by J B Heller
She said some fucking hurtful things, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean them. It’s not in her nature to be deliberately hurtful. Well, it never used to be. And I intend to find out if that’s changed or if she’s still my Eliza on the inside as well as the outside.
It’s right on eight when I walk into the restaurant inside the hotel and the attendant leads me down the back to a table by the window. But it’s empty. Before I can question her, she says, “Mr. Quinn just popped out to say good morning to the kitchen staff. He’ll be out shortly. Can I get you anything while you wait?”
Her eyes are roaming over my entire body, and I know what the look in her eyes means, “Coffee, thanks,” I say then look out the window letting her know I’m done with her.
A different server brings my coffee out a few minutes later, “Here you go, Mr. Hadley. I saw some of your work in the gallery when it was being set up, you’re really amazing.”
I try to make my smile as un-awkward as possible, but I’m not good at accepting praise of any sort, not even about my work, so it comes across as more of a grimace, “Ah thanks,” I say then, thankfully, Victor walks up to the table, saving me further embarrassment.
The server jumps when Victor approaches, “Oh, good morning, Mr. Quinn,” she glances at me like we were just doing something inappropriate then back to Victor, “can I get you anything?”
“I’ll have tea thank you Marcy, I’ve already organised our breakfast with Pedro,” he says, dismissing her.
When he says the name Pedro I snort, and when Marcy is on her way Victor asks, “Did I miss the joke?”
My eyes widen, I can’t exactly tell him I used to call my dick Pedro back when I was boning his granddaughter. So I lie, or at least I try to, “Just the name, it’s ah,” I’m searching for something to say and coming up blank.
Victor grins, “It’s your pecker’s name, isn’t it?” he says, his eyes alight with mirth.
I choke on my coffee, grinning I hang my head, “It was, a long time ago. He doesn’t really have one anymore,” I tell him. And I’m not sure why I elaborated, but whatever.
Victor frowns, “How can he not have a name anymore? Who changes the name of their goods? It’s the same as naming a baby, once it’s done, it’s done,” he says.
I chuckle, “Okay.” I get his point, but I’m a little weirded out that I’m sitting here discussing the name of my dick with Eliza’s grandfather.
He loses the frown and cracks a smile, “Well, that’s not exactly how I planned on starting this meeting,” he laughs.
“I wasn’t expecting it either, sir, but I’ll roll with it,” I tell him.
Victor keeps laughing, “I needed a good laugh, so at least that’s been accomplished this morning. But now, business.” His expression changes when he says that, and it’s like he’s put on his businessman face.
I nod, “Right, business.”
Over the next hour we eat the best Eggs Benedict I’ve ever had, with crunchy bacon and avocado, and discuss me staying on to deck out the hotel with my work.
He’s pretty much giving me free reign over what pieces to use, with the exception of one particular piece. He wants The One, The Only, to have the feature space in the lobby. I was sure he was going to say something about the resemblance to Eliza, but he didn’t.
I’ll be staying in my suite until I’m finished my work here. It shouldn’t take me more than a week, but I don’t see Eliza softening towards me in such a short time, so I’m going to do the only thing I can do and drag it out as long as possible.
Since it’s Sunday I decide I’m not going to start today, which fits in with my dragging it out plan. No weekends or after regular hours work to be done. Instead, I duck back up to my room and grab my satchel so I can go exploring around the city again.
I really enjoyed myself yesterday, and I’m looking forward to getting lost behind my lens again. Popping in one ear bud I press play on a random playlist then slide my phone back in my pocket while I wait for the elevator to arrive.
When the silver doors slide open I see her, Eliza. She’s standing in the middle of the elevator alone, in a pair of stretchy black pants and a crop top thing that makes her breasts look amazing and plump while leaving her midriff bare. I barely resist drooling at the sight of her, but the elevator doors sliding closed before I’ve even stepped inside snaps me out of my trance.
