by S. J. West
“Anna,” he begs, “come home.”
“But she is home,” Helena says, looking Malcolm up and down like he’s there solely for her pleasure. “And so are you.”
“Leave him alone, Helena,” Lucifer orders.
Helena cackles like a mad woman.
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Father. You wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for the fact that you brought Malcolm to me. How many years have we waited for him to finally give into his pain? A thousand? I must say he looks even more delectable in the flesh. I can feed off his guilt for a millennia.”
“He didn’t give in to his pain,” Lucifer says. “Malcolm only came here with me because he was the one thing I knew you couldn’t resist having. His soul is still his own.”
“For now,” Helena says, smiling at the two of them as she comes to stand between them and me. “But I can make him lose himself down here through his guilt. I can bury him so deep underneath the mountain of his remorse he won’t even realize where he is much less want to escape from here.”
“Anna,” Lucifer says, drawing my attention to him, “this isn’t you. Come home with us. You don’t have to kill Levi.”
“I can’t let him live,” I say, looking at what remains of Levi hanging in the air. Only shreds of skin and muscle are left attached to Levi’s bones. Yet, he’s still alive. Lucifer’s power to keep Levi’s soul attached to a dead body is stronger than I could have ever imagined. “Besides, I still need his seal. I doubt he’ll give it to me willingly.”
“But you already have it,” Lucifer says, looking at me in confusion. “Don’t you know that?”
I hear Levi begin to chortle.
“Of course she doesn’t,” Levi says derisively. “She would need half a brain to figure that out.”
I rise up into the air until I’m eye level with Levi.
“How can I already have your seal?” I demand.
Levi smiles. “I gave my seal to Baal. When he transferred his seal to you, he gave you mine at the same time. After absorbing that much energy at once, you should have been knocked out cold. We thought it was the perfect plan to finally kill you and get you the hell out of our lives.”
I have no reason to doubt Levi’s words. It explains why Baal looked so pale and sickly when we saw him. The effort of controlling two seals was almost too much for him. Now I understood why the pain I felt after accepting his seal had been worse than any other time I took a seal. It all made sense. It also left no justifiable reason for me to kill Levi except for revenge.
“But,” Levi says looking at Helena, “I guess the mastermind behind our little scheme had plans of her own.”
I turn to face Helena and lower myself to face her fully. She has her arms crossed in front of her and is tapping an index finger against the arm her hand is resting against. The expression on her face tells me she’s guilty. I don’t even have to ask if what Levi just said is true.
“Why?” I ask her, but I already know the answer to that as well. I just want to hear her admit it.
Helena shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. “I was trying to move things along a little faster. You were taking so long to retrieve the seals I was becoming aggravated. But I was confident absorbing two seals at once would make you stronger, not weaker.”
“And Millie?” I ask, feeling the pain over her loss tear at my heart. “Did you order her execution too?”
“No,” Helena says, “that was all Levi’s doing.”
“Not all,” Levi interjects. “You’re the one who told me where to find her.”
“True,” Helena admits. “But I didn’t tell you to kill her.”
“But you knew I would or you wouldn’t have told me!”
“Well, at least I didn’t tell him where that little boy is,” Helena says. “Lucas is too unique to simply kill for no good reason. I like to keep things around that could prove useful to me in the future.”
Without even thinking about it, I pull out my sword and phase over to Helena, pressing its tip directly to the middle of her neck.
“Tell me where my son is,” I order.
Helena laughs madly.
“Now if I had a real body, what you’re doing might actually make me tell you,” Helena says stepping forward so my blade goes completely through her neck, not dropping an ounce of blood. “But I’m not real, at least not yet.”
“Where is my son!” I demand again.
“Somewhere safe for the time being. I need you to get Mammon’s seal first, Anna. Then we can talk about where sweet, innocent Lucas is.”
I pull my sword out of Helena and look back at Malcolm.
