Point of No Return

by Tara Fox Hall

  Instantly, my anger dissolved into despair. “Theo came and got his stuff today,” I said hollowly. “It’s been a long day—”

  There was a prompt click.

  “Hello?” Had he hung up on me?

  “Sar?” Devlin said from the kitchen. “Where are you?” Sudden blackness hit me, making my skin crawl.

  That had to be Titus. “I’m in here.”

  Devlin stood in the doorway, looking stunning. He gazed at me for a moment, then crossed to my bedside, hugging me tightly. Blinking back tears, I hugged him back.

  “Come back for me in a few hours,” he said to Titus. The black feeling vanished as Devlin got me back into bed, then lay down beside me, covering us both with a blanket. He held me for a long time, stroking my hair, not speaking.

  “Thank you for coming,” I said finally, then blushed, sure he would say something sexual about my remark.

  “How could I not?” he said tenderly, tightening his arms about me. “You needed someone, and I said I’d be here for you. It is never easy to lose a lover, even if all they are to you is sex. It’s a hundred times worse when it is someone you actually love.”

  I burrowed my head into his chest. “I don’t know why I care after all he did.”

  “If love was an easy thing to rationalize, there wouldn’t be so many poems about it,” he said kindly. “As much as I’m happy Theo’s out of the picture, I don’t want you to be unhappy.” He tilted my head up to look at him. “Do you want me to remove Tasha?”

  I gaped at him. “You can’t just—”

  Devlin’s gold eyes were serious. “I can, Sar. Lash could take care of it easily,” he kissed my forehead. “Just say the word, and it’s done.”

  I drew back from him, horrified at his casual offer. “You would kill her just because I asked?”

  “It’s in my power to do,” he said simply, as if we were discussing buying new sheets. “Besides, she doesn’t have to die; she just needs to disappear for a while. I could have Titus teleport her back to Russia, to her father. If she married another—”

  “No,” I said forcefully. “I don’t want to get him by default, to know I killed someone he loved. I could never live with it.”

  “I had to offer,” Devlin said quietly. “I’m impressed as always with your fortitude, Love. Many a deserted lover would have taken what I offered and never looked back.”

  “I’m not them,” I said tiredly. “I don’t love that way.”

  Blackness caressed me again with icy fingertips.

  “Your demon’s back.”

  “I have to go,” Devlin said reluctantly, getting up from the bed. “Alas, I have a lot more to do before dawn.”

  I got up, too. “Why didn’t you come to me before using him as transport, instead of on the Harley? You would have been warmer.”

  Devlin shrugged. “Titus says he can’t teleport somewhere he has never been. And he had never been here before, Sar.”

  Made sense. I certainly had enough trouble teleporting to places I had been. “Oh.”

  “I’ll be back to you soon, perhaps in a few days. Get some sleep,” Devlin said. He kissed me almost chastely, then left, closing the door behind him. The blackness receded, then vanished.

  * * * *

  When I awoke, it was about eight in the morning. I opened my eyes, looked out the window to a clear and bright winter’s day, and smiled. Then I remembered everything that had happened, and tears flooded my eyes.

  I wiped them angrily away. They weren’t going to get me Theo back. I was stupid to want him back, anyway.

  Once I tended to my pets, I called Danial and left him a halting message on his cell voicemail.

  “Danial, it’s Sar. I know you closed the business for January. I’ll come in once a week, as there’s bound to be a few clients to handle stuff for, at least on e-mail. If you need me more than that, call me back, and let me know. But I’m going to need some time...um, by myself. I won’t be coming to your home for a while. I’m not saying that you can’t have what it’s within your right to take—” God, could I sound stupider?

  I cleared my throat, then quickly finished. “If you want to come to me here, just call me and tell me you’re coming and I’ll...um...get ready. Bye.”

  That embarrassment out of the way, I took down the few Christmas decorations I had put up, and thought about what kind of life I was going to have now.

