The Promise of More
The Home Series, Book Three
By Gretchen Tubbs
Text copyright ©2015 Gretchen Tubbs
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form by any electronic or mechanical means- except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles or reviews- without written permission from its publisher.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
This one’s for you, Dana.
Hope this gets you one step closer to a fabulous pair of Pradas!
Table of Contents
A Note from the Author
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-nine
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Author
A Note from the Author
Music influences my writing. I always have it playing when I’m sitting at my computer. I stumbled across a particular song right when I started working on this book, and I knew that I had to incorporate it, someway, somehow. I became obsessed with this song…it was Miller and Andi’s story. Lenachka has a rich, soulful voice, and the lyrics to I Want to Love You are sheer perfection. I emailed her producer, Charlie Peacock, essentially begging him for permission to use her beautiful words to help tell my story. I was shocked when he said I could! This song is first mentioned in Chapter Twenty-one, and the specific lyrics are used in Chapter Twenty-eight. This song is the epitome of Miller and Andi, so you should give it a listen. It’s good stuff!
And, if you’re interested, here are some more songs that helped me with this story:
Hazy by Rosi Golan
Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne
Say Goodbye by The Dave Matthews Band
Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars
Tear in Your Hand by Tori Amos
Stupid by Sarah McLachlan
Crazy in Love by Sofia Karlberg
One Time by Marian Hill
Warning Sign by Coldplay
This Years Love by David Gray
What if You by Joshua Radin
Drift by Alina Baraz & Galimatias
Hold On by Sarah McLachlan
Ice Cream by Sarah McLachlan
Say Anything by Anderson East
These Arms of Mine by Otis Redding
So Damn Lucky by The Dave Matthews Band
Young Hearts Run Free by Easyworld
Latch (Acoustic) by Sam Smith
Unbroken Promise by Erick Baker
Prologue
Miller
This has been one of the hardest days of my life. I just had to watch the love of my life bury her father. Not only was Thomas Lucy’s father, but he was like a second father to me. I take that back- he was more of a father to me than my own father ever was. He was around when my own dad was too wrapped up in work to come to my little league games, take me to birthday parties, or to give me the time, attention, and love I needed growing up.
I can’t believe he’s gone.
I can’t believe I’m about to do what I’m about to do.
When everyone is gone from the Brennan house, I ask Lucy to leave her family and Bennett for a few minutes so we can go talk, insisting that we go to what I’ve always considered our own personal spot. I drag her to our park across from her childhood home. It’s the best place for what I’m about to do. The closer we get to the park, the heavier my footsteps become. It gets harder for me to breathe. The tightness in my chest has nothing to do with the humidity hanging in the air, and everything to do with the girl standing next to me. I pull in a strained breath, mustering all the courage I can.
“I’m taking off, Goose.”
“Okay. I think we’re staying at Bennett’s tonight, but I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She’s not getting what I’m telling her. I didn’t bring her here to tell her I’m leaving for the day. I take hold of her tiny face, forcing her to look into my eyes, hoping the pain radiating from them will help her catch on. As soon as she locks eyes with me, her breath hitches.
She gets it.
I give her a slight shake of my head. “That’s not what I mean. I’m leaving town for a while, maybe forever. I need some space from you.” I close my eyes briefly, let out an exhausted breath, then open them and continue. “I love you, but I need to go.”
She’s looking at me like I’m insane.
This is killing me.
“Miller, please don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me. I need you here. I just lost Daddy, for God’s sake. I can’t lose you, too. You’re my best friend.”
Tears are starting to build up in her beautiful blue eyes, and her bottom lip is quivering, triggering the same reaction from me. I can’t stand what I’m doing to her, but watching her day in and day out with Bennett is something that I can’t endure.
She’s no longer mine.
She’s his.
I’m hers, will always be hers, but she doesn’t want me.
She only wants him.
“Goose, please don’t ask me to stay. You know I won’t be able to refuse you if you ask again. My whole world has revolved around you, but now you are the center of someone else’s universe. It slays me to watch you with him.”
She’s attempting to shake her head back and forth in my hands, but I hold it steady and try to get the rest of my words out.
“You know how I feel about you. I need some time and distance for a while. I know you’re gonna be alright now. Bennett is here to take care of you. I need some time for me. I need to find out who I am without you.”
“Okay,” she whispers, pushing her tiny frame into my arms. “I don’t like it, but okay. I love you, Miller.”
“Love you more, Goose,” I say, never meaning any words more in my life.
I have spent my entire existence loving this girl. I don’t doubt her love for me, but there’s no way she loves me the way I love her, or she would have never picked Bennett Strickland over me. God knows I would never be able to put anyone else above her. She’ll always come first.
