by Stacey Nash
“Yeah, maybe I do.”
We seemed to move ever upward, and it seemed that the peak was exactly where we going; to the lookout. I’d driven past it a million times but never actually stopped for a gander. It was high on a hill at the campus end of town, surrounded by houses and streets and a beautiful park that was lined with deciduous poplars. And I could see those—they looked almost bare in their soldier-like lines with more leaves around their bases than in their branches.
“I love autumn,” I said on a sigh.
Logan snagged my hand in his. “What about netball? Like it or love it?”
“Hate it.”
“Then don’t play.”
I sighed. “I have to. Captaining the teams is just as important as being involved in student politics or on the dorm social committee, and since I lost my chance at student politics, I need to double my efforts elsewhere.”
“But you hate all that too. It runs you into the ground, Liv, and makes you so darn tired and when it goes wrong … the stress tears you apart.”
Wow. I did hate it all—not always, but more and more—and I wasn’t quite sure how he knew that. Sure he’d been there for me when I most needed it with the student council thing and for that I was grateful, but he was right. When things were good and I wasn’t being shouldered out, it did keep me so busy I had no time for anything else. I needed to do it and that’s why when it went wrong, I was horrendous. But I didn’t really want to think about that. I wanted to forget it all, even if it was only for a few hours.
“It’s all I know, Logan.”
The leaves at our feet were so thick, I could wade through them, and that’s precisely what I did, running through the sea of crinkling colours like the happy child I wished I could be. When Logan shook his head, I gathered up an armful and tossed them at him.
“You didn’t,” he said, scooping up his own armful. He tossed it into the air and I dodged the raining leaves, running ahead. Out of his reach, I dragged my foot through the fallen ones like they were sand while Logan stood back watching. When I was done, there was a massive heart etched out of autumn leaves and it kind of embodied exactly how I felt. Love hearts are a happy image and childish as it was, drawing one made me feel happy. Here I was, not giving a hoot what anyone thought. All my airs and graces and pretences were stripped away, and it felt incredible.
Logan ran after me with another handful of leaves. I turned ninety degrees and made for the top of the hill. It was a steep climb, but the top was our destination anyway. My calves seared by the time I reached the lookout, and fit as I was, this was a run my muscles weren’t familiar with. I flopped on the ground, puffing for breath, and it was a full two minutes, maybe more, before Logan collapsed beside me.
“You’re insane,” he puffed.
“Only around you.”
We lay there, side by side, until we’d both caught our breaths then Logan sat up, jumped to his feet and held his hand out to me. “C’mon. We didn’t run all the way up this hill not to check out the view.”
“I don’t know …” I rolled my gaze up his body, settling on his chest which that t-shirt defined nicely “… the view from here’s pretty darn good.”
Smiling with half his mouth, Logan shook his head and grabbed my hand anyway, tugging me to my feet. He led me over to the designated lookout area and the town laid out before us was just as beautiful in its manmade glory as the waterfall had been in nature’s. The steeples and spires of the city’s churches were like beacons to the eye. Trails of smoke rose from a multitude of chimneys and even though autumn was drawing to a close the city was still swathed in a sea of red and yellow and orange. It was as if someone had draped a colourful blanket over patches of the town.
Logan’s arms snaked around me, and he pulled my back against him, resting his chin on the top of my head. It was quite possibly the best way to be hugged.
“It’s a beautiful town,” I said. “And to think I was never supposed to end up here. I would have missed out on so much.”
“Yeah?” He grazed his stubble along my hair then kissed the crown of my head.
“Yeah, I was supposed to go to Sydney Univeristy but my grades weren’t high enough.”
“They must have been darn high if you got into Law here.”
“Yeah, well … my parents weren’t very impressed.”
Logan’s arms tightened around me. “They should have been.”
“They said I was a failure.”
Logan’s grip on me loosened. “If we all listened to our parents, I’d still be living under my father’s crappy roof and surviving off social welfare or flipping burgers, because that’s about all they think I’m good for.”
