She tastes sweeter than any pie I’ve ever had.
I suck her clit into my mouth, pulsing against it with my tongue. She squeals and arches her back and I push my fingers into her entrance. Her walls clamp on to me and I grind my cock harder against the bed until it throbs and shudders rocket up my back.
There’s a real danger of me spilling my load on the bed but I don’t care. All I want to do is taste Elsie. Taste the real life we’re going to have and the future we are going to live.
“Xander,” Elsie yells at the top of her lungs, loud enough to shake the foundations of the hotel. I hope everyone in the building heard it. I hope the whole world heard it.
Her walls clamp down on my fingers as the rest of her body quivers and spasms as she comes. My balls tighten and I bend my knees, leaving my dick hanging with nothing to grind against.
Keeping her clit in my mouth, I pull a condom out of my pocket and roll it down my shaft in record speed.
This isn’t about love, this is about a deep, primal need to be joined with her. Condom on, I release my hold on her clit and move off the bed. Grabbing her hips, I flip her over and yank her to the edge of the bed.
Her ass looks even better than when I saw it bent over like this the very first time I laid eyes on her. I wanted to bury my cock in her then but now I want to take her soul with me. I am taking her soul with me.
Tingles coat my skin and I ram my dick into her, pounding against the soft roundness of her ass. The sound of skin on skin slapping mixes with her moaning, urging me to quicken my pace.
I lose all sense of time and place, knowing only that this is the best feeling imaginable. Better than any fame or fortune could ever provide.
Elsie lets out a deep moan and her arms give out, her body flopping hard against the bed, sinking into it as her walls pulsing tighten around my shaft.
Before I can control myself, my balls again draw against me and my head rolls back as I come. My knees weaken and threaten to give out as I push myself as deep inside her as I can get.
Chapter 37
Elsie
My face is lost in the soft duvet, my arms and legs useless balls of jelly. My blazer is bunched up around my neck and I think I’ve ripped a button or two off my blouse. Turning my head, I take a big gulp of air, trying to refill my lungs.
Xander pulls out of me and I moan in protest at the void he’s left. I want to turn around and squeeze him tight, but I can’t. My body is a quivering mess. Instead I’m left face down on the bed, my legs dangling off.
That doesn’t reduce the high I’m on. Not just from sex, but from Xander coming back for me.
Before my diagnosis I really thought there was no way I could ever have a relationship. I made myself wall off my heart. Not only because I wouldn’t want to burden anyone else with my life but also because I never thought anyone would ever want to bear that burden.
But Xander does.
I genuinely never thought it was possible to love someone enough to accept such my bleak future but Xander has taught me that that kind of love really does exist.
Everything is different now. He burst my heart wide open and filled my life with undeniable love for him. He wrapped me up in his love and, for the first time since I started having health problems, made me realize I can still be loved.
“Are you going to stay like that all day?” Xander asks. He’s behind me but I can picture him smirking as he asks it.
“I can’t move.”
“In that case,” he says and lifts me up. He lays me down on the bed with my head on the pillow.
Xander pulls up his jeans and does up the button. My clothes are bunched up underneath me, digging into various parts of my body, but my arms are still trembling too much to think about straightening my outfit.
“Next time we’ll have to do that without our clothes on,” I say, smiling up at him.
He flops on the bed beside me and says, “Or wearing that sexy lingerie I first saw you in.”
“I don’t think it will fit you.”
“No? Damn, I thought it would really show off my figure.”
“Ugh, I really have to get back to work now,” I say, dreading the idea.
“Screw work, spend the day in bed with me.”
“I can’t.”
Xander narrows his brow and says, “We can do whatever the hell we want. Starting right now. Do you want to go back to work?”
“No,” I say, thinking about all the paperwork waiting for me in Cynthia’s office and the way I felt when she gave it to me. All my enthusiasm for the job is gone. The only thing I want to do is be with Xander.
“Then fuck it, let’s do something fun,” he says, his dimple on full display.
“Like what?”
“Plan our next move. I was thinking we could travel around and stay at all the best hotels in the world. And when we get tired of that we can open our own,” he says, his voice more animated than I’ve ever heard it.
Excited by the idea I say, “That would be a dream come true.”
“Get used to it because from now on our life is a dream come true. For both of us.”
A broad, natural smile spreads across my face as I realize how amazing life is going to be with Xander.
“There’s a luxury hotel I have always wanted to go to on a remote island off the coast of Newfoundland. It’s a place to go and hide and get away from it all. That’s the kind of hotel I’ve always wanted to open.” Although I don’t know that my health would ever let me actually open a hotel. Maybe if I could use managers to run it and I would just be the ideas person.
“Sounds perfect, let’s go,” Xander says and sits up.
“What? Now?”
“Absolutely. Why not?”
I try to think of a good reason not to but can’t. Not even work. I have zero desire to go back downstairs and put in a shift ever again. “Okay,” I say and laugh but don’t move from my spot.