I hold onto my best friend and let my tears flow freely into the crown of her silky blonde hair, silently begging her to ask me to stay, even though I know it’s selfish and wrong. I told her I might be back, but I don’t know if I can handle it. This is no longer my home. I don’t have anything keeping me here.
I open my eyes when I feel her being pulled from my arms. Bennett is taking her from me, and she’s hesitant to let go. She never looks back at me, but she holds on as long as she can. When our connection is broken, the tips of our fingertips lose their grips on one another, I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. It’s no longer with m
e, but with my Lucy Goosey.
I don’t think it will ever be mine again.
She can have it.
I’ll never need it again anyway.
I stay at our park long after the sun sets. I sit under our Oak tree, thinking of all the times we sat here through the years. This is the exact spot where she ended our short-lived relationship in high school, so I guess it’s only fitting that this is where I ended our relationship for good. All these years, I think, and she had to fall in love with someone else. How many nights did we spend together in our apartment, in our perfect bubble of contentment? How many of those nights ended in her bed or mine, us willingly giving our bodies to each other? We never shied away from confessions of love. I guess my version of our love and Goose’s version of our love were two completely different things. We were on two different pages. Fuck, we were in two different books.
I text Maggie to make sure she’s still with her mom and Ava. I can’t face going back to the apartment to an audience. I need to collect my stuff in peace and get out of there. I have no idea where I’m going, I just know it’s got to be away from here. I have no life here without my Lucy. We’ve been intertwined since childhood. I have no memories without her infused in them. I can’t separate her from my life here. It’s tangled, messy, and beautiful. It’s also been ripped away from me. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to make myself forget.
I push through the apartment and head straight back to my room. I have no idea what I’ll do with all of my furniture, but it will have to stay put for now. I grab a few duffle bags from my closet and throw clothes in them, not even bothering to see what I’m putting in. Hoisting both bags over my shoulder, I make my way down the hall and stop at Lucy’s door. I peek in, taking one last glance at the bed. Memories of the last night I spent in it come flooding back. The night of her kidney transplant. The night her father saved her life. The night I lost the last sliver of hope that she would forget about Bennett Strickland and we could just love each other for the rest of her short life.
Shaking my head, I slam the door and rush out of there before the anxiety takes over my body and I’m stuck here forever. I throw my stuff in the bed of my truck and take off. To where, I’m not sure. I just drive. I drive until I can’t hold my eyes open. I drive until I’m forced to stop.
Smack dab in the middle of nowhere.
Chapter One
Miller
Every morning I drag my body out of bed and make promises to no one in particular that I have no intention of keeping. But I do it anyway, despite the fact that I know this vicious cycle will just continue. I can’t seem to stop it, in spite of my desire to. I’ve been on this downward spiral before, and I promised her I’d stop. She made me promise not to treat myself like this.
Jesus Christ, I can’t even let her name escape within my thoughts.
Every morning for the last several weeks I find myself waking up in a random hotel room in a random town. Each one looks and feels like any other non-descript hotel room you would find anywhere. The framed floral prints hanging on the beige walls, the scratchy sheets on the hard mattresses, the night table with the King James Bible hidden in a drawer, it’s all present and accounted for. As I make my way towards the shower to wash off the sins from the night before, flashes from the evening come flooding back.
Steam quickly fills the room as the hot water pounds down on my exhausted body. I close my eyes, willing the images to leave my brain. They play on a continuous loop. Not only last night’s, but every night’s before, too. Those pictures, along with the copious amounts of liquor I consumed, threaten to force the contents of my stomach up.
They always approach me. I go to bars at night to get lost in the bottom of a bottle, but these girls always approach me. I guess it’s the brooding vibe pouring off of me, but they won’t stay away. Most of them I can just ignore. But it’s always the shy little blonde ones that manage to get through to me.
Every.
Single.
Night.
Last night was no exception.
“Can I buy you a drink?” the tiny blonde asks, her voice meek and small.
She’s blushing something fierce, biting on her bottom lip. I raise my nearly full glass to her, but don’t say anything in response. I barely raise my eyes from the bar top to look her way. She’s too skittish to make her eyes meet mine.
“Oh. Umm, sorry. Well, uh, alright,” she says.
When I look all the way up, her face is completely taken over by the blush. A pang of familiarity takes over and settles in my gut. I can’t let this girl walk away. She turns to leave and I grab her wrist, stopping her movement. I don’t say anything, just pull her to my side. She lets out a surprised squeak. I catch the bartender’s attention so he can get my new companion a drink.
