“Then who?” Marina inquired.
“Robin Hood, of course. He takes from the rich and gives to the needy. And I thought, who isn’t needy for ice cream?!” They all cheered.
Eddie was on fire.
* * *
I rubbed my eyes to keep the air freshener in Ms. Behr’s office from making them water. It helped a little. Away we rocked on our rocking chairs.
“Well, boys, how’s it going at home?” she pried.
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“Pretty good,” Eddie said.
“What’s good about it Eddie?” she asked.
“We get a lot more cable channels at this house,” Eddie answered.
“Is that all?” she asked.
“No. Jack plays ball with me when he gets home.”
“I see. And does he play ball with you, Josh?” she asked.
“Sometimes,” I answered.
“Why only sometimes?”
“I like to get my homework done,” I replied.
“When do you do your homework, Eddie?” she inquired.
“In between commercials,” I answered and laughed. Eddie glared.
“Is that true?” Ms. Behr’s brow wrinkled in concern.
“Pretty much. See, I need to take breaks during my homework, say every ten minutes or so. Then I concentrate really hard on my homework for about five minutes during commercials. It takes a little longer but it’s how I roll,” he said and shrugged. Ms. Behr looked confused.
“I see,” she said not convinced, although I have witnessed Eddie doing this myself. I had to admit, ever since Eddie started doing his own homework, this method did seem to work for him.
“By the way, Eddie, thanks for the ice cream today,” she gushed.
“You’re very welcome, Ms. Behr,” he replied.
“What made you decide to do that?”
Eddie started in on his long spiel about Robin Hood. Wow. He could snow anyone! Ms. Behr was enthralled by Eddie’s change of heart story. I dabbed at my irritated eyes.
“So Josh,” she turned her focused gaze on me. “Tell me about the problem with Ms. Sniedendorf yesterday.”
“It wasn’t really a problem, I just had a little indigestion,” I answered.
Ms. Behr pulled out the note written by Ms. Sniedendorf that she’d left for Ms. Waverly yesterday. She scanned it while talking out loud, “No major problems …completed math assignment…assigned additional math…Ah, here it is; Josh Miller was very rude. He purposely burped in front of the whole class to test my authority. I recommend swift action and parental involvement.”
“I didn’t try to test her authority or whatever she said! I just burped. It just came out,” I said.
Ms. Behr turned to Eddie. “Eddie will you excuse us, I’d like to talk to Josh alone. You can go to recess.”
“Woo-ho!” Eddie yelled and leapt out of the chair. He left Ms. Behr’s office. From behind her back, he made an L shape with his finger and thumb on his forehead and mouthed the word “Loser” to me. Jerk.
“Now Josh, Ms. Sniedendorf would sometimes sub for my teacher when I was a little girl and I know how tough she can be,” Ms. Behr said.
Wow, Sniededorf subbed when Ms. Behr was a little girl? She really was old! Ms. Behr was no spring chicken. Maybe Sniedendorf was a witch for real.
“I also know she wouldn’t misinterpret what happened. So why did you burp on purpose yesterday?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered trying to stall for time. I couldn’t let her find out about the bet.
“Eddie’s getting quite popular lately,” she added.
So what? Why is she bringing up Eddie?
“I know he is a little rough around the edges. Are you trying to be more like him by burping?”
Perfect, I’m in! “Yeah, you got me Ms. Behr. I’m trying to be more like Eddie,” I said.
“I’m glad you are looking up to Eddie, but you must remain true to yourself. Now don’t cry everything will be just fine.” She patted my knee and handed me a tissue.
I wiped my eyes and looked at the air freshener. This was kind of working in my favor. I decided to go with it. “I’ll try to be true to myself, Ms. Behr. It’s kind of hard sometimes. Eddie’s so cool,” I said through my tears.
“You just keep on keeping on, Josh. Now go to class.”
What does that mean? Grown-ups are weird.
