Reaching into her drawer for some T-shirts, her hand touched the silky fabric of her New Jersey Devils jersey. A lump immediately rose in her throat as she took it out of the drawer.
Ash had given her the jersey with his name and number on the back. Leaving home without it wouldn’t feel right.
Nothing the last few days had felt anything close to right.
Jess’s perceptive gaze didn’t help as she tucked the jersey into the suitcase.
“Have you talked to him?” she asked.
Emma shook her head. The last person she wanted to talk to about Ash was her sister. The “I told you so” conversation would destroy her. She just wanted to get through the holidays with her family, then get on a plane and hope that her study schedule would fill her days and thoughts, drowning out the dull ache in her chest that she was currently suffering.
Approaching, Jess took her hands, forcing her to sit on the bed. “You’re doing the right thing,” she said.
Emma nodded. She knew she was. Being on the slopes had helped her overcome her fear, but it had also helped her say goodbye to her professional snowboarding past. She loved being on the mountains, and they would always be a part of her—a part she was proud of—but she was ready for her new future.
“I’m sorry I was so pushy in this…” Jess started.
But Emma stopped her. “You were right, Jess.” She paused. “About everything.” She hadn’t gone into detail about her argument with Ash, but her early return from the mountains and the fact that she’d had to call Jess to pick her up from the bus station had said enough. Tears burned the back of her eyes, and Jess moved closer to hug her tight. “Asher is something else I have to let go of.”
Chapter 18
The Avalanche were unstoppable. As much as Asher hated to admit it, they might just be the Devils’ biggest competition for the cup again that season. Going head to head against his brother in the playoffs would be déjà vu, and he hoped for a different outcome this time.
He was itching to get back on the ice, and his mood was worsening with each passing day as Christmas drew closer. The sight of Christmas lights and decorations, the sound of the familiar carols, and the deliciously tempting aromas of the season were doing nothing to make him feel better. If it weren’t for his last therapy session with Dr. Masey, he would have been tempted to go back to New Jersey.
Abandoning his family a few days before Christmas would be an asshole move though, so he continued to suck it up when they insisted on decorating the family tree together and forced him to attend the children’s Christmas concert at school. He’d sat in the crowded gymnasium, knowing Emma was there somewhere with her family watching her nephews, and unable to think about anything else.
He couldn’t believe she still refused to talk to him six days later, but three unanswered text messages were ringing loud and clear.
He watched the final seconds of the third period count down as he stretched his leg. Between his sessions with Dr. Masey, he was working the leg like crazy. Walking into the clinic knowing that Emma didn’t want to continue his rehabilitation and had purposely arranged her schedule so she wouldn’t be there when he was there depressed him further, but he had to see this through.
He tried to focus on the game, but his gaze constantly shifted to his unringing cell phone.
Come on, Emma!
She couldn’t really be done with him. Could she?
The thought made his stomach turn. They’d never gone this long without talking. He missed her, but he didn’t even know where to start to get them back to where they’d been before the trip. Her words had struck a chord with him—one he didn’t need struck. The injury had already reminded him that he couldn’t continue this dream forever, and he hadn’t needed to hear it from her.
But his words to her had been unfair. She’d had a fantastic career, and she was smart enough to know that snowboarding wouldn’t be there forever and find a new path for her future. A great path. She was going to be a doctor—wow! Any patient would be lucky to have her. He wished he still had her—in all capacities.
Onscreen, the third period had ended and Ben approached an ESPN reporter for the after-game interview. Awarded a star that evening, his brother was first up to the hot seat.
“Great game tonight. The team looks like it’s headed right back to the playoffs this year, with fourteen straight wins,” the reporter said.
Ben nodded. “We’re playing well. Everyone feels good. We haven’t had any injuries this season so far…It’s looking good.” He ran a hand through his sweaty hair and looked more tired than usual after a game. Asher leaned closer to study his brother. His normal post-game high seemed to be missing.
“You’re leading in points again this season,” the reporter said. “With all the new, younger players on the team, that must be a great feeling.”
Ben smiled as he shook his head. “Not as great as finding out my fiancée is expecting our first baby,” he said.
Asher’s mouth dropped. Had Ben just said that on national television? Readily given the tabloids shit to go nuts over? After his brother’s previous year in hot water, Asher had expected him to keep his personal life a little more low-key these days. Apparently not. His brother loved the spotlight.
He glanced at his mother, who’d just entered the living room, her pleased-as-shit grin matching Ben’s. “You knew?”
She nodded. “Olivia called me just after she told Ben before the game tonight.”
Wow. This was great news…but he couldn’t help but wonder how a pregnant fiancée might interfere with his brother’s focus for the rest of the season.
Ben’s voice drew his attention back to the TV. “And I also have another announcement to make. I was going to wait until the end of the season…In truth, I hadn’t felt confident enough in the decision until earlier today…”
What the fuck? Asher leaned closer to the screen and shot a look at his mother, but her expression looked just as surprised, though not as concerned as his.
“I’m retiring at the end of the season when my contract with the Avalanche is up,” Ben said.
