Point of No Return

by Tara Fox Hall

  I gave him an odd look. “I thought demon blood was transformative.”

  Devlin bared his fangs in a smile. “You mean you’ve seen Danial use it for staying power. Yes, it has that effect on vampires, when taken in a very small dose and mixed with a few other key ingredients. But the amount needed to make a vampire fertile is close to a lethal dose. Isaac would have died if he’d attempted to do what I’ve achieved.” His eyes held mine. “Even if he somehow survived the spell.”

  “What are you saying? You’re alluding to something.”

  “Just that you were lucky the vampire that you found that dark and stormy night was Danial, and that he had me to watch his back,” Devlin said. “Vampires with less power and position are subject to those above them. Even with our laws, it’s seldom that a vampire with little power holds onto something long that a more powerful vampire wants. Just as I desired you, Samuel would have stopped at nothing to get Harriet for himself.”

  “Maybe,” I said scornfully. “You yourself said I was unremarkable, if I remember—”

  “I am never going to hear the end of that, am I, Sarelle?” Devlin said, rolling his eyes at me and smiling contritely.

  “No, Love, you aren’t,” I said almost peaceably.

  Devlin laughed, the rich sound rolling out of him to wash over me.

  I turned serious. “Dev, I’ve not wanted to bring this up before. What happened with Anna? If our blood was the same, or very close, why did she die?”

  “It won’t happen with you, Love,” Devlin said, old pain of her loss again etching each word. “It was my fault,” he said miserably. “Titus made it clear to me that I had to wait for the potion to change me completely before trying with you. He was not with me two hundred years ago. The alchemist that made it for me then said there was no need to wait. I’d used the mixture Danial used with you, to minimize pain and expense.” He wiped at his filling eyes. “Anna trusted me, and I killed her.”

  I kissed his tears away. “It wasn’t your fault—”

  “Don’t make excuses for me,” Devlin said stubbornly. “I almost killed you, too.”

  “No, you—”

  “I was the one who told Danial that it was safe, that he didn’t have to wait. If you hadn’t stuck to your guns the second time—”

  “Stop,” I said, covering his mouth with my hand. “What’s done is done. We’re going to have a child together.” I wiped away his tears. “Titus seems certain, and he should know. We’re together, Dev, like you wanted. Don’t dwell in the past. Be here with me, now.”

  Devlin regarded me for a moment, then he gave me a radiant smile. “You’re right,” he whispered, showering me with soft kisses. “We have a lot to be grateful for. And I have wasted enough of the night not showing you how much I have missed you. Come to me, Love.”

  * * * *

  I sat bolt upright in the dark, sure I was going to be late for something. Then I saw Devlin sleeping next to me, and remembered where I was. I lay back down with a sigh. God, I must have been dreaming about my old life, worried about making it to work...

  Devlin stirred next to me. “What is it, Love?” he said, kissing my shoulder. “I felt you sit up suddenly.”

  “Nothing,” I said, stroking his arm reassuringly. “I just forgot what day it was.”

  “Did you think you were with Theo?” Devlin said with a smile, indenting the skin of my wrist with his upper fangs. “Were you lunging up to get to me as fast as possible, so I could—?”

  “No!” I said loudly, hitting him with a nearby pillow. He hit me back with another, and then we were whacking each other with glee, laughing hard, until he got a good one in, and I fell backwards off the bed.

  Devlin moved fast, stopping my fall. “You’re not getting away so easily, Love. Danial can wait until five, like I had to yesterday.”

  “Dev, why don’t you call him Dan?” I asked. “He calls you Dev.”

  “It’s a sore point,” Devlin explained. “Our father called him that, Sar, because he was pissed that Danial’s mother named Danial after herself and not him. Her name was Danialle.”

  “Why did she?”

  “She announced that she had that right, as his true father would not claim him.”

  Grim, especially as that action had punished her son more than his father. “What happened to her?”

