The Fatherhood Affair

by Emma Darcy

  ‘Natalie?’ The need to know what had brought her here sharpened Damien’s eyes.

  ‘I...I wanted to see you,’ she said, struggling to regain some composure.

  To her consternation, he didn’t ask her in. An expression of tense reserve set on his face. He stepped outside the apartment, pulling the door almost shut behind him. It was such an unwelcoming stance, it froze Natalie into silence.

  His body language was all wrong, stiff and off-putting and reserved. Didn’t he want her any more? Was he in a hurry to go somewhere? His hair was damp from a shower. She picked up the smell of his after-shave lotion, except it wasn’t quite the same. It seemed to be mixed with some other scent. But she couldn’t afford to be distracted by that. The important point was he obviously didn’t want to give her much of his time. Which was a total turnaround from his attitude of last week.

  ‘Is there some reason for coming to me at this early hour?’ he asked.

  The impulse to share the news of her pregnancy was shrivelled by his aloofness. ‘I came back home yesterday,’ she temporised. ‘I was thinking of you. We...we didn’t part very well.’

  He grimaced. ‘It was...difficult...for both of us. If you think I misled you after your accident...’

  ‘No...no...’ She shook her head vehemently. ‘You were fair. If anyone’s to blame for anything, it’s me. I hope you don’t think too badly of me.’

  She searched his eyes anxiously. Had she lost him?

  ‘What you asked was reasonable, Natalie,’ he said flatly. ‘I apologise for my outburst at the time. A month is not long, considering all that’s gone before.’

  ‘Maybe it doesn’t have to be a month,’ she suggested hopefully, trying her utmost to reach into his mind and heart. Surely he realised she did want him. She wouldn’t have come otherwise.

  The suggestion made him uneasy. ‘I can wait.’

  It was like a slap in the face. Was he giving her a taste of what she had dealt him? Was he savagely thinking, Let her wait, too?

  She was seriously rattled by the distance he was keeping between them. ‘Well, I guess I wanted to be sure of that,’ she said slowly, letting him know she had not wiped him out of her life. If he wanted to know.

  He nodded, not giving her any extra reassurance. It dawned on her that his nod was a dismissal. He wanted her to go. She stepped back, desperately wanting him to say something to stop her, to keep her with him.

  He didn’t.

  ‘I wanted to know how you were,’ she said.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  The brusque answer gave her no opening to go on with the conversation. She nodded. Too many times. Feeling hopelessly foolish, she dropped her gaze to his bare chest. She wondered whether or not it would break the dreadful barrier he had slid between them if she reached out and touched him. She couldn’t find the courage to do it.

  The thought came to Natalie that he didn’t trust her any more. She had acted on impulse in directing him to Merlinmist. He probably thought this early morning visit was another impulse that could all too easily go wrong.

  We’re going to have a baby, her heart cried, but it was impossible to tell him under these circumstances. Pregnancy could feel like a trap. She had known that feeling once. She couldn’t give it to someone else. Maybe Damien had endured enough of her. He might even now be balancing what he felt for her against what Lyn offered him.

  Natalie could not bring herself to throw their unborn child onto the scales. It was wrong. Terribly wrong. She was mad to have thought of it.

  ‘I’m sorry for interrupting your dressing,’ she said stiffly, chilled by the paucity of his response to her. ‘I’ll go now.’

  ‘I hope you have a pleasant day,’ he said with formal politeness.

  ‘You, too,’ she returned, then hurried away from him, miserably embarrassed by the whole scene.

  She could feel Damien’s eyes burning into her back. She wondered, if she turned quickly, would she see the blaze of desire she desperately wanted to see? No, he wanted her to go. He was watching her go.

  She went. She walked straight past the elevator and took the staircase. It wasn’t a month any more, she reminded herself. Only another three weeks. The hurt would stop then. On both sides. It had to. She couldn’t bear to contemplate anything else.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ON HER return home from the disturbing visit to Damien, Natalie settled in front of her computer, needing to take grasp of some purpose in her life, telling herself she had work to do. It would make the time go faster if she immersed herself in her work.

