by Stahl, Shey
“Did they ever find the man?”
“No...but I did.” A slow wicked formed. “Ms. Sway, there’s a reason why Phillip chose me as your bodyguard.” He let out a deep menacing chuckle leaning back in the chair. His arms crossed over his chest.
Given my breakdown, it took me some time to comprehend but the realization finally hit me with the way he said, “I did”.
“Van,” my eyes widened. “Holy shit, was that man Darrin?”
He didn’t answer right away but eventually he found his voice. “It took me a while to figure out who he was, as I only got a glimpse of him. But when I hired a private investigator we did some research and it led back to Darrin Torres.” he looked up at me again. “Did you know who Kasey O’Neil was?”
“Yeah, he was that kid that was killed racing when the roll cage collapsed on him at a sprint car race.”
“There’s a little more to it than that. Darrin was racing in the USAC Silver Crown series about seven years ago with a driver named Kasey O’Neil, his father is Langley O’Neil, but more importantly, Langley is my father in law. Kasey was my wife’s younger brother.” My eyes widened again. Shocked, alarmed, dumbfounded, all emotions I was having. “Anyways, Darrin had it out for Kasey and ended up wrecking him that night. Kasey died on the way to the hospital as you know. After that night, Langley threatened to sue Darrin for what he did. He believed that Darrin wrecked him on purpose and tampered with the roll cage but no one had any proof as the video really couldn’t prove anything. Darrin went after my wife when Langley threatened him.”
“Jesus Christ!” I gasped. “How come you never went to the police when you found out it was him?”
“Because just like Jameson, I felt prison was too easy. He’d get off on parole or something along those lines. I know the way the system works, max he’d get twenty years...it wasn’t good enough.”
I swallowed; my throat was dry so I reached for my water beside the bed. “Were you there when Jameson found him?” Don’t think I didn’t see my opportunity to get answers because I did. I knew Jameson would never tell me.
“I actually found him for Jameson. Jimi called shortly after Jameson left the hospital. He was scared as to where he went. It was the first I’d heard of the accident and then Phillip called too. That’s when I went looking and found Darrin having a beer. I called Jameson. He and Spencer showed up shortly after that.” As I listened to the events after my accident, I understood why Jameson reacted the way he did. “I would have taken care of him right then but I knew what Jameson was feeling. Like I said, I know what it’s like to feel the out of control and reckless mindset. I didn’t care how it happened to him, I just wanted revenge and I got it.”
I didn’t feel the need for him to elaborate on exactly what happened. I knew by the way he said took care of it that he took care of Darrin, which made me happy.
If only I could have cut off his penis before that happened.
“I’m glad that you two made it through this.” Van’s voice was just above a whisper. “You don’t know how hard it is to go on without the other half of yourself. Eventually you give up and become a distant version of yourself.”
It’s strange how even the strongest of us have scars from our past that we carry with us. The initial cut may have healed but the pain still lingers as a constant reminder of the wound that left its mark on you. You want to fix it, make it better, but sometimes you just can’t.
We are all tattooed from head to toe with cracks, invisible bruises, scars, kisses; they all leave their mark in some way, good or bad and shrouded in nothing by shadows or lighted by the rays of the sun. Sometimes the consequences are too far below the surface for the eye to catch. And other times, they reveal themselves in ways we never expected.
I watched as Van excused himself—feeling the pain for him having lost his entire family because of Darrin. I couldn’t understand how a man like Darrin had managed to escape retribution for so long and how a woman like Mariah could stand by him knowing he was a monster. Maybe she didn’t see it or maybe she was one too.
The thing about our scars is how easily they’re ripped open again. But I think they can also teach one valuable lesson: What not to do again and what we’ve made it through. It makes us stronger really.
I didn’t see Van again that night, I assumed it was too much for him but I knew he was close by, he never went far.
I was pleasantly surprised when Jameson showed up at the hospital later that night around nine instead of the early morning hours.
Alley, Spencer, and Aiden came with him so it was nice to have some company other than Emma to annoy the shit out of me. Nothing like variety right?
I thought Jameson would just come into the room and relax but he and Aiden started carrying in two guitars, drums, microphones and an amplifier. He kissed me on the forehead, didn’t say anything and then backed away keeping his smirk at bay.
Once everything was set up, he smiled. “Now I know I’m no Dan Auerbach when it comes to American blues rock and the Black Keys, but I’ve done a lot of sucking up in order to do this for you...so...enjoy honey.” Jameson said with a wink.
And then the sounds of Need a New Man and an electric guitar filled my room as Jameson played with elegant confidence and Aiden rocked out on the drums.
How they managed to get this equipment in the hospital was beyond me but I was excited as hell, as was Emma who bounced beside me.
He brought me my Black Keys concert and my fairytale back.
Jameson leaned into the microphone, looked up from his guitar and began singing. He winked as a few nurses walked in to see what was going on. By the time he made it to the chorus, the room was filled with people cheering them on.
From blistering to scars, everything had taken a toll on us and now here we all were trying to make sense of this life racing on the edge starting with a new set of tires or a Black Keys concert.