“Okay, I’ll try. But I can’t promise it will be easy. I may have the urge to be like Eddie and forget to control it,” I said setting myself up for the big burp this afternoon. Now Ms. Behr will have my back and can explain my gross behavior to Ms. Waverly. I felt as crafty as Eddie. Oh, no! Maybe I did want to be like Eddie! No, I just wanted the new room I told myself as I walked back to class.
* * *
“Thanks again.” Manny patted Eddie’s shoulder on the way to his desk.
“No problem.” Eddie said.
“Yeah, the ice cream was awesome!” Matthew grinned at Eddie.
Eddie saluted him. I mean he actually saluted. This afternoon was becoming unbearable.
“Okay class, our last report today will be from Marina.” Ms. Waverly snapped the class back to order.
Marina rushed up to the front of the class. “For my biography report I chose Ronald Reagan,” Marina said and started reading.
I really did try to pay attention, but it was kind of boring. I guess he was once president or an actor or something. Usually I like Marina’s reports, but today I was more concerned about watching the clock. I had to plan my burp at exactly the right time. The seconds on the clock ticked by slowly. So very slowly.
“And then he got shot in the head,” Marina said.
What, who got shot in the head? Ronald Reagan? Dang, Marina’s report was getting good but I missed it because of the stupid clock.
Marina continued, “But he survived.”
Oh, maybe I didn’t miss that much. I turned my gaze to the window. The wind had picked up and the sky was getting more and more gray, just like my mood. I spotted a spider’s web on the window sill and watched it waving back and forth in the wind. How did it stand the wind gusts? They were so strong. The wind blew the web up and down like the parachute in PE class. It was cool. The little spider was tucked into the thickest part of the web. Insects are so smart.
Because I was so engrossed in watching the spider’s web I didn’t realize Marina had finished her report until I heard everyone clapping.
“Thank you, Marina,” Ms. Waverly said.
Marina took a little bow. Sometimes she was such a showoff. I looked at the clock. Oh no! It was 2:45. I quickly started gulping air to get ready for my big burp.
Ms. Waverly said, “Students, please grab your backpacks and pack-up for the day.” Everyone leapt out of their chairs. I packed up but kept gulping air.
After everyone was packed and back in their seats, I took my final gulp. I could feel a big burp brewing. It was 2:56. I looked over at Eddie and noticed he was gulping air too.
What was going on? Why was he gulping?
I almost lost my nerve. I started gulping again. I gulped faster and faster. It was 2:58, close enough. I opened my mouth and let out the world’s biggest burp. At the same time Eddie opened his mouth and burped, too. We were having a dueling burping contest. That was his plan all along. He was going to distract half of the class with his burp so I’d lose.
I knew I had to burp longer than Eddie. Could I do it? I could feel my burp starting to wane.
I swear Eddie was enjoying this. He was swaying back and forth while he was burping and his eyes looked as if they were smiling.
I pushed every little bit of the burp out of my throat. The entire class sat with their mouths open. The students near me were watching me but the students near Eddie were watching him. I had to get them all to watch me.
Finally, a miracle happened. Eddie stopped burping and I kept going. I had out-burped the master! All eyes were on me. I had done it!
&nb
sp; Ms. Waverly looked shocked and then she turned her back on the whole class. I saw her shoulders begin to shake. Was she laughing?
The bell rang and I sprinted out of class.
* * *
The rain pelted down on us as we ran to the buses. I didn’t mind at all. I felt invincible. Instead of making a fuss over Eddie, everyone was surrounding me.
“Nice job.” Manny high fived me.
“Yeah, way cool. I can’t believe you did that.” Paul shouted as he headed for the bus. I gave him one of Eddie’s salutes. It felt great.
“That was disgusting,” Marina said, temporarily interrupting my good mood. “Why’d you have to do that right after my report? Do you know how long I worked on it? Well, do you?”
I didn’t know if she actually wanted an answer or not, so I just shrugged my shoulders. She just shook her head and jumped on the bus.
Eddie blocked my way up the bus stairs. “Well shrimp, it looks like we both completed our dares this week.”
