by Danni Roan
“I’ve brought the willow powder,” Alexis offered. “I didn’t know…” she trailed off.
Reese took the bottle from her hand. “If we can get it into her, it might help with swelling.” A moment later, he lifted Mae’s head and trickled some of the bitter drink into her mouth, her body automatically trying to swallow past her rapidly closing throat.
“Now all we can do is wait,” he said, a heavy darkness covering him like a cloud.
“And pray,” Joshua’s raspy voice spoke.
***
Mae floated in darkness, resting on a billowing sea of black. Somewhere from far away she could hear voices, but couldn’t tell what they were saying. They sounded like the whispers of the ocean through a seashell.
The face of her mother rose to swim before her, soft and beautiful, smiling. Mae tried to reach for her, tried to pull her to her, but she couldn’t move. “Mother.” The word was only an echo in her mind.
It was peaceful here in this nothingness. No one was telling her how to behave, or that she’d messed up again. Her mother’s smile was sweet, soft, accepting. What if she were to just stay here, drifting forever far away from the critical eye of the world? That would be peaceful. Perhaps this sea would finally carry her to a distant shore. Was that where her mother was?
***
Reese Middleton rubbed his temples. A dull ache pounded as tears threatened to fall. Pushing the tears away intensified the ache, but he had to concentrate. He couldn’t crumble.
A soft sob to his right drew his attention. Chen Lou still sat in his chair, turning a tiny jade item over and over in his hand. He looked dazed.
Pushing himself to his feet, Reese moved toward the door. Joshua still sat in his chair, his face somber.
“Mr. James, I want you to go get some rest. I know it’s hard, but there is nothing else we can do but wait. All of your girls need you now.”
Joshua turned his ice-chip eyes to Reese; they were sad and worried, but accepting. “Thank you, son,” The older man said, lifting his hand. “I’ll try.”
Reese turned his head down the stairs and called. “Reg, Taylor?” The two men came at once. “Help Mr. James to a bed, please.” The other men nodded.
“I can walk,” Joshua said grumpily, pushing himself to his feet. “Maybe not so good no more, but I can.” Still, he laid a hand on each of his sons-in-law and moved toward the next bedroom down the hall.
Walking several paces down the hall in the other direction, Reese called again. “I need whiskey!” he shouted, wondering if the call would be answered, but the sound of feet on the back stairs was a quick reply.
Nona appeared with a bottle and two glasses. She eyed him warily, but didn’t ask any questions.
Uncorking the bottle, Reese poured a finger full in a glass and shot it back. Nona raised a brow. Pouring another finger full, he walked to where Chen Lou sat the morning sun bright on his parchment skin.
“Drink this, Ye-ye,” he offered, trying the endearment Mae used.
The old man, aged and frail, took the glass and drank the drink, scrunching his face up as the drink burned its way down his throat.
“I think coffee will do from now on,” Reese said, handing the bottle and glasses back to Nona.
“You go down and eat something,” she said. “You need to keep up your strength,” she added, pushing him toward the door. “I’ll make Mae comfortable.”
For three days and three nights, Reese only left Mae’s side to use the privy or for her grandmother and sister to see to her needs. Still she slept. She was breathing, but whether it was better or worse, he could not tell.
Rubbing weary eyes, he lifted the tent flap and looked in at her peaceful face. “Don’t leave me, darling,” he whispered, his voice soft, echoing in the enclosed space. His heart ached. “I don’t want to lose you.” Gently he stroked the still curve of her cheek, brushing her pitch-black hair behind her ear.
The smell of eucalyptus and camphor radiated in the little structure, filling his lungs with tingly air. He breathed deep, feeling the sharp, pungent aroma clear his head.
“How is she?” a gravelly voice called from the doorway. Reese withdrew to see Joshua James standing at the entrance, leaning heavily on a cane. The stroke that had brought him down several years ago still held him back, but it didn’t stop him.