  “She died one winter of tuberculosis,” Devlin replied distantly. “She left Danial alone to tend a poor scrap of land. Even then, he was stubborn, refusing help from my father, and taking the little I could offer grudgingly. After a few years of that, Danial left the village. When he returned years later at twenty-five, there was a hardness about him that there hadn’t been before, as well as a miniscule fortune. He married his childhood sweetheart, Beaulah, and they had a child.” Devlin let out a breath. “As I said, the soil was poor. Danial wasn’t much of a farmer, even with his family’s help. He was on the verge of losing his land when I got him that job as a guard.”

  “Thank you for telling me some of what he went through,” I said emotionally, touching his arm. “He said he knew poverty firsthand. I knew it had to be bad, but I never guessed—”

  “He never talked about any of this with you?” Devlin said, his brows knitting. “Ever?”

  “Only that night we first walked together with Ghost and Darkness in my forest. Any time after when I asked him about his past, he politely refused. If I pressed harder, he would excuse himself, or change the subject. Now I understand why.”

  “He is right in one regard, Love: that unhappiness is in the past. Leave it there.”

  “Yes,” I agreed, cuddling close to him. “We’ve all had enough heartache.”

  * * * *

  Devlin roused himself when I awakened at noon, blinking at me with eyes half open. “Are you hungry?”

  “Rest,” I said, pushing him back down on the bed. “I need to get something to eat, but I can do that on my own. I’ll come back to bed after, at least today.”

  Devlin gave me look. “What do you mean?”

  Might as well say it. “Dev, you make a crack a few days ago about how I wasn’t on your schedule yet. I think it’s fair to tell you I don’t intend to be. I’m not saying I won’t sleep in or spend time with you in bed during the day, but I can’t pull a night shift every weekend or however often I see you. I’ll be tired if I do, which means cranky.”

  “You did for Danial, when you lived there,” Devlin replied, his tone intent.

  “I like being in the sun,” I said tentatively, not wanting to hurt him. “I like to plant, and do things outside, especially as it’ll be summer soon. Theo is on a day schedule, and so is Elle. Theoron will be too, as soon as he starts lessons.”

  “I understand,” Devlin said, nodding. “I didn’t think when I said that.” He cleared his throat. “But you do bring me to a subject I’d wanted to broach to you.”

  “Yes?” I said expectantly.

  “Serena,” he replied. “She appreciated the thank you cookies you sent her, and has asked me if you might teach her to bake—”

  I gave him an odd look. “That’s flattering, but why?”

  “You didn’t let me finish. She’d also like to learn some of your other skills.”

  “So long as you don’t want me to learn hers,” I said pointedly.

  “If there are skills you are lacking in bed, I shall teach them to you,” Devlin said arrogantly. He smiled appreciatively. “Not that I’ve found you lacking, Love.”

  “Thanks,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Now what skills are we talking about?”

  “She mentioned the baking, but more than that, I think what she really wants is a friend.” He paused. “I’m asking because of that, not because I expect her to keep us all supplied with pastries.”

  “I don’t mean to snap.” I rubbed my eyes. “I just don’t know.”

  “You sound unhappy,” He replied, hugging me. “Are you? Tell me if you are.”

  I glanced over at him, then away. “
I shouldn’t be. I have it all, now.”

  “Including bitterness,” he replied evenly.

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, embarrassed. “It’s just that for most of the last year, I’ve been facing health crises. I haven’t done much of anything but the bare minimum. Now that I’m feeling good again, I want to keep busy.”

  “That’s why I thought it was good for you if you made friends with Serena.”

  “I want more than a friend to bake with here,” I replied, frustrated. “When I’m at Danial’s, I help with his business. I need a purpose here, too, Dev.”

  “You do have a purpose,” Devlin said seductively. “Your presence here makes me very happy. The child you are having means more than anything to me.”

  “That isn’t what I mean,” I said as gently as I could. “I need goals and tasks of my own, besides just being your lover and the mother of your child.”

  “Ah,” Devlin said, nodding. “You feel like I did, when I first was disposed as Ruler. You need something of your own, not just to exist as a moon to my sun.”

  “Yes.”

