Sucking it down, I frantically tried to come up with something to say that couldn’t be interpreted as disrespectful, but would still afford me some time to think.
“Would it be possible to think about it for a day or two?”
Her face fell. “What? But I thought this was what you were looking for?”
“It is!” I said, scrambling to explain. “It’s just that another opportunity has come up, so now I need to choose.”
“I see.” Her tone was flat, and I could almost see the wheels in her head turning. “Is there anything I can do to persuade you?”
“No, you’ve already made this an exceedingly difficult choice.”
She crossed one leg over the other and sat up a little straighter, clearly satisfied with herself. “Wonderful. Take all the time you need. You’re the only one I’m considering for the position at the moment, to be honest, and I do hope you’ll take it.”
I stood and shook her hand. “I will certainly give it serious consideration.”
“I suppose I can’t ask for more than that. I hope to hear from you soon,” she said as she led me out of her office and to the door.
“It’s ideal, Maddie. Good money, benefits, paid vacation, and they’re closed the week of Christmas! The whole week!”
“Mac, you knew it would be ideal, and not because of the money or benefits.”
“No, I know. She said I would be responsible for shaping the program. Her words, not mine. Can you imagine? I’d have free reign to reach out to people and make a difference in a real way.”
“You knew this wouldn’t be an easy choice.”
The excitement drained out of my voice a little. “She said I was the only candidate she was considering right now.”
“So?”
“If I turn her down, I feel like I’m leaving her in the lurch.”
“Get over yourself!” Maddie said. “You’re not leaving her in the lurch. It’s a business. She’ll keep running it the best way she sees fit. You have to do what’s best for you. Don’t make a decision like this out of some bizarre perceived guilt toward some person you’ve only spent like fifteen minutes of your entire life with.”
She certainly had a way of putting things into perspective. “Yeah, I suppose.”
“When do you have to give her an answer?”
“She said to take all the time I need.”
“Really? That’s very generous. I wouldn’t string her along though. Make your decision. Put us all out of our misery.”
“Yes. You’re right.” I made a decision as I hung up the phone. I needed more information, and the only way I was going to get it was making a trip down to the Unseen.
12.
I went to the Unseen first thing in the morning. I’m going to make my decision today, I thought as I got out of my car.
Owen was already leaning against the building when I walked up, and the sight of him made my knees weak. “Heard you coming.”
“Great,” I said, less than enthusiastic. “So you know why I’m here.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Tell me about the job.”
“You already know everything, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I want to hear it from you.”
While we walked down to the basement, I told him all about the interview and offer. By the time we got to the bottom, I was done.
“Sounds ideal,” he said. I thought I detected a hint of sadness in his voice at the thought of my leaving, but maybe that was just what I wanted to hear. He looked into my eyes, and I felt like he was trying to see my soul. The sensation made me shiver. “So, what do you think you’ll do?” He knew I didn’t have an answer yet, but he was asking anyway. Sometimes, I did that too, hoping some new revelation would pop into the person’s head. It never did, but that didn’t stop me from trying, and it hadn’t stopped Owen either.
“I think I’m going to try to get some answers from the boss man.”
Just then, David emerged from his office. Owen straightened up a bit more, and I gave him a perplexed look, trying to understand why he would puff himself up for this man. Respect was the only answer that made sense. I followed David back to his office, giving Owen one last glance over my shoulder.
“Thank you for coming back,” David said as he seated himself behind his desk. “I hear there’s been a complication.”
“You could say that.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“There isn’t much to tell beyond what you must already know. I’m a fairly open book, right?”
He nodded, and silence ensued.
“Listen, I came back to try to get some information from you, to see if you can sweeten the deal, because I have to say, your competition is steep.”
“Fair enough, Mackenzie, but I don’t know what I can do to ‘sweeten the deal.’ I don’t have much control over what I can and can’t offer you. It’s more of a take-it-or-leave-it kind of thing.”
“That’s fine, I guess. Let me tell you what I’m struggling with and maybe you can provide a solution. Sound good?”
“I’ll try.”
“First, I’m not wild about the idea of moving in here. I’ve lived alone for the last six years. And this feels too much like a commune. How do I know it’s not some creepy Hotel California deal?”
He laughed. “It’s not some creepy Hotel California deal. Although, if you do decide to join, it is a member-for-life kind of thing. I suppose it’s similar in that way.”
“Member for life? So, if I choose this, I can never go back to music. What if it doesn’t work out? What if you and I don’t get along? What if I don’t get along with anyone? What if you can’t train me, and I’m a big waste of time? Doesn’t that ever happen?”
“No. The training process is rigorous, and relatively foolproof, although I have heard of problems once or twice. None in my division.”
“And how were those problems resolved?”
“I believe the two parties separated as amicably as possible.”
“Vague.”
He didn’t respond.
“Right. Well, I still don’t want to live here, at least not right away. I have enough money to live in my apartment through the end of the summer, and I’d like to stay there at least until then.”