Shaking my head, I step inside, and stop right in front of her, looking down into her beautiful eyes as she stares back up at me. She doesn’t move away, which I take as a good sign, but then she says, “I see Ben didn’t rearrange your face on a bathroom break last night.”
I rear back slightly, “What?”
She raises a brow, “Your pretty face is still intact, so I guess Ben kept his distance like a good boy.”
My eyes narrow, “Your boyfriend wanted to have a go at me?”
She smiles up at me, “Yep.”
“Why?” I grit out.
Eliza snorts, “Why wouldn’t he?”
Damn I’ve missed that little snort. She’s so goddamn gorgeous. That little sound alone makes me shake off the comment about her boyfriend wanting to hit me. I don’t want to talk about him right now, I’ve only got her cornered here for a few more seconds, so I use it.
I step closer and closer until I’ve backed her against the back mirrored wall of the steel structure as it plummets. Once she’s flat against it, I take another half step so my body is only just touching hers, and it feels so damn good. I want to crush my body against hers and kiss her senseless.
But I don’t. I have some self-control. But then I notice the shift in her breathing, and the pink tinge spreading over the tops of her breasts and up her sweet neck. My resolve starts slipping, so I take a quick step back, away from her tempting body. My dick is already responding from that slight amount of contact.
“Bet the boyfriend can’t turn you on with so little effort,” I say trying to cover my almost lapse.
She glares at me, “You think I’m turned on? Pl-ease.”
There’s the attitude I’ve missed so much, “Oh, you are definitely turned on. In fact, I bet if I slid my hand inside your panties right now I’d be able to feel just how wet you are for me.”
Her eyes widen, “No I’m not,” she says then crosses her arms under her breasts for good measure.
Which doesn’t help the situation I have going on in my pants right now, but I push on. Tilting my head, I lean down, bracing my hands either side of her head, then gently nudge her throat with the tip of my nose. Her breath hitches and she automatically tilts her head back for me.
I trace the edge of her jaw up to her ear then whisper, “You’re still mine, El.” Then the elevator dings and the doors begin sliding open. Pulling back from her I smile, then walk backwards until I’m standing in the lobby and she’s still pressed against the back wall.
I watch her chest heave, she’s a hot mess and I fucking love it. I stand there until the doors slide closed again, and only when she’s completely out of view do I walk away with Blink singing First Date in my ear and I realise, I never took her on a date.
Smiling, I decide that I need to change that.
The sun is setting and I find myself on the rooftop of a random building in the middle of the city watching it from behind my lens. The colours merge together seamlessly, purples, pinks and oranges. It’s stunning watching dark storm clouds roll in at the same time as these colours bleed through the sky.
Perched on the side of the brick building, I patiently wait for the perfect shot. And then a bolt of lightning flashes in the distance and I take it. Then check the viewfinder to make sure I caught it, I did.
Satisfied with my shot, I decide to head back to the hotel. I can smell the coming rain in the air and it puts a smile on my face, the smell reminding me of my last night with Eliza.
I don’t quite make it all the way back before the sky opens up. But I don’t mind. My satchel I keep my camera in is waterproof for th
is very reason, I love being out in the rain. I feel like it’s washing away all the shit I don’t want to think about as it slides over my skin and onto the pavement below me.
There’s a small park across the road from Quinn Plaza, and I detour into it instead of returning to the hotel. I find a bench seat and sit. The park is empty except for a few people scurrying away, huddled under their umbrellas trying to escape the downpour.
I close my eyes and turn my face up to the sky enjoying the feel of each droplet as it makes contact. This right here, this is my happy place.
I could see the rain clouds rolling in and I immediately felt relieved. I’d been a hot mess all day thanks to Hux and his little performance this morning. Then, when I met Grandfather for lunch and he told me he had hired Hux, I wanted to cry. I couldn’t withstand another run in like that.