  Concentration eluded her. She sat blankly in front of the monitor screen, unable to summon the necessary will-power to actually strike a key. Her mind kept revolving around the consequences of the decisions she had made. Especially Damien’s reaction to her this morning.

  The ringing of the door-chimes was a welcome distraction, providing relief, however short, from her tormenting thoughts. She didn’t wonder who was calling on her. She was simply grateful for some activity.

  Damien stood on her porch.

  He was dressed in a business suit, ready for work, but his eyes seared hers with questions. Natalie’s breath caught in her throat, rendering her speechless. Her eyes clung to his, pleading for a change of heart from his earlier stand-offishness.

  ‘Do you want me, Natalie?’

  ‘Yes.’ She expelled the word on a rush of breath that emptied her lungs.

  ‘Certain?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Is it right for you now?’

  A huge well of emotion threatened to choke her again. ‘Yes.’ It was a bare whisper.

  Whatever uncertainties had plagued Damien’s mind were summarily dismissed. He stepped forward and swept her into his arms. There was no more talking, no more thinking, no more agonising. He kissed her, and there was no holding back from Natalie. She responded with all the pent-up feeling that had been gathering force since they had shared the bed at Merlinmist.

  She craved the warm solidity of him, the passion of his desire for her. She needed to feel it was real, substantial, so deeply connected to her that it could never be taken by any other woman. ‘Love me,’ she pleaded. ‘Love me as I’ve never been loved before, Damien.’

  The front door was shut. He scooped her off her feet and carried her into the master bedroom. She didn’t care that it was the bed she had previously shared with Brett. Damien superseded everything she had known with her former husband. He was earth and fire and air and water to her. He was life.

  Clothes were discarded in wild haste. There was no sense of discovery this time, only a driving need to have and to hold, to lose all doubts and fears in the ecstatic security of coming together, being as one, their bodies the perfect instruments to bring harmony from the discord generated by the recovery of her memory.

  Natalie had never really experienced lust before, yet from the moment she convulsed in sheer bliss around Damien she was gripped by a wild, insatiable greed to know and exult in every pleasure their bodies could find and indulge in. It was as though every fantasy she’d ever had about Damien as a lover sprang to life in her mind, demanding expression and absolute fulfilment...the power, the passion, the sensuality, the stamina, the intense virility of the man unleashed, coursing from his body to hers in tidal waves of sensation.

  She wallowed in his lust for her, floated in it, drowned in it, incited it with a wantonness she had not known herself capable of. Perhaps it was inspired by the release of a host of repressions built up over years. Or the fear that she might have squandered the chance to take and know and feel all that Damien was.

  Whether he sensed this rampaging compulsion within her and responded to it, or whether he was sating his own frustrated needs and desires, Natalie had no idea. Their feelings melded in a long, tempestous lovemaking that was intensely mutual, intensely satisfying, and overwhelmingly different from anything she had known with Brett.

  Only exhaustion tamed their ardour for each other, and ev
en when their energy was totally depleted, the need to touch, in however a desultory fashion, kept them enthralled with each other. She loved the feel of his firm muscles, the tight smoothness of his skin. She caught a faint scent of his aftershave lotion. Not the one she had smelled earlier. He must have disliked that and washed it off in favour of this one. Natalie liked it better, too. It was enticingly sexy, just like Damien.

  Natalie couldn’t help thinking back over her marriage to Brett, how devoid it had been of this kind of togetherness. Her mind inevitably drifted to Damien’s marriage. Had it been this good for him with Lyn? This...complete?

  She shied from the idea, but it kept nagging, fraying the edges of her contentment. Damien had been with Lyn on Saturday night. There would have been no grounds for Lyn’s words and actions yesterday if there had been no meeting between them. Had Damien succumbed to a rebound effect? Was that why he had been so distant this morning, feeling it wasn’t right to resume a relationship with her?

  Yet he had come after her.

  ‘Was the sex in your marriage good, Damien?’ she asked.