He thought for a moment, and not for the first time, I was irritated I couldn’t read him. “I suppose that’s reasonable. Frankly, I’d prefer you stayed here where I can keep an eye on you, but if you insist, you may stay in your apartment for the rest of the summer. But you will be responsible for showing up on time for all of your training.”
“No problem. I’ve been showing up on time for classes for the last six years.” All right. One point down.
“What else?” he asked.
“I really would like some more information about who you guys are before I make this apparent lifelong commitment to you. I don’t sleep with men on the first date, let alone marry them.”
He cleared his throat, uncomfortable for some reason. “No, I don’t suppose you do.” He mumbled something that sounded like ‘thank God’ but I couldn’t be sure. “Unfortunately, I hate to beat a dead horse here, but I can’t tell you anymore. At least not until you’ve been here for a while. You will have to decide based on the information you have.”
“And if I choose the therapy job?”
He frowned but nodded. “That’s your right, and I’m quite sure you will be happy there.”
Ha. I don’t think that’s what you really mean, I thought, not brave enough to say it out loud.
“No, it is what I mean. Obviously, I’ll be disappointed if we don’t get to work with you, but I’ll be happy you’re happy.”
“Why? We just met. I barely know you. I didn’t even know your name until Owen told it to me.”
He leaned forward on his desk and looked me in the eye. “Mackenzie, it’s like I told you before, you’re special. That’s very exciting. I hope to have the opportunity to see just how far you can
go.”
How far I can go? He didn’t respond to my thoughts. He knew he’d just baited me, and he didn’t want to jerk the hook out of my mouth.
“Was there anything else?”
I tried to collect my thoughts. “Um, yes. I think I know the answer, but I suppose it warrants asking. If I choose therapy, can I still come here? See Owen? Maybe train over the weekends or after work?”
He gave me a sympathetic look. “Mackenzie, you can’t expect to succeed if you divide your focus that way. I’m sorry, but it’s not possible.”
I sighed and slumped back in the chair, not ready to face the world outside his office.
“You know what?” he said. “I’m going to take a walk. You can stay in here as long as you’d like.” He stood and walked to the door, pausing before he left. “Mackenzie?”
I turned to see him waiting with his hand on the doorknob.
“Find me with your answer before you leave.”
I nodded, and he left me alone with my future.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there. I kept thinking he would come back. He must have had work to do. But he left me alone, just like he’d promised.
Owen was waiting for me right where I’d left him. When I saw him, I wanted to run to him, put my arms around him, and let him make this decision easier for me. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead, I took a deep breath, trying to clear some space in my head for rational thought, and crossed the gym, closing the distance between the two of us.
When I reached him, he was the one who folded me into his arms, and it felt more like home than anything I’d ever experienced. His smell, clean with a hint of men’s deodorant, intoxicated me. He put a hand on my head and ran his fingers through my wild hair, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. No rush. No push to get away. He just held me.
The thought of never seeing him again hit me like a semi-truck, sucking the breath out of my lungs. If I walked away from the Unseen, Owen would be out of my life. Not only would I be losing the chance to discover who I really was, I’d also be losing the chance to share the experience with someone who truly understood.
Owen felt the change in me. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” I was being ridiculous. A lovesick teenager. I couldn’t base life decisions on a stupid crush I had on a boy I barely knew. Unless… “Owen, you know how stupid I am over you.”
A smile worked its way across half his mouth. “I’ve heard some rumors.”
“Do you feel the same way about me?”
His eyes turned dark, and the half second he stayed silent stretched on for an eternity. No. That was all he had to say. All he had to do was crush my dream of having a partner who shared my strange ability, and I would move on. The therapy job would be good for me. It was what I’d always wanted.
No. Such a short word to do so much damage, but in the end, it would be all right. I didn’t know him, and he didn’t know me—despite the fact that he could hear my every thought.
No. I waited for him to say it.
Instead, he leaned in, kissing me deeply, and sensation eclipsed thought. His lips were soft and warm, his hands tangled in my hair, my own hands wrapped around his shoulders, holding on for dear life. He pulled back before I was ready, but would I have ever been ready?
“Does that answer your question?”
“I need to find David.”
“Not quite what I wanted to hear after giving a girl some of my best moves, but okay. How come?”
“To tell him I’m in.”
13.
First things first, I thought when I got home that night. It was only about seven o’clock. Dr. Goldstein had written her cell number on the business card she’d given me. I dialed the numbers, holding on to the memory of that kiss, and of how wonderful it felt to be around other people like me, to strengthen my resolve. Meeting the Unseen had revealed to me just how lonely I’d been without them, and the thought of going back to that world in which my abilities alienated me from everyone around me was unacceptable. I pushed “call,” feeling good about my decision.
“Mackenzie! Tell me something good,” she said, making it even harder. I didn’t want to be responsible for stealing the enthusiasm from her voice.