I’d been reminding myself I was a fucking fierce dolphin constantly and it wasn’t helping. Dolphins don’t need men. They screw around for a few days then move on. While I haven’t screwed around in quite some time, it was definitely my style these days. Also, I like that dolphins have been recorded attacking sharks. Therefore, I had adopted it as my spirit animal.
The moment I saw the rain begin to pelt the glass windows of my suite, I set out for the park across the road. It’s my go-to place when it’s raining. Everyone else leaves and it’s just me sitting there enjoying the peace it brings me. And I need it desperately today.
I take the entry directly across from the hotel entrance, and make my way down the winding cobblestone path. But I pull up short of my bench. Someone is sitting in my spot. I narrow my eyes, it can’t be, but as I edge close I realise it definitely is.
The high I’d gotten the second I stepped out into the rain slowly begins to deflate and I sigh.
Hearing me, Hux’s head drops and his eyes snap open, coming to focus on me. He doesn’t say anything, but he slides over to the end of the bench, then gestures for me to take the other side with a sweep of his hand.
There are other benches I could go sit on, but for some stupid reason, I don’t want to.
Closing the distance between us feels better than it should. I don’t want to be around him, I remind myself. He hurt me, he hurt me so bad. But being this close to him feels too good. What is wrong with me?
I sit on the far end of the bench, but our eyes never lose contact. He watches me as keenly as I’m watching him. I look for clues as to who he is now. My eyes slide down his face, over the stubble covering his jaw and throat, his shoulders are wider than before, and more muscular. His wet black t-shirt is plastered to his body and it leaves nothing to the imagination.
He’s not overly built, but he’s defined. I can see the definition in his rippling abs and my eyes follow them down to that amazing V that leads to the most beautiful dick I have ever seen. My throat goes dry just thinking about it.
I force myself to continue cataloguing his features instead of lingering on my old favourite.
His light wash denim jeans are soaked through, and his shoes are soggy. He’s been out here for a while then.
I wonder what he’s doing sitting in the rain. I mean, it’s not a normal thing for people to do. My family think I have a screw lose when I drop everything to go stand in the rain but, there is no better therapy than letting the rain wash away your sorrows. And if that doesn’t work, screaming into the downpour as the rain takes your tears with it usually does.
We continue to sit in silence, and it’s not awkward like I expected.
Eventually my gaze wonders to my surrounds. I let the crisp smell of the rain and earth sooth me and I relax back into the bench, enjoying this little slice of peace in my otherwise hectic life.
I keep myself crazy busy. When you’re busy you don’t have time to think about your own issues, just the ones provided by the job. And that’s just how I like it. It means I can pretend I’m happy with my life. I can pretend I’m not lonely. I can pretend I don’t still love the man sitting next to me.
A single tear falls from my eye, and I don’t bother wiping it away, knowing the rain will sweep it away with it.
The truth is, I forgave Hux a long time ago.
I knew why he left before I woke up. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, but waking up alone was . . . I can’t even describe how it felt. But hurt isn’t a strong enough word, that much I do know.
I can’t go through that again, I know I wouldn’t survive it a second time and throwing myself into work wouldn’t save me from my thoughts this time. Not with pieces of him covering the walls of the hotel. Abruptly I turn to face him, “What do you want?”
He stares at me wordlessly for a minute then licks his wet lips, “The only thing I’ve ever wanted,” he says.
Shaking my head, I ask, “That’s not good enough. What do you want, with me?”
He can hear the plea in my tone because his face crumples slightly, and I can see my pain reflected back at me in his eyes. But I have to say it, because if he’s going to be around for a while I need him to know. “You broke me, Hux. I have missed you every single day for the last five years, but you broke me,” I pause, my emotions are so close to the surface my voice shakes as I speak.
Hux slides across the bench until he’s pressed into my side, and he takes my face in his palms, “I’m so fucking sorry, El,” he’s close enough that I can feel his warmth radiating from his body and I lean into him, seeking comfort.
