by J B Heller
Sighing heavily, I reach into the back seat and grab my pack, then get out of my car.
“What’s cookin,’ good lookin’?” BJ says while eyeing me up and down.
I inwardly cringe at his obvious assessment but plaster a smile on my face, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I wink as we start walking through the parking lot.
“You know I would, baby girl. When are you going to give in and go out with me?” he pouts.
I pretend to think it over, “Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe when you make me the right offer.” I trail my eyes over his body, and grin at him.
“Damn. baby girl,” he says, then bites down on his bottom lip.
It’s a move that would melt the panties off most of the female student population, but it does nothing for me. “I’ve gotta run, I’ll talk to you later,” I say as I start walking in the opposite direction to him. I have to drop Jason’s lunch off.
When I get to Jason’s bag, I glance around to make sure nobody notices me as I slide the two brown paper bags inside of his. Just as I’m about to walk away. I see Hux leaning against the wall a few metres up the hall, and he’s watching me.
I’m not sure how to be around him right now. Am I supposed to keep ignoring him while secretly admiring him and exchanging glances when nobody’s looking? Or am I supposed to ignore him for real?
He answers my unspoken question when he tilts his chin towards me and sends me a quick wink and a small grin. The smile that covers my face in response isn’t forced this time.
The uncertainty in Eliza’s gaze made me feel like a mega arsehole. I’d done that, I’d dimmed the sparkle in her eyes that was there this morning as she sang into her hairbrush. I had to fix it, and I had to keep my distance. But I didn’t know how to do both.
I’d grinned and sent her a wink, and thanked god when her smile emerged. Her real smile.
Seeing that smile lifted the weight that had settled on my shoulders the moment I realised I had to keep a distance between us. I wanted her, there was no doubt about that in my mind. But I also knew if I let myself get too much closer, it would only make it that much harder for me to leave.
If anyone had asked me a few weeks ago if anything could keep me here, I’d have said hell no. But I’m beginning to doubt that. And I can’t. This has always been my plan, I can’t deviate now. No matter how much she makes me want to.
I’m walking down the embankment to my tree when something shoves into my back, making me stumble forward and almost lose my footing. I swing around ready to give the person a piece of my mind, but I come face to face with a head of messy brown waves. My fingers instantly itch to push her hair away from her pretty face.
A coy smile lifts her lips, “I’m so sorry! I tripped over my own feet.”
I haven’t got a clue what she’s doing, but I play along. “Yeah well watch it next time,” I sneer.
Her eyes sparkle with mischief, “Trust me, I wouldn’t touch you by choice.”
My brows jump, and I close in on her, “Oh really?” I watch her chest rise and fall with her excited breaths. “You should be so lucky.”
Eliza licks her lips quickly, “Oh, honey, you actually think a girl like me would be lucky to have you? That’s cute.”
I narrow my eyes on her, “Any girl would be lucky to get with me, Princess. If only you knew what I could do to you. To that prim and proper exterior you parade around in,” I step so close our chests are nearly touching, I drop my head down to whisper by her ear, “I’d love to mess up that Queen Bee persona you’ve got going on, but you couldn’t handle me, Princess.”
Then I leave her standing there, glaring, panting, and looking so damn hot I want to drag her back to her car so I can fuck that look right off her face.
By the time I make it to my tree and sit leaning against the trunk, I see Eliza walking over to her friends. They question her about our encounter and I can tell she’s painting me as an arsehole.
Her friend Yazzie is glaring at me, and I smile widely in return.
Sliding my hand into my pocket to retrieve my phone so I can double check with Johnno where we’re working this afternoon, a piece of paper falls out with it. Frowning I pick it up and unfold it. It’s from Eliza and it’s addressed to Mr. Mysterious. She must have slipped it into my pocket when she ran into me.
Mr. Mysterious,
I get why you’re pushing me away. You’re leaving and don’t want to hurt me. I get it. But it doesn’t make me want to be with you any less.
I think about you all the time. When I’m surrounded by people who think they know me.
You make me feel alive. If I can only have that for a short time, until you leave, I’ll take it.
Think about it.
Princess.
I let out a deep breath, and drop my head back against the trunk. Shit.
When I look up again, she’s watching me cautiously. I try to smile back at her, to reassure her that we’re cool. But I’m not sure how well I pull it off because she doesn’t look reassured.
Pulling my camera out of my pack, I flick through the couple of pictures I took of her this morning. She looks like an angel with that one ray of light breaking through the tree tops to shine done on her.
I know I’ll keep that photo forever. No matter what happens with us, I can’t let go of her completely when I leave. I know that now.
Turning off the display, I slide it back into my pack and pick my phone back up from where I left it when I found the note. It’s a piece of crap, but it’s all I need. It makes calls, and it can text that’s it.
Unlocking the screen, I flick a quick text to Johnno, double checking the address for this afternoon and work out how long it will take me to walk there. If the job is too far from the school Johnno comes and picks me up, but today it’s a close one.
That afternoon, as I’m leaving the school grounds, a familiar Rover pulls up beside me. I still haven’t figured out what to say to her in response to her letter. So when she rolls down the passenger window, I lean in, crossing my arms over the frame and smile at her.