I spun to look at him and I’m sure the expression on my face said it all as I searched his gaze. He couldn’t really think that. Logan was brilliant and clever, and he could be anything. He’d be a fabulous psychologist one day. I pressed my lips to his, and said, “You’re so much more that.”
“Yeah, well …” He pulled back.
I’m not sure what came over him, but this wasn’t the Logan I’d come to know. He was usually confident and self-assured. He slumped onto the park bench and pushed a hand through his hair, holding the long strands back off his face. His jaw clenched, the muscle ticking under his skin as if he were angry or trying to process a thought. I slid onto the bench beside him and placed my hand on his knee. Logan picked it up and laced our fingers together.
“To me, you’re perfect.” I repeated his words back to him, and Logan brought our hands to his mouth then kissed each of my knuckles.
“My parents aren’t the nicest people. When someone tells you you’re a little shit that will amount to nothing everyday of your life, it’s hard not to believe it, and even years later when you know it’s not true, the shadow lingers.”
I snuggled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. Maybe his external veneer was as forced as mine.
Logan continued, “My father may never have laid a hand on us, and my mother may have never needed to stop him, but the way they both treated us … sometimes I think that would have been easier.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, and I didn’t want him to stop talking so I just sat there, curled into his side, running my hand along the length of his thigh in the hope my actions conveyed my thoughts; he was special and important.
“That’s why I’m here.” He sighed. “Getting an education to build a better life for me and Jordan. That kid needs to see that we can both be somebody.”
“You are somebody. Somebody pretty darn awesome.”
I tipped my head back to meet his gaze and Logan kissed me as if I’d just given him the world.
With each day we spent together I liked him more and more. We’d always been great friends, but this was something far deeper. There was something about Logan that pulled at the core of my soul and with each moment like this, another invisible string wove its way between his soul and mine, strengthening the bond between us.
My tummy grumbled loudly, and Logan pulled away. We’d had lunch before our drive but that was hours ago.
“Let’s go home and get some dinner,” he said.
I burrowed my face into his neck, inhaling his unique breezy smell, and although I was hungry, I was loathe to leave this sanctuary where we could both be our real selves.
As we traipsed down the hill hand in hand, the sun had already bled the day away and the streetlights shone. The walk back was far quieter than the one here and I couldn’t speak for Logan, but I was lost in the conversations we’d had. He was right; I wasn’t happy doing all of those extracurricular things, but I couldn’t see a way out of it, and that made me think about everything else too. I didn’t love Law, I never had, and that’s what all the other stuff centred around. It made sure I kept on track for a career I wasn’t particularly looking forward to.
We reached his house well before I’d realised we were even on the right street. If it weren’t for Logan’s hand in mine, guiding
me along, perhaps I wouldn’t have actually made it I was so lost in my own thoughts. I smiled at him as he unlocked the front door. I hadn’t spent a lot of time at his apartment, but I’d been there often enough to feel comfortable, so I slipped my shoes off before heading inside. The smell wafting through the place was divine.
“Oh my gosh, what is Jordan cooking?”
“Not Jordan. That’s all my doing and it’s our dinner.” Logan shot me a proud smile.
I trundled off to the bathroom and as I was washing up, a string of expletives came from the direction of the kitchen. I ran into the room looking for whatever had hurt Logan, a hot pan, a sharp knife. Instead I found him dumping a dish into the sink with oven mitts protecting his hands from the heat.
“Dumbass timer.” Logan tossed the oven mitts on top of the offending dish.
I peered over his shoulder and good lord, he’d mummified a chicken. The flesh was so darkened and shrivelled it looked like it had been set out in the sun to dry in the manner of sundried tomatoes. I wasn’t really sure the poor bird could be saved.
“Frigging hell.” Logan tore the baking bag open and steam exploded from the confined space. The smell wasn’t so divine anymore. It was more like … burned food. Logan’s shoulders slumped and despite this mess, I was touched.