We sit side by side on the hard wooden stools and consume our drinks in a tense, uncomfortable silence. She tries a few times to make conversation, but my lack of answers to her questions quickly shuts her down. It doesn’t make her leave, though. It just makes her stop trying to engage me in idle chit-chat. It also makes me an asshole.
After a few drinks, she tries to leave.
“I’m going. I’ll see you around,” she says, that blush back in full force.
I put my hand on her thigh to keep her on the barstool and give it a squeeze. I lean over into her ear.
“Why don’t you come with me?”
I can feel a shudder run through her body as the words hit her skin. Shock takes over her face.
“We don’t even know each other. You don’t even know my name,” she says, offense lacing her voice.
I give her the first grin I’ve managed all night.
“That’s what makes this okay,” I tell her.
She’s trying to look like I’ve upset her, but she’s not making any attempt to pull away from me. In fact, she’s leaning closer. This is exactly how it happens, every single night.
“Don’t you at least want to know my name?” she asks, a bit breathless.
I give my head a slight shake. It doesn’t matter. In my head, they all have the same name. I’m making love to the same woman in my head every night. Knowing the name of who I’m really fucking won’t make a difference.
“Will me not knowing your name keep you from walking out that door with me?”
I stand up, throwing some bills down on the bar before turning my back. I don’t wait for her response, I just move towards the doors. I hear her feet behind me, but I don’t turn around. When I get to my truck, I can feel her right behind me.
“I just want you to know that I usually don’t-”
I turn around quickly and grab her face in my hands, cutting off her words with a kiss. I don’t want to hear about what a good girl she is, and how she never leaves bars to go home with strangers. Obviously, she does. As our tongues rub against each other, creating a delicious friction, she’s moaning in my mouth, clawing up my back. I pull my mouth away from hers. We need to get away from here before I just take her against my truck.
“Get in,” I tell her, pulling my door open so hard I’m surprised I didn’t rip it off the frame of the truck.
The drive back to my hotel room is short. Good thing, because the shy girl from the bar is gone. This chick is all over me. Her mouth is working at my neck while her hand is working between my legs. I don’t know how I manage to make it back to the room without killing us, but I do. She’s got me so worked up I can barely drive.
Her clothes come off as soon as I get us into the room. Her eyes are hungry and she looks like she wants to devour me. I kick off my shoes and move slowly to the bed, wanting to see what she’ll do. She pushes me down so I’m sitting on the bed and she stands between my legs, removing my shirt.
Grabbing onto my black hair that’s long overdue for a haircut, she kisses the hell out of me. I get lost in the sensations of this stranger’s mouth and touch. I let my hands roam all over her body, closing my eyes and picturing them on a different bl
onde’s body. They are almost identical in build. This one’s just missing the scars. I avoid those places on her body so reality can mirror my fantasy.
She pulls away from me abruptly, causing me to open my eyes. She looks quite serious.
“Let me take care of you tonight. You look like you need it.”
She doesn’t know how right she is.
“Stand up,” she tells me.
I do what she asks, and she gets my jeans off.
“Condom’s in the pocket,” I tell her, and she digs it out before she throws my pants on the floor.
Pushing me back on the bed, she climbs on and makes quick work of rolling the condom on. She’s not fooling around, she’s ready to get this done. Not wasting any more time, she sinks down on me. I close my eyes so I don’t have to look at her. I hate the asshole I’ve become, but this girl is not who I want to be with. She’s merely a substitute for what I can’t have. She doesn’t seem to mind. She’s riding me, kissing me, and she’s sure as hell seems to be enjoying herself. Those sounds she’s making are indicating she’s really liking this. Lost in thought, I don’t even realize she’s done until she collapses against my chest. I grab her hips, pump into her at a brutal pace and finish myself off, conjuring up an image from the past to help me reach my release. As soon as I’m done, I roll my current bedmate off of me so I can go get rid of the condom.
Once I’m in the bathroom I sink down on the floor and have a good cry, like a complete pussy. This, too, is part of my new ritual. I can’t stop it, despite how hard I try. I can’t stop the onslaught of emotions that find their way to the surface every time I’m with another woman. I feel like I’m betraying her. It’s pretty fucked up. She’s with Bennett every night, giving herself to him, but I feel like I can’t be with anyone else.
I get myself together, splash some cold water on my face, throw a towel around my waist and go check on the girl I brought back here with me. She’s fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed and biting her nails. Gone is the girl that came in here with such confidence. The blushing girl from the bar is back. It’s silly, considering what just happened between the two of us.
The Promise of More: The Home Series, Book Three Page 1