“Shit.”
“Retiring?” Even the reporter looked surprised—surprised and thrilled that she was getting the first official announcement.
Other mics appeared on screen, shoved in Ben’s face, as every reporter in the stadium tried to get the story.
“But you’re only thirty-four. You still could play for years…”
Ben nodded. “I could. And I feel great. But I’ve got a Stanley Cup win, I’ve hit every professional goal I’ve set for myself…I’ve done what I wanted to do, and now there’s another life, another set of goals I’m looking forward to achieving.”
“Wow. Well, you’ll certainly be missed.”
“Good,” Ben said in true Ben fashion. “I’d hate to go out on bottom and be forgotten about.” He winked, and as usual the reporter swooned.
Go out on bottom and be forgotten about.
“Thanks for the exclusive, Ben. Good luck with the rest of your season. Your final season,” the reporter said, turning back to her cameraman.
As Ben disappeared through the sea of reporters, Ash turned off the television. Final season. His brother was hanging up the jersey…for a new life.
That there was more to life than hockey had never sounded so true as it did when the one person he’d foolishly thought would wear skates until they pried them off his cold, dead feet was hanging them up early.
Asher sighed, resting his head back against the couch cushions. Ben and Emma might be right to be moving toward other goals, but he still had milestones he wanted to achieve for himself in the sport.
He couldn’t give everything up or walk away just yet.
But damn, if he didn’t hate that—unlike his brother—he hadn’t discovered a way to have it all.
* * *
Decorating an artificial pink tree alone was depressing as hell.
Emma draped strands of tinsel over the
edges of the branches on the barely four-foot-tall rotating musical eyesore that she’d bought mainly to piss off her ever-traditional sister. She was only decorating it because her nephews were coming over the next day. Now that they were out of school for the holidays, she was watching them while Jess and Trey were at work, and she’d promised them that they could pop popcorn and string it for her tree. In the background, It’s a Wonderful Life was on the television, and she raised an eyebrow as she watched George Bailey hugging his family after the angel had shown him all the wonderful things he had in his life.
The guy couldn’t just figure it out on his own and save his family a ton of heartache? Picking up the remote, she switched the station. Miracle on 34th Street. Nope. White Christmas. Nope. Ah, Die Hard. Perfect. The only holiday movie that wouldn’t destroy her completely.
Looking at the tree and the remaining tinsel in her hand, she flung it in the air over the branches. It fell, clinging where it would.
There. Done.
Now, no one could say she wasn’t festive.
She glanced around her living room, where half-packed boxes were stacked. She’d been renting her apartment furnished—never fully ready to commit to small-town life—so she only had her personal items to pack and store at Jess’s while she was away. She’d rent another furnished apartment in Florida.
Sitting on her couch, she reached for her laptop and saw a notification flashing in the corner.
A new IM message from Sean.
She sighed. Since she accepted the January enrollment spot, he’d emailed her six times with course information, a book list, apartment listings near the campus…
She appreciated his help, but it was all a little too much. She really hoped he wasn’t expecting anything more than just faculty friendship once she arrived in Florida. Ignoring the blinking message, she closed the laptop and tucked her leg beneath her on the couch, her thoughts wandering, settling on nothing concrete. Just a slightly overwhelming feeling of uncertainty enveloping her as she scanned her apartment. In two weeks she’d be living almost two thousand miles away…
Her gaze landed on the nutcracker centerpiece from the fashion show, standing near her electric fireplace in the corner. Tears burned the back of her eyes as the tender expression of love carved in the wooden figurines reminded her of everything she wanted that was just out of reach.
Picking up her cell, she stared at the picture of her and Ash taken at the NHL award ceremony. It was one of the best nights of her life. Everything in the world had felt right that evening.
Would it ever feel that way again?
* * *
“Congratulations,” Asher said, sliding onto a stool at the Grumpy Stump next to his brother the following evening.
“On both—the retirement and the baby—or just the baby?” Ben asked, handing him a shot from those lined up on the bar, as the hometown crowd celebrated the good and unexpected news.
“Both in time…the baby for now,” Asher said, raising the shot.
Ben held his up. “Look at it this way, with me out next season, you may have a shot at the Stanley Cup.”
Asher laughed. “Fine. I’ll think about letting you have it again this year.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Ben said, and the two tipped back their drinks.
Setting the shot glass down on the bar, Asher ordered a round of drinks and tossed several bills down.
Ben looked around the full room. “Flying solo? Where’s Emma?”
Asher reached for his beer and chugged it back. He knew his family would notice that he was alone tonight. “I blew that.”
“Naturally.” Ben nodded. “But fix it.”
Ben knew all about fixing things, but Asher wasn’t sure he could change things between him and Emma even if he did have his brother’s GQ model smile and charm. He shook his head. “It’s too late. Besides, I gotta get back to New Jersey. Start training again.” And she had a new future to start. One that didn’t involve sitting around waiting for him.
“Do you love her?”