Eliza raises a brow, “So?”
I scratch my temple and gnaw on my bottom lip, and her shoulders slump. “It’s not like that, El. Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop. Everything you said in that note, I feel it too, I do. But you make it sound so simple, and it’s not.”
The hope that appeared briefly disappears just as quickly as it appeared. “Why? I think you’re making it more complicated that it needs to be, Hux. I want you, you want me. What’s so complicated about that?”
I close my eyes because the look in hers right now is making my resolve waver. When I open them, I catch site of the time on her dash, “Shit, I’ve gotta go, Princess, can we talk about this later? Tomorrow, I promise we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
She sighs, “Yeah, okay.”
“Thank you,” I say with a wink, and just as I’m stepping away she stops me.
“Wait, you have a phone, give me your number,” she demands.
I shake my head, “It’s just a shit box, I only use it for work.”
“I don’t care. Give it to me,” she says, holding her hand out to me.
Reaching into my pocket, I grab it and hand it over, she punches in her number then hands it back to me. “Now call me.”
I grin at her, “Feeling pushy today huh?” But I do as she says and hit call.
Her phone starts singing, wait for it, another freaking Bieber song. “We’re really going to have to do something about all this Bieber shit you’ve got going on.”
“I’d like to see you try,” she says, then she pulls away from the curb and I jog the rest of the way to the job site to avoid being late.
Johnno and the boys are in the middle of assembling a timber deck when I arrive. “S’up boys?” I call as I throw my pack into the back of the ute.
I’m greeted with grunts and grumbles from the boys, then Johnno comes over and shows me where he wants me. It’s a big project and we’l
l be here for the next few days. But at least I won’t smell like horse shit.
When I get home the front door is open a fraction and I can hear banging and crashing coming from inside. Apprehension fills me as I step in and see dad is on one of his binges, he probably didn’t go to work today in favour of sitting around drinking.
The house is trashed, “What the hell?” I say as I walk through the living room.
There’s a photo album I’ve never seen before sitting on the arm of dad’s recliner and I pick it up to see a picture of my mum and dad, on their wedding day. They look so happy, and my gut clenches.
“YOU!” my dad roars as he marches towards me, his fists clenched, “You ruined everything! I never wanted you. It was all her. And you fucked it all up!”
I swallow down the bile rising in my throat, but I don’t respond. What can I possibly say? I did ruin everything. I ruined both their lives.
He shoves me back against the wall, “We were perfect together. She loved me and I fucking worshiped her!” he yells into my face, and I avert my gaze.
He towers over me, and continues to spew his rage and hate all over me. And I take it. I deserve it. I can feel my heart breaking in my chest, and I want to rip it out. It would hurt less.
When he finally takes a step back, I go to step away from the wall and retreat to my room, but he grabs my shoulder and reels me back, “It’s all your fault!” he grits out through clenched teeth. And before I know what’s happening his fist is slamming into my jaw.
Pain ricochets through my skull then his hand is on my throat, “I hate you,” he seethes and I see a flash of pain in his eyes, then shoves me away.
I stumble my way down the hall to my room and close and lock my door, then drop to the floor against it. I grit my teeth to stop the useless tears from falling. My jaw aches and gritting my teeth makes it worse, my teeth feel like they’re going to fall out. My head is pounding so hard I can feel my pulse beating in my brain.
This is the first time he’s ever hit me intentionally. And now that he’s finally done it, I know it won’t be the last. I can feel it in my gut. This is just the beginning of a new kind of hell.
I waited until I was sure Dad had passed out last night before I ventured out to get ice for my face. It stung like a bitch putting the cold press on my already swollen jaw, but I knew it would reduce the bruise and hopefully make the swelling go down by morning.
And it did. Slightly.
But not enough for it to go unnoticed. I didn’t need anyone asking questions. Especially Eliza. Goddamn it, Eliza. I’m supposed to talk to her this morning and I can’t even face her. This is just another reason I need to keep her at a distance. I can’t tell her about him. About me.
When my phone pings with an incoming text, I know it’s her.
Where are you?
I sigh and tap out a quick response.
Not feeling well, staying home today.
Before I’ve even put my phone down it pings again.
What number is your house?
Hell no. She can’t come here. I haven’t cleaned up his mess yet, and I definitely can’t let her see my face.
Doesn’t matter. You can’t come here. Go to school, El.
She types much faster than I do, because sure enough, a response comes through in seconds.
Tell me or I’ll knock on all the doors on the left hand side of the street until I find you.
Jesus, she doesn’t let up. But there’s no way she’s seeing the house like this or my face.
Eliza, don’t. I don’t want to make you sick.
When she doesn’t reply immediately I think I’ve won, but that was foolish.
I think you’re trying to get out of our conversation. If you don’t want me just tell me flat out. Stop pretending you do. I don’t like games, Hux.
My fist shoots out into the wall and the plaster cracks, giving me a fraction of satisfaction.
I do want you, dammit. I know I told you we’d talk, but I can’t right now. I’m sorry. Just go to school, Princess, we’ll talk later.
She doesn’t reply this time.
