Learning to Walk Again

by S. L. Kassidy

  “For the tip,” Nicole said.

  Danny’s face twitched, but she said nothing. They retreated to the car. Nicole didn’t start the engine. They stared ahead.

  “I’m sorry,” Danny said.

  “For what?” Nicole didn’t want Danny to turn into a person who apologized just to apologize. “If it’s the money thing, save it. Because all this showed me was that this is always going to be a thing with us, even when you say you get it.”

  “You’re not even trying to see it from my side. It’s thirty dollars. Why can’t you let me get it? I’d have gotten it when I was tutor.”

  “Because we talked about balance and then you reach for the check. When was the last time I got anything without a fight?” Nicole asked.

  “When you got anything? You got the house. This car. The bed I sleep in!” Danny threw her arm around, grazing her knuckles against the roof of the car.

  “Then, what do we need to do buy a new house, car, and bed together? When does it end?” Nicole ticked an item off each finger. When did any of this madness end?

  Danny took a loud, deep breath and put her hands over her face. “I never thought getting a job and having money would make this harder. I’m trying to adjust, angel. I am.”

  “I understand, but can we at least stop arguing over money? Dates, household things, stuff like that? We’ve worked out bills. We can work this out.”

  Danny nodded. “Partners.”

  “Yes, partners.” Nicole rubbed her temples. She thought about what Mina said. Their arguments might sound silly to others, but they’d be nuclear war for them. So far, she felt like there wasn’t an explosion. Was their relationship now a ticking time bomb?

  “I’ll remember it. I get it,” Danny said, as if she hadn’t just said that an hour ago and displayed she didn’t get it at all.

  Nicole didn’t reply. She’d wait and see. It was the best she could since talking to Danny didn’t seem to be getting her anywhere.

  ***

  Dane felt like she might come apart at the seams. Hopefully, the one thread holding her together was hidden and made of steel. It wouldn’t take much for one of these idiots at work to unravel the one thing keeping her whole. She messed up with Nicole, even though Nicole tried hard to make it seem like everything was all right last night. She had to stop doing things where Nicole ate her feelings. No way was that healthy.

  It wasn’t that things went in one ear and out the other. Dane wanted to treat Nicole the way Nicole treated her and beyond. It wasn’t fair, she understood that. She needed to stop or this relationship she loved so much, this woman she loved so much, would get away. She couldn’t let that happen, but paying for things was her way of trying not to let that happen.

  She shook her head, getting rid of that thought. Worrying over Nicole and the state of their relationship would drive her crazy. Even though, she was almost certain her gig would send her over the deep end first. Pinching the bridge of nose, she motioned for the orchestra to stop once again.

  “I swear to all that is holy, Ryan, if you hit that snare again before it’s time, I’m going to beat you to death with your own sticks,” Dane said. How hard was it to come in on time, crying out loud?

  “It sounds better,” Ryan insisted.

  “You can’t change the beat in the middle of the song,” Pedro huffed.

  “It makes it more interesting,” Ryan said, earning more glares.

  “You’re messing up the horns,” Dane motioned to Pedro and Greg. They were really her most sensitive artists. They seemed to feel when one of the others was about to step off, and it threw them off immediately.

  “I’m improving the horns,” Ryan replied.

  “No. You’re not dragging us into bullshit like this again, Ryan,” Dane snarled. They’d been through the same argument more times than any of them cared to think about. “We all know the songs, so play the damned songs. We don’t have the time to screw around like this. We need to get it right. Opening night is coming up fast.”

  Ryan grumbled, but stopped annoying everyone. Andrew popped in, trying to take over the annoying bit, but they ignored him, including Dougie. They had come too far and Dougie didn’t seem to want to make waves right now. Andrew complained about 'the noise,’ but eventually gave up when none of them reacted. They did their best to focus and make it through the day. The way practice went now was getting more and more typical for them as opening night drew closer. Dane chalked it up to stress, and she didn’t know what to do about that. She wasn’t used to pressure on all sides. I guess drugs made sure stuff like that didn’t make it through.