He’s trembling now. A fine sheen of sweat covers his body making his t-shirt cling to his torso from the dampness. His face is contorted by pain, and I know what being in Hell is doing to him. I look back at Helena and see her smile. She looks like a child who’s finally been given her favorite toy to play with.
I punch her underneath her jaw, propelling her backward in an attempt to break whatever hold she is gaining over Malcolm.
“Leave him alone!” I order, pointing my sword at her and positioning myself between her and Malcolm.
Helena slowly stands to her feet, rubbing her chin.
“And here we were having such a lovely time together torturing Levi,” she say in disappointment.
I look at Malcolm over my shoulder. “Go home, Malcolm!”
“No,” he says stubbornly through clenched teeth, enduring his pain. “Not without you!”
His face is a mask of agony, and I know Helena is still doing something to him.
I look over at Lucifer. “If you love me, get him out of here!”
“I promised Malcolm I wouldn’t phase him away unless you agreed to go with us, Anna,” Lucifer tells me, looking over at my husband like he can’t believe Malcolm is still standing.
“You never should have brought him here in the first place! You know what she’s doing to him!”
“It was the only way Helena would let me in,” Lucifer says, almost like an apology. “Please, Anna, stop what you’re doing. You don’t need Levi anymore. You have his seal. Let him go. Let your anger for him go!”
I shake my head. “Not until he’s paid for what he’s done to the people I love. I don’t care if Helena had a hand in what happened. He’s the one who killed Auggie and Millie. He’s the one who tortured Malcolm. It was because of my anger for him that I killed Daniel. He deserves to pay for what he’s done!”
“Killing him will do nothing but give him the final victory over you,” Lucifer tries to reason. “Do you honestly think Auggie, Millie or even Daniel would want you to lose who you are just to avenge their deaths? You’re disgracing their memories by hiding down here. And don’t pretend that isn’t exactly what you’re doing. If anyone knows the lure of this place, it’s me. I need you to fight for your family right now, Anna. Fight to be with us!”
I shake my head and begin to cry. I should have been stronger. I should have fought harder to protect the ones I loved and lost.
“I can’t,” I tell Lucifer. “I can’t face everyone after what I did.”
Lucifer takes a step forward and holds his hand out to me.
“We love you, Anna. What you did to Daniel was an accident. You didn’t mean to do it. There was no malice in your act. You simply let your anger take possession of you.”
“All he ever wanted to do was protect me,” I sob, allowing myself to feel my own pain and sorrow over what I did. “He didn’t deserve to die by my hand.”
“Daniel understood the risks when he agreed to be one of your family’s protectors,” Lucifer says, letting his outstretched arm rest back by his side. “They all knew it wouldn’t be an easy road to follow. But they’ve all stayed the course and seen their mission through. I respect that about them. They never gave up hope you would be born. Don’t make their sacrifices be for nothing, Anna. Come home where you belong. Come back to us.”
Malcolm cries out in pain, drop
s to his knees, and holds his head between the palms of his hands, no longer being able to stand against the mental anguish Helena is inflicting upon him.
Without even thinking, I run to Malcolm, kneel to enfold him in my arms, and phase us home.
Chapter 15
I phase Malcolm and me to our bedroom because I don’t want to face anyone else just yet. I can’t.
Malcolm continues to tremble in my arms for a long time. I lay my sword down beside me so I can tighten my arms around my husband. I simply hold him and tell him everything will be all right. Comforting me when I needed it the most is something he’s done for me countless times in the past few weeks. I just pray I got him out of Helena’s grasp before she could do any permanent damage. I couldn’t live with myself if he sacrificed his sanity to save mine.
Now that I was out of Hell, my thoughts seemed clearer. Not exactly void of the anger and hate I felt, but I didn’t feel controlled by those emotions any longer either. I wrap my arms around Malcolm even tighter. I need him as much as he needs me right now.