“Unfortunately—”
She cut me off. “No, don’t say unfortunately! Come on, Mackenzie, don’t make me beg.”
“No, please don’t beg. Believe me, this has been a hard decision, but the other opportunity is something I just can’t pass up. If I don’t at least try, I will always wonder.”
She sighed, long and heavy. “All right, well, I can’t begrudge you that. But listen, if for some reason it doesn’t work out, please call me right away. I’m sure I can find something for you, even if this spot has been taken.”
Her kindness broke my heart a little more. “Thank you so much for this opportunity, and for everything, Dr. Goldstein. I do hope our paths will cross in the future.”
“I’m counting on it, Mackenzie.”
As soon as we hung up, I dialed Maddie.
“What did you decide?” she demanded without even saying hello.
“I took the other one.”
“Oh my God!” she yelled. I pulled the phone away from my ear and could still hear her clearly. “I knew that’s the one you would choose! I knew it! This is going to be so exciting for you! A whole new direction!”
“Yup.” One syllable was all I could squeeze in.
“So, when do you start? Do you know what you’ll be doing? Have you met any of the people you’ll be working with?”
“I start first thing on Monday morning. It sounds like I’ll mostly be training for a while. I’ve met a few people. One person in particular sparks my interest.”
“Oh, really?” I could visualize one of her eyebrows rising up into that this-is-about-a-boy-isn’t-it position.
“Yup.”
“Well, give me more than one word on the subject. What’s he like?”
“He’s gorgeous, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Good sense of humor.”
“I assumed.”
“And not a bad kisser.”
“What?” she exploded. “Okay, um, what? Start at the beginning.”
“Well, I’m not sure how much I should even tell you. Except that right or wrong, he helped make my decision.”
“How’s that?”
“I couldn’t imagine giving up the chance to see where this goes.”
“Aw, my wittle Mac is falling in love,” she teased.
“I don’t know about all that. Feels more like a dumb teenage obsession.”
“That’s fine. Except you never really had one of those. When we were teenagers, you were more likely to date a guy once and punch him in the face than become enraptured with him. What’s different about this guy?”
I can’t read his every gross guy thought, and we might be able to have an actual relationship because of it. “I don’t know. It just feels right.”
She didn’t respond, and I imagined her smiling on the other end of the phone.
“I do know that saying no to the therapy job was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I just hope it’s worth it.”
“Well, I’m happy for you. And proud. You made a hard decision—went outside of your comfort zone. I think it’ll be good for you. I mean, you’re getting kissed, so it’s already a step in the right direction.”
I laughed. “Priorities.”
“I’m just sayin’.”
It was after ten by the time we hung up, and I went to bed not long after. Though I was exhausted, my mind raced with thoughts about what might happen on Monday, how far I could go with my “gift,” and, of course, Owen.
Although I couldn’t read him, I knew his feelings for me ran deep. Our kiss was proof positive of that. I’d never had someone genuinely feel that way for me, and it was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. I wondered how dating worked with the Unseen. Were any of them married? Di
d any of them have lives outside of the group? It didn’t seem like it. Still, I hadn’t really spent much time with any of them. Anything could be possible.
I lay in bed, letting my mind run rampant for a while before finally turning to look at the clock. 2:02 burned through the darkness at me. This is going to be a long weekend.
I pushed Owen from my mind, a Herculean task, and pushed the excitement of Monday away too, finally letting sleep claim me.
I was hoping Owen might pop over like he had on Tuesday, but he didn’t. Being such a new member, I didn’t feel it was my place to go spend the weekend with the Unseen, so I busied myself with normal weekend stuff. I cleaned the apartment, went shopping, got some groceries, saw a movie, and played Gaspard incessantly, anything to help pass the time.
I tried desperately not to obsess about Owen’s absence. Of course, that worked about as well as dropping a rock in a lake and hoping it would float. By Sunday night, I’d worked myself into a tizzy—worrying about why he hadn’t stopped over and whether I’d made the wrong choice.
I woke up Monday morning before my alarm, too wound up to register how little sleep I’d gotten. Unsure of what my training would involve, I opted to face the day in khaki pants and a nice blouse, packing yoga pants, sneakers, and a tank top in my backpack in case they actually expected me to use the gym.
I showed up promptly at eight. Owen was waiting outside for me, leaning against the building in what I was coming to think of as his habitual pose. The morning light cast an otherworldly glow on his olive skin that made my legs forget how to function.
He walked over with a big smile on his face. “I have something for you.”
“Already?”
“It’s your key to the building. Now I won’t have to meet you out here anymore.”
“Oh. Ha,” I chided myself. “I stupidly thought you were doing that because you wanted to see me. Of course you had to let me in.”
His expression turned serious, and he reached for my face, tracing my cheek with his thumb. “Of course I wanted to see you.” He let his hand drop. “I just thought you’d want your own key, so you could come and go as you pleased. Go out on the town. You know.”
Unseen Page 9