  ‘I thought it was.’ His voice was rich with contentment as he added, ‘You’ve revolutionised my thoughts.’

  She smiled, happy that he was happy. All the same, she would be happier still to have the matter of Lyn completely cleared away. She couldn’t help dreading the thought of what might have happened on Saturday night.

  ‘Did you ever sleep with your ex-wife after your marriage ended?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Natalie fought against tensing up. What was done was done. It would be different after this morning.

  ‘I had the crazy idea I could win her back,’ Damien went on in a light, self-mocking tone. ‘It was soon after the divorce. Lyn indulged me. She liked the power.’

  Relief poured through Natalie. She had nothing to worry about. Damien was talking about years ago. Before they’d ever met. Yet his words stirred her curiosity about the woman who’d caused her so much concern.

  ‘You mean she used you to boost her ego?’

  ‘Something like that,’ he said carelessly. ‘She relished having me run after her, but had no intention of meeting me halfway. Once I realised that, I let go.’ His fingers trailed down the curve of her spine. ‘It’s not easy to accept failure when you’ve been fully committed. Is that why you never showed you knew about Brett’s infidelities, Natalie?’

  ‘Pride,’ she answered. ‘We had a lot of arguments about it. He’d promise me...’ She sighed. ‘If it hadn’t been for Ryan...but it doesn’t matter now.’

  She thought of the baby she had conceived, their child, Damien’s and hers, then decided there were other things she wanted to tell Damien first, the feelings she had denied for most of the years they had known each other.

  ‘I used to wonder how it might be with you,’ she confessed, luxuriating in the freedom from all inhibitions.

  Damien pressed a kiss on her forehead. ‘You remember actually thinking that?’

  ‘Yes. Sometimes it hurt to watch you with other women. I hated feeling so...affected by you.’

  ‘You hid it extremely well,’ he said with a dry touch of irony.

  She hitched herself up, wanting him to see the truth in her eyes. ‘I saw you as being like Brett. I know that’s not true, Damien, and never was. I think it was some kind of defence to shut off the feelings you stirred. I was ashamed of having them. I blamed you for things I had no right to blame you for, because it helped me to push away thoughts I didn’t want to have.’

  ‘There was always a current of attraction between us, Natalie. You buried it so deep I began to despair of your ever acknowledging it. I did not think you could ever be mine.’

  ‘I acknowledge it now. It was there all the time. That polarity. That pull.’

  He smiled. His eyes glinted deep satisfaction. ‘I think we just proved that.’ The smile widened. ‘Of course, we could try improving the proof.’

  She laughed and rolled on to her back, stretching her body provocatively. ‘I’m a limp rag,’ she declared, her eyes teasing. ‘The energy will have to come from you.’

  ‘I’ve suddenly discovered vast reserves of it.’

  As he was poising his body to demonstrate his rejuvenation, the telephone rang. Damien did not so much as glance at the handset on the bedside table. Natalie was very much inclined to ignore it, as well. She held her breath and focused all her concentration on feeling the marvellous sensation of Damien entering her once again. He did it very slowly, with a sensual roll that was exquisitely exciting.

  The telephone stopped ringing.

  Natalie sighed with ecstatic pleasure as she felt Damien’s full length pushed past the edge of her womb.

  The telephone nagged again with a persistent buzzing.

  ‘It might be important,’ Damien said with a wicked twinkle in his eyes. ‘I think you should answer it.’ Holding himself deep within her, he reached out, picked up the receiver, and handed it to her. Then he continued moving them both in a highly erotic rhythm.

  ‘...Kippax.’

  The name spoken from the receiver filtered through the delicious bombardment of tingling sensations, snapping Natalie’s mind into some alertness.

  ‘Sharon! Help. I mean, hello,’ she managed somewhat breathlessly.

  ‘I’m glad you’re home.’ The friendly voice was warm with relief. ‘I’ve called a few times, but no answer. I was beginning to worry about you. What have you been up to?’