“You’re going to have to get off the bed.”
“Give me a minute to recover, would you?”
Xander rubs my knee and laughs. “Fine, I’ll book the plane tickets.”
He grabs his phone from the bedside table and taps away at the screen. I can’t believe I’m really doing this. When I woke up this morning I was lost and destined to a lifetime of suffering without love but now I’m about to go off on an adventure with the man I love more than anything in the world.
“I guess I have to tell Cynthia that I quit,” I say. I have no idea what time it is or if she’s back from her lunch meeting yet. One thing is for sure, after this morning’s meeting where I thanked her over and over for letting me keep my job, I don’t want to tell her that I quit to her face.
Rolling over, I force myself off the bed and to the desk. I dial down to her office, my heart pounding as I wait for her to answer. After several rings it goes to her voicemail and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Hi, Cynthia, Elsie here. Sorry to tell you like this but I’ve decided that I can no longer keep working here at the Good Rest Inn. There’s too much going on in my life and I need to go away, now so effective immediately I’m done with my employment.” I put the receiver down, on both Cynthia and my old life. It feels weird but right, like I’ve found my true path and have been smart enough to jump into it with two feet.
Xander comes up behind me and puts his hands on my hips. “Good girl, now let’s get out of here.”
He kisses my neck and for a moment I figure we’re not going anywhere but back to bed. But he slides his hand down my arm and meshes his fingers through mine and leads me to the hotel room door.
I follow him through it and down the stairs to the employee entrance, where my car waits on the other side. As the door closes behind us I scarcely look back at the life I’m leaving.
I’m too busy thinking of all the fun we are going to have. Together.
Life is to be embraced while I can. While we can. One day at a time. The future can wait, we’re too busy loving each other righ
t now.
Epilogue
One Year Later
Elsie
“Is it blue? I think it’s turning blue,” I say, examining the stick in my hand. Even though I’ve been on the pill, we’ve traveled so much over the past year, visiting the most luxurious hotels that provide a complete escape for clients, that I think the time zones messed up the effectiveness of the birth-control.
So here we are, staying in a hut on stilts on a little island in the Maldives in the Indian Ocean with the only pregnancy test we could find in the local store.
“It hasn’t been two minutes yet,” Xander says and takes the stick from my hand.
“Hey, give it back,” I say and reach for the stick but Xander holds it out of my reach.
“No. We have something else to discuss,” he says and my heart races at the earnestness in his voice.
“What could possibly be more important than me being pregnant?”
“I didn’t plan it to be this way, but I think it’s important to do before you see the results because I don’t want you in any way to think that I’m only doing this because you’re carrying my child,” Xander says, giving me a small smile.
“What are you talking about?”
Xander sets the pregnancy test onto the top of the rich tropical wood dresser and takes my hand. He leads me outside onto the deck. My eyes squint at the bright sunshine reflecting off the water.
By the time they adjust, Xander has dropped to one knee. He’s surrounded by bright pink flower petals, which have been laid on the deck in the shape of a heart.
“Elsie, since I found you, literally stumbled into you, I’ve found happiness I never thought I would ever know. And I never want it to end. Marry me, and we will live the best, most normal, real life imaginable,” Xander says, his eyes wide and smiling.
I’m trembling all over and my hand flies to my mouth. “Yes, a million times yes,” I say without hesitation and hurl myself at him.
My momentum is enough to knock us both into the shallow turquoise water and Xander grabs me and draws me against him. We stand, the water waist deep, and he cups my cheeks with both hands and presses his mouth against mine.
Pulling away, he laughs and says, “Good thing I didn’t have the ring in my hand, or we’d be diving around looking for it.”
“Good thing you didn’t have the pregnancy test or the water probably would have ruined it,” I say.
Xander laughs and grips me tight, dunking us both under the water. When we emerge, we stand and I move to go to the ladder, but he grabs my hand, stopping me.
“I’m not done with my new fiancée yet,” he says and draws me against him, wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace.
A warm blanket wraps around my heart as he says the word fiancée, something I never thought I’d be but if I’ve learned anything with Xander, it’s that anything is possible.
“Don’t you want to check the stick?” I ask, torn between staying here in his arms and finding out the result.
“In a minute.”
I swallow and say, “I never thought I would be a mother.”
Xander smiled down at me and says, “I never thought I would be a father.”
“But it might be negative,” I say, my shoulders dropping as I realize how much I want it to be positive.
“I know a way to change that,” Xander says and squeezes my ass.
Starting a family isn’t something we’ve talked about. Xander is still hurting from his own family and it’s a topic I’ve avoided. He hasn’t spoken to his father since he walked in on him and Luna, and he’s adamant that he never will. His mother tried contacting him, but he wants nothing to do with her either. He said he is through with them ruining his life.
“Do you now?” I say, grinning up at him.