  Devlin had been understanding last night, but he’d summon me as soon as he had a free night. There would be fireworks if I didn’t come when he called. While I couldn’t wait to be back in his arms again, I didn’t like him ordering me around. The same went for Danial.

  My first priority was to see Elle, both to tell her what had happened and to find out how best to arrange time with her while avoiding Theo. There was still the matter of him signing the papers, but maybe Danial could assist with that. I also wanted to see Theoron, but that would be easy, as Theo never went near him.

  Thinking that annoyed me. Theo had never liked Theoron, not really. He’d acted like he did at first, but after he’d always made some excuse...

  Stop thinking about him. There’s no point.

  Terian, well, who knew what the hell he was doing, or where. Some bodyguard...

  Ghost came up and pawed me.

  “Yes, its time for the daily walk,” I said with a reluctant smile. “Come on, Darkness, let’s get the snowshoes.”

  * * * *

  As I was dozing that night sandwiched between sleeping dogs and cats, Danial called.

  “Greetings, Oathed One,” I said. “You’re lucky I put the cordless phone within reach. I’m buried in animals.”

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said neutrally. “Take off all of January if you want to. You don’t have to come in once a week. Consider it a paid vacation, Sarelle.”

  He was calling me by my full name. Something was wrong. “Danial, I’m sorry I yelled last night—”

  “You are right, you need time alone. Take it.”

  “I want you to know—”

  “Sar, I know. I love you, too. Good-bye for now.” Click.

  I listened to the dial tone and debated calling him back, then hung up instead.

  Later that night, as I was falling asleep, the phone rang. I fumbled for the cordless phone on my nightstand. “Hi, Dev,” I said, groggily.

  “Hello, Lover,” Devlin purred. “Are you ready for me?”

  “Now?” I replied, rapidly trying to awaken. “Tonight? I’m not—”

  “No,” Devlin laughed. “I was just teasing. I want to see you this weekend, Sar. How about Saturday?”

  “What time?” I stalled, thinking hard on how best to respond.

  “Is there someone else you were planning to see?” Devlin said sarcastically.

  “No, Danial’s told me to take some time off,” I replied. “But you need to understand that seeing Elle has to come first. I need to talk to her about Theo leaving me, and make sure she understands I’m not going anywhere. She was upset before we left for the Gathering about everything that was happening, and she’s probably more upset now. I don’t want to see Theo, so I’ll have to see her when he’s not around. That may interfere with your proposal.”

  “Ah,” Devlin said, mollified. “I’ll call Danial, and ask him to arrange Theo to be somewhere else for most of Saturday morning and afternoon, so you can visit her. I’ll send someone to pick you up at Danial’s about five. Is that enough time?”

  “It should be. Thanks, Dev. Danial’s acting oddly.”

  “He’s likely preoccupied with his business, Love. He had a tough case he said was requiring all his attention. Don’t concern yourself. If you need to talk to me, just call.”

  “Um,” I said, my face coloring. “I don’t have it.”

  “Call my cell. It will be in your phone’s incoming call log under D. Dalcon. I called you last night from Hayden, and that number will be under my full name, same area code. Whomever answers, just tell them
your name, and they’ll put you through.”

  I should have thought of that. “Do you sleep all day? Should I call only at night?”

  “You can call anytime,” he purred. “Especially if you’re missing me.”

  I was simultaneously aroused and unnerved. “You said you had a lot to do in Canada. Unless it’s an emergency, I won’t interrupt you.”

  There was a brief pause. “Pack for a day, Sarelle. Oh, and don’t worry about your pets. I’ll arrange for Serena to come and see to them.”

  “Who is Serena?” I asked, curious.

  “She is the woman I employ to see to the sexual needs of my guards,” Devlin said bluntly. “She’s trustworthy and kind, also.”

  I floundered for words and found none.

  Devlin took my lack of reply for doubt in her abilities. “She is good with animals, Sar, really. I trust her with my cat when I am away. Besides, she will enjoy a night off, so to speak.” He chuckled.

  Say something. “Is she a werebear?”

