He didn’t deny it. “I fucking love your ass, man. It’s got mad skills.”
I laughed again. “I just lay here. You’re the one who did all the work.”
“And what a chore that work was.” His expression softened, changing to some emotion I couldn’t name. “You’re beautiful, Walden. So fucking beautiful.”
It took me a second to try to find a response. There was such conviction in his words, I couldn’t argue against them like I normally would.
Gilbert spoke before I figured out what to say. “Let me ditch this condom, and I’ll help you out of that thing.”
After cleaning up, we ate pizza and ice cream on the couch as we binge-watched episodes of Sense8. I fell asleep. At some point in the night, Gilbert woke me up and led me to bed, and I fell asleep again in his arms.
As the light fell across us when we woke, things had changed.
We didn’t need to say it. It hung heavy over us. As we got dressed and headed out, we barely spoke, and I wondered if I looked as sad as he seemed.
He pulled up to the spa, and I opened the door to get out. He grabbed my hand, holding me in place. I looked back at him.
“One more.” He didn’t ask permission, just pressed his lips to mine. He shuddered. Or maybe it was me. Then he broke the kiss and settled back into the driver’s seat. “Bye, Walden. I’ll see you in Lavender Shores at the wedding.”
My heart was breaking.
It couldn’t be.
Gilbert and I were little more than a hookup. We had some fun. It wasn’t love. It was friendship. Friends who’d shared their souls and some earth-shattering sex, but we were just friends. We’d decided.
My heart could not be breaking.
“Yeah. See you then.”
He gave a forced smile.
I shut the door, flipped my bag over my shoulder, then watched him drive off.
We’d decided not to exchange numbers. That had been my suggestion. I had a feeling I’d text or call in a weak moment. Say something that would ruin what we had, and I couldn’t take the risk of doing something to lose him. Even if I couldn’t have him, I wouldn’t lose him.
I’d get myself under control by the time he came back for Andrew and Joel’s wedding. I had till the end of May. That was enough time to switch my view of Gilbert Bryant from sex god to nothing more than a friend.
Thirteen
Gilbert
May
“Look at you. So pretty. My little girl is all grown up!” I gave an exaggerated sniffle and released a wail that would put a banshee to shame.
“Shut up!” Andrew let go of his tie and swatted at me, which I easily avoided. “Everyone is out there already. Don’t ruin the mood of my wedding before it even gets started.”
“You invited Gilbert to a wedding and expect him to behave? That’s like asking our dad to look comfortable at the Republican National Convention. Certain things just don’t go together.” Lamont stepped between Andrew and the mirror. “Let me fix my little brother’s tie on his wedding day.”
I bit my tongue, letting the two of them have a moment without my sarcasm. Andrew truly did look beautiful. There was no other word for him. His dark hair shiny, his soft gray suit crisp and classic. I was certain there wouldn’t be one person in the crowd who wasn’t blown away by the picture of him and Joel together—Andrew, beautiful; Joel, handsome. Both so fucking in love it was sickening. Or at least that was what I kept telling everyone. Truth be told, I was happy for Andrew. For both of them, and they knew that. But I wasn’t going to start singing the praises of marriage and romance anytime soon. Not something the home-wrecking slut of Lavender Shores would do, after all.
Lamont finished with Andrew’s tie, palmed his cheek, whispered something to him and then straightened. I decided they’d had enough brother time. Plus, any more quiet reflection and I’d either bolt out the door or possibly self-combust. “You really shouldn’t be this nice, Lamont. He and Joel chose your birthday to do this thing. Now, for the rest of your life, your birth will be overshadowed by the golden boy’s anniversary. Plus he’s making us wear lavender-colored ties. Which is wrong on so many levels.”
Lamont rolled his eyes in my direction.
“I do feel horrible about that. But Joel and I met one year ago today. It seemed like the only day to do it. We talked about the 4th of July, when Joel came back to Lavender Shores, but then that would be putting out the whole town, and it just seemed—”
“Stop it.” Lamont smiled at Andrew and managed to shoot me a glare at the same time. “You know I don’t mind, and as you’ve told me a billion times, birthdays after forty don’t really count.”