Without warning, Xander lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist.
“I do, because how fun would it be to grow up in a luxury hotel?” he says.
We’ve traveled to several luxury hotels all around the world, getting ideas for our own. Our hotel will be all about escape from the everyday world and we’ve already purchased a piece of land in the Poconos mountains to build it on. To keep the stress down, we are keeping our distance and letting the manager we hired take control. I’ve simply been doing the fun stuff, like color schemes, room layouts and special touches that have inspired me on our visits to top hotels around the world.
When our hotel opens, I’m going to have a figurehead role, making sure the guests are happy and leaving the rest of the stress to our employees.
In between our trips, Xander has brought me to the best doctor in the country for multiple sclerosis, and I’m about to undergo cutting-edge stem cell therapy. At least I am if I’m not pregnant.
The neurologist assured me that I can live a full and happy life and have a family and create my dream hotel and anything else I want to do. It won’t be easy. It’s not a cure, but it is hope for the future.
“And our wedding? Am I going to be heavily pregnant and in my wedding dress?”
“Who said anything about wearing a dress?” Xander says and dunks us both into the warm water.
I spring back up, laughing and smooth my wet hair out of my eyes. “Seriously?”
“There’s one more thing I have to tell you,” he says.
“Huh?” I say, my brow creased.
Xander gently places his hands on my shoulders and says, “We are getting married today.”
“What on earth—” I start.
“The doctor said to have as little stress in your life as possible and I didn’t want you to stress about the wedding planning or anything around it, so I figured what better way to reduce stress than have a surprise wedding, and what better place to do that than a tropical paradise?” he says smiling, his dimple showing.
My heart lurches and my body trembles. First the pregnancy test, then the engagement and now this? It’s overwhelming but I’m filled with joy.
“I guess I don’t get a wedding dress then. Is the ceremony in my bathing suit?”
“That’s where you’re wrong, you do get a dress. Isabel picked it out and has it here for you.”
My eyes trace his face as I try to understand what he said. “Isabel is here?”
“With Larson and your parents. They’re staying in rooms on the other side of the island.”
I gasp and my hands fly to my face. We are on the other side of the world. I never imagined this would be happening. Isabel and Larson got married eight months ago and since then the four of us have been inseparable whenever we haven’t been traveling.
Seeing Larson and Xander get along so well was a relief since Xander cut ties with everyone in his life.
Everyone except Luna. He never gave up on her and I love him even more because of it.
“Just the four of them?” I ask.
“Actually, there’s six.”
My eyes widen, “Luna?”
Xander nods, “Luna and Nathan.”
Luna came to visit us in Trenton for dinner and met Nathan. The two have been almost inseparable ever since. Nathan has been amazing for Luna and has become a starring role on Lunatics. The ratings have soared and at the same time Nathan has taught Luna to have self-respect.
She says her relationship with Nathan is so good because there is no question of sex. Being besties with a gay man has taken sex out of the equation, and until she can find a healthy view of herself and sex, it will stay that way.
Xander was skeptical at first but seeing her transformation has lifted a mountain of stress from his shoulders.
“Seriously, I’m really happy about all this. I am so excited and so moved that you did this for me, but it has been two minutes,” I say and wiggle out of his grip.
“Okay, fine but if it isn’t blue and you want it to be blue, I’m going to throw you on the bed and fuck you until you’ll be walking funny down the aisle.”
“I kind of like that idea. Can we do that if it’s blue as well?”
I asked as I climb the ladder.
“Hell, yes,” Xander says. He meshes his fingers through mine as we walk the few steps across the deck and into the hut.
I’m trembling all over, my hands visibly shaking as we reach the dresser. We look at each other and our eyes connect for several moments, my heart racing. Xander breaks the eye contact and picks up the stick. He holds it up for us both to see.
“That’s blue,” he says and picks me up and spins me around.
I am limp in his arms as the raw reality sinks in. I’m pregnant. I’m engaged. I’ll be married by the end of the day. And I’m in Xander’s arms, right where I need to be. Forever.
This book is dedicated to my husband who, just after our engagement, had to make the same choice as Xander. I wrote this book for him as a Silver Wedding Anniversasry gift - although he’s never beem a reality TV star, he is the world’s sexiest man. I wonder if he would’ve made the same choice now that he knows just how awful it gets. Honey, thank you for not making me go through this alone, I don’t know what I’d do without you.
(By the way, 23 years after being diagnosed with MS, I found out it was a wrong diagnosis and that I in fact have TM from Lupus - meaning my current nightmare could’ve been prevented but that’s another story.)
Thank you for reading my book, I hope you enjoyed it! I normally write extended epilogues for all of my books, but as yet have been too ill to complete the one for Raw. One day I will. In the meantime please join my newsletter for the free books The Dick Next Door and Swallow Hard and get the Raw epilogue when it’s finally done (plus epilogues for all my other books,)
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