  “A werecoyote/werefox half-breed,” Devlin said. “She keeps to herself, but she does her job well.”

  How would he know? I colored, wondering if she’d been one of the fifty women he’d mentioned having sex with after me.

  “Sar? Are you still there?”

  “Were you and she ever together?” I whispered.

  “I don’t bed my employees,” Devlin said, half amused, half irritated. “Though I understand why you ask, after Danial and Monica’s little tryst.”

  “Then that’s fine,” I said, relieved. “How long has she worked for you?”

  “I found her in Rio last fall. Having her around does ease a lot of the tension. I don’t have any female guards, as Danial does.”

  “Do you not trust women enough?”

  “I trust them equally. They just aren’t as physically strong as males, and guards have to be strong. In any case, Lash is the one who has final say in hiring. Why do you ask? Would you prefer a female guard?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I assured him. “But my pets don’t like strangers, and they’ll probably accept a female in their house more easily than a male.”

  “Take care, Sweetheart,” Devlin sang to me. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

  After hanging up, I lay there a while trying to talk myself into being happy. I had Devlin, who was quite possibly the world’s best lover, and his brother, too. It went without saying that I’d not be alone ever again at night unless I wanted to be, waiting for someone to come home. This wasn’t a fling. They both had essentially married me. So what if my third husband had left me for another woman. It wasn’t that bad, right?

  My eyes went to the carvings on my dresser of the cougar and myself, and my eyes flooded with tears. Hell, yes, it was bad, it was awful, and I wanted Theo back if I had to give my soul to do it. I cried myself to sleep.

  * * * *

  The next morning, after showering off some of my despair, I called Danial’s house looking for Elle. She was in lessons, and called me back at lunchtime.

  “Hi,” she said softly. “Are you coming to work anytime soon? Dad said you might not come here for a while. He told me you were okay, but you needed some time by yourself.”

  “That’s true, but I’d like to see you, if you want to see me.”

  “Yes,” Elle said tearfully. “Please.”

  Damn you Theo, what did you tell her now? “What is it, Sweetheart? You’re upset.”

  “Theo is living with Tasha in the place the guards stay,” Elle said angrily. “He has her come along on all of our walks together now.”

  “Do the best you can to be nice,” I said, trying to be calm about it. “But if you want some time with him just by yourself, tell him that. He loves you.”

  “You’re alone there,” Elle said softly. “I don’t understand why you won’t come back and be with Dad—”

  I couldn’t deal with this, not now. “Elle,” I said sharply. “We aren’t going to—”

  “You went right from living with Dad to living with Theo,” Elle interrupted. “Why was that okay and this wouldn’t be?”

  Shit, I was always going to be paying for that. Well, I’d done it, and I guess I did owe the coin. “Elle, there is a lot you don’t know, but I’ll do my best to explain on Saturday. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she said sullenly. “See you then.”

  * * * *

  I spent the rest of the week reading, exercising, and deciding what to tell Elle and what not to. I did my best not to wonder about how my life might change, though the constant tension gnawed at me, getting worse each day. I grew so antsy that I finally called both Kat and my mother, and set up lunch dates with them. Then instead of talking over my worry with either, I pretended that everything was fine.

  * * * *

  Friday night, Devlin called from Mexico to say that he would be a little late getting home. “Things are different here, and often meetings take much longer that they do in the States. Mexicans, as well as most Latin Americans, value family and friends over business.”

  “It must be important,” I said, curious. “Will you be back tonight?”

  “No, early tomorrow morning.”

  “What about dawn?”

  “I have Titus to protect me, Sar. Don’t worry.”

  “I’m just worried,” I said hesitantly. “When I burned you, I saw how much it hurt. I’m sorry for that.”

  “I healed, with your help,” Devlin assured. “It was not a bad burn, as they can sometimes be.”

  “Danial told me how much being burned hurt. I remember your screams. I just wanted you to know I was sorry.”