“Did you cook for me, Logan Hays?” I teased.
“Not exactly.”
I couldn’t hide my smile. “You did so, and I love it.”
“Yeah, well, it’s ruined. The timer was supposed to turn the oven off, damn it.”
I hooked my fingers around his waist and spun him to face me. “Well, I love the fact you thought to cook for me.”
He pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “How about some pizza?”
“Sounds delicious.”
Ten minutes later we were standing in Mozzarella’s ordering from a blonde girl chewing gum. The way she eyed Logan over made me feel all prickly, but when she recited back the order I smiled politely and said, “Thanks.” Then I slid my arm around his waist, and brushed a kiss across his lips.
She frowned and by god, it made me feel good.
Someone must have told Jordan his brother was here, because he emerged from out the back, wringing his hands on a red apron. There was a cheekiness to his expression that made it obvious he and Logan were siblings; that half-turned smile and those dancing blue eyes.
“What happened to the wining and dining?”
“I don’t need it,” Logan said, a little too quickly.
Jordan threw his head back and laughed. “You killed it, didn’t you? You can’t cook for shit, Logan.”
Logan lurched forward and snapped his arm around Jordan’s head, rubbing his knuckles in his brother’s unruly dark hair. Jordan continued laughing and whipped his foot around Logan’s leg. They scuffled back and forward until Logan had his brother in a vice-lock once again.
“Give?” Logan said.
“Never.”
Logan let go anyway. “Get back to work before they fire your arse.”
Jordan saluted then turned on his heel like an army cadet and marched toward the door marked staff only. As he reached out to grab it, he turned over his shoulder and said, “I’ll cab it tonight. Don’t bother dragging your girl out to pick me up.”
I jumped in and said, “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“Seriously, dude. I’m cool.” Jordan pulled the hair net back on his head, tucking in his shaggy dark locks. Logan yanked his wallet out of his back pocket and Jordan held his hands up. “I don’t need your money for a cab. It’s cool.” Then he shoved through the door.
“Ham and Pineapple, pan base.” The gum-girl looked at Logan too closely again and fumbled with the coin she was playing with. Yeah, she needed to pay more attention to the till and stop ogling customers.
Logan and I both moved at the same time, but I grabbed the box off the counter and showed her a huge smile. One that said yep-he’s-hot-and-he’s-mine.
We drove back to his place and devoured the pizza, then settled into the couch to watch TV. Not that there was much on, just another reality show. The television powers that be needed to get with the program and realise everyone was over watching people make fools of themselves on-screen. Or maybe it was just me who’d rather a good drama or sitcom.
Didn’t matter, though; I enjoyed being snuggled in Logan’s embrace, with my legs curled around to the side, pointing away from us, and my head in the crook of his arm. My gaze was set on the TV, but my attention wandered as I trailed my fingers along his thickly-muscled thigh. Little strokes at first, just back and forth almost aimlessly while my mind ticked over our day and got stuck on what he’d said about his parents. It was the first time he’d ever mentioned them, and the thought of anyone treating him and Jordan that way made me feel icky.
Logan’s chest snagged, stopping its steady rise and fall. I froze, wondering what was wrong, then noticed my fingers were almost at the inside top of his thigh. He let out a shaky breath and I trailed my fingers back down the rough jeans to his knee, then dragged them back to where they were, a slow and teasing path.
The hand that rested on my hip moved and in an instant Logan swung me up onto his lap.
This time my breath caught.
His lips slammed into mine and I’m not sure what it was about tonight, but it was different. Desperate. He grasped my hip with one hand, the other fisted in my ponytail, and our legs were in a tangle, but it wasn’t enough. I needed him closer, needed to feel him. Maybe it was because all of our pretences were stripped away or just because my feelings had grown so strong.