“Why did you go there?” I whisper to him on the verge of tears as I realize yet again how much the man I gave my heart to truly loves me. “You never should have gone there, Malcolm. What were you thinking?”
But I knew exactly what Malcolm was thinking. If the tables had been turned, I would have risked everything that I am to save him too. Silently, I send up a prayer begging God not to take Malcolm away from me because of my rash stupidity and my need for vengeance. I can’t survive without him in my life. I would lose myself to hatred and grief without him by my side, grounding me in his love. And right now, I don’t feel like I’m deserving of a man like him loving me. At least, not after the things I’ve done.
Malcolm’s tremors finally subside, but he still doesn’t raise his head to look up at me. His breathing is still heavy, but gradually it becomes more even. I keep telling him how much I love him and how much I need him. Hoping some of what I’m saying is sinking in.
Finally, Malcolm slowly lowers his hands from his head and opens his eyes. He looks at me, but I’m not sure he sees me at first. His eyes seem to be having trouble focusing. Then, he brings me into his arms and holds me tightly to him, as if he’s confirming for himself that I’m not some sort of apparition.
“Are you real?” he asks, his voice quavering as he gives voice to his greatest worry.
“Yes,” I tell him, tightening my hold around his shoulders. “I’m real, Malcolm.”
“Are we really home?”
“Yes,” I say. “We’re really home. We’re not in Hell anymore.”
“Are you sure?” Malcolm asks, not sounding completely convinced that I’m telling him the truth.
“Positive,” I reply, pulling back to look into his eyes.
I see pain and uncertainty in the blue pools looking back at me. I gently kiss him on the lips hoping to convince him that everything he’s seeing and feeling is real. Malcolm is hesitant to return my kiss at first, but then ravishes my mouth with his as if proving to himself that I am real. I leave his lips when I need to take in a deep breath but continue to plant small, gentle kisses on his face.
“What did she do to you down there?” I ask, not positive I want to know the answer but giving Malcolm the option of telling me to relieve his soul.
“I don’t think I want to talk about it right now,” Malcolm answers, closing his eyes as if he’s enjoying my tender kisses on his face. “I’ll tell you one day, but just not right now. It’s too fresh.”
“I understand,” I say, selfishly thankful that I don’t have to hear it. I’m not sure I could have dealt with knowing the torment she put his mind through anyway. I had my own demons to cope with.
“Did you kill Levi?” Malcolm asks, obviously too lost in whatever Helena was putting him through to know exactly what transpired in Hell.
“No,” I say with mixed feelings, snuggling my head against Malcolm’s chest as he sits up straighter to cradle me in his lap. “I wanted to but getting you away from her was more important to me.”
Malcolm breathes out a heavy sigh in relief.
“Thank God,” he says.
“I thought you of all people would understand why I needed to kill him,” I say. “He doesn’t deserve to live.”
“No, he doesn’t,” Malcolm agrees. “But the cost of his death was too high, Anna. If you had gone through with it, your soul might have belonged to Helena forever. His death wasn’t worth losing you. Nothing is worth losing you. Helena would have used the added guilt over killing him to make you stay with her forever. No amount of revenge is worth that sort of punishment.”
“Maybe I deserve that kind of penance for the things I’ve done,” I say. “I killed Daniel, Malcolm. I didn’t mean to, but I was so angry I lost control of my power. All I could think about was making Levi pay for everything that he’s done to us. Daniel died because I couldn’t control my anger.”
“Like you said, you didn’t mean to do it,” Malcolm says. Even coming from him the words sound inadequate.
“Just because it was a mistake, doesn’t make me blameless in what I did,” I cry. “How am I going to face Linn or Bai? How do I explain that it was an accident and make them understand that? They’re going to hate me, and I don’t blame them one bit. They should hate me. I took away a husband and a father. I killed one of the best men in this world with one careless thought in anger. How are they ever going to understand that or forgive me for it?”