  At the end of the day, Samiyah stuck around as usual. Dane handed her a few pages, which she played. Dane listened. Most of her editing was tightening things up now. It was too late to make real changes, too close to show time.

  “I think this one is done,” Dane said.

  “It seems perfect,” Samiyah replied.

  “I really want to make sure ‘Shock’ is good. You want to go?”

  Samiyah smirked. “You think you can?”

  Dane flexed her hand. It wasn’t too cold in the room as it often was. She should be able to handle one song. She grabbed a guitar and gave Samiyah a nod. Samiyah shouldered her violin again and put her bow to the strings. Dane got started. Samiyah came in perfectly. They were halfway through the song when Samiyah missed a note.

  “Shit. Sorry.” Samiyah tapped her bow against her shoulder and put it back to the strings again.

  Dane smiled. “It’s okay. Better now than during the show.”

  “You know, hearing you play is a little shocking. I guess when the room is nice, you’re okay.” Samiyah smiled, as if to get her to understand by 'okay’ she meant emotionally rather than her playing.

  Dane nodded. “I’m all right.”

  “No, you’re really good. Playing with you is different than practicing with Lennox. You get this more because this is your work. I can feel it more with you.” Samiyah smiled a little more.

  Snorting, Dane shook her head. “Well, we need to get Lennox to feel it, too. He’s the one who’ll be playing this in front of an audience.”

  Samiyah grinned as short laugh escaped her. “I’m sure once that thought finally hits him, he’ll get it together.”

  “I’d like that thought to hit him before I do.”

  Another light laugh escaped Samiyah. They continued playing. They made it through the piece. Dane made a mental note on what to fix, what needed to be taken into consideration for Lennox and his style, and what would give the song the right amount of power.

  “All right. I know what I want to do. Gimme a second.” Dane needed her hand to recover. “Hey, do you think everyone’s anxious over the show and that’s why they’re more annoying?”

  Samiyah shrugged. “Of course, everyone gets nervous about opening night. Plus, we can tell when you’re distracted.”

  Dane blinked. “What?”

  “We can tell when your mind is wandering. Today, Ryan could tell your mind was only halfway here. That makes everyone a little more antsy and that’s why he started acting up.”

  Dane rubbed her chin. “Any idea on what I should do to make them know it’ll be okay?”

  “Well, stay as focused as you keep us, of course. Plus, you could always just say it.”

  Dane wrinkled her brow. “That easy?” Saying stuff didn’t seem to be working out for her in other areas of life.

  “You’re pretty encouraging when it comes to figuring out music for us and our strengths. You’re competent. Every now and then telling us it’ll be okay would help. No matter what, we’re going to be nervous, but nice words should help.”

  “Okay. Never thought of that, but I can do it. Thanks, and I’ll make sure you guys get my all.” Dane flexed her hand. “Let’s get back to work.”

  Dane walked Samiyah through the minor corrections she wanted for the song. They played it again with the edits. Dane liked it better and jotted down the tweaks to make the
m permanent. At the end of the day, they parted ways. Crow came to pick Dane up, as she did every time Nicole had class. As soon as she hopped in, she texted Samiyah to find out if she caught her ride. Crow glanced at her.

  “You still sending those long ass texts?” Crow laughed.

  Dane frowned. “Between you and Samiyah, someone has to show me the damn class for texting.”

  Crow rolled her eyes. “There’s actually a thing called text speak, and you don’t speak it.”

  Dane stuck her tongue out at Crow, who cackled. Thankfully, her phone vibrated, giving her a good distraction. Samiyah had texted back, letting her know she got her ride and asking about the score. The question led to a conversation, which had Crow looking at her.

  “You talking to the princess?” Crow asked.

  “No, Nick’s in class.” Nicole would have Dane’s hide if she interrupted her class. Of course, texting Nicole might be the only way to say the right thing nowadays. She got plenty of smiley faces, blown kisses, and loving hearts in texts, which was more than she got in real life.

  Crow’s eyebrows drew in close together. “Then who the hell are you texting like that?”