“She’s no worse,” Reese spoke, folding the white sheets closed. “Nona and the girls, well, everyone makes sure her airways are clear and that there’s hot water for steam.”
Joshua smiled crookedly and stumped to the chair by the window. “They all love her,” he said, easing himself onto the seat. “Just like you.”
Reese snapped his head around to look at the old cattleman, who only chuckled.
“It’s plain to see to anyone who’ll look.”
Reese sat back on the floor where he’d been squatting. He was tired and heart sore.
“I don’t know what to do, sir,” he said, crossing his arms over his knees.
“How long?”
Reese smiled, a sweet sad smile. “Since the beginning.”
“It nearly broke my heart sending her to Jemma,” the old man said, his icy eyes catching fire. He shook his head. “I guess that was a mistake.”
“We can only do our best,” Reese said, wondering if that’s what he’d done all these years. It seemed that he’d been playing games for far too long. Bored with society life and the expectations of taking over the business for his father, he had rebelled in his own way. Late parties and the distractions of wealth, even going so far as to study medicine in secret instead of the subjects that would help his father maintain the business.
“How did you survive, Sir?” he asked, looking at Mae’s father. “How did you managed to say good-bye to three women you loved?”
A serious look passed over the big man’s face. Although in his early sixties, his eyes were keen and clear.
“Faith and love, son,” he finally replied. “Life isn’t about happiness or wealth or success. There’s nothing wrong with those things, but what life is about is moving forward and hopefully doing some good along the way.”
They sat there a long time in silence as darkness crept into the room. Reese reached under the blankets and took Mae’s hand.
Chapter 26
“Pa?” Mae’s voice was strong again. Somewhere between heaven and earth she’d come back to them as love and prayer had won the day.
“Yes, Mae,” Joshua pulled his daughter close, her shoulder barely reaching his chest.
“Do you think the ones you love, the ones who’ve gone on before you, come to you when you die?”
“Yes, darlin,’ I do,” he replied sincerely, “but I think that until they do, we need to concern ourselves with the living.”
Mae looked up at her father. She felt perfectly healthy again and was thankful for the care and love her family had showered on her while she was ill. She would be sure to never forget to shake her boots out again.
“That boy’s hurting out there, Mae,” Joshua spoke, looking out the window toward the barn where Reese was checking over his horse for the third time.
“Who, Reese?” Mae asked, bewildered.
“Yes, Reese, Mae-Mae.”
Mae pulled away from her father to study his face. “But there’s nothing wrong with Reese,” she stated.
Joshua James took a deep breath and turned to his youngest child. He’d already sent her away once. Did he have the strength to let her go again?
“Mae,” he began, placing his hands on her shoulders, “you are an amazing young woman. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known, even your mother. You never hesitate to help anyone or anything.” He chuckled, thinking of the animals she’d brought home over the years. “There’s just one thing you’re missing.”
“What Pa? What am I missing?” she asked, studying his face, looking for answers in his pale blue stare.
“Love.” He looked at her, seeing that she didn’t understa
nd. “Mae, Reese loves you and it’s tearing him apart.”
“But he’s Mel’s brother,” Mae said, still confused.
“He may be your best friend’s brother, but he’s still a man, a man with a heart that belongs to you.” He paused again, pulling her back to him and staring out the window. “If you don’t care for him then let him go, but don’t let him leave without saying good-bye.”
Mae was confused. How could Reese be in love with her, she was just silly ol’ Mae? Turning on her heel, she walked out the door and headed for the barn.
Reese checked the girth on his saddle for the third time, then moved back to check the packhorse. Behind him, Stephens sat on a leggy mustang, its mottled black and white coat putting him in mind of the old carthorse Mae had saved.
“Son, you’re gonna wear that thing out checkin’ it,” the cowpuncher said. Reese cast him a dirty look.
“Reese! Reese!” Mae’s frantic voice made him look up. She was running across the yard to him, her skirts hiked high above her ankles to stay out of her way. For a moment hope flared in his heart as she approached. Was she coming to him? No, he was only a friend.
