by T. S. Ryder
"You mean if I even decide to carry it to term, chances are I won't be able to."
If she even decided to carry. Roland closed his eyes. He shouldn't have just assumed she'd want the baby as much as he did. His throat felt thick. He wanted to beg her to try. But he could not tell her what to do with her own body, as much as he wanted this baby. He took in a deep breath. "What are you going to do?"
Claire was silent for a moment, then she pushed him away and stood. "I'm going to work and I'm going to find who killed Melissa Clarkson. Everything else… I'll have to let you know."
Chapter Six
Grace frowned when Claire told her about Roland's revelation that Melissa was actively trying to get pregnant with his child. "So you think that maybe he was the one to give her the abortion drugs to make sure she wouldn't go after him for child support?"
"No. They both wanted a child and already had their custody agreements drawn up." Claire held up the file that Roland's lawyers had sent over. "They were going about it very… cleanly."
Grace hummed. "But they were still having sex rather than artificial insemination."
"I talked to Roland about that. He said that they had tried AI and surrogacy, but neither would take," Claire answered.
She tensed briefly as her stomach churned. She hadn't been dealing with a lot of morning sickness, but just the knowledge that she was pregnant–that Roland thought she was pregnant–and that Roland was a werewolf was making her queasy.
Roland was a werewolf. That really ought to be freaking her out more than it was. The fact that it wasn't freaking her out was worrying her more than the fact that she had slept with a freaking werewolf. Claire shook her head.
Am I crazy?
It had been two days since she last saw him. Claire had thrown herself into the investigation, although there still weren't any reasonable suspects. The main stumbling block was the motive. There was no reason anybody would want to kill Melissa Clarkson. At least, not for the usual motives… There was still the distinct possibility that there was someone out there who knew she was a werewolf. But the knife was plain old steel. If it was werewolf-motivated, wouldn't they have used a silver knife?
What a mess!
Grace frowned. "You're just taking his word for it?"
"No. The medical records are being sent to our ME to confirm. But Roland said that Melissa suffered several miscarriages." If she was pregnant, chances were she'd miscarry during the next full moon. It would explain the cramps she’d had during the last one. The fetus was transforming into a wolf inside her uterus. She was pregnant with a werewolf baby. What was she going to do?
But I might not be pregnant.
"Maybe they weren't miscarriages," Grace said.
Claire shook her head and turned to her. "What?"
"We found abortion drugs in her system. What if somebody else thought she was pregnant and was slipping her the drugs? Maybe she found out and they killed her for it." Grace sighed. "But who would want to prevent Melissa from having Roland's baby? Could we be looking at a jealous ex-lover?"
Or maybe somebody who was trying to make sure that Roland didn't have an heir, to weaken his place as Alpha of the pack. Claire's brow furrowed. Could it have been a member of his pack wanting to stage a coupe? Or somebody on the outside, wanting to force the werewolves to reveal their identity to the world at large?
An alarm on her phone went off and Claire cursed quietly, fishing it out of her pocket.
"I have to go," she said to Grace, hating the way her hands shook. "Doctor's appointment. I want you to dig into past relationships. Both Melissa and Roland's. See if there was anybody too obsessed with them. Got it?"
Grace nodded and Claire headed out. Her nerves kicked into overdrive, making her nausea much worse. She had never been that into the whole baby thing. Yeah, she wanted to have kids someday, but that was a plan for the distant future. She had planned to find a husband who wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home dad, so that she wouldn't have to give up her career. She was okay with it not happening for another ten years! She was still young, she had plenty of time.
Unless she had a werewolf inside her right at that moment. Then she didn't have time to get used to the idea or decide what to do.
What will I do?
***
Dr. Bulla had only been Claire's doctor for the few months since her previous doctor had retired. They still didn't have very easy communication. Bulla was just as young as Claire and was overly professional in an effort to make up for it. Claire didn't really care. At this point, she just wanted someone who was going to be calm and impartial to deliver the news to her.
Her heart was going a little too fast, and she breathed deeply and evenly. Claire lay on the narrow, uncomfortable examination bed, wearing nothing but the stupid blue robe thing that didn't close all the way in the back. She waited. With any luck, Dr. Bulla would come back and tell her that her cramps and nausea were just because of her weight, and tell her to lose thirty pounds.
Of course Claire knew that wouldn't be the case. Roland had been too certain in his statement that she was pregnant.
He's a werewolf, she thought.
In this cool, bright room she had nowhere to run from it. Roland Davis was a werewolf. When the full moon rose, he transformed into a monstrous, hairy creature with the physique of a full-time bodybuilder and the head of a wolf. And he had a tail. She had seen that distinctly when his back had been towards her while she was hanging upside down in her car.
Her car. What was she going to do about that?
Claire shook her head. The car could wait. She had been pushing the whole werewolf thing to the back of her mind, focusing on the case. But the fact was she had slept with a werewolf and she might be having a werewolf baby–or should that be puppy? She should be totally freaking out. So why wasn't she?
Am I in shock? Or is it because there was some part of my mind that already knew and had decided it's not that big of a deal?
