I laugh at how alike we are. Seeing myself reflected in him is still so eerie, but I can’t help but wonder what he would be like if I’d raised him. Resisting the urge to sling my arm around his, we push out of the theater in search of food.
I text Zoey, but there’s no reply. Shaking my head, I can imagine that she’s out, surrounded by beautiful men who drool over her every movement. Any other night, I wouldn’t care what she’s doing, but tonight I’m hoping that she comes home early. I could use my best friend more than anything right now.
“Are you okay?” Mary asks as Kyle heads to the bathroom to wash his hands.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not okay.” I choke down the burning sensation of fresh tears. “I’m just kind of tired for falling for the wrong ones all of the time.” I wave away her worried expression. “It’s nothing. I have Kyle to focus on now, and finding us a place to live.”
As I speak, I feel fat tears rolling down my face. Quickly, I wipe them away before I laugh. It’s a bitter, empty sound, but as I take in a deep breath, I force it away. I can’t break down right now, not in front of Kyle.
“Hey,” I say as I force a smile, “why don’t you stay with us? I mean, I’m going to need help with Kyle, and he’s going to need time to adjust. This way you can at least stay around for a while.”
“I-I don’t know…”
“Don’t you want to stay around Kyle?” I ask, puzzled.
“Of course I do! There’s nothing I want more, but I can’t let him watch me—”
Her words are cut off in her throat as Kyle walks back out and sits down next to her. She turns her head, wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. I wish I could talk to her more, but we both seem to be speaking a silent language, and “don’t upset Kyle” is the theme.
For the rest of the night, I try my best to push all of the drama away. I have a son in front of me who needs me. Mary needs me too, even if I didn’t realize that at first.
By the time we’re stuffed full of pizza and ice cream I’m ready for bed. The drive back to their hotel seems to take forever. Kyle waves when I drop them off, making me grin like a fool.
“You can stay here for the night, if you want to,” Mary offers.
I shake my head. “I don’t want to take up space. I’m going to go by my friend’s house and stay the night with her if I can. I’ll be back soon.”
Mary nods, a faint smile on her lips. “Be safe.”
“I will.”
I watch as both of them disappear into the hotel before I pull off. The night is pitch black and lonely. Usually, I like it when the trees and dark buildings are the only things around me, no cars clogging up my road. Now it just feels empty, lonely. I find myself missing the place that I’d called home for so long. At least I could go there, curl up, and forget the world even existed for a while.
My phone rings, jarring me out of my thoughts. I fumble in my purse for the sound, my fingers brushing over it until I’m able to fish it out. Zoey. Her smiling face has probably never comforted me as much as it is now.
“What’s wrong?” is the first thing that she asks.
“I’m fine. I just need a place to sleep tonight, if you’re not busy.”
“Busy?” Zoey scoffs. “I can have any of these guys next weekend. Let’s focus on you for now. Where are you?”
“I’m heading towards your place.”
“Okay. If you get there before I do, let yourself in.”
“You got it.”
Once we hang up, I can’t deny that I’m feeling a little better. I turn up my radio until the bass is thudding inside, rattling my body. I don’t care. For a long time, I’ve been deluding myself. But it seems as though it’s time to face reality.
When I reach Zoey’s, I fish the spare key out of my purse before letting myself in. I flip on a couple of lights before I kick off my shoes and walk into her bedroom. In the bedroom I find sweatpants and a tank top and switch into them. By the time Zoey gets home, I’m nestled on the couch with a cup of tea in my hands.
“Let me change, and then you can tell me what’s going on.”
I nod as she disappears into her bedroom. For a moment, I wonder why she always looks so stunning. She was wearing a tight black dress that shimmered in the living room lights. Her heels were so tall that I wonder, not for the first time, how she walks in them. When she reemerges, she has traded the dress for a soft pink nightgown, and curls up beside me.
“Spill. How’d it goes with Connor’s family?”
I tell her everything. When I’m done, she’s smoking a cigarette, flicking the ash into a black dish. I hesitate to hell her about what happened when we reached Connor’s again, but I have to tell someone. By the end of it, I’m wiping at my eyes once more.
“I can’t understand why I’m so upset!” I exclaim in frustration.
“You like him.”
“I’m not supposed to,” I mumble as I clutch a pillow to my chest. “He’s just a client. This was supposed to be a simple deal.”
Zoey laughs. “Nothing is ever simple.”
“I don’t get it. Why is he such an asshole? One minute he’s sweet and loveable, the next he’s demanding and cruel. I just wish…I don’t know.”
Zoey sighs as she smashes the butt of the cigarette into the dish. “I didn’t want to tell you this…” She trails off, lost in her own thoughts.
After a few moments of silence, I prod her. “Tell me what?”
“I’ve known him for a while now. The only time he goes back and forth like this is when he’s back on it again.”
“On what?” I press.
Zoey pinches the bridge of her nose. “Connor’s always been pretty stable. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he can be pretty demanding, but that’s just him. When he gets back to drinking, though, he gets even worse.”
“What do you mean?”
“Connor’s been an alcoholic ever since his first marriage. He was only twenty-two back then, but it gripped him hard. When he starts, it’s hard for him to stop.”