  “Samiyah.”

  “Is she the person you’re always texting when you get in the car?”

  Dane shrugged. “Usually.”

  Crow’s eyes, nearly black today, went wide. “Crap. Do you do this shit around the princess, too?”

  Dane’s brow furrowed. “Sometimes.”

  Crow sighed and took her hand off the steering wheel to rub between her eyes for a second. “Goddamn it. Okay, I know you’re new to this ‘having a phone’ thing and you probably don’t realize how personal texting really is, but you need to stop that.”

  Dane arched an eyebrow and looked at Crow like a crazy person. “Why?”

  “Because if you’re texting someone constantly and it’s not your girlfriend, it looks bad, especially in front of your girlfriend.”

  “Nick knows I’m not doing anything.” Of course, she did ask if I would still want her. Does she think there’s something up between me and Samiyah from texting? Shit, how much of this am I fucking up?

  Crow shook her head. “If you say so, but I’d still cut that shit out if I were you. It’ll get suspicious. I don’t think you want to have that argument, even if it’s nothing. You’re putting it out there, and you don’t want to get to the point where your girlfriend wants to search through your phone.”

  Dane nodded. Crow had more relationship experience than she did. She didn’t understand why texting would seem like anything at all. It was kind of a hassle to her. It was easier to have a phone conversation than this mess of typing it out, but everyone seemed to text.

  “Any other phone etiquette I should know? Is it all right for me to answer this text?” Dane asked.

  “Just so you know, one of the best things about texting is that you don’t have to answer immediately, and for fuck’s sake, you don’t need to use perfect grammar, punctuation, or spelling,” Crow replied.

  Dane nodded. “Samiyah told me.”

  Crow gave her a look. “Okay, yeah, don’t answer that text right now and from now on, when Samiyah texts you, you wait two to five minutes before you respond.”

  “Why?”

  “You don’t mess anything up. Trust me.”

  Dane nodded and decided to take Crow’s word for it. She was already on shaky ground with Nicole. Now she had to watch the texting thing. Who the hell made adulting so damn hard?

  ***

  Nicole yawned as class wrapped up. Her head throbbed and she wanted nothing more than to fall into bed. She packed up her books, but Dwayne made his way over to her. She openly rolled her eyes at his smile.

  “What, Dwayne? Should I just tell you no right now? My partner is still here.” Nicole pointed over to Lisa, her lab partner.

  Lisa eyed Dwayne and gave him a mock-scowl. “I keep hearing about you trying to steal my partner. Back off, man. Don't make me have to hurt you!” She waved her hand at him as if she had a knife.

  Dwayne held up his hands and laughed. “I’m not poaching. I promise. It’s way too late in the game for that, anyway.”

  Lisa seemed appeased with that and gave Nicole a wave. “I’ll email you later tonight.”

  Nicole nodded. “Yeah, we can put everything together then and hope it works out like it should this time.” Lisa disappeared, and Nicole turned her attention back to Dwayne. “Okay, what’s up?”

  “I just want to pick your brain a little. Do you have five minutes?”

  Nicole sighed. Really, she didn’t. She wanted to go home and cuddle up with Danny, who was undoubtedly asleep on the couch already if she left work on time. But, if that was the case, she supposed she could spare five minutes. Besides, if Danny was asleep, she’d spend about an hour, staring at her, mind whirling on how to get them back on track. It wouldn’t help her budding headache.

  “Just five minutes,” Nicole said. Really, Nikki? You’re going to let school turn into the new work, where you just help everyone who asks? There was a difference, of course. Most of the jerks at work she was forced to help. Dwayne was oddly charming and she liked him. She didn’t mind helping him.

  “Five minutes.”