“Yeah,” I said wiping the rain out of my face. “No thanks to you. Why’d you have to burp at the same time?”
Eddie moved over so I could get on the bus. He followed me to my seat.
“It’s all for the love of competition,” Eddie said.
I said, “I hate competition.”
“I know. I can’t believe you out burped me.”
“I know. I can’t believe it either. It was fair right? You didn’t stop on purpose did you?” I asked him.
“Why would I do that? I would have won the room this week, fair and square. Do you really think I want to do dares for the next two weeks?” Eddie asked me.
I noticed a smile creep around the edges of his mouth. I didn’t answer him because I was afraid that yes, he really did want to do dares for the next two weeks.
CHAPTER 8
I woke up earlier than Eddie. I had a restless night of sleep. Something was gnawing at me about Eddie’s bet and I couldn’t put a finger on it. He didn’t bully anyone at school and he did buy everyone ice cream. So what was it? I got it!
“Eddie, Eddie. Wake up.” I climbed up the ladder and tried shaking his shoulders. He didn’t even stop snoring. I tried again, this time really putting some muscle behind it.
He stirred a little. “What? I’m trying to sleep, it’s Saturday.” He wiped some drool from the side of his mouth with the back of his pajama sleeve. He must have been dreaming about cupcakes. I’ve seen him practically drool over them before.
“Hey, you didn’t win the bet. The room is mine,” I said.
That did it. He bolted upright so fast he almost hit his head on the ceiling. “What are you talking about? I won my dare without cheating.”
“Well, not really,” I said.
Eddie thought for a moment and said, “Who was I mean to?” He looked concerned, yet he really didn’t know. “Who?” he asked again.
I felt a little embarrassed but I said, “Me. You were mean to me all week.”
“No I wasn’t. What are you talking about?”
Apparently, Eddie didn’t remember. “Well, you called me dumb, shrimp, stupid and you made the “loser” sign at me. You…”
“Hold on, hold on,” Eddie interrupted. “That wasn’t being mean, that’s called teasing. Don’t you know the difference?”
“No.” It didn’t feel like there was a difference.
“Josh, there’s a huge difference. Teasing is what brothers do,” he said.
“But we’re not brothers.”
Eddie’s face fell. He actually looked hurt and I could tell he wasn’t faking.
“I mean we’re not real brothers, we’re step-brothers,” I said.
“I don’t see the difference between the two,” he said honestly.
“Well, then you’re dumber than I thought,” I said cautiously, trying out this teasing thing.
Eddie’s face froze and then broke into a huge smile. “Oh, now you’re teasing me, good job.” He patted my shoulder.
I laughed with him. Maybe brothers do tease each other.
* * *
Up in the attic, the air smelled like sawdust.
“Starting to look good, don’t you think?” my dad asked.
“Yeah, I like the wood ceiling. It’s cool. Like we’re in a log cabin,” I answered.
“The room should be finished in a couple of weeks. Have you two decided who gets to move in yet?” my dad asked.
“We’re working on it,” Eddie answered. My dad looked a little skeptical but just nodded.
Eddie was supposed to have spent the weekend with his dad and his dad’s new girlfriend, but at the last minute his dad cancelled with some lame excuse. My Eddie-free weekend was no more. Eddie didn’t seem to mind, however.
“This place is huge. You could fit a big bed and a dresser in here and still have room for a video game area and computer. And look there.” Eddie pointed to a blank wall. “That wall would be perfect for my gigantic eagle poster.”
“It would,” I said, although I didn’t mean to say it out loud.
“What?” Eddie asked. “You agree with me?”
“No, no. I mean it would be good for my poster,” I quickly said.
“You don’t have any posters.”
“Um, yeah, I do. You just haven’t seen them. They’re awesome.” Note to self, get some cool posters and fast.
“Okay, boys, that’s enough. Yes, this attic is big. Big enough for two boys to share,” my dad added.
“No way,” Eddie and I said at the same time.
“Alright, it was just a suggestion,” my dad said and looked somewhat disappointed.