I think back to the last few times we were together. How could I have not noticed it? When he was sober, he was stern, but not overly cruel. I think back to the times when we drank until we passed out.
“I completely missed it,” I mumble.
Zoey shrugs. “It’s hard to miss. He’s hidden it from everyone from a long time. I thought that if he was around you maybe he’d stay clear, but I’m starting to think I was just being optimistic.”
“What should I do?”
“That’s for you to decide. It’s not going to be easy to see him through this, but if you really care about him, it will be worth it.” Zoey catches my gaze and gives me a grin. “You’ll be fine. Both of you will. Maybe you two just need to talk.”
I nod. “Oh, I almost forgot,” I say suddenly. “I was coming over to ask if I could crash with you until I find a new place. I need some space for now.”
“You know you can always stay here,” she says as she stands up to stretch. “Besides, I could really use the company. I’m a little tired of clubs and parties.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “Are you trying to tell me that you’re thinking about settling down? You?”
Zoey shrugs. “You have to eventually. What’s the point of living your whole life only for you? Besides, I’m beginning to think I’m at the age where I’d like to have a child soon.”
My eyes grow wide. “How long have you been thinking about this?”
She looks sheepish. “A while now. A couple of months at least.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” I throw a pillow at her. “What kind of best friend are you?”
“You’ve been so busy! I didn’t want to add more on top of your growing list of crazy.” She yawns. “I’m going to go to bed. We’ll catch up in the morning.”
“Darla’s for brunch?”
“You read my mind. Good night.”
I watch her disappear into her bedroom before I curl up on the couch. Flipping on
the TV, I pull a blanket up over me. Warm, sleepy, and emotionally exhausted, I’m ready to go to bed, when my phone starts to ring again. I check it.
Connor.
Everything can wait until tomorrow, I determine. First, I need some time to myself. Then maybe I’ll be able to sort out my thoughts and not be so confused.
Chapter Fourteen
Darla’s is a popular stop for us. Since I met Zoey, we’ve tried to meet there at least once a week. The food is amazing, the staff friendly, and the atmosphere cozy. Everything is decorated in soft pink and white. The smell of fresh pink roses is pleasant.
Once we order our food, Zoey pushes her fingers through her hair. “Hey, I know a few places, if you need help apartment hunting.”
“What is happening with you? You’re supposed to be my dirty-minded, foul-mouthed friend.”
“Oh, I still am!” Zoey says with a laugh. “If you knew half of the things I did last week… Don’t give me that look! I told you, I’m trying to be more mature now. Besides, you’ve been so distant, I didn’t think it was a good time to make dirty jokes.”
“It’s never a bad time to make dirty jokes.”
Zoey sighs, a smile on her face. “That’s why I love you.”
When our food arrives, we both bite our lips in anticipation. Zoey always goes for pancakes with fruit, scrambled eggs, and bacon. I prefer French toast and bacon. The smell of vanilla rising from the French toast seems to comfort me. But food has always had a way of doing that.
Zoey cuts into her pancakes. I watch her eyes practically roll up into her head as she sighs. After she’s taken a few more bites, she finally seems to regain the ability to talk.
“Are you going to talk to Connor today?”
I shrug. “I mean, if I want to get paid I guess I have to, but it’s not exactly an appetizing thought. I don’t care what his problems are; he shouldn’t have touched me like that. Or talked to me like that. I’m sick of it.”
She nods. “I definitely get it, and you’re right. All I’m saying is, give him a chance.”
“I gave Nathan a chance. I gave Nathan a lot of chances.”
“Connor isn’t like that. He has a short temper and can be a jerk, but you know he’d never actually hurt you. Right?”
I sigh. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Well, either way, just do what’s right for you, I guess. I just thought there was really something there between you two.”
Me and you both, I want to say. Instead, I give her a small smile before I eat the rest of my food in record time. After I drink down my orange juice, I check my phone.
“Speaking of Connor, he’s not far from here with the rest of my money. I guess I should go meet up with him. I’ll see you later?” I reach for my wallet, but Zoey shakes her head.
“I got this one. See you at my place.”
I text Connor back, and twenty minutes later I’m sitting on a bench in the park. The fall air is really starting to set in, and I wish that I’d brought along a jacket. Rubbing my hands together, I blow on them before I spot Connor.
He’s walking across the park, his tall frame covered in a jacket. Stubble is on his jaw, just like the first time we met. This time, however, there’s no smile on his face, only worry, exhaustion. The Connor I had gotten to know has been replaced with this man who looks as if he hasn’t slept in a month.
“Thanks for meeting with—”
“I’m not here to chat. I’m just here to collect my money and go.”
Connor frowns. “So that’s it? I don’t even get to try to fix things?”
“What is there to fix?” Why am I yelling? I can’t seem to bring my voice down. “We are nothing. And, as you’ve made abundantly clear, I’m a whore. So please, give me my money so I can go.”
Connor reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope. I open it to see that it’s a check, but not for what we had originally discussed. The amount of zeros seems to be off.
“What’s this?”
“It’s your payment,” he says curtly.
“You know what I mean. Why is it so much?”