“Wow. Who are you, man?” Love? A year ago, his brother would have choked on the word. Olivia coming into Ben’s life had transformed his playboy brother. He barely recognized him anymore…in a good way. Until he started talking about feelings—that shit was just weird.
“Come on. Answer the question.” Ben elbowed him.
He knew the answer, but having this discussion with Ben seemed pointless. In a town as small as Glenwood Falls, he’d been expecting to see her around more, but there had been no sight of her…even coming or going from her father’s house. She was clearly going to all lengths possible to avoid seeing him. So, what did it matter that for the first time in his life, he was experiencing the soul-crushing defeat of love? Admitting it would only hurt more.
“Asher, it’s not a trick question, man.”
He chugged another mouthful of beer. “Yeah, maybe…I don’t know,” he lied.
Ben shook his head. “You’re right. It’s too late, and she deserves better.”
Asher shot his brother a look. “All right, yes. I love her. I can’t stomach the idea of another day without her. But she’s avoiding me, and she’ll be leaving for Florida soon.” He shrugged. “I can’t keep getting in the way of what she wants.”
Ben tapped his shoulder as he stood. “She wanted you, man. But if you’re not ready to commit, then you’re doing the right thing by letting her go.”
His brother headed toward his fiancée in the corner booth where their family was gathered. Ash had never felt so alone as he weighed his brother’s words.
He knew Ben was right. But could he let Emma go?
The decision didn’t seem his to make anymore.
Chapter 19
So, it looks like your determination has paid off. You’re clear to start playing again. But ease into it,” Dr. Masey said the next day.
His final session had gone well. He had no more pain and had regained full movement in the knee joint. He knew his determination had definitely played a role in his quick recovery, but most of the credit went to Emma. She’d known how hard and fast she could push him.
She knew him.
Asher pushed the thought away as he sat up on the therapy bed.
Five weeks. Not the two to three he’d boasted, but at least not the six to ten they’d recommended. He’d be back on the ice by New Year’s Eve. “Thanks, doc,” he said, taking the clearance letter Dr. Masey had prepared for him and climbing down from the table.
“Will your milestone game be here in Denver?” he asked as Asher put on his coat.
“Yeah. On New Year’s Eve.” It would be the last game he’d play in Denver that season unless the two teams made the playoffs. And oddly enough, his injury had made reaching his milestone on “home” ice possible…which he was reluctantly grateful for. “I’ll try not to beat the Avalanche too badly,” he said as he opened the therapy room door.
“Merry Christmas, Asher.” The doctor shook his hand. “Good luck with the rest of your season.”
“Merry Christmas,” he said, leaving the office and entering the empty reception area. He was the last patient of the day…for the year actually, as the office was now closed until after the holidays.
Emma’s door was open, but the lights were off and she wasn’t there. He didn’t know when she planned to leave for Florida, but he suspected it would be right after the holidays.
How was he going to spend the first Christmas in years in his hometown so close to her but not spend it with her?
Man, he’d messed up. If he could go back and change things, he would.
Pushing through the door, he pulled the zipper of his jacket higher as he walked home. The snow was falling in large, fluffy flakes, collecting on his jacket, his boots, and the crunchy ground beneath his feet. This part of town in the late afternoon was quiet as offices had closed already for the Christmas break and only a car or two passed as he walked, head down against the blowing snow.
Arrivi
ng home, he shook his head, seeing Mr. Callaway stapling another row of multicolored lights to his doorframe. He must have noticed Beverly’s latest addition: an inflatable Santa Snoopy on the front lawn.
It was the day before Christmas Eve, and their feud was still going strong.
At least their parents were only fighting over holiday lights…
Opening the front door, he stomped his boots on the outdoor mat before entering.
“How did it go?” his mother asked, coming out of the kitchen.
“Great,” he said. He removed his coat and hung it on the hook near the door. “Got my clearance.” He took off his boots and set them on the drying rack. “I’ll be back in Jersey and on the ice after Christmas. Coach agreed to let me play here against the Avalanche on New Year’s Eve for the milestone game.”
She wiped her hands on a Christmas apron that was covered in flour and gave him a quick hug. “I’m glad we will all get to be there,” she said.
Would they all be there?
As if reading his thoughts, she said, “Emma stopped by.”
His mouth went dry. “When?”
“About an hour ago.”
When she knew he wouldn’t be there.
“She brought over some things, left them in your room. Are you two okay?” Her perceptive gaze studied him. He suspected she already knew the answer. He and Emma had never gone this long without seeing one another, without talking…and his mother had noticed his depressed mood since he returned from Breckenridge.
He shrugged. “Yeah, fine…”
“She wasn’t going to wait for you forever, you know,” his mother said gently, touching his arm.
He did now. “I just wished I’d known time had run out,” he said with a sigh and headed upstairs.
On his bed was a bag from Trinkets & Such—a shop in Breckenridge. Opening the box inside, he found a snow globe with a winter scene that could have been captured in his own front yard years before. Reaching into the bag, he read the note.
For your mom…
He sat on the bed with the snow globe as his mother appeared in the doorway.
Maybe This Christmas Page 20