“I don’t know,” Malcolm says truthfully. “But you can’t hide from them forever either. That’s no way to honor Daniel’s memory. He would want us to protect his family and look out for them now that he isn’t here to do it himself. I think the best way you can honor his legacy is by giving him the peace of mind that they will be well taken care of even though he isn’t here to do it himself.”
“Will she let me?” I ask, knowing if I were in Linn’s position, I would have a hard time forgiving anyone who took Malcolm away from me.
“I don’t know that either,” Malcolm tells me gently. “But you at least need to try. I think you need to speak with her for your own sake, Anna. You’re grieving too. That’s one thing you will both have in common.”
“And how well are you dealing with it?” I ask. “You and Daniel have been friends for a long time.”
Malcolm grins at me. “I’ll miss him being in our lives, but death is never an end, my love. It’s simply a new state of being. I know Daniel is in Heaven now looking down at us and wishing we wouldn’t mourn his death. I’m sure it saddens him to see you and those he loves in so much pain. But you need to remember that we’ll all be together again one day. This life is just a transient moment in time where we’re supposed to learn all we can and take that knowledge with us to the next life. I’ll miss his friendship and his advice, but I know I’ll see him again when it’s my time to return to Heaven.”
“So I didn’t send Daniel to the Void like I have the princes?” I ask, feeling relieved by that fact.
“No,” Malcolm says reassuringly. “Daniel is with our father. The princes are in the Void because Hell really wouldn’t have been a punishment for the sins they’ve committed while they’ve served it. The Void is the only place where their souls can go after they die.”
Malcolm looks troubled after his statement.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, needing to know what he’s thinking.
“It’s just…” Malcolm seems to falter as he works through his thought. “I’m surprised you were able to kill Daniel.”
“Why?” I ask, perplexed by his statement. “I can kill archangels. Why wouldn’t I be able to kill a regular one?”
Malcolm reaches up and touches the necklace he gave me on our wedding night.
“A long time ago, JoJo made all the Watchers charms that kept us safe from the archangel’s power to kill angels like me. We all placed the charms in our bodies in locations only we knew about. It worked for a time. But eventually they figure
d out what we had done to keep us safe and simply began chopping us into pieces until they found the charms.”
“That’s horrible,” I say, raising a hand to my mouth in shock.
“Finally, we were able to use human technology to our advantage and break the charms up into pieces so small you could barely see them under a microscope. We injected the particles into our bloodstream making it impossible for the archangels to kill us. It surprises me that your power was able to override the protection of the charm we all have flowing inside our bodies. I guess it just shows how powerful you’ve become.”
“I don’t feel very powerful at the moment,” I admit.
Malcolm pulls me into his arms as we continue to sit on the floor.
“You’ve lost two people important to you tonight,” he says. “You need to let yourself grieve over their loss before you can move on. Take it from someone who’s lost more loved ones than anyone should have to endure losing in one life. It’ll take time for the pain to go away. All you can do now is live your life the way those you lost would want you to.”
I turn my face into Malcolm’s chest and let myself cry out my pain.
Malcolm holds me and simply lets me grieve over the loss of Mille and Daniel.
After all my tears are spent, he continues to hold me in the safety of his arms, not rushing me in any way. I know I need to go speak with Linn, but the prospect of such a thing simply makes me want to cry again.
Our quiet moment ends when someone knocks on the door.
“Anna,” I hear Lucifer say from the other side of the door. “Are you in there?”
I wipe away the tears on my face.
“Yes,” I call out, “one minute.”
Malcolm helps me to my feet and we go answer the door together.
When Malcolm opens the door, we find Lucifer standing in the hallway looking worried.
“I’m sorry if I’m intruding,” he says, looking so human in his uncertainty. “I just wanted to check on you to see if you’re all right.”
“I’m as well as can be expected,” I tell him.
I let go of Malcolm’s hand and walk up to Lucifer to hug him.