“It’s a bonus.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to be nice?”
“Jesus, Angela! Everything I do, you think is some kind of plot. Do you really think I have time to sit around scheming all day and night? Just take the damn money!”
“Fine,” I say as I shove the envelope into my purse.
As I walk past him, he places a hand on my shoulder. I don’t know why, but I stop. The warmth of his hand on my body is enough to bring on fond memories. I feel the familiar thumping of my heart.
“Is that it? I’m never going to see you again?”
My voice seems caught in my throat. “I don’t know. I need some time to think.”
“You can’t deny it, there’s something between us…” Connor stops. It seems as though something is stuck in his throat too.
Some part of me wants nothing more than to forgive him, to wrap my arms around him and forget anything ever happened. Another part of me remembers what it’s like to keep putting faith in someone who will only continue to hurt me. Slowly, I pull away from him. Glancing over my shoulder, I see he’s staring at me intently.
“I need time to think.”
I walk away as quickly as I can. If I stay, I’ll be too tempted by the sadness that I see in his eyes. Right now, that’s the last thing I need.
Instead of walking to the street, I push farther into the park. I can’t be around people right now; I need the comfort of peace and quiet. As I walk, I make a mental note to pick up my things from Connor’s as soon as possible. No temptation.
Picking my way along the paths, I finally find one of my favorite spots. A little bench, badly in need of repair, sits in front of a lake. Ducks putter around it and splash in the water. Sunlight reflects from the surface, making it shimmer.
At times like these, I wish that I could talk to my mother. What are you supposed to do when you have no guidance? I love Zoey, but I’m not prepared to forgive him just yet. I push the thought of Connor away. There are so many things to worry about. It’s best not to dwell on that.
I sit for a while until I can’t take the chill settling in. Pushing myself up, I head back the way that I came. As I move through the trees, I hear something rustle. Pausing, I glance around me. There’s nothing there, but I still feel like I’m being watched. Shivering, but not from the chill, I move a little faster.
Up ahead, I can see a break in the trees. Sunlight is streaming through, beckoning me. I can even hear the sound of cars driving past, the sound of someone laughing far away. I know it’s just my paranoia. I almost laugh at myself.
“There’s no one there. You’re being silly and need more sleep.”
Sighing with relief, I pause as I reach the entrance to the trees. A hand curls around my upper arm, yanks me back. It takes all of my strength to keep from falling to the ground. I glance up, and a wave of sick, hot panic washes over me.
“Let go of me!”
“I just want to talk.”
Blond hair. Gunmetal blue eyes. A straight, set mouth. My nightmare in the flesh once again.
“Nathan.” I choke up. “I’m warning you…”
Nathan gives an exasperated sigh. “I just want to talk to you, I swear. I’m not going to hurt you.”
I scoff. “I have a hard time believing that. Why don’t you just leave me the hell alone? Haven’t you done enough?”
Nathan grits his teeth. “I’m not here to bother you, and I’m trying very hard not to lose my temper, but I have a right to be here.”
“What makes you think that?”
“My son is here. I want to meet him.”
My heart leaps into my throat. How does he know about Kyle? I’d told him early on that I lost the baby. I didn’t want Nathan to have any part of our lives. Who could have possibly told him? I try to play it cool, even though my heart is racing, my hands trembling
.
“What are you talking about?”
“Our son. You know what I’m talking about.”
“Are you talking about years ago? Nathan, I lost the baby, because of you.”
“Bullshit! I know you didn’t, and I’m going to get to see him.”
“No, you’re not. I don’t care what I have to do. You’re never getting anywhere near my son.”
That seems to be the tipping point for Nathan. He reaches out to grab me, but I’m ready. I move out of his way before I dart around him through the opening in the trees. I don’t stop, don’t look back as I run.
Chapter Fifteen
“Why won’t you listen to me?” I ask angrily.
The officer behind the desk practically rolls his eyes at me. “Ma’am, as I keep trying to explain to you, I’ve done all that I can. He hasn’t hurt you. He isn’t breaking into your home. I can’t stop him from walking around the streets.”
“He’s threatening me! He won’t leave my child alone!”
“You said it’s his child too. This is a matter for the family courts. I’m going to have to ask you to take it there. Get a lawyer.”
I’m seething, my fists balled up tightly. They aren’t going to help me; no one is going to help me. For a moment, I seriously want to tell the officer exactly how he can go fuck himself, but the thought of being in a locked room is enough to wipe the thought from my mind swiftly and effectively. I turn on my heel, storming away before my mouth can get me in trouble.
“Idiots!” I mumble.
Nathan is back, and he’s the same as always. Following me, cornering me when I’m all alone. My heart races out of control. I can feel the anxiety choking me as I stumble forward. This can’t be happening again.
Zoey is the first person who comes to my mind, but I remember that she’s at work. Normally, I wouldn’t care and I’d ring her at the office, but I remember that she’s in an important meeting all day. There won’t be a way to reach her.
Connor comes into my mind next. No. I’m not speaking to Connor right now. He needs to get his life together, and I need to break the toxic addiction to him I seem to be forming. Who is there left to call?
BOUGHT: A Standalone Romance Page 12