  “I hurt you much worse before,” Dev replied sadly. “Let it go. We can’t make a new start if we hold past grudges.” He paused. “Sleep well, Love. I’ll be kissing you tomorrow.”

  “You’re right. Take care, Dev. Goodnight.”

  * * * *

  Saturday dawned clear and snowy. I picked up Elle at nine, and we drove into Alan’s Creek for breakfast.

  The little town was growing slowly, a few chain restaurants having opened in the last year. More houses were on the surrounding hills than were there two years ago. While I was happy the town was prospering, I couldn’t help but be a little nostalgic for the town I’d first come to know. I was also saddened and scared, wondering how much more it and the other things I loved would change in my lifetime.

  After a movie, and a sumptuous lunch of fried food, I brought out Devlin’s choker from under my turtleneck. “Do you see my choker?”

  She looked up and froze. “That’s not Dad’s symbol!” she squeaked angrily. “Whose is it?”

  “It is Devlin’s. He interceded at the gathering. Three powerful vampires stood against Danial. They wanted me to leave him and go with them. Devlin got them to back down, but to do it he had to lay claim to me.”

  “Why didn’t Dad make them back down?” Elle said tearfully. “He said he would protect you, Mom.”

  This was the question I dreaded answering most. I took a breath, and let it out slowly. “He did his best, Elle. But they didn’t fear him enough to make them go away.”

  “Yet they were afraid of Devlin.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m afraid of him sometimes,” Elle whispered.

  I did a double take, worried and alarmed. “Elle, has he ever done anything that would make you think he would hurt you?” I demanded.

  “Nothing,” she answered, meeting my eyes. “He’s always polite to me when I see him, and he always calls me Little Lioness. But sometimes the things he says, or the tone in his voice...I know that he’s faking. I can almost see another person under his smile. That person, he’s...he’s...”

  “He’s what, Elle?” I said, reaching out and touching her hand. “You can tell me. I won’t tell him or anyone if you don’t want me to.”

  Elle shivered. “He doesn’t have any rules. He does what he wants when he wants. That’s the best I can say it, Mom.”

  I hug
ged her tightly. “You don’t need to worry,” I told her gently. “He isn’t going to hurt me. And he’s not going to hurt you either.”

  “Are you sure, Mom?” she said, staring searchingly.

  “Yes.” So long as I did what he asked of me, anyway. “Now come on,” I said, mustering a smile. “We have a little while yet before I take you home. Let’s go to the art store and get you some new supplies.” I got up, and began clearing the remains of lunch.

  “Mom, can we go somewhere else?” Elle said suddenly.

  Her request was so uncharacteristic that I turned to look at her. “Where do you want to go?”

  “I want to get lipstick.”

  “Why?” I asked, before I could stop myself.

  “I want to wear makeup,” she said stubbornly.

  I gave her ten-year appearance a thorough looking-over. “You’re too young for makeup, Elle.”

  “No, I’m not,” she said arrogantly, folding her arms over her chest. “Tasha said she got to wear lipstick when she was my age. She let me try some on, in fact.”

  My eyes went to slits, my rage building instantaneously. “Did she?” I purred.

  My voice had the same tone that Devlin’s did. Elle backed up a step. “Yes.”

  “And what else, pray tell, did Ms. Tasha have to say about you and makeup?”

  “She said she got to wear lipstick when she was ten, but she had to wait for the rest until she was fourteen.”

  I wanted to make a crack about how Tasha wasn’t too much older than that now, but worried Elle might ask me how old I was. I looked at Elle, standing so resolutely, and debated how to handle this new development.

  Tasha would most likely be her stepmother sooner or later. Could I make her into a bitch? It would be easy: Elle already disliked her, she was just using this as an excuse, knowing how I would feel. Part of me wanted to. It said Theo was getting everything he wanted way too easily, and I was the one fighting to hold onto what was left of my life. But the person who’d fare the worst wouldn’t be Tasha, or Theo, or even me. It would be Elle.

  “Come on,” I said, giving her a smile. “I’ll take you to a department store and we’ll get you some high-end lipstick.”