“You know I don’t really mean that. I’m honored that you’re letting us—”
I nudged Andrew with my shoulder, cutting him off. “I was kidding, and we both know Lamont would sacrifice his firstborn, if he had one, to make you happy. Plus, maybe your anniversary will distract him from how old he’s getting.” I winked at Lamont, who flipped me the bird. “But these ties, seriously? Lavender?”
Andrew rolled his eyes in the exact same expression as his brother. “You have met me, right? Like there was any choice other than lavender.”
“You’re sick, bro. Beautiful, but sick. You forcing me to wear a lavender tie as we stand on a cliff covered in lavender flowers in fucking Lavender Shores. I really should’ve predicted this moment when we were younger. I’d have kicked your sorry ass to the curb by the time third grade rolled around and found a new best friend. Someone with a better color palette.”
“You know you love it.” Andrew grinned, though we both knew I didn’t love it. Not at all. But we both also knew I loved Andrew more than my own life and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. Which standing up with him amid the lavender of it all proved beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Lamont walked over to the bedroom window and glanced out. “It looks like the entire town has shown up.”
“Maybe you should open the window and yell down, warn them that the wedding cake is lavender flavored. They’ll go running. Then we do this thing in private.” I smirked at Andrew.
His smile faltered.
Guilt cut through me. I’d gone a step too far. “I’m kidding, Andrew. I really am. Today is going to be perfect. Just like you and Joel are together. And it wouldn’t be you if lavender wasn’t everywhere. I’m sure Lacy will do the same thing if she gets married. I’m just teasing you and trying not to throw up.”
As always, he understood instantly. “I told you I didn’t have to invite him. Well, that I could disinvite him.”
That made my heart ache a bit more. “No, of course not. That would be ridiculous. Walden and Joel are friends. Besides, it will be a quick ‘Hi, how are ya?’ and then done. No big deal.”
Lamont turned toward me, the crowd outside forgotten. “What’s this? You actually have feelings for Walden? I thought it was just a fling.”
“It was.” I forced a smile at him and kept my gaze firmly averted from Andrew.
Sometime in April, during a talk with Donovan, I quit pretending the depression I felt was anything other than heartache. That I wasn’t missing Walden. And while it was borderline insane, I longed to be with him again. No borderline about it. It was full-fledged wackadoo. But what else was new in my brain? By the time May rolled around, I’d quit beating myself up for feeling how I did about Walden and started worrying about seeing him at the wedding. I needed to stay in control. Make sure I was friendly and kind but not flirty or suggestive at all. We’d decided to be friends. I was supposed to treat him no differently than I did Andrew and Lamont.
I also needed to keep reminding myself that Walden Thompson was a Lavender Shores teacher. Maybe looking at him through that lens would do the trick. It should. In the meantime, Walden needed to be shoved to the back of my mind. Today wasn’t about him or me. It was about Andrew. And the last thing I wanted was to bring even a hint of a shadow to Andrew and Joel’s wedding day.
I gave a
sweep of my hands. “Okay. Enough of that. No more Walden talk. Or Gilbert talk, for that matter. Let’s focus on you, your wedding day, and entering the world of married life.” I reached out and took Andrew’s hand. “Or we can list the ways that lavender is the superior color to all the rest.”
Lamont snorted. “I choose that one. And I want you to start. I don’t think even the blowhard Gilbert Bryant can pull that off.”
“Hey, no need to get bitchy. I can fake anything if I—”
At that moment the bedroom door was flung open with a crash and Robert Kelly swept into the room. “Gentlemen! I come bearing gifts!” He held four shot glasses in his hands but managed to kick the door shut behind him with another bang without spilling a drop.
“Oh thank God! I need something to take the edge off!” Andrew crossed the room and lifted two of the glasses, then passed one to me. He lowered his voice. “You sure you’re okay? We can talk real quick if you want.”
Only Andrew would take time on his wedding day to offer me a counseling session. I didn’t deserve that man. I needed to get my shit together. “I’m great. And I’m so happy to be here with you.”