Mae stepped up to him. She was slightly out of breath from the short run and he reached for her arm as she titled her face up to him.
“Reese, Pa says you love me.” The girl spoke, the blunt words punching him in the gut, and he moaned. Behind him he heard a horse walking off and knew that Stephens had gone.
“Mae,” he began, but she cut him off.
“I told him you’re just a friend because of Mel,” Mae said, not letting him speak. “I’m right aren’t I?” She finally stopped, her dark eyes searching his green ones.
Reese closed his eyes. What could he say? What was he supposed to say?
“Mae,” he started again, but a lump rose in his throat. He had to leave her before his heart broke. “I …” he couldn’t find the words.
“Reese Middleton,” Mae snapped, “Do you or don’t you love me?” Her eyes blazed.
“I do,” he whispered, his head drooping to his chest in defeat.
Mae placed a tiny finger under his chin and lifted until their eyes met. She looked confused. “You love me?” she questioned, her breath catching in her throat.
“Yes,” he said, his words a mere croak.
“But why?” Mae said, bewilderment in her voice.
Reese leaned back, shocked. “Why? Why?” he almost shouted. “Because you’re beautiful, and funny, and full of life and mischief and laughter. Because you have a heart as big as Wyoming and you’re not afraid of anything.” He was babbling. “Why wouldn’t you believe I could love you? Everyone loves you.” He spread his arms wide to indicate the ranch.
“Yes, but they’re my family. They have to love me.” she said, still looking at him as if he were some mythical creature.
Reese was starting to lose control. Gently he cupped her face in his hands, his heart beating in his chest. “Mae James, I love you for who you are. You never give me a moment’s peace, and it’s glorious.”
Mae placed her hands over his as he looked down at her. “But I mess everything up,” she said, “I never do anything right.”
Reese closed his eyes, fighting the urge to kiss her. She didn’t love him, she wasn’t his. “Mae, from the moment I met you I knew there was no one else in this world for me. You were special, different, unique.” He took a shuddering breath.
“I was only waiting, biding my time until I could leave Boston before I met you. I needed to see that Mel was settled, that she had someone to look after her before I turned my back on it all.” He opened his eyes, saddened by the look of shock in Mae’s dark gaze.
“You changed that. All I could think of was being with you,” Reese continued. “I tried to distract myself with the usual things young, wealthy men do in a city like Boston, but I couldn’t. Why do you think I was always so happy to take you and Mel riding? Or to drive you anywhere?”
“But…” Mae hesitated, and Reese watched as emotions played across her beautiful face.
Slowly her rosy lips curved into a bright smile. “You see I had it all wrong again,” she said, a soft light growing in her eyes. “I thought you did all that for Mel. It was hard enough to believe that Mel could love me.”
Sorrow pricked at Reese’s heart. “How could you not know how I felt? I thought everyone knew. Mel did.”
Reese dropped his hands, realizing that he couldn’t make her understand. “It’s why I have to go,” he said, turning back to his horse. “I can’t stay here knowing you’ll never love me.” He placed his hands on the pommel and lifted a foot into a stirrup.
Something cracked in Mae’s heart, as if a bronco had broken through a fence, and she staggered. All of the days and hours she’d spent with Reese danced before her eyes. His daring rescue, his part in her deception, the day he’d pulled her dripping from the surf.
Turning toward the house, she saw her father leaning on the railing of the porch. Her heart bucked, remembering the day he’d fallen ill and the fear she’d felt at the thought of losing him.
Reese had his foot in the stirrup, but turned to look at her when Mae’s hand came to rest on his arm.
“Don’t go,” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.
He groaned, his chest aching with a growing fire. “I can’t stay here knowing you don’t love me,” he said turning toward her, trying to make her understand.