I walk out into the living area to survey the damage, it’s not as bad as I was expecting. Finally hitting me must have released his frustrations enough that he didn’t have to keep taking it out on the house.
It takes me an hour to straighten the lounge then I move on to the kitchen. Of course his precious beer is still in its place in the fridge, but he’s pulled the cutlery drawer out, and smashed a few plates.
Nothing I can’t handle. I set to cleaning up the broken glass then the cutlery. By the time I’m done it’s mid-morning and my face is throbbing, so I grab a few paracetamol and make another cold compress.
When I get back to my room, I see a text from Eliza waiting for me.
Meet me at the stream this afternoon at 5.
I rub my temples as I think it over. The swelling has gone down considerably, but it still hurts like a bitch. And the whole right side of my face is covered in a mottled bruise. I could just keep my hoodie on, yeah that could work. So I text her back.
I’ll be there.
Then I shoot a text to Johnno and let him know I won’t make it today. I’ve only skipped out on him twice before, this will be my third time in nearly five years. And both those times I’d literally been so sick I couldn’t get out of bed.
Johnno doesn’t question why I’m not coming, and I’m grateful. I don’t want to lie to him. That man is more a father to me than my own, and lying to him doesn’t sit right with me.
That afternoon, I throw a hoodie on over a pair of jeans and walk to the stream in the forest ten minutes from my house. I get there just before five, and she’s already here, waiting for me.
She’s sitting on a boulder in the middle of the calf-deep stream of crystal clear water. Her knees are bent and her head is resting on them as she stares off into the distance. I wish I’d brought my camera with me. She’s too perfect for words.
I take her in, the curve of her spine, the line of her slender neck, the chocolate waves of hair cascading over one of her smooth shoulders. She’s perfect.
As I walk into the clearing she looks over at me, and the sadness in her eyes eats at what’s left of my heart.
“I didn’t think you’d come,” she says softly.
I kick off my shoes, roll up my jeans, and step into the cold water, then walk over to her, stopping a foot away from the boulder she’s perched on. “I’m sorry about this morning.”
Her hazel eyes narrow, “Why are you wearing a hoodie? It’s hot.”
Swallowing, I look down at my clothes, then hers, she’s wearing a pair of light blue denim shorts and a flowy white singlet. “Uh, I told you I’m not feeling well, I was cold when I left home.”
Slowly she sits up, her eyes conveying her disbelief. “Well you’re not cold now, you’re sweating.”
I wipe the fine sheen of sweat from my forehead, shit, this was a bad idea. I turn my face away from her, and look into the water.
“Hux,” her voice is soft and gentle.
I glance at her from the corner of my eye and see her sliding off the boulder. I take a quick step back from her as she approaches me, “What are you doing?”
“Why are you wearing the hoodie, Hux?” she asks as she reaches me, her hands stretch up and carefully slide my hood off my head.
I turn my face away from her but she catches my jaw in her palm to turn it back toward her, the contact makes me flinch. I take her wrist and lower her hand away from my throbbing cheek. “It’s nothing,” I say as I register the horror in her eyes.
“What happened?” she whispers.
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter, Princess.”
Her expression becomes enraged, “Like hell! That is not nothing, Hux. Who did that to you?”
I grit my teeth and regret the move immediately, as pain radiates through my face. “It doesn’t matter. Just drop it,” I grit out.
Her hands grip her tiny hips, �
��Fuck that. Who hurt you?” she demands.
I shouldn’t have come. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to see her. I wanted to look at her, for just a moment. But now I want to get out of here and away from her questions. “I gotta go,” I say, and begin backing away from her.
“No,” she says as she lunges for me, wrapping her arms around my waist, resting her head against my heart and my arms automatically wrap around her too. I release a deep exhale, it feels so good having her in my arms.
“I’m sorry. I’ll stop talking. I’m sorry,” she says as she squeezes me tighter.
I can’t stop myself, I drop a kiss on the top of her head and breathe in her scent. It instantly brings me peace, even if it is just for a moment, I’ll take it.
She lifts her head to look up at me, and I’m caught in her gorgeous eyes. Her hands slide up my arms to my shoulders, as she pushes up to her tiptoes and kisses me softly.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers against my lips, then her fingers move up behind my neck and into the hair at the base of my skull. She grips it gently in her little fists, “Kiss me,” she breathes against my cheek.
I’m helpless to her command. I can’t say no to her. With one hand on her waist, I move the other to the back of her head, and glide my fingers through the strands until I clench my fist and tug her head back further, then close the distance between our mouths and seal mine over hers.
She clings to me as we stand almost knee-deep in the middle of the stream, my tongue moving against hers the way my body wants to move with hers. But it can’t. This will have to do, so I make the most of this stolen moment with her.
I skipped school and work for the rest of the week. Dad and I didn’t cross paths and I knew he was avoiding me as much as I was him.
Strangely, I didn’t feel any ill will towards him. Well, no more than usual. I ruined his life. I deserved his hatred.
Before I was born, my parents were happy. Like crazy happy. Then mum decided she wanted a baby, and dad loved her so much he’d do anything she wanted. So even though he didn’t want kids, he agreed to start a family if it’s what she wanted.