I know my dad wanted Eddie and me to get along, but it wasn’t going to happen. Sure, we had been spending more time together, but that was just because of the bet. Or was it because we were becoming brothers, like Eddie said? Anyway, it would soon be over and I would have my new room all to myself. My thoughts were interrupted by a disgusting smell.
“Gross, Eddie,” I gasped.
“What? Can I help it if I had some bean dip for a snack last night?” he asked innocently.
Even my dad made a face. “I’ll think I’ll go downstairs,” he said and quickly left.
“You better start eating beans if you want to win next week’s bet,” Eddie said and laughed.
“You’re giving me pointers?”
“I dunno, am I?” he smirked.
What was that supposed to mean?
“Smell you later, Josh,” Eddie said and stomped down the stairs with his giant feet.
“Yes, you will smell me later. Later this week,” I said.
* * *
“My Josh, you are up early. Is everything alright?” Allie asked on Monday morning.
I sat down at the breakfast table. “Um, yeah. I was hoping to get a really big, nutritious breakfast this morning.”
“You mean you don’t want your usual cereal and toast?”
“Right. I think I need ham and eggs. A huge plate. I’m having a growth spurt and I need extra protein for my body.” I took a sip of orange juice.
I could see Allie size me up. I’m sure I didn’t look any taller and she didn’t say anything but, “Okay, ham and eggs it is.” And then she went to the fridge to get breakfast.
The smell of ham and eggs made my stomach rumble. As soon as Allie set down my plate, I immediately started eating. The ham was salty but delicious and the yellow egg yolk was rich and filling.
“Alright, my kinda breakfast,” Eddie said as he sat down next to me with an even bigger plate than mine. “I guess you’re fueling up for your big day,” he laughed. “Good luck.”
Something about the way he said good luck made me nervous. Did Eddie know something that I didn’t?
“Maybe you should be more concerned about our poetry unit this week,” I challenged.
Bull’s eye! Now Eddie looked nervous. I mean really nervous.
Eddie put up a false front and said, “Well, yeah, I’ll do fine.” Then he added, “I
’m the King of Rhyme.”
“Okay, I get it,” I said.
“Get what?”
“Fine and rhyme,” I said and he still looked puzzled.
“What about them?”
“Duh, they rhyme. Well, kind of.”
“Oh, yeah, they do. And I wasn’t even trying! Cool.” Eddie laughed.
I hated Mondays.
* * *
Ms. Waverly stood by the white board as she read the couplet she’d written.
If you are smart and work real hard
You’ll write a couplet just like a bard.
“What’s a bard?” Manny asked.
Eddie’s hand flew into the air.
“Yes, Eddie?” Ms. Waverly looked doubtful.
“A bard is a poet from medieval times,” he answered.
“Very good! You are the first student in thirty years that knew what a bard was. How did you know?”
“I went to this really cool festival with my mom once. It was called a Renaissance Faire and everyone dressed up like knights and princesses and stuff. And we saw this cool play called, ‘Theatre in the Mud’. The actors had to perform in mud! It was awesome. They kept slipping and sliding and throwing mud at each other. They were really dirty when they were done.”
“And what about the bard?”
Eddie continued, “Oh yeah. The bard strolled around the faire reciting poetry.”
“Was he in the mud?”
“Ah, no. Why would the bard be in the mud?” Eddie asked Ms. Waverly.
“Never mind,” Ms. Waverly said very frustrated. Eddie was good at confusing teachers.
Ms. Waverly placed us in groups of four to work on our couplets. She said since it was our first time writing, we could help each other. Eddie, Manny and Marina were in my group. I could tell Marina wasn’t happy about being stuck in our group all week. I saw her glance at the group that Chelsea was in.
As soon as we took our spots, I felt the first rumblings in my stomach. Wow, those ham and eggs worked fast. I braced myself for a world class gas-fest. Unfortunately, all that came out was POOF. No one heard it. But, boy could they smell it!
The Underwear Dare: Nerd vs. Bully! Page 5