The door opened and Bulla came in, wheeling a large piece of equipment. "Detective Doyle, the results came back positive. You are pregnant."
Claire closed her eyes. She was surprised when relief washed over her. Maybe it was because now she knew for certain, and she could stop wallowing in uncertainty. Or maybe it was something else… Her heart calmed. Was she happy about this news?
"What's that?" She eyed the device.
"This is a fetal heart monitor. You're six weeks pregnant, so we should be able to hear a heartbeat."
“Oh,” said Claire softly, still staring at the device.
Bulla winced. “That is, assuming you are planning on continuing the pregnancy. If not, I can give you a referral to—”
Claire shook her head, cutting the doctor off. "Can you just give me a minute? It’s a lot to take in."
Bulla nodded and stepped out of the room again. Claire pressed her hands to her eyes. She had to approach this logically. She couldn't afford to become emotional. How would a baby affect her life, her job? And there was Roland to consider. He had been trying to have a child, and it had always ended in miscarriage–which was likely how this pregnancy would end as well.
And there was the possibility that Melissa had been killed because of her relationship with Roland. If that was the case, would there be a target painted on Claire's back as well? Well, that was a risk that could be minimized.
Pregnancies were dangerous. Given that this wasn't a normal pregnancy, it carried more risk. If she was going to terminate, she had to do it right away. But was that what she wanted? No, she didn’t think it was. There was no reason she couldn’t have a baby, either. She had a steady job and good salary. She could take care of a child. Especially since the father was a billionaire. If she kept the baby, things would work out.
With a sigh, she pulled out her phone and dialed Roland. He answered quickly, as though he had been waiting for her to call.
"If I decide I don't want to risk this pregnancy, what will you do?" she asked, without
even a hello.
There was a moment of silence on the other side, and Roland sighed. "I will understand. It's a lot for you to come to terms with."
"But will you find another woman to try to have a baby with? You need your Alpha heir."
"I… I don't know." Roland's voice lowered. "I'm not sure how much more I can take. But if you don't want to have my children, yes. I'll look somewhere else. You don't have to feel pressured."
Jealousy swirled in Claire's heart. It surprised her how much she hated the idea of Roland sleeping with other women. It wasn't like she had any hold on him!
"I have proven myself capable of getting women pregnant, Claire. It's not..." Another sigh. "I want you to have my child. If you don't want to be responsible for a baby right now, we can work something out. I'll take full custody, you don't have to be part of our lives." Every word sounded like it was costing Roland something.
Claire lay down on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling. She could hear how much Roland wanted this baby–wanted the baby, and wanted her. "What if I want to keep it? Custody and all?"
"We can figure that out."
Claire knew what she was going to do. "I didn't want to have a baby this soon. And I wanted to be in a stable relationship first. But even though I'm scared shitless, I'm going to do it. I'm going to carry the baby to term." Unless the full moon killed it. Claire let out a shuddering breath. "Can I come over tonight?"
"Of course."
"I'll see you at 6:00, then." Claire hung up, pressing her hands to her soft stomach. Whether she was ready or not, this was happening.
Chapter Seven
Roland paced on the guest house patio, waiting for Claire to arrive. It was still fifteen minutes before she was supposed to get there, but he was feeling oddly nervous. Knowing that Claire was going to attempt to carry until term was a relief. More than a relief. He had never felt happier than he felt knowing that his child was growing inside her. But she didn't have the same feelings for him as he had for her. He knew she was meant to be his mate. To her, he was just some person who got her pregnant after the woman he had been sleeping with was murdered.
How could he ever convince her to stay with him? He didn't want to press too hard.
He growled when he saw a van pull up. Brian was in the front seat, and he could see the rest of his pack inside. They all got out, approaching him cautiously. He really didn't want to deal with them right now, but he was their Alpha, and they deserved to know what was happening. They stopped just in front of the steps.
"Adam told us that she's coming," Brian said.
"Going to try to kill her again?" Roland snarled. Brian ducked his head. Roland knew that he was being unfair, that Brian hadn't been in control when he attacked Claire. His anger was just too strong to push back, though. "Next time don't think I'll hold back after you surrender."
Brian stared at the ground. His hands were clenched. Roland ignored him, though, because at that moment Claire pulled up. Given that her car was currently behind his house looking like it had been stomped on by a giant, this one must be a rental.
She eyed the pack wearily as she approached, but Roland smiled to see that she didn't let them break her stride. Her chocolate-colored eyes met his as she ascended the steps.
"I want to talk to you alone," she said. "That means no audience."
Roland nodded. He gestured for the guesthouse, but at that moment, Brian climbed the steps. Claire jumped at his closeness and Roland had to repress a snarl. As it was, he pushed Claire back and stood before Brian, glaring at him until the other werewolf backed down.
"I only wanted to apologize," Brian muttered, looking at the ground.
"You're the one who attacked me?" Claire stepped up beside Roland and viewed Brian with a furrowed brow.
"To be fair, we all did," Brian replied. He grinned up at her.