Robert handed a shot glass to Lamont. “And a blowjob for my eldest!” His eyes grew wide and he blushed, an expression I didn’t think I’d ever seen on Robert before. On his wife, sure, every time he spoke, but it was a new look on him. “That came out wrong.”
Lamont, used to his father, just shook his head and took the glass. “Really, Dad? Blowjob shots for Andrew’s wedding?”
He shrugged, his blush already fading. “My youngest is marrying the man of his dreams. I figured there’s no better way to celebrate. Start off the wedding in the same way the wedding night will begin. Like bookends.”
“Oh, Dad.” Andrew sighed. “You know they have one called a wedding cake shot, right? Tastes like icing.”
Robert looked at me, like he didn’t trust the admonition. “They do?”
“Yeah, they do.” I nodded, then winked. “But I’m with you, blowjobs are much more fun than cake.”
“Amen to that!” He beamed, blush gone, then lifted his shot glass in the air. “Here’s to blowjobs, gay love, gay weddings, and my gay sons!”
I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. My mother was nearly as nutty as Andrew’s father. And while she’d embarrassed the living shit out of me as a kid, I’d always enjoyed watching Robert’s similar antics.
Robert lifted the glass to his lips.
“Nope!” Andrew reached out and gripped his dad’s wrist, this time spilling some of the alcohol. “I love you, Dad, but that is not the toast we’re doing before I marry Joel.”
Exaggerated disappointment flickered across Robert’s features as he lowered the shot glass. “Fine.” He turned toward Andrew, his tone softening to one he rarely used, one not intended as the center of a three-ring circus. “Here’s to Andrew, my beautiful and brave son. Here’s to Joel, who I’m thrilled to count as another son. Here’s to love, passion, and years of walking hand in hand and heart by heart.” He lifted his glass once more. “Here’s to Andrew, who deserves every moment of love and happiness that comes his way. I’m so very, very proud of you.”
The three of us lifted our glasses and clinked them against his, then downed the blowjob shots.
“Thanks, Dad.” Andrew hugged Robert, then pulled back, wiping his eyes. “I wish Joel could’ve heard that, though. I know he says he’s okay with his dad’s refusal to come, but still—”
“Don’t you know us better than that?” Robert cut him off. “Your mother and sister are with him right now. Although they’re toasting with red wine. Boring if you ask me, but much more your mother’s style. And Joel’s as well.”
I had to look away as fresh tears made their way down Andrew’s cheeks and they embraced again. I was certain Lamont had probably joined their hugfest. For just a moment, it was too much for me. I’d seen a vision overlap the scene. Me standing where Andrew was. My mother saying something ridiculous while my father looked on. Both of them just as happy for me as Robert was for Andrew. Both of them welcoming Walden into the Bryant family with open arms.
Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fuck.
It was bad enough that I missed him. Bad enough that my bed had felt empty the last two months. Bad enough I’d nearly driven back to Lavender Shores countless times just to knock on his door. It was a completely different thing to be contemplating thoughts like this. Different and dangerous.
I’d heard weddings sometimes made people think crazy things. Have romantic notions they never would’ve had at any other point. I never would’ve thought such shit could happen with me. Not in a million years.
I knew Donovan was attending the wedding. Hell, like Lamont had said, all of Lavender Shores was attending the wedding. Maybe I could grab him between the ceremony and reception and get in a five-minute counseling session. Something. Anything to make these thoughts disappear. Make it where I could see Walden and at least look like I felt nothing for him other than friendship.
Again, I had to remember the day was about Andrew. Not me. There would be no fucking therapy session. There would, however, be alcohol. Sometimes that worked nearly as well. Okay, not really at all, but in a pinch, it would do. Get a little buzz on, say hi to Walden, then find someone’s hot cousin and go home with them instead. Actually, who cared if they were hot or not. Find someone and make all thoughts of Walden disappear. I hadn’t been able to make myself hook up with anyone for the past two months. Maybe that was the real culprit of all these stupid thoughts and visions and shit. Time to make that end.
