by Horia Hulea
Chapter 4
Everyone said he was the most stupidest kitty in his school. The most naivest kitty. The most gulliblest kitty. From teachers to little squinty-eyed first graders, they all said that he will never achieve anything in his life, because he is too stupid to notice the obvious!
But he showed them!
He collected all the stamps!
He signed in for all the achievements and worked day and night for all the shiny badges!
He knew all the Leader songs and singed them every morning and knew all the Great Deeds by heart!
He had all the collectible portrets of The Glorious, and he knew all the answers to all the questions and tests on The Glorious Life! And now everyone will see that he didn't waste his nights on achieving all the stages of being a Virtuous Pupil in the eyes of The Glorious!
The Father of the Nation finally noticed him!
The Father of the Nation sent him PERSONNALLY a letter saying that he needs him on the greatest mission that ever missioned in catkind history!
The Father of the Nation, the Glorious Sun of Infinite Wisdom … wrote him personally a letter!!!
The Father of the Nation, the Visionary of Triumph and Excellency of Progress … knows … his … name!
OMG OMG OMG! This was the bestest day in all his kitty life!
Oh, how he could smell the envy of his class from a mile away! He could see all the eyes on him, all the heads turning, all the whiskers whispering, all the tails lowering! No more taking of food from under his nose. No more kicks in the nose every time he asked stupid questions (which in fact were rather smart questions, thank you very much).
When the Master Scientist came in person to see him, he handed him the Star of the Virtuous Pupil in front of the entire school! And he told him that The Glorious would have handed it in person,
but, as everyone knows, The Glorious was absolutely incredibly busy slaving for the greater good of his people.
And when he left with the Master Scientist, everyone had been sorry they were not the chosen ones! You could see it in their eyes! And mom and dad cried tears of happiness. Who wouldn't cry of happiness if their kid was chosen by The Glorious to stand by His side and help Him in His ultimate mission? The mission that will save catkind and ensure the future of the eternal leadership of The Glorious!
He will prove to everyone that he is not the idiot they think he is. He will prove to The Glorious that he was worthy of being chosen!
As the overzealous and overjoyed kitty with his chest covered in tinker badges was stepping behind him, all that the Master Scientist was thinking was: I have to give it to the leader: he knows how to brainwash the little ones! I know that we, the cats, are not a very risk-taking species. I mean, who wants to risk their precious fur when it comes to jumping at dangerous stuff? Especially if it's a time machine that, in the current stages, transforms everything that enters the test area to goo? That is why the smart cats never step in front and volunteer. For that, you have the stupid ones. I guess that is how natural selection weeded out stupid and the catkind evolved a brain in the first place. In a way, we are all lazy and self-preserving balls of fur. We just had to find the least self-preserving one to risk his hide.
All these programs of null value achievements and pointless steps, the mission to save the zero future, the brave great plan of ineptitudes … all these actually worked!
We managed to find the most inept and idiotic representative of the feline race. And he will blindly jump where the leader points the flashlight!
Keeping his thoughts from his face, the Master Scientist turns grinning to the kitten and says, "Welcome, young pupil, to the Center for the Glorious Future of the Nation! I hope you are prepared to face the challenges ahead."
"I knows all the songs puhraising The Glorious! No challunge in the whole wide worldz can beat meh!"
You got that right! thinks the Master Scientist.
"First and foremost, let me tell you that you are a very special and talented young boy, and you have been selected from a daunting number of other candidates. It was an extremely difficult choice to make … but The Glorious selected YOU!"
But, in his mind, the Master Scientist feels somehow sorry. Actually, you were the only one stupid enough to collect all of those shitty stamps and badges and achievements and whatnot. But let's continue….
"You will enter a secret program of training and learning that no other cat before you ever dreamed of taking part. You will meet all the great minds behind this project. And, ultimately, you will meet The Glorious … in person!"
He stops as the kitty freezes in the dreamiest posture.
His eyes are so wide and big that they could put to shame any self-respecting glacial lake.