  They strolled to an all-night cafe and ordered hot chocolate. The warm, sweetness helped ease the tension bumping at the base of Nicole’s skull. Five minutes of discussing class turned into ten and then fifteen. At that point, Nicole practically ran back to her car hardly bidding Dwayne goodnight. Danny was asleep by the time she got home. She didn’t have the heart to wake her, scared to talk now, especially since it was late. She didn’t want to explain why she just came in. She made herself some dinner and didn’t wake Danny until it was time to go to bed. They didn’t exchange more than three words that night.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A WEEK AND SOME days had passed since Nicole’s impulsive date with Danny. Unfortunately, they hadn’t been able to sneak much more time together. They hadn’t been able to talk, even though that seemed to go in one ear and out the other with Danny. Even on days Nicole didn’t have school, she went to the library after work. Danny didn’t seem to mind, staying late at her job, too. During quiet moments, she feared they were avoiding each other. They weren’t even two ships passing in the night. Just two bodies sleeping near each other, and it felt like rats eating through her.

  Nicole wanted to try to connect again, even if it was only for a little while. If she kept at it, Danny would get there eventually. Yes, it’d hurt each time they had to start over, but every little bit counted. It wasn’t like she could give up. Sometimes, you should.

  “Hopefully, this isn’t going too far,” Nicole said, pulling up outside of the theater. She texted Danny earlier to make sure she was there.

  She wanted to have a surprise lunch together. There was a little pizza restaurant up the street. Hopefully, it’d be fine for Danny. Nicole knew a surprise lunch date was rather hypocritical of her to do. If a lover ever showed up to her job, she’d probably lose her mind. It was annoying when Tyler used to do it and they worked in the same place. She also used to work through lunch. Danny had changed her mind on taking personal calls at work, so if Danny showed up to take her to lunch, she was certain she wouldn’t be bothered.

  “Maybe Danny won’t be bothered by this.” Nicole bit her lip.

  Still, she had to take a deep breath. She wasn’t sure how the idea might go over. Danny might not like the added distraction. Or she might appreciate the effort. They’d have to find out. Now, if only she could get the butterflies in her stomach to stop before she vomited.

  Going inside, she confused the first person she saw by asking for Danny. Everyone here seemed to her know as Dane. I must remember she introduces herself as Dane. Once she switched names, she was pointed in the proper direction, navigating her way through a wave of people who didn’t pay her any mind. Soon, only their noise remained, but even that began to sound distant. Finding the small room tu
cked into a corner behind stage, Nicole caught sight of Danny’s back.

  “Pedro, you gotta pick it up, man. You’re letting Lennox drown you out,” Danny said.

  “Of course, he’s drowning me out. He’d drown out thunder,” came the response from someone Nicole couldn’t see.

  “Don’t even try it! I’m at the same level as everyone else,” the guitarist huffed, glaring off to a corner of the room.

  “Pedro, often, yes, it’s Lennox’s fault, but this time it isn’t. I need you to shine here. It’s your moment and you’re fantastic at what you do. Bring it,” Danny urged him.

  Danny seemed really busy, and suddenly this felt like a bad idea. Nicole considered turning around, pretending she was never there.

  “Hey, somebody order a cute redhead?” the guitarist, Lennox, asked, looking at her.

  “Cute redhead?” Danny turned and blinked. “Chem, is everything okay? What are you doing here?”

  A nervous laugh escaped Nicole as the butterflies in her stomach morphed into sharp spikes. “Uh…I thought we could have lunch together.”

  Danny inhaled deeply, enough for Nicole to see her chest puff out. God, this was a bad idea. A horrible, terrible idea. What the hell was I thinking? I wouldn’t want someone to do this to me, especially not when I’m stressed. Of course, she’d undoubtedly make the exception for Danny. Still, that didn’t mean this wasn’t the worst idea ever. Now, how the fuck do I get out of this without messing this up even more?

  “You know, now is the perfect time for lunch. Take some time to relax, feed your body and soul. Decompress. Reassemble in an hour, people, where we will be amazing,” Danny called out before walking over to Nicole, who breathed a sigh of relief. A burning sensation in her chest faded as quickly as it ignited.

  “Hey, you’re not going to introduce us to the girl, boss?” Lennox asked with a smile, sliding over. Sweat patches marked his t-shirt even though room was chilly. He held out his hand and wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m Lennox, and I play the guitar. I’m awesome at it by the way.”