17. Slingshot – Sway
Slingshot – A maneuver in which a car following the leader in a draft suddenly steers around it, breaking the vacuum, this provides an extra burst of speed that allows the second car to take the lead.
“You’re good at the woo. You have it down to a fine art.”
“I better be. I just promised the entire nursing staff to pose for pictures with them later.” Jameson groaned regretting the decision. Those nurses were a bunch of cougars.
“Oh the cougars are harmless.” I couldn’t help myself.
“Don’t even joke about that.” He warned in hard voice. Two things we don’t joke about these days, cougars and forks.
“My bad,” I giggled at my weak humor. “You didn’t have to promise them anything.”
“I had to in order to bring in all that equipment.” He told me kissing my lips again. “But the look on your face was completely worth it.” His voice was hoarse but I loved the way it cracked when he spoke. It reminded me of that sexy radio voice of his. “I must have signed a thousand autographs so far tonight.” He teased.
“I want one.”
He groaned pushing away. “Not you too,”
“I want an autograph.” I’d never asked for one until now. The idea of having his autograph was exciting to me and I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of it until now. In high school he signed my binder but that was different.
“Why?”
“Because, I just do,”
“You should sleep.”
“I loved the concert.” I told him. “Thank you. It was better than the real thing.” I replied referring to the concert. We’d be talking about this autograph again.
“I’m glad.” Jameson drew me against his chest, his chin resting on the top of my head as he rubbed up and down my arm.
We’d been laying here in my hospital bed all night, it was now around one in the morning and I could tell Jameson needed sleep soon. By the dark circles, I doubted he’d slept much at all lately.
“You should get some sleep.” I rested my good hand on his rock h
ard stomach, the muscles flexed as he leaned forward kicking off his shoes.
“I will. I just need this right now. I need to feel you beside me,” he chuckled lightly. “I used to be hardcore, now look at me.”
“Wait...did we just start talking about porn?”
“You’re adorable.” He said with a chuckle, his head flopped to the side getting comfortable.
“Yeah, well you look exhausted.” I traced his tired eyes.
“No...you look exhausted.” He told me with a weak smile and heavy eyes. “I look handsome.”
“And so modest,”
I could tell he was fading fast so I laid my head back against his chest. After a few moments of listening to his steady breathing, it slowed and I could tell he had finally fallen asleep.
When I thought about what happened to Jameson and me, it was hard to imagine that we could overcome it. It was difficult to imagine overcoming almost anything we’d been through so far. But we had and I knew now wouldn’t be any different.
I knew our lives would be forever changed by what Darrin had done. But I was also determined as hell to find my happy right now again and turn it into my fairytale of happily ever after despite what Darrin had threatened to tear apart. I wanted it. I needed it.
Eventually I too fell asleep but not after admiring Jameson as he slept against me. His features softened from his usual tenseness. It was times like this, lying in his arms, that I wonder if he actually knew how much I loved him, how much I needed him. My happiness depended so much on him that it scared me. He said he was precariously co-dependent on me, but I was just as much of a fool for him. I also knew it would never change for us, and I was okay with that. I was okay with being co-dependent on him.
Jameson had to leave in the morning for an appearance on Wind Tunnel, which was a TV show, hosted by Dave Harford, a former NASCAR driver himself. Alley went with him so that left Emma here with me. Thankfully Nancy stayed too so at least I had some “normal” company.
She didn’t speak much, just knitted. She was knitting a baby blanket for the little spaz but I had to remind her he was just a baby, not Shrek. The damn thing could cover a California king mattress by the way she was knitting away.
“Here,” Emma handed me a note with a rose and a decaf mocha. “This is from the asshole.”
Nancy laughed as Emma skipped out with her wedding planner leaving me alone with her.
Sway,
Honey, I can’t tell you that I can get past what’s happened as easily as you can because that’s not me. But I will try.
I can’t promise I will ever get over it but I love you and I think that’s all that matters. It’s not your fault. It never was so please don’t think that.
All I can say is that I want the same thing I wanted before, you, and our family. My love won’t change. He didn’t change that and never could.
Please hear me when I say that I love you and you’re what I want. With all my heart,
Jameson Riley #9
I was grinning and crying and then I was sniffling and finally sobbing into Nancy’s shoulder. He confessed his love once more and I got my autograph.
“I’m worried about him.”
Nancy brushed my hair aside and smiled. “You know Sway, they are all the same. They carry a blanket of burden on a pillow of pleasure.”
And she was absolutely right. Jameson carried a burden just to have the pleasure racing created for him. Though he was struggling with everything else now, racing was what would get him past this.
I smiled when the show came on remembering his note this morning.
“Did Jimi ever have rival drivers?”
Nancy snorted. “Oh yeah, I remember a few. Though none ever took it to the levels Darrin did, he had them. I actually remember one race in particular where he and this racer out of Australia got into at the World Finals in Charlotte in the 90’s. The two of them took out half the field with their cheap shots at each other. Jimi ended up getting suspended for the first race of the next season. I think that’s when he took a step back and looked at how his attitude could destroy his career if he let it.”