He pulls me into his side, slinging one arm around my shoulders, with the other he takes my hand and interlocks our fingers. Our hands fit together perfectly. Just like I tuck into his side perfectly, we’re puzzle pieces finding their home.
But I can’t allow myself to think of him as home. Home is supposed to bring feelings of safety and security. Hux brings back feelings of loss and emptiness.
The rain has set in for the duration, and if I were alone I would happily sit here for another hour. But Eliza is trembling in my arms and it’s not because of the cold, it’s because of me.
Not for the first time, I question if I did the right thing by leaving when I did.
“El,” I murmur, “I didn’t want to hurt you, you know that, right?”
I feel her nod against my shoulder, “Yeah, I know.”
“Come on, I should get you home. Where do you live?”
She lifts her head and looks up at the hotel looming above the park, “There,” she says.
I frown, “Why do you live at the hotel?”
“I work long hours, it’s easier,” she explains.
I don’t like the idea of her working so much that she needs to live where she works. But I’m in no position to say as much, so I just nod, “Okay, I’ll walk you up.”
When we stand, I want to keep my arm wrapped around her shoulders, but she takes a deliberate step away from me, letting me know that she let me hug her a minute ago, but it doesn’t change anything.
All is quiet in the lobby when we walk in, except for the sounds of our shoes squeaking and sloshing across the pristine tiles. We get a few curious looks as we trudge over to the elevator bank on the far side of the room. Water pools at our feet while we wait for the next available one to open.
We’re the only two people in the elevator as it glides up inside the building, and I hate that she’s so close to me and I can’t touch her. The tension filling the small space is almost suffocating, I want to touch her so badly.
Right as I’m about to say fuck it and slam her against the wall, the elevator dings and the doors slide open, “This is me. Goodnight, Hux,” she says without so much as a backward glance, then she walks out and down the hall.
When the doors slide closed again, I hit the button for the 16th floor, where my suite is, and lean against the rear wall as I wait. A wave of exhaustion washes over me, and I’m ready to call it a night.
Bee flies home this morning and I’m supposed to be flying home with her, but even if I wanted to let this opportunity slip by me, Bee wouldn’t let
me. “I was trying to help, Hux, I’m sorry it didn’t go how I thought it would,” she sighs, “When I put it all together, I thought I was doing a good thing, for both of you. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that girl is lonely, and you,” she eyes me with that knowing look, “well, we both know you have never moved on.”
Once I got over the initial shock of Bee doing all this behind my back, I knew she wasn’t trying to be vindictive. And the feeling of betrayal passed. “I know.”
Her eyes glass over, “Forgive me?”
I shake my head, and pull her in for a hug, “There’s nothing to forgive.” I press a kiss to the top of her head then lean back, tipping her chin up to see her face, “I know you only want what’s best for me. I was just surprised, I guess.”
A small apologetic smile lifts her mouth, “All the same, I’m sorry if I’ve messed things up between you two. At the time, I couldn’t think of a better way to get you both in the same room.”
I chuckle, “Seriously, Bee, it’s okay. I’m over it.”
She raises a brow, and I continue, “Over it, not her, I know. I can’t leave without her again. Not unless she tells me to.”
Bee smiles wider, “Good,” she checks her watch, “Okay, I have to go or I’ll get stuck in traffic for too long and miss my flight,” looking back up at me she touches my cheek, “Get her back, Hux. You’ve both been lonely for too long.”
I watch her leave then turn to go back up to my room, but I see Eliza standing in far corner near the restaurant, and if I’m not wrong, she looks jealous.
When she catches my stare, she blushes and turns her back to me then scurries into the restaurant. If I had the time to win her back slowly I would give her some space to get her head straight, but I don’t have time. The more time it takes to win her back, the less time I have to spend with her wrapped in my arms.
Striding into the restaurant, I’m greeted by the same girl from the previous morning, “I’m fine, I’m meeting someone,” I tell her as I continue right on by her. She frowns after me, but I barely notice as I scan the room for my girl.