  “Then if you’ll permit me, I’ll give you several tasks, Love,” Devlin said, smiling. “Teach Serena some of your skills; specifically, how to plant and how to bake. Anything that isn’t diner fare is beyond her. Also, teach her some basic sewing, so she can mend some of the clothes that always seem to need mending—”

  “Wait, I need a pen,” I said, rummaging in the desk drawer beside the bed. I hastily scribbled a list. “Why do you want her to know these things, Dev? Why does she?”

  “I think she is feeling like an object. She came to me a few nights ago, and said that she was happy to keep seeing to the werebears’ needs, but she wanted to have a little more respect from them. I have already told the males to be kinder to her, but I know that isn’t the problem. There is a natural brand placed on women who are prostitutes, right or wrong, that that is all they are. She wants to break out of that. What she needs is a purpose outside her current job, another set of skills that I can both use and pay her for.”

  It was true self-reliance encouraged self-esteem. “I can help her do that.”

  “When spring gets more underway, I’ll arrange for the bears to till the soil for you and Serena. You can plant a garden here, as well as at your house. Flowers, as well as vegetables, please. Perhaps you can also give some ideas to Lash for the flower gardens around the house, so they can be redone. Some white flowers, or maybe red?”

  “Sure—”

  “I understand from Danial you enjoy painting, and have a knack for decoration. Much of Hayden could also use your help.”

  I nodded. “You said Leri trashed the place. I haven’t seen anything so far that’s less than spectacular.”

  Devlin grimaced. “The ballroom has a wall badly crumbling. My men are earning a lot of overtime working on that. In addition, there are at least ten guest rooms that need new walls, fresh paint, and new carpeting—”

  The more he talked, the more the weight on my shoulders intensified. Where would I start?

  “Also, we should get the room to the right of mine set up for a nursery—”

  “Enough,” I said, putting my hand over his mouth. “I’m feeling challenged enough now, thanks.”

  “Listen, Love, I don’t expect or want you to do the harder jobs. I don't want you toiling on your hands and knees. What I do want is your opinion and direction in decorating. I especially want you to design the nursery.”

  “Who do I see for ordering supplies?” I said, dreading the answer I suspected was coming.

  “Lash,” Devlin said predictably. “You’ll find him easy to work with, once you get to know him.”

  I didn’t want to get to know him. “When does Serena usually...um, have free time? I don’t want to interrupt anything knocking on her bedroom door.”

  “Today, she will probably wake up at dusk. She’ll have some time then, at least until Vince gets off his shift at midnight.”

  How was that schedule set up, so Serena didn’t get exhausted and none of the bears got frustrated? Devlin had to have at least twenty male bears working for him. That meant even if they were only getting laid once a week, Serena had to service, on average, three a night, every night. How in Hell did she do it?

  “Doing the math, Sar?” Devlin laughed.

  “Yes, and pitying her.”

  “Don’t. She’s well compensated. Also, she does not see all my men, only half.”

  Since we’d already gotten into the subject, I might as well satisfy my curiosity. “What do the rest do?”

  “Some of them have live-in girlfriends or mates. They are the most stable men, the mated ones.” He nuzzled me. “Like I am with you—”

  “Brian said that you had no women here except Leri,” I said pointedly.

  “When he was here, that was true,” Devlin explained. “Leri was always jealous, and she tended to harass any other women. After she disappeared, I hired men with women, if the women were mated to them. I told you that I lost a lot of men getting Ebediah and Sola. The replacements I hired were all mated, as it happened.”

  “Do they have children?”

  “Not yet,” Devlin said. “Most are young, only in their twenties. Also, I have a mated couple that are gay. They both work as guards, and are two of my best men.”

  I gave him a look, not sure what he was getting at.

  “We are not a big happy family here,” Devlin said seriously. “This is dangerous work with a high mortality rate. If having young is an urgent desire, then that employee is in the wrong line of work. You could compare it to trying to raise a family while living in a war zone.”

  That gave me shivers. “Should I be afraid?”

  “No, just aware that I have reasons for my decisions. To answer your curiosity, Serena sees seven of my guards regularly, which is at least two a day, every day.”