“Reese,” she said, gripping his arm with strong hands. “I’m not very smart, you see.” She smiled sadly. “I’m not like Lexi, who can learn anything from a book, or Bella, who just knows things will always work out.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, but didn’t let go. “I’m not like Fiona, who’s sweet, and kind and good, or Meg who’s full of wonder-lust. I’m certainly nothing like Katie, who’s brave and strong and takes care of us.”
She smiled a watery smile as the first tears spilled from her eyes. “I’m the girl who gets in trouble, who leaps before she looks, who makes a mess of falling in love.”
Reese’s eye grew wide. What was she saying? “Mae, you are perfect just the way you are.” He couldn’t resist any longer. He pulled her to him, wrapping her in his arms. He wanted to protect her, to keep all of the pain and disappointment of the world far from her.
Carefully Mae extracted herself from his grip and gently took his face in her hands. “When I think of you leaving, it hurts,” she said, swallowing hard. “I’m not sure what this love thing is supposed to feel like.” Her dark eyes bore into his. “All I know is if you leave I’ll die inside.” The bronco in her heart kicked again and she sobbed.
Reese smiled as comprehension trickled into his brain. Mae loved him. In her own strange, mixed up, convoluted way, she loved him.
“Hurry up and kiss her, son!” Joshua shouted from the front porch. “Do it before she gets a new idea in her head.”
Reese smiled but before he could lean down to place his hungry lips on hers, Mae had risen up on tip-toes and was kissing him.
Chapter 27
“No, Chen Lou, that goes on the other table,” Nona grumbled, shooing the old man in the other direction. “And don’t forget you promised to make tea.”
The ancient man shook his head as he walked away, the usual spritely spring back in his step. “Too bossy, too bossy,” he spoke as he carried yet another dish to the adjoining table, his long braid swaying with every step.
“Nona, stop fussing. The preacher’s here and he’s almost ready to start,” Katie said, pulling her apron off over her head before checking her hair.
“Is Mae ready?” Nona asked, looking up to the window on the second floor.
“Grans is going to send for Ye-ye as soon as it’s time.”
Nona sniffed. “My baby girl all grown up and getting married,” she said, dabbing at her eyes with the edge of her apron.
Alexis and Bella giggled from the front porch. Their grandmother always did get emotional at times like these. “She’s re
ally a hopeless romantic,” Bella said, running a hand over her ever-growing middle.
***
Reese Middleton tugged at his tie. He hadn’t worn one since leaving Boston a month ago and it felt like it was trying to strangle him. Nervously he checked his suit in the mirror, still amazed that Chen Lou had been able to clean and press it so beautifully.
“You look a sight,” Stephens said, stepping into the bunkhouse. “I always like to go for a walk when I’m riled.”
“You like to go for a walk any time,” Walters, the short wrangler with the bald pate, spoke.
“I think it might help,” Reese said, striding away through the door.
“He’s in a bad way,” Walt spoke up, looking at his longtime friend. “Glad I was never fool hardy enough to tie the knot.”
“No woman’d have you,” Stephens joshed. “She’d get sick of you being out with the horses all the time.”
“Look who’s talking,” the bald man jibed.
Together, the two man laughed as they turned their attention back to getting dressed.
***
Mae studied her reflection in the mirror. She couldn’t help but think back to that first big party in Boston nearly two years ago. Ginny’s words echoed in her mind. “…It should be red, you’re color is red…” She wondered what Ginny was doing now. Did she still work for her aunt?
“You’d be happy, Ginny,” she spoke.
“Mae, are you talking to yourself?” Cathleen turned from where she was adjusting her ample bosom in her deep purple dress.
Mae tittered. “Yes I am, and I have good reason.” She ran the brush through her hair one more time, letting the long, black tresses trail down her back. Her bangs had grown enough that her aunt had been able to pin them back into soft wings along her face.
“When I was in Boston the girl who was my maid, well my friend really, she said I should wear red.”
Mae ran her hands down the silky length of her gown.