Roland growled again and the smile disappeared.
"I led the charge, and for that I'm sorry." Brian bowed his head.
Claire cocked her head to one side, her gaze sweeping over him and the rest of the pack. There was the detective’s gleam in her eye that she got whenever she was looking for evidence. She didn't still think that one of his pack members had killed Melissa, did she? They couldn't have.
If one of them had, it meant that he had failed her twice over.
"Thank you for your apology," Claire said, nodding her head at Brian.
"We are all very pleased that you decided to keep the baby," the werewolf continued.
Claire's eyes widened.
"Who told you that?" Roland snarled. He advanced on the other werewolf, hands clenched into fists. Brian backed away quickly. He all but dropped to his knees before his Alpha.
"Adam did. He said she had come to terms with our… curse and had agreed to give birth to the child. Was he wrong?"
Roland forced himself to relax a little. Adam was his best and oldest friend. He had confided in him about his conversation with Claire, but hadn't meant for him to tell the pack just yet. He cast a sympathetic look at Claire before he nodded.
"That is the truth. Claire has decided that she will attempt to carry to term, but what role we each will play in the baby's life has not been decided."
Claire put a hand on his arm. "Roland—"
"Aren't you going to turn her into a werewolf as well?"
Roland tore away from Claire. Even if he retained control of himself during the full moon, if he tasted blood it would be all too easy to lose control. A roar ripped through his chest as his fist collided with Brian's face. He would never put her in that sort of danger! She was too precious to even consider turning her.
"Stop that!" It was only Claire's voice that brought him back to his senses. She had a hand on her gun and the other stretched out towards them, eyes sharp. "Roland, back away."
The wolf in him snarled at taking orders, even from his mate, but Roland gulped in a deep breath and stepped back.
Brian got to his feet. "I overstepped. I apologize."
Claire stepped forward. The hand on her gun relaxed. "I'm not becoming a werewolf. And I didn't want to say this, but… but it's why I'm here. Roland, I know I said I was going to try to carry the baby, but I can't. The risks are just too high."
All the air seemed to be sucked out of Roland's vicinity. His heart stopped beating as he stared up at his mate–she had decided to terminate? Part of him wanted to rage, to tell her she couldn't, to pull out his impressive checkbook and promise her whatever she wanted to keep the baby. The rest of him felt numb. There would be other women. There would be other pregnancies.
But what Claire was saying right now meant that she would never accept being his mate.
There would be other women. But none of them would be Claire. None of them would be his mate.
"Please come inside," she said, her voice soft. "Please. We need to talk."
Somehow his legs moved on their own, following her into the guesthouse. He would accept her decision. He would support her. As soon as the door shut behind him, Claire marched to the window. He didn't know what she was looking at, but she nodded as though satisfied and turned back to him.
"I lied. I still plan to keep the baby."
Roland blinked. He sucked in a deep breath of air, but didn't know what to say and so released it again. His knees wobbled and he sank onto the couch. "You're not going to terminate?"
"No. But we think that Melissa may have been murdered because she was trying to get pregnant. I think one of your pack members wants your position and killed Melissa, either because she found out that he was drugging her, or because he wanted to impregnate her, and she wasn't having any of it."
"No." Roland shook his head emphatically. "It's not one of my pack. They know that without me they'd turn into mindless killing machines. None of them want that."
"I'm just going where the evidence takes me. There is no other obvious motive."
Roland closed his eyes, guilt flashing through him. "If any of them were try
ing to overthrow me, I'd know about it. Brian is the only one that pushes back against me, and he would never have hurt Melissa. Never."
"The one who attacked me," Claire muttered. "How can you be so sure he wouldn't have hurt Melissa?"
Roland didn't have an answer. Was this all his fault? Was Melissa dead because he wasn't strong enough to keep his wolves in their place? He hung his head, hiding his face in his hands. His father would have known how to deal with this sort of thing.
Claire put a hand on his shoulder. "It's not your fault."
"I should know if it was one of my pack."
"Look, I can't pretend to know how your wolfie ways work, but I know people. You can't know everything about everybody. You want to trust your pack. You guys share this incredibly dangerous secret, a secret that could get you all killed. You have to trust them with your life every single second. Of course you don't want to suspect them of betraying you. If you do… then your whole world is wrong."
Roland glanced up at her. What she said made so much sense. But it didn't ease his guilt. "It's my job to protect them. Melissa's death is my fault. And if it was one of my pack, how can I call myself their Alpha?"
"By making sure that he doesn't hurt anybody else."
Gratitude welled in him. He wanted so badly to kiss her that he was on his feet with his arms around her before he could stop it. The slight jerk of her body made him realize what he was doing, though, and he let her go at once.
Claire stared at him, her eyes wide. A pink stain rose up her neck. "This reminds me… what are we now?"
Roland's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm pregnant with your child. We're going to have a baby together. So, you and me. What are we? Are we a couple, or are we going to be those parents who are friendly towards each other because they've never had their hearts broken by one another? Is the kid going to be shuffled between us like a hockey puck, or will we live together?"