  “That’s all I need to know,” I said quickly, flushing. I got up from the bed. “I’m going to eat, then make a list of supplies I need, if I can get Lash to show me the rooms.”

  “Go, Love,” Devlin said, kissing me. “Get started. You can show me what you’ve done when I get up at dusk.”

  I kissed him back, got dressed, and headed downstairs, pen and paper in hand. First thing was the kitchen. I couldn’t teach Serena to bake if there was no baking equipment. Then I’d need some ideas from Lash of how big the flower gardens Devlin had spoken about were. I could at least make a list of possible plants to use. Lastly, there was getting paint. Lash should know also some of Devlin’s favorite colors. With ten rooms to do, there would be leeway for some creativity.

  Devlin had indeed laid in food for me. In the kitchen, I found fresh fruit, yogurt, Fig Newtons, cereal, low-fat milk, and a huge gift basket full of Godiva chocolate. The name on the gift tag said, “For Sar, from Dev.”

  I ate a piece as I made a healthy breakfast, just to sample it. It was better to eat higher calorie foods early in the day, as it gave me a better chance to burn them off. The first piece was so good I ate another. Yum.

  After I finished breakfast and my outline of a list, I went through the kitchen. Devlin had absolutely no bakeware, not even a muffin tin or a mixing bowl. There was a set of blue glass bowls, but they didn’t really count, being too small for making anything besides maybe one loaf of cornbread. There were also no spices, except for salt and pepper. Other than what Devlin had laid in for me, the fridge contained plenty of burgers, assorted meat, bread, cheese, and a little salad. The freezer held only meat, and a few frozen pizzas.

  I made a list of baking groceries to get, and left it on the fridge for Devlin. The bakeware I would pick out myself. I had certain brands I relied on, and didn’t want to end us with plastic measuring spoons, or non-dishwasher safe loaf pans. Good tools made a world of difference. Serena’s experience with me should encourage her to bake, not discourage her.

  Glancing at the clock, I sighed in irritation. It was close to three o’clock. To be
to Danial’s on time, I would have to skip talking to Serena today and starting any projects.

  I rubbed my eyes, reminding myself that I didn’t have a deadline for any of this work I was doing. This was supposed to be fun, not work. Instead, I was treating it like all my projects: very excited, fanatically into it as it developed, and annoyed when something kept me from making progress. But baking and decorating wasn’t what I was here for. My only real job now was getting pregnant. Was I just desperate to throw myself into tasks to forget about what Devlin really had me here for?

  Angrily slamming the cabinet, I went in search of Lash. Through the kitchen door, I entered a short hallway, then a large living area with a huge TV. I opened the door off it, and ran into a woman in jeans carrying a laundry basket.

  Her short black hair reminded me of Suri. I gave her a smile. “Hi.”

  “Hello, Sarelle,” she said, smiling back. “I’m Valerie, Jazz’s mate.”

  Should I call her Val? I didn’t know who the hell Jazz was, except he was most likely a werebear. “Good to meet you.”

  “Good to meet you, too,” she said with a touch of respect. “Are you on an errand for Dalcon?”

  I wondered whom she was talking about for a moment, and then realized she meant Dev. “Yes. I’m looking for Lash—”

  “I’ll take you directly to him,” she said, dropping the basket immediately. “Follow me.”

  I walked with her back into the kitchen, then through the dining room into another hallway, where the guest rooms were located. Someone had already patched up the holes in the walls. Titus and Leri must have been having a hell of a fight, to make holes that had to have four by four sections of drywall to patch them.

  The guest room hallway dead-ended at an ornate wider hallway that had been the site of an even bigger battle. There was some fresh joint compound, wire mesh, and other tools on a palette. Two men, presumably werebears, were working on some of the ceiling that had come down, patching a hole about one foot by a half, with cracks in all directions.

  I wanted to make a comment about how this lover’s spat must have been something to see with all the damage, but stayed quiet. I didn’t know Val well enough. She might be close friends with Titus. I wanted her to like me if she turned out to be nice.