In the meantime, all my focus needed to stay on Andrew. I shoved Walden from my mind, as well as any plans for a drunken random hookup in a few hours, and turned back to the father-and-sons lovefest. Robert was laughing at something Lamont had said, but Andrew’s gaze narrowed in on me. He cocked a brow. I smiled, letting him know I was okay.
And look at that. It must have been a convincing smile, as Andrew visibly relaxed, looked back at the mirror, then seemed nervous all over again. This time, for all the right reasons.
All the members of the Kelly and Bryant clans gathered in a semicircle around where the couple would stand, as we had when my older sister, Hayley, had gotten married. It didn’t matter if a Kelly or Bryant was the one getting married. Our families were one, as were our celebrations and our hurts. At Hayley’s wedding, her husband’s family joined our circle, but this time, it was just us Bryants and Kellys, since Joel’s family only consisted of his father, and it didn’t look like that relationship was ever going to be repaired.
We stood near the cliff’s edge of the palisade, with the sun sinking toward the ocean in the distance and the field of lavender, in the height of bloom, surrounding our feet. Mist rolled in over the sea, creating a mystical quality, which seemed fitting for Andrew. I knew he was convinced the magic of this place had not only caused him and Joel to fall in love, but called Joel to Lavender Shores to begin with.
The only exception was my little brother, Micah, who stood off to the side, playing his violin. He added just as much magic as the fog beyond us, the flowers below us, and the string of lights draped overhead.
The crowd of Lavender Shores stood around. While not dressed in formal attire, everyone sparkled in their good clothes, and their happiness was nearly a physical force. Andrew really was the town’s golden child. Everyone loved him. Loved him enough that the presence of his best friend didn’t seem to dampen their mood, for once.
The sweeping classical chords from Micah’s violin altered to a hint of twang, and “It’s Your Love” cut through the fading afternoon. I’d expected nothing less than a Tim McGraw and Faith Hill duet to be Andrew’s choice to walk down the aisle.
We all turned and watched as Andrew and Joel walked toward us. Though they were amid all the people of the town, they only looked at each other. I wondered what the past five minutes had been like for them.
They’d decided to let everyone gather at the cl
iff and they would finally emerge from their two designated spots in their house—my old house—see each other, and then walk out together. I was willing to bet there’d been tears and laughter. Kisses, I was sure. For a second I chided myself for such romantic notions, but then remembered that this was the wedding of my best friend. Andrew was nothing if not a romantic. Such thoughts were not only appropriate, but vital to really be alongside Andrew to celebrate this day with him.
As predicted, they were stunning as they drew closer. Joel’s suit was a darker gray than Andrew’s, more charcoal. They had on matching steel-blue shirts and dusty lavender ties. I knew Joel had wanted to slick back his hair like he’d done before moving to Lavender Shores. He felt it looked more distinguished and formal. I agreed with Andrew, though; the windblown look suited him better. It made him sexier somehow.
They couldn’t look more beautiful or blissful.
And despite my happiness for Andrew, for both of them, a twinge of jealousy cut through me. I wanted this. Wanted to look at someone like they did at each other. There was heat in their eyes, but more so, a knowing. Like they had seen into each other’s souls and loved what they found.
I’d done that with Walden.
I’d seen his soul. Beautiful, broken, strong. A soul I wanted to hold and protect. A soul I thought might be able to heal mine.
That couldn’t be, though. I wouldn’t show Walden my soul. Not all of it. He would turn away, taking even his friendship from me.
Andrew and Joel were a mere few feet away when a face in the crowd caught my attention, just over Andrew’s shoulder.
I managed not to react. Not an inhale of breath, not a flinch, not a turn on my heel to run the fuck into the woods at my back. But I didn’t try to look away either.
Walden’s gaze met mine, and his lips curved into a careful smile after a moment. I’d expected him to wear his red glasses, for love and all that shit. He hadn’t. Nor had he worn his pageboy cap. Though I didn’t notice anything he wore. I was captivated by his handsome face. By his eyes. By the longing I saw and swore I could feel.
The Garden (Lavender Shores Book 2) Page 13