  ‘Many things,’ she gasped. Damien was building a momentum that was far too distracting for her to put two thoughts together. ‘Stop it!’ she hissed. ‘It’s my editor!’

  ‘Tell her you’re receiving inspiration.’

  He was an absolute devil but she loved him. She loved what he was doing to her, too. She took a deep breath and tried to be sane.

  ‘I had a few days away,’ she explained to Sharon. ‘There’s no problem with my memory now. I’m about to get back to work.’

  ‘You are at work,’ Damien muttered. He was really moving quickly now. She hoped the bed wouldn’t start squeaking.

  ‘That’s wonderful! I might have another commission for you if you’re interested.’

  ‘How exciting!’

  ‘This is just the preliminaries,’ Damien promised, his eyes laughing as she squirmed around him.

  ‘Is there any chance of you coming in to my office this morning?’ Sharon asked.

  ‘I’ll find out.’ She put her hand over the receiver. ‘Is there any chance of my meeting my editor this morning?’ she whispered urgently.

  ‘Possibly...possibly...’ He was getting too worked up to concentrate properly.

  ‘Possibly,’ Natalie answered.

  ‘I have the manuscript here,’ Sharon pressed. ‘Another children’s book. I’d like to discuss it with you.’

  Excitement was swelling through her in waves. Both of them must climax soon. ‘Would an hour...from now...be all right? I’ll be able...to come then.’

  ‘I expect you to come before then,’ Damien put in purposefully.

  ‘Great! Bye for now.’

  ‘Thanks, Sharon.’

  Impossible to replace the receiver. It fell from Natalie’s hand as she succumbed to the pleasures of the moment, riding a crest of sweet exultation until Damien had delivered all he had promised.

  Afterwards they showered together, which was a splendid way to extend the glorious intimacy they had shared.

  Damien offered to drive her to the publisher’s offices and took a great deal of pleasure in watching her dress for her meeting with Sharon. Once they were on their way, it occurred to Natalie that they hadn’t made any arrangement for getting together again.

  ‘Will I see you later today?’ she asked, aware he was dressed for business, as well.

  ‘I think I should take you out to dinner tonight. We mightn’t eat otherwise.’ The glint of lust in his eyes was an intoxicant in itself. ‘Would you be ready by seven-thirty?’

 
; She laughed. ‘With bells on.’

  There wasn’t time to tell him about their child now. But tonight... Natalie wanted to hug herself, her happiness soaring beyond anything she’d ever known... Tonight was going to be the best night of her life!

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  NATALIE breezed into the building that housed her publishing company. She felt on top of the world and full of zest for the prospect of taking on a new creative project. It was only when she stepped out of the elevator on Sharon’s floor that her buoyant spirits suffered a slight puncture.

  This was where she had seen the woman in the yellow suit. Natalie frowned. She was sure she had recognised that woman. The image of her wearing black was very strong. It vexed Natalie that she couldn’t place her. She had the feeling it was not a happy association. Which probably meant that the woman had been one of Brett’s side interests.

  Natalie brushed aside the cynical thought. It was hardly reasonable anyway. How would Brett get to meet a high-powered lady in the publishing world? Natalie had certainly not introduced her to him. She’d had no connection to this publishing company until well after Brett’s death.

  There had to be some other answer.

  She announced her appointment with Sharon to the receptionist and was waved on with a nod and a smile. Sharon eagerly welcomed her, and they very quickly got down to business. The story submitted by the author was a fantasy adventure, set on a fictional planet far from Earth. The description of its inhabitants and their environment allowed Natalie a great deal of creative licence and her imagination caught fire with what could be done.

  Sharon specified the number of colour plates she wanted for the book. She also wanted the cover design to extend over the front and back of the hardcover edition, and be intriguing as well as spectacular. She had the feeling this book could become a big seller.

  Satisfied that Natalie’s ideas for illustrations would enhance the story, Sharon had no hesitation in moving on to discussing a new contract.

  ‘I expect you’ll be wanting better terms on this book.’

  Natalie grinned. ‘I won’t say no.’