His fingers spread over my hip, their tips reaching my waist just under my shirt. My senses rippled with his touch. His fingers glided over my skin, leaving a blazing trail in their wake and I moaned. This was exactly what I needed; Logan’s skin on mine.
I moved my hand from where it caressed the soft stubble on his jaw and slid it underneath the back of his shirt, gliding my palm to the warm skin at the hollow of his back. But that still wasn’t enough. I splayed my hand over the contours of his side, the dip of his waist and onto his firm stomach. The muscles felt magnificent under my palm, slight rises and dips barely there, all hard as stone.
Logan sucked in a sharp breath, breaking the lock of our lips.
“I’m not going to be able to—” Logan’s warned.
“So don’t,” I said.
His lips came back on mine in an instant, claiming what was his. A hand edged up my back to tease the skin just below my bra. My hand curled into his chest which felt firm against me. Funny, we’d been friends all this time, and together for weeks; I’d imagined what he’d feel like but nothing compared to the hard muscles beneath my hands and the way they felt under my fingers. I could explore his perfect body for the rest of the night and still not be sated.
Which is exactly what I intended to do.
****
It must have been after midnight when the front door opened then closed. My body still hummed from the hours of showing Logan just how I felt about him. He was breathing softly, his arms and legs tangled around me in his bed. I had no idea how I was going to get out of this, but I couldn’t sleep here. It just wasn’t an option when I touched myself the way I did. It was pretty late, but I’d have to brave the walk.
Gently, I picked up his wrist and moved his arm off me. Then I used my foot to inch his leg off the top of my thigh. Untangling his limbs from mine was like unlocking one of those wooden puzzles. Just as I was sliding out of bed, Logan’s gravelly voice said, “Where are you going?”
“Jordan’s home and I need to go home, too.”
“Stay. Jordan won’t care.”
I fished my bra off the floor and put it on, then shrugged into my shirt. Logan’s hand caught mine and pulled me onto the bed. My back arched over his side as he laid baby kisses up my arm.
I wanted to stay, more than anything I’d ever wanted before. To lie here all night, wrapped in his embrace, and maybe start our e
xploration over again in the morning. The little voice in my head said that maybe nothing would happen if I did, that my sleep issue would lay dormant. Maybe it would be okay. But I wasn’t prepared to risk it.
Logan meant too much, so I tore my gaze away from his. “I can’t.”
I’m sure he was waiting for a reason, but I didn’t give one because I couldn’t lie to him. Logan released my arm and swung his legs over the side of the bed, the sheet covering him strategically as he pulled on a pair of sweat pants.
He drove me back to college in complete silence.
“Good night, Logan.”
The Corolla idled for a few moments while tension thickened the air. It was too much. It wasn’t because of him and I needed him to see that, so I leaned over the seats and grabbed the front of Logan’s jacket, using it to pull him to me. The kiss I left him with was anything but timid, but when I pulled back, he still looked a little hurt.
I despised seeing that in his eyes, but it was far better than seeing the same hatred in his gaze that I’d seen in Christian’s.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Things were a little weird for a few days, but they eventually evened out. Playing along as if I hadn’t left in the middle of the night helped. So did not being able to keep my hands off Logan. And boy, that wasn’t hard. Every kiss, every touch wanted to turn into something more. That made it near impossible to be around other people, and sitting in my room with Savvy and Logan both there, it took every ounce of my concentration to keep up with the conversation.
“Why not?” I said, leaning my back against Logan who had his long legs curled around either side of me.
Savvy jumped up and down on the spot. She’d probably come into this with an argument prepared, expecting me to say no, but it was her birthday so I couldn’t decline. Besides, a night out sounded like fun.
It wasn’t an Oxley function, she just wanted to hit the clubs, enjoy a night of dancing and have some fun. There was nothing too scary about that and I hadn’t been out in forever. Logan’s chest pushed against my back as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the spot under my ear. His touch sent a shiver rippling down my spine to settle as tingles low in my tummy. It sure was a feeling that would never grow old.