I nodded listening to her knitting needles knock together. She got frustrated with a knot and pulled on it. “Jimi finally had to get to a point where he just had to ignore them and that wasn’t easy for him.”
“Jameson will learn. He has always been this way but eventually he comes around. For a driver, aggression is a hard line to understand. With practice they learn when and how to turn it on and off.”
Nancy always had a way of helping me understand what I couldn’t see for myself.
“Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for joining us this morning. Today’s guest is the hottest Winston Cup driver in the series today and I’m sure the ladies think I’m talking about his looks, though there’s that. But I’m talking about this twenty-three year old kid from Elma Washington who grew up on the dirt tracks of the Pacific Northwest.” Dave said before Jameson came out. “He started his career at four years old racing quarter midgets. The day he graduated from high school his brother, sister, and some friends traveled around the south and mid-west racing sprint cars, midgets, and late models collecting wins like the USAC Triple Crown and Chili Bowl Midget Nationals. That was until he caught the attention of Tate Harris. After that, his rise to fame was quick and here we are today, the morning after his sixth career win in the Cup series. Please welcome the driver of the Simplex Shocks and Springs number nine Ford, Jameson Riley!”
I even did a little cheer, as did Nancy and Emma when he stepped out, waving to the live audience, regarding them nervously.
“Thanks for joining us today, Jameson.” Dave shook hands with him.
Jameson smiled taking a seat next to him on the brown leather couch.
“Thank you for having me,” he said reaching for the water next to him. I was happy to see that he was finally hydrating himself. I hadn’t seen him eat or drink anything lately.
“First off, congratulations on the win yesterday,”
“Thank you,” he nodded leaning against the back. His legs were spread slightly and I found my eyes drawn there.
I’m pathetic!
He was once again dressed like a walking Simplex billboard with a gray t-shirt that had the red and black Simplex logo across the chest. He was wearing his dark indigo jeans that I loved paired with his white and black Puma shoes. He completed this insanely attractive look with a white Simplex baseball hat, his mess of rusty loops sticking out the sides.
“So Jameson, I see the win yesterday has put you into second position right behind your teammate Bobby Cole. Does this cause any tension between you two?”
“No, not at all,” Jameson laughed lightly. “Bobby and I get along great. He’s the best teammate I could ask for. Bobby Cole and I have very different racing styles but the differences seem to balance out the team well and provide us with advantages. Where he’s stronger on road courses and superspeedways, I’m strong on the short tracks and cookie cutters.”
“It definitely seems like that. Now what about Tate Harris in third behind you—any tension there? Come on kid, give me the dirt!”
Another laugh from Jameson as he shifted his weight on the couch, “No, we all get along great. I actually had dinner with Tate the other night.” He told him. “He’s a great mentor in the sport and I learn a lot from him.”
Dave laughed, as he knew Jameson wasn’t giving up anything. “So you got engaged, right? Cause I saw that live. My wife actually gave me crap. Something about not being romantic enough for her,” Dave shot Jameson a glare.
We laughed, as did Jameson. “Yeah, I got engaged.”
“Now tell me about this girl of yours, you two grew up together, right?” Dave always had a way with trying to get personal information out of his guests but he’d never had Jameson as a guest.
“I met Sway when I was eleven, so yeah, we grew up together.” Jameson nodded. I could tell he was trying to give them the brief version, not the vers
ion where we got drunk, slept together and decided to be fuck buddies that ended up creating a little flailing adorable spaz. “I think I just realized at some point how important the people who have stuck by me through it all are and I realized she was the one. So I asked to marry me.”
“So no dating...you just said marry me one day?”
Jameson laughed again at Dave’s attempt for details. “Yeah, something like that. I just thought hey, she seems to like me, why not ask her to marry me. So I did.”
“Well aren’t you so lucky?”
“Or maybe she’s lucky?” He smirked raising his eyebrows slightly. “I’m quite the catch you know.”
“So I’ve heard from the female fans here with all those screams.” Dave laughed as Jameson nodded his head arrogantly provoking the female attendees. Anyone that knew Jameson; knew exactly what he was doing in this interview; he was using his humor to get out of answering anything personal. “And you’re going to be a dad in March, right?”
“I think you know more about my life then I do.” He arched an amused eyebrow toward Dave. “Did you Google me or something?” Leaning forward again, he took another slow drink of water, which also distracted me.
Was he trying to kill me here?
“Yes, yes,” Dave smiled. “I Googled you...”
The rest of the interview they talked about racing and ended with Dave pressuring Jameson to invite him to the wedding, which Jameson responded with, “If you Googled me, how come you didn’t find out that I already got married the other day?” he flashed a sly smile as the female crowd in attendance all said “No” at the same time.
“Where’s your ring then stud?”
“Well, I guess you got me there.” Jameson laughed.
It was good to see him in high spirits and joking around there but I couldn’t wait for him to come back. It seemed since the accident, I’d turned into attachment Barbie.
It took three weeks total for me to be discharged from that hospital in Loudon New Hampshire.
Three. Miserable. Fucking. Weeks.
